Working Through Negative Emotions (Part 1)
December 23rd, 2007 by jim1537
When we think of our negative emotions, we tend to believe that even though they are icky and crummy feelings we’re going through at the time, they certainly won’t destroy our lives. It’s as if bad feelings come and go, like the waves of the water or the changing of the seasons. Life has its ups and downs and we deal with them, even if just barely so. We often underplay the long-term importance of these emotions, viewing them as being synonymous with bad moods we all go through: sad, angry, depressed, frustrated or feeling hopeless.
But negative emotions are toxic: they internally destroy our lives, our health, polluting out overall spirituality and create harmful, poisonous energy within us. We must make the journey inward to honestly face what we feel to begin the cleansing and healing process that is pivotal to our overall well being.
Whether we know it or not, these feelings within also get sent out into the universe, so whatever is going on inside is constantly being projected - 24 hours a day, year ‘round. What we propel outward, even if it is unconscious, draws right back to us the total mirror and utter reflection of all we feel.
Jealousy - Envy
There is a great metaphysical definition, which defines a person as being jealous when they won’t allow themselves to do what someone else is doing.
If we were clarifying that definition, we would say: When person A doesn’t allow himself or herself to do what person B is doing, they become jealous. Here we can illustrate this point: If John, (person A) didn’t allow himself to work on his physique and become healthy and in shape, he would become envious of Paul, (person B) who takes care of his body, works out and is in terrific shape.
What’s interesting about this spiritual concept is that it presumes that person A can do what person B is doing. They are just not allowing themselves to do so! With that statement in mind, we know that our hands are not tied being behind our backs and we can achieve our goals.
“Jim. I hate the fact that my sister is rich and I’m not. She doesn’t deserve a penny, she just married a rich guy. This just isn’t fair,” a client of mine states emphatically! Here we see how the seeds of self-destruction are being sown. Through her negative preoccupation with her sister’s financial status, this client doesn’t allow herself to receive her own financial blessings; the ones God has been trying to send her.
If God was indeed trying to give her these monetary miracles, then why isn’t she getting them, you might question? The answer is simple: because she is not open to them. Her negative mind set regarding her sister’s fortune closes down all channels and pathways for her financial windfalls to come to her. It’s like taking the phone off the hook and complaining that no one is ever calling!
There is a wonderful tried and true concept by the great metaphysical master Florence Shinn that states: “A blessing never comes to you; it must come through you.” To elaborate on this premise, we must be an open channel for God to work through. The door must be open in our mind, heart and spirit for God to walk through and bring us gifts!
As I always advise people to never be jealous of anyone or anything, some people listen, and with that, they move into receiving their own blessings — their own successes!
However, I’ve seen people who are just too addicted to the negative rush of envy. Why? Because then they don’t have to do anything to make their dreams come true. Isn’t it easier to drop the ball then to throw it? They can just feed off of the negative charge: talking disparagingly about others who have more, gossiping, wishing bad upon the objects of their resentment and so on… Through refusing to let this darkness go, their lives go downhill- sometimes slowly, while other times quite rapidly.
Here is a dynamite affirmation by spiritual master Florence Shinn to neutralize jealousy. Use it whenever you feel any envy at all: What God has done for ___________, he now does for me and more! Of course, the blank space is the person or situation the jealousy is over. As with the example of the resentful sister mentioned above, the affirmation would be voiced as: What God has done for my sister’s finances, he now does for me and more!
Greed
In the Bible, there is the story of the Israelites who were walking through the desert, hungry and thirsty, so God sent them Manna (food and nourishment) from heaven. It may seem like a cut and dry episode, but the point of this story is to illustrate the very strong spiritual foundation of how we are always truly provided for. Our needs our taken care of. Whatever we require does immediately appear on our pathway! This is God’s supreme and perfect plan for us.
But it is often what we want that we may not get, especially if what we have our sights set on is coming from a place of greed. For some, nothing is ever good enough… If they have a substantial amount money to live comfortably on, they want more - and if and when they get more, it has to continue to be even larger - right now…
In short, whatever gifts God gives them are never going to suffice in their own mind. It is a bottomless pit of accumulation - a glass with a hole in the bottom. Even though you keep filling it up, the water drains out every time. It’s sort of like the old adage of a football coach, “You’re only as good as your last win.” It’s almost as if that whatever is gotten today is forgotten by tomorrow.
“I did get the new promotion you predicted, but my raise wasn’t as big as I wanted. When am I going to get a really hefty financial increase,” a client questions? I might surprise them by saying that they first need to practice gratitude for what they do have. Then, by feeling appreciative, a larger raise will come. Some say, “I hear you, but I just want to know when I’m going to get more money,” which probably won’t lead them to their desired outcome. On the other hand, there are those who are thankful, therefore opening the door to receive a larger raise down the road.
As a reader, I’ve seen the following scenario too many times to count; a person has what they need, but don’t appreciate it at all, so they keep demanding more. And for a while, they can ride this energy out - repeatedly demanding and getting frustrated…
However, if they don’t learn to become grateful, greed spreads like a disease. If more doesn’t come in the time frame their ego designates, things start going downhill. (If greed is at the core of the desire, what is sought after either doesn’t come, or it manifests in a negative, disadvantageous way).
Even when an endless appetite to accumulate is ever present and working against us, God is still providing for us. In spite of anyone dissipating and squandering their supply through lack of appreciation, wanting more, and taking for granted what they already have, they are still taken care of! Even when things do appear to spiral downward as in less money, worse health, and more unhappy circumstances, God still has our backs!
It is important to redirect our requests and neutralize greed through first expressing appreciation and gratitude every single day, without exception by affirming: I thank the universe today and every day for the gift of life and every miracle I receive!
Then, with that in mind, we can ask infinite spirit for greater blessings. However, we must ask for the miracles that are ours by divine right, and not based on greed. We need to become joyous receivers and not behave like bratty spoiled children. Just like when your parents gave you a wondrous gift for Christmas when you were a youngster, hopefully, you thanked them with glee! It is the same thing now. Life in and of itself is a tremendously precious gift! Give thanks for everything you have!
We should affirm: I now receive all of the endless miracles and blessings that are mine by divine right! By wanting all of the good that God wants for us and not what greed consumes, we can’t go wrong!
Hatred
“I hate my ex husband for what he did to me. He cheated on me, divorced me and married the other woman, and to top it all off, he left me penniless in our divorce. I truly hate that man,” a client states. While I empathize with my client’s suffering, I know that holding onto this negativity only hurts her.
It’s like the old phrase of cutting off your nose to spite your face. Never lose sight of the fact that hating another only hurts the one doing the hating. It’s like drinking poison to punish someone else.
The first thing that needs to be noted here is the tried and true spiritual law of the universe. No matter what we’ve been through, or how much we’ve been wronged, we must stop the hating and forgive those who have been malicious to us. We won’t be set free or able to find any real happiness till we let go, bless and wish well whoever has made our lives worse.
The divine universe doesn’t make exceptions to this law based on the degree of pain or misery incurred by the one who has been victimized. Meaning, it’s not as if that the more pain any of us have been through, the more exemptions we receive regarding our hatred of others. It is our spiritual calling and destiny to learn to let go of this toxic darkness and once and for all, stop the hating.
It’s not as if this is a like a photograph in our personal photo album that we can just take out and view when we wish. It is a cancer that eats away at our internal well-being, our health, our finances, our emotional frame of mind and psychological balance. In short, we become destroyed through hatred - of anyone or anything.
When people are defensive regarding this frame of mind, they may fire back at someone who tries to help them out of their negativity. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. Who are you to tell me to stop hating someone who destroyed my life,” someone questions? Of course no other person can ever truly walk in another’s shoes and feel exactly what they’ve been through and it is sad that they feel this way. But two things are important here: First, if someone is trying to assist another out of this abyss, they do empathize; they do care-that’s exactly why they are trying to help aid the healing process. Secondly, the defensive person is not trying to let go, move on and resolve things for themselves. It’s like someone wearing his or her misery as a proud badge of honor.
Others sometimes falsely believe that setting the one who has hurt them free is a way of sanctioning and condoning those very actions that were harmful to them. This is simply not true. Releasing the other person frees the one who was once doing the hating.
Instead of poisoning ourselves a little at a time, day by day…Let’s release this darkness once and for all! Never forget that we are only as close to the kingdom of heaven (which is within our own minds) as to the degree we hate anyone or anything. Meaning, our state of mind defines the limits of our happiness and bliss, literally.
To heal these old derelict emotions, affirm out loud: I now release all feelings of hatred to divine love and am now set free to be at peace with everyone and everything!
Blame
When we blame others, we usurp our own supreme power. It is like being in the driver’s seat of your car, throwing your hands up in the air and claiming that someone or something else took control of the wheel.
“Jim, you don’t understand. My mother told me I was never going to amount to anything my entire childhood and guess what, she was right. It’s because of her that I’m where I’m at today,” a client emphasizes! Here we see how blame has become a way of relinquishing control of ones’ own destiny. And while we should feel great compassion for what my client has been through, it’s important to note that playing the blame game always sets us up to lose.
Mom said this, yes, but it’s a different time and place now. One can look at things in a new, fresh way. We do have choices, and this very old and non-productive pain can be released. Remember, negative emotions are not permanent anyway and by no longer feeling crippled by Mom, my client gets a new lease on life. If Mom is not at fault any longer, then life becomes a wide-open highway with endless opportunities!
Blame is usually a process that evolves throughout time - very seldom do we just point the finger at one person, circumstance or thing. It is usually the accumulative affect of years, even decades of disappointments that left unhealed, turn into chronic blame, which assists us in forging a negative emotional identify. Like quicksand, we sink deeper and deeper, eventually drowning ourselves in feelings that seemed so reasonable and justifiable at the time.
Think of this perspective: Would you rather be the one in control of your life, or let other people, circumstances and events call the shots? The answer is obvious. Any of us would like that decision making power. Then we must take it - not wait for it to be given to us, as we must own it. Blaming others is a way of saying, “I am no longer the captain of my own ship.”
Of course, disappointments and pain are at the root of this. All of us have been seriously hurt, wronged, even shattered at some point in our lives. I don’t think you can find one adult person, even teenager, who doesn‘t share these feelings. So what do we do with these negative energies? We should express compassion for ourselves as well as others when wronged, but is compassion the same thing as validating blame? Not at all! Doling out fault must be stopped. It is like cutting off your legs and trying to walk or closing your eyes and trying to see. Believing that someone else is responsible for what we’ve been through, leaves us powerless.
As we begin letting go, we must realize that the ultimate goal is to see and view everyone-yes, everyone, as blameless! Sounds hard to do? I think it is for most of us. However, divine love sees all of us as blameless, and we must being this process by first, seeing ourselves as blameless. Next, we can see others, the circumstances in our lives and the entire universe as exempt from fault. This may be a long-term process, but pointing the finger dramatically restricts our initiative to live productive, healthy long-term lives.
Sometimes we do truly blame ourselves. “If only I would have chosen a different career path,” someone laments. “I’d be so much happier now.” “Why didn’t I finish school back then because now it’s too late,” someone questions in regret?
Please don’t do this to yourself. We never really know just what the plan of the higher universe truly is. Our ego may think we know, but do we really ever know…? By trusting that the universe IS on our side, we will criticize ourselves less.
With a guilty verdict, it is like boxing yourself into a corner with no way out. If it’s my fault, your fault, God’s fault, or because of circumstances beyond our control, how can we trust in each day to live? We must release the debilitating effects of blame to divine love and cleanse these feelings.
It is no one’s fault - it is all right now - all things do indeed happen for a divine reason - we are all going to be OK! Affirm daily; I am blameless, everyone I’ve ever known is blameless, as God and the universe are eternally on my side, watching out for me and providing me with endless happiness!
Self Pity - Bitterness
Sometimes we hear someone saying that they’re going to throw themselves a little pity party, a sad celebration, wallowing in “singing the blues” for just a while. It may sound cute or endearing, sort of like staying home from school with a little flu bug while mom takes care of you when you’re a child…
But in reality, a pity party is hardly a celebration - it is a decline into the feeling of being a victim which leads to resentment - then to “life is totally unfair” which segues into righteous indignation- leading to the ultimate angry question, why haven’t things ever turned out right for me? It finally climaxes with a shriek of, “Whoever is up there calling the shots is a dirty rotten %&$*!”
What we see here is that self-pity is an emotion that leads us into a steady downward spiral, like a snowball rolling down the side of a mountain. The momentum systematically leads us to a sense of bitterness and with that bitterness, it is awfully hard to get up and face the world with a smile. In reality, it is actually hard to function at all if self-pity and bitterness have been present in our lives for many years, even decades. As mentioned above regarding other negative emotions, things get worse.
But strangely, self-pity and bitterness become our “friends,” providing a negative payoff, a false comfort zone if you will, like a womb, pacifier or blanket of negativity. You might ask why anyone would want to hold onto or embrace such emotions. Because self-pity allows one to feel sorry for themselves, which exonerates them from self examination or responsibility for all that has happened. In that sense, they are not at fault. It becomes safe to “cry in one’s beer,” and wallow. This way, one doesn’t have to try, fail, risk being foolish, getting their hopes up only to be disappointed… In short, it is emotionally quite safe and perversely comfortable to live in self-pity.
Yes, we’ve all done it, and we must feel empathy with anyone who has done it or is doing it. Whatever any of us may feel about another, don’t judge them for what they feel, as they are indeed going through something. In my experience as a reader, I have found that anyone who has held onto feeling sorry for themselves long enough always becomes bitter, sooner or later.
What do we do then? How do we reprogram our minds and emotions to transform ourselves from declining in self-pity to living in victory? We must first pronounce that we are at peace with all that has happened before and be thankful for whatever good came out of every situation. Here is a strong affirmation: All that has happened before in my life has been for my highest good and I am now at peace with my past! I thank God for my life!
By neutralizing the darkness of the past, we begin to let go of identification with self-pity, which allows us to move into a fulfilling journey and toward freedom.
And it’s always important to try our best to come to a sense of resolution in a positive way with out current experiences. We are reprogramming our reactive mind and emotions. Sure, certain things are not going to go our way. Guess what - that’s OK! We are going to work toward finding whatever lessons and growth that comes out of all in our lives! Through having an open and positive mind, we begin to see, feel, embrace and ultimately experience life for its absolute greater good! Don’t ever see yourself as the victim again — see yourself as the triumphant winner - blessed with endless and eternal miracles!
In next week’s blog entry, I will conclude this writing with “Working Through Negative Emotions (Part 2),” focusing on the following emotions: Cynicism, Criticism, Revenge, Resentment & Rage, and Hopelessness.
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