Voice of the Spirit

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As a reader, I’ve heard so many times just how hard it is to meet that right person – that ideal partner, the one most of us yearn for – our divine match!  Where do I go to meet that special someone?  What do I need to do besides what I’m already doing?  Why is it taking so long for anything to work out for me?  With these nagging frustrations in mind, I found it inspiring to create a list of 10 tips that hopefully will assist you in manifesting your dream – the dream of connecting with your perfect partner and building a forever!

1- Learn to love yourself first!  It is so hard to truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.  How can you really give to someone else what you haven’t already given to you?  Often, when someone doesn’t love themselves first, they completely lose their sense of who they are in a relationship, searching to find love for themselves through another person.  This creates an over exaggerated sense of importance on the relationship, giving the other person way too much power. 

Think of achieving loving yourself in steps:  First, start by liking who you are, even reinforcing your good points to yourself on a daily basis.  Then, progress into loving yourself, even though you may acknowledge your shortcomings.  Then, work toward loving yourself unconditionally – period.  Strive toward seeing yourself exactly how God sees you; a perfect masterpiece exactly as you already are!  Nurture yourself and take care of you:  Buy yourself a nice gift, take a class, a walk on the beach, take care of your health, and do for you what you would ideally want your partner to do for you.  By achieving this, you’ll attract a more loving partner to you.  Why?  Because we attract to us who we are, what we feel, and what we vibrate to.  As you vibrate to the essence of unconditional love toward you, you will attract a partner who relates to you in exactly the same way.

2- Define your values!  Try to be clear as to what you’re truly looking for in a relationship.  Define your deep core values in: spirituality, lifestyle, family values, career goals, sexual likes and dislikes, morals and ethics, goals and dreams, as this type of clarity is crucial for a relationship to have a legitimate chance of being long term. 

Try not to build from superficial values such as: He / she has to be an exact height, body type, and possess a specific level of wealth.

Work from the core of your true values, the values that will probably be with you if you live to be 100.  These are the values that define every component of your life, such as: do you believe in God or not?  Do you want a social or more private lifestyle?  Would you want to have kids and if so, how many?  Finding a person who matches and is compatible with these values maximizes the chance of manifesting a great and long lasting union. 

3- Forgive all past lovers!  Yes, each and every one of them – for whatever they did to you, didn’t do for you, any and all the pain they may have caused you, and set yourself free.  Through this forgiveness, your heart opens and you will maximize your chances greatly of not only attracting someone, but attracting someone right. 

Why is this so?  Because negative emotions help shut us down, leaving the door closed to new and positive people entering our lives.  On top of that, we magnetize to those who are themselves negative and ultimately bad for us when we harbor resentment, anger and bitterness toward past lovers.  By not forgiving those in the past, they are still controlling our lives.  Think of it.  They’ve presumably moved on, probably don’t care how they affected you in the first place anyway, yet they are still helping to define your love life – in a not good way!  Through forgiving every past lover, all of that negativity fades, all of their power over your life goes away, and you legitimately open the door for someone wonderful to walk through.

4- Have a plan of action!  Check out where people who are like-minded may be and start connecting with these people.  If you’re a Christian, for example, there are many websites and places to meet other Christians.  People indeed can be met.  I know it seems hard, as I’ve heard many clients complain of just not knowing how and where to meet quality people.  Put the time and effort into researching the best venues to meet someone who is on your level.  In going into any of these situations, have a free and easy approach.  Don’t be desperate or in a hurry and by all means, simply be you.  If someone can’t accept you as you are, there’s no way the relationship can really work anyway. 

Remember the greatest gift you can give to anyone is to simply be yourself.  That embodies all of the tremendous qualities God bestowed upon you, unique to you!  If someone you connect with or meet isn’t right, oh well, just move on to the next person lovingly and with joy, knowing that your plan of action will bring new productive options into the picture.  That plan may and should modify and grow through time and with experience.

5- Don’t force it – be patient!  Don’t try and force anyone or anything into being.  Our ego, desires and wants can cause us to get emotionally invested, even obsessed with a person and / or situation that may not be for our highest good.  Like jamming a round peg into a square hole, forcing a relationship that is not right for us in the long run never really fits and wastes a lot of time. 

Perhaps what is worse, though, is that the pain doesn’t just end the day the relationship ends; it carries on like the ripples of a pebble thrown into the water.  I’ve seen people affected an entire lifetime from a failed relationship or several unsuccessful relationships.  It is better to be cautious then careless, as being impatient simply won’t help.  Don’t be afraid to wait it out as God’s supreme timing is absolutely perfect.  Remember the story of the turtle and the hare.  Who got the finish line first?  Why of course, the one that went slower and wasn’t in a hurry.

6-  Have a 30-90 day probationary period! It works in the workplace, so why shouldn’t it work in love as well?  Put everyone you meet on a 30-90 probationary period before you emotionally invest into and commit to them.  This 30-90 day period will often, if not most of the time reveal a person’s true colors, actual intentions, and indicate if this is the right choice for you or not.  How many times I’ve heard clients tell me of someone who they just met who seems absolutely wonderful – the connection, finishing each other’s sentences, great sex, seemingly the whole package. 

One to two weeks later, this dream match becomes inconsistent with calling, only later to find out that they have another lover, and don’t know what they really want.  Think of how much pain and heartache would be avoided by sticking to a 30-90 probationary period when meeting new people.  Most of us don’t show our negative qualities on the first date, or early on.  In time, though, a person’s real character will certainly become revealed, especially if you ask God to show you the truth of who this person is.  Time will always make things clear, and 30-90 days is a great time frame to initially operate from.

7- Don’t settle!  Don’t compromise and settle for second best.  Why should you?  Nothing is more painful to hear than someone trying to rationalize how the wrong person they’re with is great, saying something like, “I caught him cheating, but I have to keep in mind that he has a lot of baggage from how horrible his ex wife was.  No one’s perfect.”

I know it’s hard to be alone, but settling does little or nothing to fix the problem except to postpone the inevitable.  Sooner or later, the negative relationship bottoms out, and there’s even more despair in it’s aftermath as starting over is never easy.  The other option you may get when settling is a miserable long lasting relationship, which brings perpetual unhappiness. 

Remind yourself daily just how tremendously valuable you are, and know that settling shows God that this is all you feel you’re worth!    By not settling, you not only keep your options open, but you show God that you do value yourself and God will indeed reward you in due time.

8- Don’t clutter your space!  Think of your space not just in physical terms, but also your inner vibrational space from where we feel deeply and manifest from.  What you do and choose physically not only affects the day-by-day aspect of your life in the obviously sense, but also impacts how you feel about yourself and what you attract to yourself.  Try to not clutter your space on any level, as you need a clear and pure space to draw in that right partner for you!  Stay away from relationships that are negative. 

Dating someone just to have someone there, or slipping into a quasi non committal relationship just to pass the time clutters your space.  Thinking you can date someone not right while waiting for the right partner does the same thing.  It’s like eating greasy junk food while waiting to have a full enriching meal.  Don’t waste time pretending that something is better than nothing, as not good options are not likely to ever be better than nothing.  Why?  Because nothing means that you are potentially open to meet someone new and special as nothing is in the way.

Negative relationships string us out emotionally, scatter our energies and stretch us in conflicting directions making it hard for us to attract someone healthy.  For example:  Being with a person who is not right for you is like saying you’re on a diet, but eating three pieces of cheesecake a day.  Keep in mind that a blessing doesn’t come to you like something that drops out of the sky; it comes through you, meaning that you have to be an open channel to receive that blessing.  In this instance the blessing we’re referring to is a beautiful and successful relationship!  By all means keep your space uncluttered and simple so it can come to you!

9- Be OK while you’re waiting – Life doesn’t begin the day you meet him or her!  You are alive and progressing right now at this very moment! Learn to be OK with you while you’re waiting for that special partner.  Being comfortable in your own skin is so necessary to live a full and enriched life, and remember, if you’re not OK while waiting, you may not be OK when you meet that person, as they become your everything in an unhealthy way – your sense of validation, purpose, and total self worth! 

Build upon what you do have, as in friendships, family and positive activities, as then you can view your life like a puzzle with many pieces already in place.  Then, when you move into a committed relationship, you are simply adding another piece to your puzzle.  There are a lot of happy people who are not in relationships, whether they eventually will make a commitment or not, and you want to make the effort to be absolutely OK in the here and now.

10- Believe it is possible and be open to it!  I’ve heard so many people tell me that they simply don’t believe love will ever work out for them.  Through years, even decades of past hurt, disappointment and pain, their sense of belief dwindles into a hopeless sense of cynicism, negativity and bitterness.  This is perhaps the worst place for any of us to be if we really want love in our lives. 

You must absolutely believe it is possible for it to happen.  Being open to something is essential for it to legitimately be a possibility in our journey.  It is very hard to manifest anything we don’t believe is possible, and the emotional intensity often associated with hurt in love can be quite powerful and life altering, creating intense defenses and walls within. 

Sometimes this problem is more hard to detect, as we may think we’re open to love, when in actuality, we are not.  How come?  In part because we’re used to living in that familiar reality of being shut down and it’s easy to get used to it, just like getting used to physical pain that we sort of tune out.  Also, because being closed off provides a comfort zone where we are safe from the potential pain and hurt of another unsuccessful relationship.  Self-protection becomes more important than taking a chance in love and risking it all. 

Trust me.  No matter where you’re at and what you’ve been through, bless it, release it, and affirm that God indeed brings you your perfect divine life partner today.  Be hopeful.  Be open and don’t look back.  When you believe it is indeed possible and if you’re open to it, there is no limit as to what the universe can and will do for you, bringing you the partner of your divine dreams and victory in love can be yours! 

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein