Are we there yet?
September 11th, 2007 by jim1537
As children, I’m sure we all remember feeling impatient and fidgety, tired of sitting in the family vehicle – just waiting to get there – there as in the destination of the ride, vacation, outing, or trip. Often, we might have asked every few minutes or so, “Are we there yet?” In retrospect, this scenario seems cute and endearing, but certainly not something we as rational adults would think we still do — but in reality, most of us do it all the time.
“When am I getting married – when do I get my new job, when will I rich, when will I be happy, when do I get what I want,” we impatiently question. As adults, we have transferred the impatience of wanting to get “there” as we did when we were youngsters to wanting to get what we want right now in our grown up world. Most people don’t think twice about these type of “mature” demands. Why? Because as adults, we are culturally conditioned to focus only or primarily on results, outcome and goals. Get that promotion – Win the game – Do it now – achieve those goals!
Here is an example of the danger of this kind of mind set: “Target fixation” is a term that applies to certain types of war pilots who are so fixated on the target that they are supposed to strike, they literally don’t see anything else that is going on around them. By not seeing what is going on around them, they miss other potentially crucial options in their flight mission and open themselves up to life or death danger.
This myopic vision also applies to daily life. What if a woman is so focused on being with one man, Bob that she refuses to look at or consider anyone else? It has to be Bob. Why? Because it’s what she wants! Over in the corner is a man named Jack, though, a man who is legitimately interested in her, but guess what? She doesn’t even know that Jack exists, as she has her total focus is on Bob, yet Bob is not in the least bit interested in a relationship with her. Here a great and fruitful opportunity is being missed.
For those who somehow get what they want, it is never good enough. The ego is never satisfied for very long. As soon as they get what they want, there’s already another goal ready to take the place of the “victory” they just got. It is an endless cycle of frustration and futility, like filling a glass of water with the hole in the bottom over and over, only experiencing tiny glimpses of satisfaction when the glass is filled for a short while. It’s like what they say about football coaches: “You’re only as good as your last win.”
From a spiritual perspective, then, how important is “getting what we want” as opposed to process, the experience, the journey itself as well as living in the moment, and how do the two work together?
Just like when we were children impatiently waiting to get “there,” the process seemed boring and uninteresting – a long drawn out car ride, with nothing but scenery to look at. Yet as adults, process is more important than goals, results and conclusion. Frequently I have clients who want to know when something is going to happen. That’s all, just when. But when is often a series of many choices, thoughts, realities and possibilities. These choices deal with the importance of process – experiencing life, learning, being in the moment, and enjoying this wondrous ride we’re all on! It’s the very process of life itself that is the conclusion.
By only focusing on “when,” we pay no attention to the now, and how every one of our choices in the now affects the when being asked about. Often, things cannot be answered by just saying a date, especially when what we do is a huge part of that final outcome. The ever present “when” is a way of living in the future, which doesn’t really exist anyway, and as my wife calls it, “future tripping.” By living in the future, we sever our wonderful and joyous contact with the glorious here and now, which is where we need to live.
We must realize that every single day is a complete story from beginning to end, not just a day of not getting what we want or getting what we want. What have we learned today? That will stay with us forever. Remember that every moment is important in and of itself and also as a part of a bigger picture, as in the conclusions and goals we may or may not reach. By focusing into the future, we diminish the importance of the substance of our story, each day and its developments as well as lessen our likelihood of success in the long run. It’s like only reading the first page and last page of a book several hundred pages long.
Living in the now is not easy for any of us, but essential for all of us. We are plagued by the pain of the past and desperately hope for a better future. But we must pronounce the past as perfect and not dwell on tomorrow. The divine universe will always provide what we need to get there, but we must be open to it. Living in the future and the past closes us off to our blessings, because we have stepped out of reality and into illusion, as there is no past or future in reality, only now.
Affirm out loud daily, “I am centered in the wondrous here and now, living joyously one day at a time in contentment and peace.”
How do goals play into our journey in a positive way? With goals, it’s important to celebrate every single step that is taken toward achieving our dreams, not just the goals themselves. For example: If you have a focus of losing 20 pounds, congratulate yourself for every pound you lose, and don’t only see your end desired weight as the prize! Every moment, every step is the victory, with the goal being the end result of many positive choices and actions. Be aware of what you’re learning and experiencing, as each moment becomes a moment of growth, conclusion and enlightenment!
You’ll find that the every element of your story, day by day, is far more enlightening and fascinating than simply a set of end conclusions. Try it – just live for today, experience the process of what you’re living, and travel the pathway to enlightenment!
Buddha had said that the path to enlightenment was not a destination, but a road we travel on. In short, there really is no “there.” We never really get “there.” We are always here, right in this moment, and in reality this moment is perfect in every way. The conclusion regarding our goals is not just a victory lap, a promotion, a great marriage, money, but the end result of process, choice, thought, words and deeds, and by all means, achieved through being and living in this glorious moment!
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