What is the meaning of success?
October 29th, 2007 by jim1537
Most of us have a definition in our minds as to what success is, and most of us relate to that definition based on what we’ve been told it is - and those parameters are dictated by society, with all of its values and limits, including very few of our personal values, needs and dreams as individuals. Success is thought of as a lofty yet mandatory ideal that is not built on the unique needs or circumstances of a particular person or their specific situation - but rather on what society christens the idyllic life. Here are some commonplace examples of what our culture deems successful: a high-powered career, being rich, the expensive cars, a beautiful home in the exclusive gated community, the perfect family, and having the best of everything such as the exclusive country club membership, friends of wealth, power and influence and international travel. Our culture sets these ideals up as hard to attain yet so called admirable goals that we must achieve to be and feel successful, and for those of us who don’t “get there,” we’re marginalized, discarded and left out in the cold, literally and figuratively.
The Rat Race of Success
Since very few of us ever manifest all or most of what society deems successful in a given lifetime, the burning lust for the “good life” becomes a rat race. This rat race becomes a no holds barred contest, where ambition, drive, desperation and obsession turn peoples’ lives inside out. We may be working ‘round the clock to impress the boss and get that promotion, often at the expense of our relationships with our children who then don’t really ever get to know us, which can scar them for life as well as not being there for our wives or husbands, which slowly disintegrates the marriage, leading to infidelity and ultimately divorce. Despite all of the hard work, because it is not personally fulfilling, it creates a well hidden yet deeply seated feeling of inadequacy. It then becomes a mission and a quest; “I must have that new expensive car,” a man proclaims! The real underlying motive here is to prove oneself and validates ones own self worth - but to whom? The invisible panel of judge and jury known as “society?” “I must have a new luxury home in the best neighborhood with a tennis court, home theater, and swimming pool,” someone insists. Will it really bring happiness? Are success and happiness one and the same? In the world we live in, the answer is a resounding “yes,” or from a more cynical perspective, a necessity to be considered a person of any real worth.
When someone’s mere financial status is evaluated, the question is always framed as: “How much are they worth?” This of course is a commonplace statement, which is taken for granted, but if you break it down, it equates a person’s monetary value to their complete or overall worth. Instead, how about asking, “How much are they financially worth?” People are worth a lot more than just how many material assets they’ve acquired.
But what happens when the pressure of a dog-eat-dog career, where competition and ruthlessness, which are the codes of daily conduct, begin taking their tolls on people lives? So many of us develop clinical emotional problems and depression and as mentioned above; lose their marriages and closeness to their children, manifest serious often life threatening health problems due to intense stress - all for success, and when you really stop and think about it, is it really worth it? Again, who is this all for? Is it to keep up with the imaginary Joneses so to speak?
Some of us Defect
More and more, I hear stories of people who have defected - from the 24-hour a day grind where they felt no fulfillment, purpose or sense of making the world a legitimately better place. I’ve witnessed multiple clients and friends of mine yell out, “I can’t stay in this job any longer! Money is not enough for me! I want to fulfill my life purpose and do what I’m truly here to do!”
Besides my clients’ and friends’ choices, I frequently see people in the news who shocked everyone - they left it all to go sail around the world, or to open a homeless shelter, even to go study Eastern mysticism with a high Yogi in India. Of course, a great deal of people will condemn such a choice saying, “Oh they’re only having their silly mid life crisis.” But they are not in a “silly” crisis at all — they are in a real crisis whereby the rat race is just not enough - they are yearning for real success; the fire that burns deep inside that can’t be suppressed or silenced any longer. At some point, it must surface and be realized, or we’ll never really be able to fulfill our destiny, find ourselves and be free! This way we can be successful - on our terms.
In this instance, this type of move takes great courage; to walk away from the security of the retirement, health insurance, salary, bonuses, perks, and potential advancements. To throw it all away and start over, for a dream… While it takes no bravery to follow societies morays, living life on your own terms always requires tremendous strength of character and conviction.
So what is success, then?
As we reexamine the strangling mainstays of success, both as we have known it and as it has been forced upon us, what are new definitions of success and who creates these possible definitions and parameters?
People are redefining success everyday, whether they realize it consciously or not. By simply living life on their own terms, not the dictates of “what you’re expected to do to be successful,” people are reinventing success moment by moment.
In a sense, success could be literally anything we want it to be: staying alive, losing weight, doing charity work, having peace of mind, having a happy family, making a lot of money, inventing a new product, you name it! It all depends on the specific spiritual lessons, life circumstances, choices and goals of that person. We are not all the same, nor are we supposed to be! To elaborate on some of my above-mentioned examples: If someone has a chronic illness, staying alive could certainly be considered successful. If a person was hundreds of pounds overweight, losing weight could be viewed as a tremendous victory. When individuals have a goal of amassing a financial fortune, manifesting this money is their dream. The point here is that success is relative to the individual and where they’re at cosmically in their journey in this lifetime at a particular point in time.
It doesn’t matter whether other people agree with what your “success story” is - after all, are they living your life? Are they in your skin?
Here’s an interesting example that begs the question of what success is: Al Gore, as everyone knows, lost the presidential election of 2000, which he acknowledged was quite disappointing for him. After all, he had worked his entire life up to that point, with the intention of being victorious, as any of us would. Then to have it all taken away… I’m sure it must have been devastating for him and would be looked at probably as a failure. But them fast forward to today, and here Al Gore just won the Nobel Peace Prize for his dedicated international environmental work. With the Nobel Peace Prize being potentially the most prestigious award on this planet, would Al Gore be considered a success or not?
Define success on your terms
Let me preface this section with the acknowledgement that anyone can have any lesson to learn and that there is no limit as to what our souls may contract to experience in any given lifetime, and that also ties into many varying lessons of success.
Some of us may be here to learn to buck the system and find our dreams in our own way. Others have agreed to work within the pre-existing structures, and advance that way. I could make a list of endless possible scenarios where spiritual and life lessons tie into success, from needing to fail first and then succeed, to becoming an entrepreneur, to experiencing poverty for a while to later appreciate the blessings that will come down the road.
What I recommend for all of us to take look at, though, is the concept of defining success on our own terms, as our lessons are unique to us as individuals. For most of us, it is liberating to be our own person, to not compete with the neighbors, not measure our intrinsic value based on the size of our wallet and to courageously forge new parameters and territory.
For me, I define success as the following: To live on ones’ own terms in the spirit of integrity, honesty, prosperity, health and well being, with unconditional love for everyone and everything, including the dedication to make the world a better place through actions, choices, thoughts, word and deeds.
I do believe and am happy to see that more and more people are striking out on their own, and not feeling as constricted by what society so rigidly and non-compassionately defines as success, which only allows a very few to be “in the club.” I say, “Let’s start a new club where everyone is a member, and all of our successes are celebrated and shared with the collective,” which will certainly make this world a more inclusive and far better place for all.
Category: A Better Life | 1 Comment »
