Our loved ones on the other side
September 25th, 2009 by jim1537
When someone we love transitions into spirit, it can leave us with a gaping hole in our hearts and in our lives. It’s hard to grasp such an overwhelming and painful loss, unless and until we’ve lived through it. We expect the phone to ring with them being on the other end — or to come home and there they are, just like it used to be. But sooner or later, the reality kicks in — they really are gone…and gone for good.
We will no longer see them in the flesh with our own two eyes, say hello to them, have a conversation, go to dinner, or see them on the holidays anymore. The emptiness can seem as big as the size of eternity itself, with only our own alienating emotions, many of which are devastating, remaining with us. We miss our loved ones, and cry, as if a tape loop of pain and misery just repeats itself over and over again… What can we do to find a sense of internal peace with our life altering loss?
The first question I would pose is, “Are they really and truly gone? Is their “death” like the finale of a movie; the screen says “the end,” and then just goes black…? Is the story over with, like the last page of a book you’ve just finished…?” People use the word “death” in such a matter of fact way when referring to anyone leaving this earth. Also, death is the ultimate finality.
But from a spiritual perspective, a different word may say it best when our loved ones leave this earth; one that says it much more clearly — that word is “transition,” as when our loved ones have transitioned from their physical existence to the other side, where consciousness continues in a different way. Simply stated, they have moved on, and continue their existence in a new reality.
Think of your loved ones who have transitioned to the other side continuing their journey like the universe we see around us: grass grows, seasons change, flowers bloom and trees keep rising and tower above us. They don’t just return to dust – only the physical body does. Their consciousness continues on in a spiritual reality. And just like our relationships with people vary in the physical world, the roles our loved ones on the other side do or don’t play in our lives from the other side are multi faceted, with many variables.
Misconceptions and Falsehoods
I would first like to address with you the many misconceptions, erroneous concepts and falsehoods which people believe regarding their loved ones on the other side and their roles in our earthly journey. These clarifications are designed to offer an accurate perspective regarding the process of our connection to our loved ones in spirit.
1) – Our loved ones are with us and/or supposed to be with us every single day
This simply is not true. If they were meant to be with us every day, they would still be here. They have transitioned, because it was their time to move on, and our time to experience this separation as well. It can be thought of like a child leaving home to go to college. However, that does not mean that our ties with them are cut.
It would be like you living in New York, and someone you love moving to Chicago. Would you be able to see them every single day? Could they be there with you always? We would still talk with them on the phone, send emails, texts, etc. and indeed see them, but less frequently. Just like that person who moved to Chicago, when someone we love transitions into spirit, they are not gone forever, just not as much in contact with us as they may have been before.
Right after a person passes on, they may spend a lot of time around you immediately after they pass. Sometimes they need to still feel what they’re familiar with, to ease into their new spiritual journey. They may also want you to feel them to make the process of their transition easier for you. As time goes on, they should begin moving away from you and focusing on the continuation of their own spiritual journey. This would mean that contact with them should be lessened.
2) – Once on the Spiritual plane, our loved ones are enlightened
As some people here on the earth plane are spiritually unevolved, while others are highly evolved, it is the same thing on the other side. Just because someone passes over, does not mean that they are, or become, enlightened. That assumption cannot be made, in the same way one couldn’t presume that all human beings are either non enlightened or enlightened. As people always have the option to grow, so do spirits. While some spirits choose to grow and others don’t, this needs to be looked completely on a case-by-case basis. Often, a spirit comes through to us in a very similar way as to who they were here on earth and maintain many of their former personality traits; meaning if Dad was humorous as Dad, he may still be that way on the other side.
3) – Our loved ones become our master teachers and spiritual guides
Just because we may have a connection with our loved ones on the other side, does not mean that they are in a position to guide and teach us on a cosmic level. First and foremost, our loved ones would have to have the universal knowledge, wisdom and awareness to be able to be our master teachers – the equivalent of a PHD here on earth. Just because they love us has nothing to do with their spiritual awareness, and what they can offer to us as teachers on a spiritual level for our growth.
When they don’t or can’t come through to us
Sometimes, our loved ones don’t know how, or can’t, come through to us. As we would like to believe that our loved ones on the other side do indeed come through, there are certain cases however, where they don’t. Let me explain some of the reasons as to why.
1) – They may be sleeping or resting on the other side
Especially if they had a long-standing illness on earth, a difficult human life, or a tough transition, they may be in an extended state of rest. This would be for them to rejuvenate, let go of the attachment to what happened before, in preparation for their new spiritual journey.
2) – They don’t know that they can
Sometimes, a spirit doesn’t actually know that they can come through and connect with us. It may seem odd, as if one could ask, “In spirit, shouldn’t they know they can reach us here?” Not necessarily. If they were closed minded on the physical plane, and didn’t believe spirits could communicate with us then, they may still feel the same. Even though they are now in spirit, they still may not believe that spirits can communicate with human beings. Therefore, they don’t know that they are able to reach us.
3) – Have not yet developed the skills
The ability to come through to us from the other side is not a natural given skill. Unlike being born and naturally being able to breathe without being taught, spirits must learn, or already know how to connect with us. Our transitioned loved ones must have either: A) – Developed this skill set in another lifetime, or between former lifetimes and still have access to these skills, or B) – Learn these skills now on the other side from one of their master spiritual teachers. It is very similar to anything studied in school on earth: You have a teacher who instructs you, so you can learn.
4) – It may not be for the highest good, yet
For reasons we may not understand, it may not be spiritually for the highest good for a loved one to come through from the other side. It can be an issue of timing: You may need to deal with certain lessons on your own for your own growth before they are supposed to come through. There can also be lessons involved that are too complex for us as human beings to understand. What if both of you are to learn to separate, so that the two of you can learn a lesson of independence from each other? If the loved one in question was instructed by their master teachers to not come through and if they were listening to and following this guidance, they would heed these instructions, until the time may be right for them to reach out to you.
5) – They may not be ready to
Sometimes, if the relationship between you and them had been strained, negative or painful on earth, a spirit on the other side may not be ready to come through to us. Here, they may simply be being stuck and holding onto the negativity they carried over with them from when they were here. They may have not spiritually grown in such a way to put whatever negative happened between the two of you behind them, at least yet.
Often, a loved one who transitions may retain a great deal of the personality qualities they possessed when they were here as a human being. Leaving this world in and of itself does not necessarily reflect on one’s growth and evolution. Again, a spirit, just like a person, may either choose to grow or not to. In the same way we are not forced to grow here, neither are spirits on the other side. Hopefully, in time, the negativity will be gotten past, so that a positive connection can be established.
Why and when they do come through to us
One of the first questions you may ask is, “If our loved ones there do come through, does that mean that they can see us? Do they see what we go through in our everyday lives? Do they watch over us?”
Our loved ones on the other side certainly don’t watch or view our every move. Besides violating our privacy, it would not be appropriate for them or for us from a spiritual perspective to (in a sense) be eavesdropping on us all of the time. They, like us, are also supposed to be learning, evolving and growing. Remember, they are there and we are here. Even though the earth plane and the other side are interconnected, it is not as if our loved ones there watch our lives like sitting in front of a TV and watching every scene of a movie.
They may watch over us to a point; like a parent who’s child has moved out of the house, but is still in contact with them. The parent still plays a potentially protective role, but more from a distance, then in the way a parent would watch over a toddler. They may receive information from their master teachers as to the up and coming events in our lives. They will see certain things, perhaps the portions of our journeys that they are spiritually supposed to see, whereby they may be able to offer assistance to us if and when they come through. They themselves may sense if something is wrong, as the connection we have with them, although invisible to our physical eyes, does exist, and it can be thought of as a long distance telephone line between you and they.
With looking at how, when and why our transitioned loved ones come through, there are so many different instances and variables involved. Here, let’s look at these many dynamics:
1) – To offer love and comfort
Our loved ones will frequently come through to us to offer love, comfort and support, especially in times of stress and difficulty. Since we are familiar with their essence and energy, we are already connected to them; therefore, we can receive the energy flow they are sending to us. As they want to help us, they will send this energy toward us and since thought is reality, these “thoughts” of love they project toward us do indeed reach us, and ultimately, help us.
2) – To offer messages
Messages from our loved ones on the other side can be helpful to us, especially because they can assist us in our earthly journeys. These messages can be received by us directly:
- We may be able to hear them in our awake state, as in hearing the actual words or portions of the words they are offering to us. Even if we do not have the gift of mediumship, our special bond with a loved one on the other side may allow us to hear them, because of the depth of our connection and the openness we feel toward them.
- Coming to us in a dream with messages, where we may be more likely to hear them, as our normal daily defenses our relaxed and let down. In most cases when we dream of someone who has passed on, it actually is contact from the one we’re dreaming of.
- We may receive these messages subconsciously and not hear them consciously, at least at first. These messages will eventually filter up through the subconscious where we may hear them cognitively. Or we will absorb and process these messages energetically and internally, similar to the way our bodies absorb the food we eat, and utilize it correctly. Meaning, we may not consciously know what they have said to us, but on a deeper level from within, these messages help us in the way we direct our choices, acts, thoughts, words and deeds.
- Messages may also come through to another family member or loved one who is here on earth. A spirit medium can also be utilized, as sometimes we or those close to us are not able to receive these messages as that takes a special gift and skill, and/or we are too close to the situation to be objective and simply hear what is being communicated from the other side. Also, a medium may be able to pick up more specific information, especially if there is important and pertinent guidance that is time based to what is going on at this time in one’s life.
These messages can vary as much as their communication would have when they were still here in the physical world including:
- Issue warnings of danger and help you to avoid pitfalls, bad decisions and potential problems.
- Advise you to extricate yourself from negative situations, such as a destructive romantic relationship.
- Let you know of conditions to come, whether they are negative or positive, so that you can make the most of what life holds in store for you.
- Offer encouragement for you to make good choices, manifest your dreams, prosperity, and support you in building a positive journey.
- Helping to provide vibrational protection for us to help shield us from danger and harm.
- Positive prayers from the other side that assist us in our journeys.
In addition, there can be other messages that are personal to you and them to confirm their presence, which establishes a connection and strengthens the bond that has been there.
Sometimes our loved ones come through with their own unique stamp of individuality, which will represent qualities that would identify them to you as you knew them to be. It they were judgmental here, they may be there as well. If they were pushy when human, they may still be just as pushy over there, and if they were gentle when they were in the physical plane, they may come through with a gentle approach in their communication with you.
3) – To make amends
Sometimes there had been prior difficultly in the physical world between our loved ones (now on the other side), and us. When those loved ones have grown to realize that it is time to heal whatever issues and rifts had existed between them and us, they will come through with a healing message. They are not being stubborn about it anymore, or defensive, as they are ready to bury the hatchet, so to speak. This can involve an apology from them to us, or a sense of leaving the past behind. This type of healing is very positive, as it helps all concerned advance and move forward from a spiritual perspective.
4) – To be a “spokesperson”
If our higher teachers wish to reach us, they will sometimes have the messages relayed through one of our loved ones in spirit. Since we are familiar and comfortable with the energy of these loved ones, we are more likely to be able to sense, feel, and hear them. Also, we would trust them, so when their energy came through to us, we would be less likely to close off, shut down, or dismiss what was being sent to us from spirit. In a sense, our transitioned loved ones serve as being a “spokesperson” for the universal teachers who have the wisdom to guide us, because they lack the personal connection we have felt with those we have loved.
Spiritual Timing
The master teachers know when it is spiritually the right time for our loved ones to come through. Of course, these teachers know what is for the highest good of all concerned; therefore, they would guide our loved ones there to reach us here when they are supposed to. Since there may be lessons involved that we, as people don’t understand, the timing may be different than what we as human beings want.
There are many factors that need to be taken into consideration regarding the timing of a message: When are we ready to receive it – how does it tie into the lessons needing to being learned — and when will it be most helpful – and when is it spiritually the correct time? In the same way you wouldn’t drive a car at age 6 and you would need to wait till you were older and more mature, the same thing applies with when we should receive certain information from the spirit world.
When the time is right, spirit will reach us. It is our job to wait patiently, and then receive what does come through, knowing that God’s perfect timing will apply to when and how our transitioned loved ones connect with us.
What not to do
In the same way I just mentioned how we may need to be patient regarding the time frame of when a message comes through to us, there are also certain things we should not do regarding our loved ones who are now on the other side. It is important to understand the spiritual parameters that guide our relationships to our transitioned loved ones.
1) – Do not expect them to tell you want you want to hear
Often, we are looking for confirmation, or to have our own feelings reinforced by our loved ones on the other side. However, we can never expect this of them. Certainly, they are not connecting with us merely to parrot our own existing viewpoint – rather, they are coming through to guide us, help us and potentially enlighten our reality.
2) – Do not expect them to solve your problems
Often, we give a false power to those we love who are now in spirit, as if they are God almighty. Just like we are in a state of evolution, so are they. And in the same way we are in the driver’s seat of our journey, our transitioned loved ones are only passengers. We must always take responsibility for our problems and our actions and choices to hopefully resolve these issues. Our loved ones from spirit can assist, offer guidance, insight, love, and support, but they cannot solve our problems for us.
3) – Do not expect them to be more spiritually evolved than they are
We often assume that since someone is on the other side, that automatically means that they are high in consciousness – and potentially spiritually enlightened. This simply cannot be assumed. In the same way there are people of every possible level of consciousness on earth, it is the same on the other side. There are those who have not yet advanced, while others have taken the opportunity to grow spiritually. Do not assume that they have grown, as it would need to be assessed on a case-by-case basis.
4) – Do not assume what spirit will say to you
Do not pre-script in your mind what messages may come through for you from the other side. Such assumptions can limit what you are open to receive, and willing to hear. As spirit may often surprise us with insights that are not currently what we may relate to or understand, we must always approach any message from the other side with a completely open mind.
5) – Do not pull on them
This is perhaps the most important “do not” being addressed here. If we pull on our transitioned loved ones, we hold them back. By wanting them to be with us, near us and communicating with us all of the time or frequently, we get in the way of the divine plan. If our loved ones are in spirit, they are not supposed to be with us in our daily lives. By holding onto them and pulling on them, we actually prevent them from growing. Because they love us, they may feel obligated to try and accommodate our wishes, therefore, not move forward with their own spiritual growth. We should absolutely never pull on them, as they will be there for us if and when it is appropriate from a higher point of view – not just from the perspective of what we emotionally want.
Pets who have crossed over
For many of us, are pets are as close to us as our human loved ones. When our pets transition to the other side, it can be as devastating as a loss of a person we care for. Many of my clients have asked me, “Are my pets still connected to me once they’ve passed on?” The answer is yes, they still remain connected to us.
Animals cross over, and do go into a special place on the other side of light, love and supreme joy. They are present alongside other animals, and spiritual guides. (This may involve them being with the same animal friends they knew here; if your family had two dogs who crossed over, they would still be together.) Often, they run through the fields and do what you would think they would do.
Regarding us who are still here, they do sometimes come around the house, or in the back yard where they use to play. Often, my wife and I have seen our own transitioned dogs running through the yard, or being in the house, however, they are not always with us – just occasionally. As the love they feel for us is like a cord that connects us to them spiritually and forever, they still come back and forth to us in the physical plane, as they feel the same love for us.
The love that is forever
In the same way that our pets love us forever, so do our loved ones (once in the human form), who are now on the other side in spirit. Even though they’re gone from physical sight and our day-to-day lives, they are not absent from our hearts.
In reality, the eternal, indestructible and endless cord of love connects us to our loved ones on the other side. There are no barriers of time and space that can break that tie. It is absolutely unable to be broken…
And while there are many specifics as to why, how, and when our loved ones from spirit do and don’t come through to us, the energy – the constant flow of unconditional love between us remains with us for all seasons and for all of eternity. Think of it like an endless and eternal light that shines brightly through all of the passages of our lives – from darkness to confusion, to pain, happiness and elation! We are comforted by the love that envelops and supports us from the other side, in the same way we felt cradled as infants in the protective arms of those who loved and nurtured us.
And when they are supposed to help us, they will – when a message is supposed to reach us, it will be offered – as protection is necessary to shield us from danger and harm, it will be there – and most of all, we know that the love that has been built between us is not temporary; like our earthly existences that do come to an end, bur rather, as eternal as eternity is itself.
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Category: Life Lessons, The Psychic Process | 4 Comments »
