Voice of the Spirit

There are professions were strict regulations apply – as in the medical field which entails an abundance of serious education. Besides completing their education, a doctor has to be licensed and always must stay current with that license.  One might presume that all educated and licensed doctors would share exactly the same opinions regarding the same medical case – after all, they were all  educated with clearly defined regulated standards.  However, that is not necessarily true.  If one really listens to various doctors speak, their opinions can vary slightly to even being completely diametrically opposed to one another.

For those of us who have had multiple doctors’ opinions regarding a medical situation, we may receive very conflicting viewpoints – and sometimes finding the correct and truthful perspective can literally save our lives.

With psychic readers, there is no mandatory licensing required or any clear standard of education.  Unlike the medical field, anyone can claim to be a reader.  From being highly trained with vast experience to waking up one day and proclaiming oneself to be a gifted visionary, all psychics are not created equal.  For those of us who have been mislead, even victimized through readings  received, it can be a quite painful an extremely expensive lesson. However, a reading, if properly executed, can be a life transforming experience for one’s highest good.  Below, I will break readings down into three basic categories: “Readings to be careful of” “Possibly helpful” and “Readings that can enlighten us.”  In this writing, I will be dealing with the psychic process that uses no external tools, instead of practices that do use physical tools, such as the tarot and rune stones. 

Readings to be careful of In this section, there are many dangers and pitfalls I hope to point out so they can be avoided.  The question must be asked, “If a reader is being disingenuous and manipulative, even if a portion of the predictions are correct as they have some degree of psychic ability, should they be listened to at all?”

The Gypsy Scam Artist
The gypsy scam artist is one who plays on the vulnerabilities of a confused client, someone who is going through a tough time. Unfortunately, this is the image many people have of psychics – as someone who preys on and exploits the weak.  This type of reader has no concern for one’s highest or greater good, any compassion or ethics whatsoever.  It is all about power, money and control.

Typically, this type of reader promises the moon – from lofty claims of being able to reunite anyone to changing the outcome of a situation to exactly the way, you, the client wants it to conclude.  By making false and erroneous promises, the price tags can be very high.  Think of it – if someone could really reunite lovers, guaranteed, they would be amongst the richest people on earth.  In a state of confusion, the client gets drawn into this type of scam and comes out on the short end of it, often needing to file bankruptcy.  By appearing as all knowing, the gypsy scam artist assumes the position of godlike power – and through that assumption of power, tries to manipulate and control the client.

You might ask yourself, “Does this type of reader have any legitimate psychic ability?”  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.  They may guess and work off of what the client is saying about their situation to attempt to appear insightful.  If there is any ability there, it involves offering mundane event based predictions.  Meaning, they might be able to tell you when someone is going to call, even offer descriptions of the people in question as well as hit some actual predictions accurately. 

Remember, there is a complete difference between having psychic ability and being spiritually evolved and ethical.  The two don’t necessarily go hand in hand at all.  Keep in mind, though, that this sort of reader will never offer counsel or direction that is for the client’s greater good.  This type of reader will always encourage unhealthy dependency on them.  From inappropriate candle burning to dark spells, the gypsy scam artist will never help the client to a better life.

The Reader Who Plays Up To The Client
There are readers who are more concerned with customer satisfaction than telling the truth.  As in gypsy scam artists, sometimes they have psychic ability and sometimes they don’t.  When they do have psychic ability, though, they will not cross the line and tell someone what they don’t want to hear.  Meaning, even when some predictions are accurate, if the actual final outcome is not what the client wants to hear, the reader will not predict it correctly.  For example, if in the end, the love interest won’t ultimately commit to the client, this type of reader will not burst their bubble.  Why?  Because the bottom line is to accommodate the client and whatever their current level of understanding and wish list is. 

Sometimes these readers don’t do this on purpose – they just won’t allow themselves to see the truth because they don’t want to be disapproved of or “hurt” the client’s feelings, which would leave the client angry, disappointed and dissatisfied.  In short, the psychic’s desire to be liked and viewed as positive trumps all else.  This sort of reader will only go as far as the client’s ego, emotions and denial will allow.

However, there are those who mislead clients on purpose.  Why?  To let the meter run, keep the gravy train rolling and put money in their pockets.  In this instance, the psychic would actually lie to simply satisfy the customer.  When deep and difficult emotions are involved, telling a client what they don’t want to hear can lead to a serious emotional backlash from the client, which could mean less business and a negative reputation for the psychic.  In this instance, the reader doesn’t care about what happens to the client at all and sees their work similar to the stereotype of a bad used
car salesman – all you have to do is make the sale.  Nowadays, it is quite common for readers who engage in this practice to strongly assert that they ONLY TELL THE TRUTH!!!!  BEWARE!!!! TRUTH ONLY!!!!  That makes hearing what one wants to hear seem that much more believable, because of the initial assertions of truth telling, when in reality, it is a smokescreen.

Often, clients are so entrenched in their own emotional denial that they will bully these types of readers.  If a reader wants to play up to the client, they won’t challenge the assertions of the client at all.  “He’s absolutely going to marry me, right?  I felt it from the moment I met him,” a client states.  “Yes, dear, he will.  It may take some time, but he’s a great guy worth waiting for,” the reader reassures.  In this instance, (if the love interest won’t commit in the end) the fairy tale is being sold as truth.  The client gets what they want – the reader is perceived as positive, (of course until things don’t ultimately work in the end.)  And if a different reader somewhere along the way simply feels that the relationship won’t ultimately work out, they are labeled as negative, dark, even evil.

Possibly helpful
Although a telepathic reading may mostly tell you how you feel and validate what you’re going through, it may or may not be of much value in terms of growth and enlightenment unless information above and beyond “telepathy” is introduced.

Telepathy
Often, certain psychics legitimately pick up what the client is sending out and feeling.  This form of psychic ability would be called telepathy.  The reader is not primarily picking up from a higher source, but absorbing the client’s internal reality – and then, feeding it back to the client as truth.  Often, what any of us feel is simply our emotions and our feelings, not necessarily truthful.

In this type of reading, it can seem highly accurate at the time, because it is exactly what the client already is experiencing. These consultations often do little to bring about actual guidance, but are more like two people reinforcing the same reality to each other back and forth.

Often empathic, these readers can feel what the client is going through.  However, how valuable is that?  I remember someone once told me that they would never want to have a reading with someone who is empathic.  They already knew what they felt – they wanted answers and truthful wareness.  Especially because what any of us may be feeling is emotionally difficult, we need a clear, unattached perspective to rise above merely our emotions, which telepathy doesn’t provide.  Sometimes, though, other insights that are psychically valid may blend into this type of reading, which can offer something above and beyond simply the “feeling” portion of a session, which can be helpful.  In addition, an empath who can tell you what the other person in question is thinking /feeling can be quite beneficial in a consultation.

Readings that can enlighten us In this section, I will highlight readings and techniques that can indeed be positive.  As always, along with a reader’s potential gifts, their ethics and principles also come into question. Someone may be talented, yet unethical.  That is always dicey, because where does ability leave off and one’s lack of ethics come into play?  Although a reader must be gifted to be of assistance to you, they should also be ethical, honest and truly spiritually evolved.  If both gifts and ethics are present, the reading will most certainly be of assistance to the client.

Mediumship
Being a medium is its own special gift, and just because someone is a medium, does not necessarily mean that they will make predictions or read the future in the conventional psychic sense.  A medium can receive messages from those who have passed on, presumably, the loved ones of the client as well as from spirit guides.

What a medium offers depends on what spirit says to them and how clearly and accurately they can receive these messages.  Often, a message comes through quickly and does not last for a long period of time.  Medium John Edwards described receiving a spirit message as holding one’s breath underwater.

Some mediums hear messages – others see images, even symbols. Sometime a message comes through in fragments and needs to be put together while other times, it is quite clear.  Often, it is a combination of all of the above.

Some of you might think of it like a phone call.  The medium answers the phone and the sprit simply speaks.  However, it is more complex.  There is a distortion process, as this communication is occurring between two inter connected yet very different dimensions.  It is sort of like having a phone conversation where you never know how good the connection will be.  The call may be clear, have static, going in and out, muffled, even distorted.  The most important thing when receiving a message from a medium is to NOT interrupt.  If that communication / connection is broken, it may be quite hard to get it back as this process is delicate.

There are three factors in a medium message: 1) The ability of the medium. 2) The ability of the spirit to come through.  It is not a given that our loved ones can simply communicate because they have crossed over.  They would have to learn that skill or already have acquired it from a previous time period. 3) How open the client is.  Sometimes, if a client is closed or open, it works like a door.  The more open the client is, the more information that can indeed come through.  However, if the client is closed, as they are the conduit from which this message comes through, the information can be more limited.

Clairvoyance
Clairvoyance, simply defined, means clear vision.  If a reader is legitimately clairvoyant, they will certainly “see” and pick things up.  Depending on their ability level, they will indeed make truthful predictions, although no one can be 100% accurate.  The more spiritually evolved a clairvoyant is, the more multi level counsel may be offered.  In addition to predictions; insights, guidance, past life perspectives, karmic and life lesson understandings will also come through in this type of consultation.

A good clairvoyant will not get tripped up by the emotions of the client and will see things from an unattached perspective.  This can be quite helpful in a reading.  I like the analogy of someone drowning (as in their emotions).  Would that person want someone underwater with him or her, or someone who is outside of the water? (Above the emotions)  From an unattached place, accurate information comes through.  Certainly, if a clairvoyant is coming from a loving and compassionate personality, it makes whatever comes through easier for the client to process.

A reader must be more spiritually evolved than the client to be able to read for them.  In this instance, the reader can perceive the path the client is on, which sets up the life lessons that will occur.  With this understanding and overview, a clairvoyant can assist the client through their journey in a spiritually positive way.  It would be like being a music teacher who has mastered Bach and Mozart.  They would certainly be able to help someone who was in the process of learning to play the piano, as they already possess the knowledge and understanding needed.

Clairaudience
Clairaudience in effect means “clear hearing” and is a term that is used for psychic hearing abilities.  A clairaudient will receive psychic information in the form of words, ideas, or messages that are perceived and interpreted through the normal hearing centers within the brain. Sometimes a clairaudient person will receive this information by simply hearing voices internally (in their own mind), or receive ideas and hear messages. Other clairaudients may receive information by actually hearing a person speak, as if they were in the room next to them and listening to them communicating. Many psychics receive messages in this manner from spirit guides, or other entities who have crossed over. Sometimes the message is preceded by a floral fragrance or an odor that is somehow familiar to the reader or client. Often, this signifies and indicates someone who is coming through, as this entity may have been associated with a fragrance.  For example, if Mom wore a certain perfume, smelling that perfume would make a connection with the client. If the person receiving the message associated a spirit entity with the fragrance of certain flowers, that odor will let the reader know who is getting ready to communicate with them. Simply stated, it is a validation of who is coming through.

Clairsentient
As highlighted above, clairvoyant is a reader who has “clear vision” – one who can see beyond just what the physical eye offers.  Clairaudience is the power to hear things outside the range of normal perception whether with inner hearing (within our own mind) or actual physical hearing.  Clairsentient is the power to use all our senses beyond normal understanding. The highest gift is considered to be ‘Clear-gnosis’ or clear knowing. It is said that
this knowing is a psychic gift that comes from a very high spiritual connection within the person who is Clairsentient. If people are amazed at what one simply knows, they probably have Clear-knowing.  This type of psychic gift just allows information to be present and perceived within.  With this gift, things just are, and are known in the same way most of us know our name or address. 

Channeling
In a sense, reading is always a form of channeling.  Presumably, if someone is tapping into higher consciousness, they are channeling: whether their spirit guides, universal knowledge or the Godhead directly. When someone is referred to as a “channeler,” they are more or less trying to surrender themselves, their sense of personal identity to becoming a vehicle or vessel of a higher consciousness, usually a spiritual teacher of theirs, or possibly teachers that are connected to you.  It would be as if the channeler is listening to someone other than themselves communicate to them and passing that information on.

Often, these readers channel universal masters who have messages that they, the channeler can receive and bring into this world. When channeling universal masters, the messages are more spiritually based, and less built around mundane predictions, such as “Will I hear from Bill tomorrow or not?”

If the channeler is doing a personal reading for you, it would tie more into your journey, your lessons, life experiences, predictions and possibilities.  To be called a channeler, the reading and information is not coming from the reader, but from an entity outside of themselves.

Direct Voice
Direct voice is probably the most rare form of the psychic process and is a more advanced and extremely difficult form of channeling. With direct voice, the reader actually releases themselves into the spiritual realms and allows their physical body to be literally taken over and utilized by an actual sprit entity or entities for the duration of the reading. Sometimes more than one spiritual teacher will come through in this type of reading.  When the spirit
takes over the body, they use their vocal cords and body parts / functions to speak and communicate.  This process can be very psychically hard on the direct voice channeler, as it takes a toll on them physically if they are not careful.  (Think of how you might feel having different entities enter your body and use it on a regular basis).  As there are very few people who can actually do legitimate direct voice channeling, it is a rare experience to have one of these types of readings.

The reader’s face may somewhat change its appearance and a different voice comes through, (not just an accent)  These readings often deal with many of your past lives, the karma that you are here to resolve, your spiritual lessons as well as some practical predictions.

With all of the different readers and variations out there, you must ask yourself the following question, “What am I looking for in a reading?”  This question may seem obvious to all of us.  Wouldn’t everyone claim they want an accurate and helpful consultation? However, let’s step back for a moment and take a deeper look.

If you desperately want someone to tell you what you want to hear and that everything is going to be OK, then you fall prey to the gypsy scam artist or the reader who plays up to the client.  These readings offer little or nothing of any real value at all, except a dwindling bank account.  By being emotionally myopic with tunnel vision, you set yourself up to be manipulated by unethical readers, who are always there for the taking.

If you don’t listen and tend to interrupt, then you may break the flow coming through in a medium message or a channeling.  If you’re closed and defensive, you’ll (whether intentionally or not) limit what comes through in any type of psychic reading.

However, if you approach a consultation with a truly open mind, all the while asking for the information that is for your greater good to come through, you open the door to utilizing a reading in the way infinite spirit intended it – to be of enlightenment, help, clarity and ultimately, your growth.  It is my sincerest hope that this writing makes clear that perspective and assists you in making
the right choice for you.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

Topic: Listening When Receiving A Reading!
Goal: To listen, versus being closed, argumentative or not
receptive during a reading.

I listen with an open mind and heart when receiving a reading!

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.
 

Here is the second half of “10 Undeniable Red Flags – Part 2.”  In this writing, I attempt to further establish the following two points: First, by denying the red flags shown to us in our relationships with others, the damage that occurs in our life doesn’t just last for the duration of the relationship.  It carries on indefinitely.  Secondly, and on the other hand, when we heed the warnings of the red flags and act accordingly, our lives change irrevocably for the better, often leading to the fulfillment of our dreams. 

6-An apple is not an orange
When we’re attracted to somebody, or desperate, or especially lonely, it’s so easy to compromise our principles and values with the hope of making a relationship work.  However, nothing lasts in the long run that is unnatural for either party.  Just as an apple is not an orange, we will never be able to be anything other than ourselves in a relationship — nor will the other person.  And when either person tries to be someone other than themselves, the
relationship eventually falls apart.  Worse than that, though, is when we try to make the other person be who and what we expect them to be, or vice versa… If we want to stand a chance at a successful relationship, we must accept others and ourselves as we are.  Who we are truly represents our values, and those values define our goals and dreams.

Take a look at your goals and your dreams.  Are they being met in a particular relationship?  If they’re not, don’t escape into denial and fantasy and pretend that things are ok when they’re clearly not.  The right person will help you to manifest your goals and dreams; not take you further away from them.  Whether it is owning a business, having a home, making a certain amount of money, wanting to have a family or not, a faithful and honest
relationship, or anything else that is important to you, it should never be denied for the sake of a relationship.  When goals and dreams are unfulfilled, and either party is not allowed to be who they are, it all leads to failure — sooner or later.

This is exactly what happened to Amy and Mark.  After a couple of months of dating, Mark decided to move in with Amy.  The red flags started appearing within weeks of the two living together.  Amy was cheap and saved every penny, while Mark was generous with his money. Since Amy didn’t like this about Mark, she started criticizing him for his spending habits:  “Mark, I don’t want to have to take care of you financially if you spend so much money that you go broke.  You need to stop spending right now,” she warned.  Since Mark didn’t immediately heed her financial advice, she started punishing him by ignoring him periodically and
withholding sex. 

After four months into the relationship, Mark decided to change his financial habits, and stopped spending money.  He didn’t do this because he thought it was the right thing to do, but because he believed he could become who and what Amy wanted.  Mark went into denial, and continued to hope that things would somehow work out, all because he wanted the relationship to succeed.  At the same time, Amy refused to budge, as she was bound and determined to make Mark into who she wanted him to be.  For a while, Mark started to lose his identity in the relationship.

They both ignored these huge red flags and got married about seven months into the relationship anyway.  After the honeymoon, things got worse.  Amy became more paranoid about the couples finances, as they were now jointly intertwined.  Mark, no longer able to be someone he wasn’t, went back to spending his money as he always had.  Because of this, the couple’s sex life dwindled, as the financial issues created a barrier between the two, which limited their intimacy.  Amy became more critical and withholding – and Mark foolishly thought that by hanging in there, things would
somehow have to get better in time.

After six long and miserable years of marriage, the couple finally divorced.  However, that wasn’t the end of their problems, as the experience made Amy resentful, bitter, and shut down; therefore, she’s remained alone for ten years.  Mark became afraid of commitment and intimacy because he felt trapped in the marriage, so he got involved with more edgy women who were always fun, yet non-committal and unfaithful.  Here we see how the repercussions from the red flags that were denied still affect the lives of both Amy and Mark today. 

There is a lot that can be learned from the story of Amy and Mark as you look at your own relationships.  Never forget to be honest with who you are – and honest about who the other person is.   Just think of how it would sound if someone came up to you and proclaimed, “I am so upset that this apple in my hands in not an orange.  How can I make it into an orange?  Why isn’t it an orange, since I don’t want it to be an apple?”  The same thing applies to people.  We are who we are, and that is represented by our values, goals and dreams – none of which can be denied if we want to have a ruly successful relationship. 

7-Everybody counts
By the mere fact that a relationship involves two people, it would seem clear that both people’s needs should be considered.  As everybody counts, no one should be treated disrespectfully. However, that is certainly not always the case, as most of us have experienced firsthand in our relationships: whether romantically, in friendships, with family, and/or in our careers.  And there are so many ways that someone shows us that we don’t count.  A prime example of this is when someone we’re romantically involved with doesn’t make time for us…

When your lover refuses to make time for you, it is clearly a huge red flag.  After all, who wants to only be sort of in the picture – maybe every once in a while?  Often, someone puts you on the shelf, and only deals with you when it is convenient for them.  People can always use the excuse that they’re busy – sure, the whole world is busy.  Or, they just blow you off and ignore you.  But in reality, one always does what’s important to them, and if someone doesn’t make time for you, it clearly indicates the real lack of value they feel toward you. 

This is exactly what happened to Joe in his relationship with Heather, a woman he’s been with for a year.  She kept repeatedly telling him that she was busy when he tried to make plans with her. “Joe, I’m busy on Monday, and I’ve got to see my family this Tuesday, and the girls are getting together on Wednesday.  Maybe we could get together Thursday, but I think I have to help my girlfriend move that day,” Heather said.  “I’ll get back to you and
let you know,” she added.  These may all sound like plausible excuses from a busy girl, but Heather hasn’t made time for Joe in over a month.  These are just this week’s agenda of pre-existing activities that prevent her from seeing him.  Realistically, Heather just doesn’t value Joe all too much – that is clear.

As it should be with any healthy relationship, Heather needs to make time for Joe.  She should be offering him one of the most generous gifts of all, the gift of time – not only in quantity, but also with quality.  However, she refuses to do so, and it certainly frustrates Joe.  He’s even tried to address this with Heather multiple times, but she just blows it off or simply makes excuses for her actions.  Even with this red flag, Joe refused to exit the relationship, because Joe doesn’t feel deserving of being treated well.  He just escaped into the denial that she would eventually make more time for him.  So now he’s been in the same pattern with Heather now going on five years.  Just think if Joe would have extricated himself from this relationship based on the red flags early on.  He would have been in a different position today – potentially with a much better person for him than Heather…

In addition to not making time for you, another red flag that shows you don’t count is when someone is inconsiderate of you.  Their selfishness and self-centeredness is clearly shown when they dismiss or disregard your needs.  (Remember, a need is something that is essential to one’s well being and survival; not just a want, or a wish.)  Through being inconsiderate, they set the tone and define the limits in the relationship.  Remember, it’s all about them.  It’s their show and they are the star – you’re merely an invited guest if and when it suits them.  This empowers their ego, and allows them to be in control of the situation.  These qualities especially reveal themselves when you’re in a time of crisis, and the other person still demonstrates a lack of consideration for what you’re going through, even then.

This exact thing repeatedly happened to Mike with his brother Omar. Mike’s needs have never been considered by Omar, but Mike has ignored the red flags based on the fact of the old adage that blood is thicker than water.  Omar is all about Omar, and other people’s needs don’t matter to him.  Whether it’s the needs of Mike or anyone else’s, Omar is only looking out for number one, as he is a truly selfish man.

Recently, Mike was devastated about being demoted out of the blue at work (especially because he didn’t feel he deserved it).  Mike was quite angry at his boss, and was considering turning in his resignation the next day.  Clearly, he needed some rational input on this situation, as whatever he did could change the course of his career irrevocably.  So he ignored the issues that have been there, and called his brother:  “Hey Omar, I’m furious about what happened at work.  My boss demoted me today, and I have absolutely no idea why,” Mike said.  What in the heck should I do about this?” he questioned.  “I’m so angry that I’m really thinking about quitting tomorrow, as I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’ll show him,” Mike vented!

Predictably, Omar was only partially listening to Mike without offering any input in return.  After a minute or so, Omar simply changed the subject to talk about himself.  “Man, I want to go out and get a great steak tonight,” Omar said.  “Doesn’t that sound good?”  In frustration, Mike ended the call, as he knew the issues that had been there all too well.  Yet Mike has always refused to come out of denial, and acknowledge the red flags of how his
brother has always treated him.  Therefore, he gets hurt repeatedly.  However, this time, it had serious consequences.

In confusion and anger, Mike ended up quitting his job the next day.  By quitting impulsively, he had to find work immediately, simply to pay the bills.  This forced him to take the first mediocre job offered to him, which has lead to a string of the same type of positions, which he’s still in today.  Instead, Mike could have bided his time at work, while looking for a new position in his career that could have been good for him. 

Of course, it was Mike’s choice, but two other factors come to mind about this situation: 1-If Mike would have been honest regarding the red flags he’s always known about Omar, he could have reached out to someone else who cares.  That person could have potentially helped him to calm down, and make a rational, non emotional decision.  2-If only Omar would have been considerate of his brother Mike’s needs, the outcome of his career path could have turned out much different, and possibly more positively.

As seen in the case of Joe (with Heather) and Mike (with Omar), the long range consequences for denying and ignoring the red flags that they didn’t count were life altering in a negative way.  We must never lose sight of the fact that the outcomes of our lives turn out radically differently depending on whether or not we heed such warnings. 

8-Talk to me baby
Sherry had been frustrated in her career for years, as she had always wanted to be her own boss.  Making a limited salary was becoming more and more depressing, and she clearly wanted something better.  So she decided to go into business with her friend Karen. Sherry was well aware of the red flags that had been there with Karen, as she had always refused to communicate with Sherry about whatever issues existed between them through the years.  And if she did, Karen would simply try to make Sherry wrong. 

When the two reached impasses before, Karen would not talk to Sherry for a while; refuse to communicate and heal things, giving her the silent treatment as a form of punishment.  Sherry would always eventually be the one to give in, and extend the olive branch just to keep the peace in the relationship.  Karen was egotistical, arrogant, self righteous, and a-know-it-all.  Sherry had low self esteem, and was terrified of being abandoned.
Therefore, she ignored the repeated red flags through the years, while doing her best to maintain the friendship. Even through Sherry knew this all too well, she chose to ignore the red flags, and went into business with Sherry.  Here, she delusionally believed that her dream (a new business) would somehow override the real issues that had been there with Karen.  It’s sort of like saying if you have a broken leg, having a facial will somehow make the broken leg go away. 

So, when the two opened their online business of selling self help and spiritual books, the problems were immediate.  Sherry put up the money and did almost all of the work, while Karen did virtually nothing.  Yet, their agreement called for a 50-50 monetary split.  Sherry addressed her concerns:  “Karen, I feel like I’m carrying the entire load: placing the orders for books, fulfilling orders from clients, and doing the shipping and handling.  Could you at least help out with one of these things?” she questioned.  “So are you my boss now?  You do what you do, and I’ll do what I do.  There’s nothing to talk about.  Just don’t try and control my part of the business,” Karen snapped back.  Here, she refused to communicate at all about these real issues, and tried to emotionally intimidate Sherry.

Sherry tried to suck it up for a good 12 months or so, but eventually the business failed.  She even made one last ditch attempt to communicate with Karen on how to salvage the business, but Karen wouldn’t take her call.  So the two ended up in court over who was going to be liable for the expenses of the business, as it never made a profit, but lost money.  In the end, Sherry ended up paying for virtually everything, and lost a lot of money. 

Just like with Sherry and Karen, any relationship can’t grow without sincere communication.  It can never be about silence, winning, being right, making the other person wrong, and refusing to heal things.  Any relationship can’t be one-sided and still work, as it will reach a breaking point.  It’s just a matter of time.  Real communication is about working together for a greater good, learning and growing together, and understanding each other. 

We can all avoid many pitfalls through observing the saga of Sherry and Karen.  The lack of communication from Karen showed Sherry all she needed to know, but by pretending that something “positive” overrides the red flags that had always been there, Sherry paid dearly for this choice.  In fact, she is still struggling financially today.  This could have all been avoided, if Sherry had just listened to what was clearly shown to her by the red flags
that had been apparent all along.

9-The same old song and dance
For better or worse, our attractions to people are largely defined by who we are internally at any point in time.  This is based on our self-image, self-esteem, identity and values, which help to shape and focus who and what we’re drawn to.   We usually refer to all of these complex internal dynamics as merely being our “type.” Sometimes, our type is represented by something like blond hair and big breasts for a man.  Even if it is merely physical attributes we’re attracted to, it still represents something deeper within us.

Sometimes people pretend that varying physical looks in those they’re attracted to actually make them different from each other. This gives the illusion that they’re not just repeating an unhealthy relationship pattern, when they’re actually choosing the same person in essence over and over again.  Focusing on physical differences is a way of avoiding the real red flags – which are based on the real differences between people.  This is all shown
through their essence, not just their physical selves.  Forget the window dressing – that one guy is tall and dark, while another is short and red haired.  It doesn’t mean anything in and of itself. It is what’s within that separates people. At other times, our “type” is harder to detect, as it is psychologically and emotionally driven.  What we’re attracted to is the energy and essence that a person carries with them.  If a woman likes dangerous and edgy men, that energy and essence is what will attract her to a particular relationship. 

This is the case with Barbara.  When she met Carlos, the attraction was electrifying and immediate, as his essence immediately drew her in.  Edgy, dangerous, exciting, and unfaithful, he represented the same energy of the men she had been with many times before.  The red flags were all over the place: him lying, being inconsistent, game playing, putting her through emotional drama right off the bat, and addictive chemistry.  As with most of us, she was too drawn in and hooked by the chemistry to walk away, so she ignored the countless red flags that were present.  And just like in former relationships, she became preoccupied, overwhelmed, and devastated by the situation.

You might look at Barbara’s situation and wonder, “What can I do if I’m also drawing in lovers who are not good for me?”  Here are some points to realize:  no one can simply tell themselves to stop being attracted to who and what they desire.  Sexual energy is too strong and powerful of a vibration to just turn it off immediately and want someone else simply because they’re a nice person.  As stated earlier, our attractions reflect deeply and profoundly on who and what we are at any given period of our lives. 

So is there anything that we can do if we wish to change that “same old song and dance” to meeting someone new who could be wonderful for us?  There are three things that I would strongly recommend, so let’s take a look at them:

1-Use your intuition — When meeting new people, immediately be aware of the red flags.  Does this new person remind you in any way of your negative exes?  What do your instincts say about them? Certainly, don’t look for this new person to be the right one, as that will cloud your intuition.  And don’t slip into denial, which is easy to do when you want something to work out with someone.  If you’re making any excuses for them, it’s time to cut and run. Remember, your gut won’t lie to you.  Again, ask yourself if they remind you in any way of the negative lovers from your past.

2-Look at the facts — Of course, facts don’t lie – so don’t distort and ignore them.  If someone you’ve just met is married, and you’ve been with married partners before, there’s a red flag. If you’ve been with alcoholics before and this new person drinks, there’s another red flag.  Some “facts” may take longer to come out, as it can take time for the truth to unfold.  As the facts present themselves, make your decisions accordingly, especially
when you are clearly being shown the past patterns you’ve been through before.

3-Change who you are internally and everything changes – Even if we claim to not have a “type,” we will see that there are striking similarities between those we’ve been attracted to.  The answer is not in just meeting new people to find someone supposedly different without first looking at yourself.  You can’t force the outer world to be anything more or other than who you are internally. Therefore, you must change, as you won’t be able to attract someone better, until YOU change internally.  Again, you can’t “turn off” your “turn ons” and stop who and what you’re attracted to.  But by changing within on a deep and real level, who and what you’re attracted to will also change accordingly.  Also, those you draw to yourself will change proportionately as well.  This is not airy-fairy and up in the clouds – it’s quite literal and real.

For Laura, she decided to break her old unsuccessful relationship patterns and change herself.  When she met Ron, the red flags she had experienced so many times before were right there.  He was afraid of commitment, ostensibly because he had been hurt before, so he only wanted to date Laura part time with no real strings attached.  She had already been down this road, and was tired of meeting men who were unavailable and unattainable. 

So she decided to heed the warnings of the red flags, and dumped Ron.  She then stopped dating for a while and proceeded to work on herself.  She came to discover that her problem stemmed from her divorce.  Since it was so nasty, she became soured toward men, relationships and commitment. This put up an internal wall which wouldn’t allow anyone in who would offer commitment to her. 

Laura ended up doing the internal work she needed to come to peace with her divorce.  She blessed her ex husband, wished him well, and really let it all go.  By doing this, she opened her energy to meet someone good for her.  And in time, it all worked out for her, as she met someone who was willing to love her.  This wasn’t an accident or the luck of the draw.  It happened because she healed her internal issues.  Here, she listened to the red flags she saw with Ron, and made a new choice by doing the work within.  This led her to the relationship that was no longer the same old song and dance!  We can do the same!

10-Is sex all there is?
Often, women see sex as a vehicle to solidify a relationship, while men want sex without much of a relationship.  This was the case with Jody and Rod.  When she met him, Jody liked him right away. As there didn’t seem to be any initial red flags, she ended up having sex with him on the second night after they met.  Since the attraction was mutual, their intimacy continued on a regular basis. After a few weeks of this, though, the red flags appeared, as all they ever did was have sex.  Sure, they always talked a bit, hung out at his place and had a few drinks, but the relationship wasn’t
moving forward in any other way.

Because of the “chemistry,” Jody decided to give it a chance, yet the pattern continued.  After three months of this, she was clearly frustrated.  “Rod, all we ever do is have sex.  We never go out on a date  — you never take me anywhere.   I don’t really even know your friends.  Wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere with your friends?  I’d love to meet them,” Jody stated.  However, Rod wasn’t frustrated with the way things were.  He liked it just as it was. But since he didn’t want to lose the sex he had with Jody, he lied to her:  “Babe, I hear you.  We should go out sometime, and you should meet my friends, too.  Don’t worry – things will change.” As Rod had done this type of thing to many women before, he sounded believable.

At first, Jody was optimistic about what he said to her, but her intuition felt as if something was still wrong.  This was a huge red flag, as intuition doesn’t mislead or lie.  Deep down, she knew that Rob didn’t mean a word of what he said.  Not only did nothing get better, but in fact it actually got worse.  Rob stopped calling her to come over for sex, and just left it up to her to initiate contact with him.  At least before, he’d call her up to come over. So six months after she first met him, Jody ended things with Rob permanently.  He was just using her as a convenience, as sex was really all there was…Even though Jody once felt that what she had with Rob was quite special, the sexual intensity that she experienced with Rob is actually quite common.

Because sex is perhaps the most powerful energy we experience in the physical world, we become overwhelmed, hypnotized, and confused by it.  It is cosmic and atomic by nature, and the act of sex is spiritually transcendent.  Its force can transform and heal us; while conversely, it can devastate and destroy us.  The powerful feelings we experience with sex doesn’t mean that the person we’ve shared this with cares for us, is good for us, or someone who wants a relationship.  We assume that because of the intensity we’ve felt with sex, everything else will somehow fall into place: commitment, communication, fidelity, and so forth.  However, that is not necessarily true.  Thankfully, Jody was smart enough to see the red flags for exactly what they were, and cut her ties with a man who was only offering her one single thing – sex.  And there are many couples who are quite compatible sexually and feel titillating passion, yet have nothing else to offer each other.

For Jody, even though she had mixed emotional feelings about her choice, she knew she did the right thing.  And this was confirmed just a few months later, when she actually met a man who ended up being the one to truly love her.  He was really the right match for her, and vice versa.  Because she had removed what was in the way, the divine universe was able to bring a dream to her!  And the relationship worked, as they married and are happy today!  These dreams are not just for Jody, but for all of us who heed the warnings of the red flags that are ever present for us – as they protect, guide, watch over us, and keep us out of harm’s way every single day.  It is simply our job to listen and act accordingly!

We tend to think that our success and happiness in life is an acquiring process.  What can I do to get what I want?  We visualize, affirm, and pray for our heart’s desire.  Then why don’t our dreams come true, then?  Because often, manifesting our success and happiness is the exact opposite, and a removal process.  We must remove what’s in the way, to become an open vessel for the divine universe to work through.  Red flags will always show you what’s in the way, and what you need to remove.  Become that open channel of all the divine universe affords you and clear the pathway by removing the negative self destructive relationships that are holding everything back, and let your highest blessings and greater good come to you.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

Topic: The value of warnings
Goal: To knowing that the warnings we receive are a divine gift
from the universe designed to protect us, guide us, and keep our
lives safe.

I always listen to the warnings that are revealed to me about
people, and make the right decisions accordingly!

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.
 

Found this on the internet and loved it! 

see more cute dogs and puppies

At the end of a relationship, have you ever wished that you only knew certain things about the person in the beginning?  Would it
surprise you to know that those very things may have always been there – for you to see?  We need to always look for the “red flags”
when meeting new people, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, career or business partnerships.  “Red flags” are the
divine universe’s way of providing us with the necessary warning signs and alarms that are vital to protecting us from negative and
debilitating life changing relationships.

How many times have I heard client’s say, “If I only would have listened to my first impressions and what my gut said when I met
that person, I wouldn’t have gone through such a horrible experience?  The red flags were right there for me to see, but I
ignored them, and did what I wanted to do anyway.” 

As we look back at our failed and problematic relationships, we’ll see that the red flags and warning signs were indeed there.
Whether immediately apparent or revealed in a reasonable amount of time, who a person really is and what their true intentions are
toward us always become clear. 

We now need to incorporate the awareness from what we’ve been through before into our experience today, as to not make the same
missteps again.  Also, we need new tools that will help us to see people for who they really are and help us to identify the red
flags right off the bat or shortly after we have met them.

To achieve that end, I have written the two-part series: “10 Undeniable Red Flags.” Today’s newsletter offers Part 1, #’s 1-5,
while Part 2, #’s 6-10 will appear in my the next blog entry.

1-First Impressions Don’t Lie
When we meet people, our innate psychic radar is tuned in loud and clear.  You can refer to it as intuition, gut level instinct, or an
unexplainable feeling.  Whatever you choose to call “it,” we are always “checking out” who a person really is when we meet them;
even if we don’t believe in psychic ability, intuition or anything beyond our five mundane senses. 

Why do we do this?  It ties into our need to survive.  What we’re looking for, even if we’re consciously unaware of this process, is to know who and what a person actually is; beneath their veneers and social skills.  By intuitively “checking someone out,” we see if they will threaten, harm, lie to us, or be beneficial in our lives.  It is the intuitive equivalent of stepping into a house we may purchase, looking around, scrutinizing it, and seeing if it’s a good or bad choice.  Do you remember the phrase, “The devil is a gentleman?”  Very few people instantly come off bad or project that they’re a negative person — certainly not in polite society.  In the beginning, most people are on their best behavior.  Also, the only way to draw you into the new relationship is to appear to be a good person.

So whatever your first impression is, it will be correct, especially if you’re going into it with an open mind.  Sure, if you’re meeting a blind date, and you want them to be “the one,” that clouds your real intuition, which can easily be replaced by your emotional desires pretending to be your gut. However, if you’re just being natural and neutral without expectation when you meet someone, your initial take on them will be correct.  Often, these feelings are absolutely contradictory to who a person “seems” to be, and don’t make sense at all.  However, they’re not supposed to, as intuition is not logical.  Intuition is beyond what we can perceive with our five physical senses. 

This very thing happened to Jennifer when she met a man named John who dressed well, was attractive, successful, and quite polite.  By anyone’s standards, he was a fantastic catch.  Yet something felt wrong — really wrong.  When she stood next to him, she was unsettled.  Something just didn’t feel right, which she couldn’t explain to herself, understand why, or even begin to know what it was.  Yet, in the midst of John gently talking about taking her on a lovely dinner date and gazing wistfully at her with his bright blue eyes, Jennifer’s uneasy feelings grew stronger.

So she decided to listen to what she felt, even though it seemed odd, and rejected John’s offer of a date.  What a smart move she made, as Jennifer later found out that he has several girlfriends, and that one of these women actually accused him of being abusive toward her.  By Jennifer listening to her gut, she avoided a potentially disastrous involvement that could have potentially lead her to a horrible life altering entanglement.  Here, her first impression showed her the truth, as it always does – and Jennifer was smart enough to listen, as we all should.

2-Instant Connection
“I have never felt a feeling like this before.  I was instantly so attracted to him, I couldn’t believe it.  Our eyes locked, and I was completely hypnotized.  From the moment we met, I fell in love,” Suzie explains about her new love, Jason.  “I know it’s happening so fast, but it feels so right,” she adds.  Quickly, the couple moved in together, and became engaged within a few months. Shortly after, the two married. 

However, after the dust settled, the couple realized that they really weren’t compatible at all.  Within a year or so, Suzie and Jason were divorced.  The instantaneous chemistry they experienced clouded the reality of who they really were as individuals, how they related to each other as a couple, and what they each needed in a relationship.

Do you remember the phrase, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is?”  When meeting someone who becomes our new best friend, or falling in love instantly, there are usually serious problems. With “instant connection,” it’s largely based on fantasy. By connecting so quickly, the reality of who a person is and the real chemistry of a relationship is obfuscated and made unclear. This way, (at least in the beginning) one can write the script any way they want.  Since it’s new, there’s no water under the bridge, baggage, issues, or problems; at least not yet.  However, sooner or later, the reality of the actual dynamics between two people always reveals itself.

As in the case of Suzie and Jason, the feelings they experienced hardly had anything to do with how they truly felt about each other on a real level.  They were both open to and looking for a certain experience – in the short of it, a whirlwind romance.  Suzie and Jason both provided a fantasy experience for each other, and projected what they wanted the other person to be.  That fantasy was bought into enough for them to even get married. 

Yet time proved their relationship wasn’t based on compatibility, shared goals, values, or dreams.  Suzie and Jason became interchangeable parts in each other’s agenda, and used therelationship to have the experience they individually desired. This experience was both emotionally and financially quite costly.  They both became disillusioned in love, and had to pay high lawyers’ fees, as the couple fought over an expensive home they jointly purchased.

So it is crucial when meeting people to never deny the red flag of “instant connection.”  If something is right, it will stand the test of time, and it will make sense as the relationship unfolds.  If it isn’t right, why put yourself in such a difficult situation, where you can become hurt, used, disillusioned, world weary, and even devastated?  Just like when driving a car, you hopefully wouldn’t turn on the ignition, and immediately jam the acceleration pedal to the floor.  With any new relationship possibility that crosses your pathway, let it grow organically and reasonably.  This way, the true reality of the “connection” you and this person share becomes revealed in a timely fashion.  This helps you to navigate your journey safely and productively.

3-What you see is what you get, sort of…
We often hear that honesty is the best policy in relationships, but are there ever situations where too much honesty can be a red flag…?

Too much truth can hide a lie. “Janice, I’m married. Just wanted to let you know the facts right off the bat,” Jose said.  Here, Janice is startled and surprised by what Jose, a man she just met, has said to her.  “He’s so honest.  At least I know what I’m dealing with,” Janice confides to a girlfriend.  Days later, Jose said to her, “I may be married, but I haven’t had sex with my wife for years.  The sight of her disgusts me, so I always sleep in the basement.”  Janice is further intrigued.  Since Jose was initially honest about being a married man, she thinks that what Jose is saying now (about not being sexually active with his wife for years), must also be true.  However, it was a lie.  Jose has had a regular sex life with his wife since they were married. 

Some people, such as Jose, initially tell the truth in a way that is unflattering to themselves by declaring such things as:  “I’m married.”  “I’ve had a drug problem in the past.”  “I’ve been arrested once before a long time ago.”  “You might ask, “Why would anyone do this?”  Because these types of admissions are designed to make the person saying such things look totally honest, which allows them to gain the trust of others.  It appears as if a person such as Jose is actually noble, and willing to risk it all, solely to tell the truth.  Then, if trust can be gained, it is presumable that the other person, such as Janice, will believe what is also said to them.  It can actually create an even deeper trust, as someone like Janice feels that they’re in on the secret, and included in on private and privileged information.  It all creates a powerful smoke screen.
 
What if the person admitting their past drug problem said it to hide the fact that they’re still doing drugs now?  How about if the person acknowledging they were arrested before said it to avoid the reality that they actually did hard prison time recently, and has trouble with the law again?  The red flags are clear.  When any of us meet someone like Jose, we should always ask ourselves: “Why would someone I just met tell me things about themselves that are downright incriminating?  What do they have to gain by telling me this information?  Who am I to know all of this…?”  Something is obviously wrong, and it can’t be denied. 

Unfortunately, Janice bought into the illusion of Jose being a blatantly honest man.  She had the affair with him, and eventually discovered that he and his wife were still having sex.  Janice was his mistress for five long years, as she couldn’t put her mind around the red flag of his “false honesty.”  Even though honesty may not always be designed to camouflage a lie as it was for Jose, it can be a powerful game and even a weapon.

Honesty as a game and a weapon
“Cindy, I don’t want a commitment,” David flatly states.  He just started communicating with Cindy online, and wants to establish the rules of the game straight away.  On the other hand, she also recently started talking with Frank, another man she met online. Frank says the opposite of David:  “I’m looking to get married now, Cindy, and that’s what I want.” 

Both of these honest statements are a red flag.  Why?  Because these two “honest” men come into a new relationship with a pre-existing agenda, without even knowing who Cindy is.  This means that these men are not really open to what a new relationship can be.  Cindy is put in the position of having to accommodate the rules of the game, as laid out by David or Frank.  The agenda of David is to avoid commitment, yet still have sex, while Frank is looking for a wife, plain and simple.  This allows them to establish control of whatever builds from the initial contact, as they have rigidly defined the parameters of what the relationship will be from here on out.

However, Cindy realized that what these two men were engaging her in a game – one where only they set the rules.  As she really did want a real relationship, she cut her ties with David and Frank, and began meeting new people.

In addition to it being a game as is was with David and Frank, too much honesty can also be a quite powerful weapon:  “I don’t like your dress,” Bill says to Tasha, who he’s on his first date with.  “I think it’s not very attractive on you at all,” he further chimes in.  Here, his honesty makes Tasha feel bad about herself, especially because she didn’t even ask Bill what he thought of her dress.  “What do you want me to do?  Lie?  I’m just being honest with you,” Bill further defends.  This type of honesty is a huge red flag, as it allows Bill to attack Tasha’s self image and self esteem, which sets himself up to use honesty as a way to dominate, control, and potentially abuse her.  Tasha felt so energetically molested by Bill’s comments, that she dumped him flat that evening, as the red flag was so crystal clear to her.  Bill tried to further create excuses for his behavior; that’s he a little blunt, but that
he doesn’t mean to hurt anybody…but Tasha refused to buy into it.

Honesty as an excuse
Like Bill, some use honesty as a way of defining their faults right up front, simply as a way of excusing them.  “I know I’m always late.  That’s just the way I am.  I’m sorry, but I just wanted to let you know up front,” Kevin says to Joel, a new potential business partner.  “If I show up late, don’t take it personally, as it’s just the way I’ve always been,” he further adds.  Here, Kevin is not trying to acknowledge his faults as a way of working on them and becoming a better person.  It’s just a way of him saying that this is who he is and the way it will be, and for Joel to be prepared to deal with it.  Kevin is using honesty as a way of justifying being inconsiderate of his potential new partner, and setting the tone.  If Kevin’s late and his partner has to wait, who gets victimized?  Of course, Joel does.

However, Joel decided to ignore this red flag.  He chose to see Kevin’s admission as forthright and decided to go into business with him anyway:  “Hey, no one’s perfect.  So Kevin’s late sometimes.  I can deal with that,” Joel said.  However, little did Joel know that it would cost him a valuable business contract.  In typical fashion, Kevin showed up late for a business meeting where a potential investor simply got tired of waiting around.  He then pulled the plug on investing into Kevin and Joel’s enterprise. This was all because the potential investor was soured by Kevin’s lack of professionalism.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, we all want to be involved with someone who is honest.  That goes without saying.  However, we need to watch for the instances where too much honesty becomes something we get fooled by.  It is a definite red flag whenever honesty is used to set up or achieve an additional agenda or ulterior motive.

4-Lies, Lies, Lies
Very few people just lie through their teeth when you first meet them, as no one would consider a person like that to be credible on any level.  Anyone who lies about anything and everything appears mentally ill. Therefore, a good liar mixes the lies with the truth. More importantly, though, is to watch how a liar slowly and insidiously incorporates their lies into a new relationship. Things might start off seemingly good, until the story of who they are and what they initially presented themselves to be changes and shifts — a little at a time. 

If the red flags are not apparent immediately, they will begin to be revealed within a reasonable amount of time.  The key is to not get emotionally hooked into the person within that probationary period, as you’ll need to extricate yourself from the relationship if the lies begin emerging.

That’s exactly what happened to Jonathan.  He came up with an idea for an internet business, and in looking for someone to work with, he ran into Edward, who claimed to have launched several successful internet ventures.  Edward offered names of people he had worked with, and the information he provided seemed to check out at first.  However, as several weeks unfolded, holes started appearing in Edward’s story.  He assured Jonathan that he would speak with former associates, and even mentioned times where communication would occur.  However, these “partners” never called Jonathan as Edward had promised they would.  At first, it was explained as so and so was busy, out of town, and will get back in touch.  After three weeks of this, Jonathan became suspicious. 

Edward put Jonathan in touch with some financial investors, who sounded upbeat and positive in the initial conversations about funding the project.  Edward then assured Jonathan that the money was going to come within a few weeks.  As Jonathan waited, the money never came.  The only thing that moved forward with the project was that Edward wanted Jonathan to sign papers to make him a partner. 

It was now about 6 weeks into this, and nothing had materialized as Edward promised it would.  Although not instantly, the red flags revealed themselves in a timely fashion well within 90 days.  Jonathan had seen enough warning signs, and decided to terminate his new relationship with Edward, and simply moved on.  Maybe not at first, but liars always do get caught and busted. Their deception and secretiveness will make a person they’re involved with suspicious and mistrustful of who they are and what they do.  Eventually, it all comes out.  But what if it’s too late?  Meaning, what if one is too emotionally involved to cut their ties once the lies are completely unveiled?

This is what Laura went through when she started dating Chuck in early 2006.  At first, Chuck declared that he was a faithful man, open and honest, only dates one woman at a time, and would never lie to Laura.  (Initially Laura’s intuition strongly warned her to stay away from Chuck, as her gut felt that something was wrong.) Yet she decided to continue dating him and let the situation unfold, as she had no tangible proof of him being a liar.

As time went on, he seemed more and more secretive, and closed off a lot of the time.  It got worse after the first few weeks of their relationship.  When he explained where he was and what he was doing, there were holes in his stories – timelines and dates didn’t add up or make sense.  How could he be with his mother, yet be spotted in a bar by one of Laura’s friends at the same time?  It was becoming increasingly clear after about 4 weeks, that Chuck was deceptive.  In spite of these multiple red flags which grew stronger, she was emotionally too involved to just get out. 

So she asked God almighty to show her what her new boyfriend was doing, as she supposedly wanted to know the truth.  Do you recall the phrase, “Don’t wish for something, you might just get it?”  Laura’s wish was definitely granted to her within 7 weeks.  One day, she came over to see Chuck, who was in the shower when she arrived.  He accidentally left his computer on, and as Laura walked by, it was all there for her to see:  pornographic pictures from other women, sexually explicit messages, and dates and times when Chuck would be meeting these other females.  It all came out — as it always does.  However, when she found out the truth, she claimed it was too late for her to get out of the relationship.  She was too emotionally into Chuck, and therefore, she decided to stay with him.

Very few people lie extensively right off the bat.  The red flags may be apparent in small ways (which should never be denied), but if not, they will emerge.  At first, a liar has to create a smokescreen that might seem plausible.  With Edward, he played himself off as being more successful than he was and tried to string Jonathan out with false hopes.  With Chuck, he portrayed himself as the good guy — but through time, the illusion came crashing down.

The real key is to never deny any red flags that present themselves at any point in the relationship, whether in the beginning or a bit down the road; before your emotions get too involved.  Even if it’s not apparent at first, it all comes out in the wash.  Just be open to the truth, and don’t deny the red flags, as they never lie as people like Edward and Chuck do…

5-Push me, pull me
For any of us who have been in a push me pull me relationship, its dizzying effects can be worse than being dumped.  The ups and downs and roller coaster-esque ride not only cause us to lose our center; they can also make us relinquish control of our lives.  Being preoccupied, unable to focus at work, not eating, worrying incessantly if and when we’ll hear from them, draining our friends by repeating the same concerns over and over again, and shutting down are all typical symptoms of the push me, pull me syndrome. 

Usually, the red flags are apparent pretty quickly as the new lover you’ve met comes on strong at first – in fact, very strong.  This is necessary for them to hook you in.  Without coming on strong initially, it is presumable that you won’t invest your mind, body, and soul into this new relationship.  That investment on your part is necessary for them to be able to play this game on you.  Then, once you’re hooked, they pull back.  Why?  This is their way of establishing control, setting the tone, limits, parameters, and dynamics of the relationship.  They see you when it’s convenient to them, and if and when they choose not to, you’re put on the shelf till they decide to connect with you later.  It allows them to have their cake and eat it too.

They are counting on you clinging to false hopes, as you can remember that way it initially was, and hope for a return to the magic that briefly once was.  After all, the honeymoon just occurred.  You can believe that by being patient and biding your time, things will someday go back to the way they were in the beginning.  Remember, the person in control serves two masters: on one hand, the relationship, and conversely, their ego, selfishness and mind games which creates inconsistency, distance, avoidance and unavailability.  And it’s all done on purpose…because if you believe they’re confused, and/or become confused yourself, the relationship keeps on going.

Using confusion as a way to create confusion
This is what Joyce went through when she met Steve who immediately showed a strong interest in her.  After about three weeks or so, he began playing the push me, pull me game.  Here was a gigantic red flag, and it created a lot of confusion for Joyce – exactly as it was supposed to.  Steve claimed that he was actually the one who was confused.  He said that he knew he had feelings for Joyce, but wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship (even though he’s the one who aggressively pushed it).  He then told Joyce that he wanted to still see her, but he couldn’t promise anything.  He might not always be there, be he would try, is how he spun it.

But in reality Steve wasn’t confused at all.  He simply pretended to be to confuse Joyce.  This is intended to create the illusion that he’s a man struggling to figure things out, work through his pain, past issues and baggage, and  today’s uncertainty.  However, those premises are entirely false.  He knew exactly what he wanted, which was to have Joyce in a non-committal relationship simply as a sexual partner.  So he pretended to be taking her to the moon, when in actuality, he wasn’t really taking her anywhere, to lure her in. The truth is that Steve has always been selfish, non-committal, and unfaithful – not searching his soul for answers and clarity to perplexing relationship issues.

Joyce bought into this initially, but she chose to not deny this red flag, and eventually cut Steve off for good.  For a while after she terminated the involvement, he called and tried to sweet talk her, but she caught on to who and what he was, thankfully. The push me, pull me relationship doesn’t only happen in romance, but also in any type of relationship, including friendship.  And just because it’s not romantic, doesn’t mean that the effects would be any less powerful.

Cheryl and Joan worked together, and had the same interests in art museums and movies.  Cheryl would ask Joan to go to an art museum showing, followed by a movie, but Cheryl soon came to realize that she couldn’t always depend on Joan.  Some of the time Joan would go, then other times, she’d back out at the last minute for no apparent reason. Cheryl tried to be understanding and flexible, but after a few months, this red flag was undeniable.  She couldn’t take it anymore.  So she decided to address this issue with Joan.

Joan became hostile and defensive when she responded: “I am an adult and have the freedom to live my life the way I choose.  I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices.”  However, this wasn’t about freedom and being who you are.  Joan’s actions were about selfishness, taking Cheryl for granted, and having it both ways. Joan wanted to be in control and follow through with plans when she wanted to, or simply blow them off if that suited her. 

Since Joan refused to meet Cheryl half way, she didn’t know what to do.  After all, she also worked with Joan, and didn’t want to create a huge problem.  It really hurt Cheryl’s feelings, as she thought she had made a real friend – not a fair weather acquaintance.  So as hurt as she was, she decided to gently fade away from Joan, a little at a time.  Joan still wanted to engage Cheryl in activities from time to time, but she was always busy or had things to take care of.

Those such as Steve and Joan are trying to use mixed signals as a way to control, limit, and define the relationship – in a selfish, inconsiderate way, solely on their terms.  There is no confusion or struggle within them.  They know the game and how to play it.  This is a huge power trip as they decide when and how things will be done.  With push me, pull me it’s always about them – not about you, regardless of how it is presented. 

You may feel wanted, needed, or important, but you’ll only be a vehicle for the other person’s gratification, duplicity, narcissism, and inconsistency in that most dreadful reality we’ve probably all been through of “push me, pull me.”  However, it is up to us as to whether we cut our ties, or stay in situations that have been shown to be negative to us.  When we walk away, we save ourselves literally from horrific life altering consequences that can affect our entire journey irrevocably.

Keep in mind that in Part 1 of “10 Undeniable Red Flags,” I intended to show that we can avoid negative and toxic relationships.  There’s no one or nothing up in the sky setting us up for a fall and for punishment.  It is us who makes these choices to accept an involvement with someone who will hurt us.  However, the red flags are always there for us to see: sometimes immediately, or within a reasonable amount of time so we can extricate ourselves from a bad situation.  It is up to us what we do with the red flags that come to us as a supreme gift from the divine universe that forever tries to watch over us, protect us, and guide us.  In the next entry, I will conclude this two part article. 

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

Topic: Seeing people for who they truly are
Goal: To seeing people realistically and clearly, so you can decide whether they benefit or harm your life, and whether they should be
included in your life or not.
 
I see the new people I meet clearly for who they are, making the right choices regarding their place in my life!

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.