Voice of the Spirit

 Our dreams say so much - yet sometimes we think that they say so little. “Oh, I just had a nightmare, which doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got to get to work,” a man in a hurry to get to the office says.  Yet our dreams are a pathway to messages, understanding and even transcendent spiritual wisdom.  Many great visionaries and geniuses receive their visions in a dream.  Einstein, for instance, freely admitted that The Theory Of Relativity was not “his,” but that it came to him in a dream.

Yet, how many of us work with our dreams, yet alone even remember them.  Whether personal messages, problems we’re trying to solve at a deeper level, or literally seeing something as it may exactly unfold in the physical world, dreams are a mirror of the soul and a source of higher communication.  Below, I would like to begin to offer some tools of awareness for the very profound, yet often neglected process of dreaming and what it really means to us.

The Process Of Our Minds And Dreaming

Below, I would like to explain the different levels of our functioning minds and how that relates to sleep and dreaming.  It is now established through research that when we begin our sleep cycle, that we actually drift from our awake state of consciousness, Beta, rather quickly to Alpha, which is more of a light sleep, then through the deep sleep of Theta and on to Delta, our deepest level of sleep. 

About 90 minutes later, we drift upward above Theta into the Alpha levels.  Our bodies then lay rather still, as if we’re viewing something in front of us, while our eyes being to move rapidly beneath our eyelids.  This, of course, is called Rapid Eye Movement or REM.  At this stage is where our dreams take place.  After one to four minutes, the mind drifts back again into the Delta level only to repeat this process, with variations at ninety minute intervals all through the night.  This gives us each about 4-6 dreams per night, which is far more than most of us probably think that we dream!

Beta - This is our waking state, the state that is our conscious level as in going about our daily lives.  The Beta level represents our cognitive mind functions, say as in driving a car or getting dressed.  For lack of a better term, Beta can be referred to as our rational mental process.

Alpha - There are varying levels of the Alpha state, with the first being where the body is relaxed but the mind is still quite alert.  Then there is the level of being sort of in a twilight mode, where ESP and psychic flashes occur quite strongly and accurately.  Then, slightly deeper is the light sleep associated with meditation, trance and hypnotic levels. It is at this hypnotic level that REM, rapid eye movement occurs as we’re dreaming.  Often, we experience the twilight state mentioned above when we first wake up; we’re sort of here, (the physical world) yet we’re still sort of there, as in our dream world. 

Theta - This is the next level down, a stage of deep sleep where there is a type of dreaming referred to by scientists as non-REM or NREM.

Delta - Here is the deepest stage of all sleep and this is where physical body repairs are done. This level is highly therapeutic where extensive physical repairs and restoration actually occurs.  This could even clarify and shed light on the aging process in the elderly, since are bodies are said to renew themselves every night.  With this concept in mind, there may be no reason for any of us to age.  Since the elderly tend to be light sleepers, the lack of Delta sleep may actually explain the appearance of aging, which is perhaps, an illusion.  With the concept that we were are all created in God’s supreme and perfect image, ageless, timeless and permanently perfect, aging may merely be an illusion. 

Types Of Dreams

There are so many types of dreams, with multiple purposes and sometimes, what we may think is a dream is actually not.  Below, I will chronicle the various dreams we all experience and what they mean to us as individuals, and also shed light on what we typically think is a dream, but is reality, is something entirely different.

Pre Cognitive

A pre cognitive dream is showing you something, en event, an occurrence or experience that may indeed happen in the physical world, similar or exactly to as it is seen in the dream.  It could be called a psychic dream, in a sense.  With a pre cognitive dream, it can serve many purposes; showing you something so you are aware it may or will happen, so you can change it, or at the very least, be prepared to deal with it.  Precognitive dreams are spiritual in nature, as you’re seeing something first which occurs in the spiritual realms, before it drops down to the lower level of the physical plane, where we experience it as “reality.”  Some people are scared of these types of dreams, however, one never should be.  Two things again are in play; you’re having and remembering the dream because you’re supposed to.  You may be able to legitimately change it, so if it is bad, it can be prevented, but at the very least, you’re psychologically and emotionally prepared, even if it cannot be changed.

Here is an example of a pre cognitive dream that can be changed: John has a vivid dream where he sees his friend Susan in a serious car accident, that day, at around noon on a certain street.  John informs Susan that he had this dream and advises her not to drive on that street around that time and preferably, not drive at all on that particular day.  Susan heeds John’s warning and therefore, avoids the accident that was given to John through the dream as a warning, not as an immutable event written in stone.

Reoccurring Dreams

I think most of us have had a reoccurring dream for years, perhaps, decades.  I, myself, to this day, keep having a reoccurring dream of being in my senior year in high school, but by the end of the year, I can’t seem to graduate.  When we have this type of dream, it means that there is an issue within our consciousness that must be worked through and resolved.  It will keep coming to us until we’ve moved past the issue, which presents itself repeatedly in our dreams.  Don’t consider this to be an obstacle or stumbling block, but rather, an opportunity for growth where our dreams are showing us what work still needs to be done.  By healing the underlying issue, we are able to move forward with our respective journeys.

Symbolic Dream

Here, we see symbols, pictures and scenes that on the surface don’t make literal sense to us and may even seem surreal.  Symbolic dreams speak to us in code, sort of like Morse code.  One needs to determine what the symbols mean and sort out the messages and images of the dream.  It’s sort of like solving a riddle, or putting together a puzzle. These dreams are trying to communicate information and messages to us but we have to figure out what is being given to us.

For example: A spider that is green that changes to being red is climbing on the wall, then it starts to fly and changes into a smiling baby.  Now let me offer an interpretation for this dream:  The spider may represent something that is sneaky, insidious, poisonous and toxic (represented by the nature of spiders who can possess a venomous bite) which calls attention to a circumstance or situation that may be of this nature in the person’s life who had this dream.  The fact that the spider is green, then changes to red, can indicate the sense of “go” then “stop” as in traffic lights - green, of course meaning go, as in go ahead with something or that something is moving forward in one’s life, while red would indicate stopping, or something coming to a halt.  So, the situation, (negative) represented by the spider is moving forward in the life of the person who had this dream, but then it stops.  The fact that the spider is climbing the wall can indicate that the negative conditions represented by the spider that have stopped are now climbing higher or gaining momentum. Then, the spider begins to fly, which means that this situation it “taking off,” “lifting off,” and beginning to have wings.  When the spider changes into a smiling baby, it indicated that whatever negative situation that was occurring changes into something new (represented by a baby) and pleasant, as the baby was smiling.  As the conclusion of whatever the dream represents ends with a sense of a positive new beginning from something that ultimately seemed toxic, perhaps deadly.  It was going, then stopping, than lifting off and taking off and ultimately changes itself into something of a new and positive beginning.

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid dreaming means dreaming while actually knowing that you are indeed dreaming.  The term was coined by Frederik van Eeden who used the word “lucid” in the sense of mental clarity, meaning you mentally know that you are dreaming while doing so. Lucidity usually begins in the midst of a dream when the person realizes that they are not in physical reality, but are in a dream. Often this realization is triggered by the dreamer noticing some unlikely occurrence in the dream, such as flying.  Sometimes people become lucid without noticing any particular clue in the dream; they just suddenly realize they are in a dream.

The basic definition of lucid dreaming requires nothing more than becoming aware that you are dreaming. However, the quality of lucidity can vary greatly. When lucidity is at a high level, you are aware that everything experienced in the dream is occurring in a dream.  With low-level lucidity you may be aware to a certain extent that you are dreaming, but not enough to completely realize that you’re asleep at that time.

Nightmares

Nightmares are often like a person who shouts above everyone in the room so they will be heard.  Nightmares often come through in a way that is similar to a horror movie, so we are shocked in a sense into remembering this type of dream and looking at it.  We often will take note and analyze it because it startled and scared us.  Frequently, the message of the nightmare is not morose and morbid, such as being thrown off of a tall building, but something we simply need to take heed of and listen to.  Nightmares are not usually predictive or pre cognitive, but represent what you really need to take a look at - something that is truly bothering you.  What the nightmare is about, say, being murdered or burned in a fire, for example, is not really at all what the you’re suppose to look at as a conclusion to the meaning of the dream.  It is sort of like a shocking headline to a news story - it is designed to grab your attention, so you can actually look at the underlying content to really understand the story - i.e. the dream.

Garbage Dreams

Like somebody belching, garbage dreams are often the rumblings of our subconscious mind that need to vent, release or simply be acknowledged.  Often, these types of dreams don’t have a lot of clarity or clear message to interpret and may be there as a form of our own internal overload being released. Frequently convoluted and messy, these type of dreams are sort of like taking many conflicting ingredients and tossing them all into a blender and mixing them all up.

What We Think Are Dreams But Aren’t

Because we’re asleep, we may think that everything that occurs for us is a dream.  In actuality, many things happen when we’re asleep, besides dreaming even though we perceive these experiences as dreams, and here, I would like to explore some of those fascinating realities.

Astral Projection

Astral projection simply stated, is when our spiritual selves leave our physical body and travel through the spiritual realms to see, learn, experience, gain knowledge and to preview what may come into our earthly existences.  Every night when we sleep, especially if we have a full night’s sleep, we leave out bodies this way and astral travel, accompanied by our spiritual teachers and guides.   With astral projection, we embark on a fascinating journey of learning, exploring and viewing; places, events and possibilities to occur in our earthly realm.  Our teachers and spiritual guides lead us where we need to go to learn, protect us from making a wrong turn, (as in going somewhere we should not go to) as well as keep us safe.  When astral traveling, we are connected to our physical bodies by a silver cord that keeps us connected to our physical bodies at the base of our spines.

An example of astral projection that we may have thought of as a dream, is the sensation of flying above a city, seeing it, observing it while in our sleep cycle.  Another instance would be where you see yourself moving about a place that seems foreign to you, but at the same time, appears totally real.  If you’ve ever been jolted out of sleep, say by a loud noise, you might feel unsettled in your body, as if somehow, you’ve been twisted in knots.  That could very well be that you were jerked back into you physical body abruptly from astral projecting, therefore, you feel not put together right somehow, or contorted in a way, almost like wearing a size 6 shoe when you have a size 7 foot.

Dreaming Of Passed On Loved Ones

Often, people who are not open to receive communication and messages from loved ones on the other side dream of these loved ones.  If one’s defense mechanisms are set up in such a way to not believe their loved ones who are passed on can or would contact them, they need to be in a dream state to receive such messages.  While dreaming, their defenses and internal barriers are relaxed enough, so an open channel occurs for their transitioned loved ones to indeed come through.  In most instances, these are real communications from the other side.  Even if the messages are not totally clear, loved ones who have passed are often trying to come through.  It’s important to listen to what these dreams are saying, as often, their value can be of tremendous healing and help to those of us who are still here.

Going To School

We all go to school in our sleep cycles, where we are the student of an instructor, a master teacher.  Also, we may have more than one instructor, depending on what we’re in the process of learning at any given time.  Sometimes we are taught individually while other times we sit in a classroom with those who are also going through the same lessons and learning as we are.  From tackling our earthly problems, to spiritually based instruction, anything we may need to learn is taught to us in the higher planes while we are asleep.  This gives a whole different meaning to the term, night school. (LOL)  Here, though, we see that it is not a dream we’re experiencing, but rather, being in a spiritual school.  We may not always know consciously what we’re learning here, but what we learn in school is absorbed by us on a deep internal spiritual level, which through time, filters up through us to ultimately, our conscious minds and becomes assimilated.

Problem Solving

While asleep, our minds stay busy at work, finding solutions and searching for answers to whatever our challenges may be at the current time.  Whether working to repairs to our bodies, finding the right way to deal with a work related conflict or coming up with a perspective on a family matter, our higher minds are in a state of regular problem solving while our bodies lay in rest.  Since the mind never stops working, this is just another realm and reality of the tremendous power of our minds - so much more that most of us ever think.

Programming to have a dream to answer a question

Often, we just can’t find the answers we’re looking for in our awake state.  We need to look to our higher minds, where transcendent knowledge is ever present.  In this mode, we program ourselves to have a dream that answers our question.  Just like giving an assignment or a task to someone working on our behalf, they undertake this request and begin working on it.  The reason I say, begin working on it, is because often, it takes time to have a question answered through a dream.  In the same way a person working on a task may take days, weeks, potentially even longer to come up with a solution, the same thing occurs when we program our minds to resolve a question through a dream.  Be patient once you have done this!  Also, you can repeat the command to reinforce to your mind what you want it to do via your dreams to solve whatever issue is at hand!  Sometimes, the answers come in a very startling, surprising way - out of the blue.  Be prepared, though, as your question will be answered. 

Divine Inspiration

Many a great artist or inventor receives their creations from the other side while asleep.  What may be thought of as a dream is an actual channeling of divine work (paintings, inventions, songs) from the Godhead directly.  When these creations are given to any of is, they are a supreme gift from higher awareness and genius, for us to bring through into the physical realm, to be shared with the collective of this world.  Often, these individuals will awake with a work of art completed or nearly completed, as if is just is.  That is because it does already exist in the spiritual realms, and we, as individuals channel such work through our minds, abilities and talent into manifestations here.

Understanding and Interpreting Your Dreams

There are two aspects of dream interpretation; the personal and the universal.  There are some symbols that may be considered universal - that represent our collective, joined consciousness, such as water representing emotions in a dream. If you have a dream where it’s raining on you, this can indicate the present of intense emotions you’re going through regarding something in your life.  If you see a lake, and you’re in it, this can represent that you’re feeling consumed by a lot of emotion. 

However, the personal aspect of dream interpretation is far more important and relevant.  What does a dream mean to you?  It doesn’t matter if the symbol of a lion, let’s say, which would represent strength and courage to most, means something completely different to you.  What if you had been attacked by a lion at some point in your life? Then, a lion appearing in your dream would mean something entirely different to you then for someone who had never had that experience.  What you feel personally about understanding your dream trumps and overrides what is considered to be universal.  For example, seeing Jesus and assuming it means a spiritual and loving presence may not apply to an atheist.  Therefore, it would indicate something different to that person.  Always, ask yourself, what does this dream and its parts mean to me?  Connect the dots, piece by piece, if you have to.  You will figure it all out!

Here are some tools for interpreting and understanding your dreams:

If you don’t remember your dreams, say this affirmation, which will help you to recall your dreams:  “I now remember my dreams as I am supposed to, giving me the information I need to make my life and the lives of those around me better!”

Remember, not recalling your dreams means that some part of you is blocking what your dreams are - in a sense, being shut down and closed off.  Learning to open this channel within is like plugging the phone in to receive phone calls that have been trying to get through to you.  There are many relevant messages waiting!

As you remember your dreams, write them down.  Keep a dream notebook or journal and make sure to write down what you dream.  Preferably, keep this pad and pencil or pen next to your bed, so you can take note of your dreams when you first awake.  Often, the details of a dream fade from consciousness rather quickly, so grab it while it’s hot, so to speak.

Dreams speak to us on many levels.  For example, you can look at any dream as you being all people in that dream.  Different people can represent different parts of your consciousness as well as different feelings and aspects of what you’re going through.  For example, if you dream of your Mom, your Dad, your brother and a co worker, here is a way to view this:  Your Mom can represent the nurturing maternal part of you, your Dad can represent the masculine and assertive aspect of your energies, your brother can represent your internal sense of support and being your own ally, while a co-worker can indicate the feeling of working with yourself as in internal teamwork.  Even if the dream consists of multiple people doing many things, you can be seen as all people in your dream doing all things, and interpret from that vantage point.  Think of it that the different people and actions in a dream represent different parts of you and your varying reactions and actions that you may feel and / or do.

If you’re not sure what a dream is saying to you after you write it down, run it by a friend.  Someone who understands you will be able to help piece together what the dream is saying, as they know your uniqueness and can see the dream more objectively.

Program your mind to tell you what a dream means to you.  The answers will come, often, when least expected and in a flash.  Here is a good affirmation:  “My higher mind clearly shows me what my dreams mean to me in ways that are completely understandable and clear.”

Also, if you’re having a problem that you just can’t seem to solve in your awake state, program your dreams to do the work and give you the answer!  Here is a good affirmation: “My dreams now solve the problem at hand, giving me clear answers immediately!”

Don’t worry - the answers will come. Also, reading different books on dream interpretation can be helpful.  One of the best is Wilda Tanner’s The Mystical, Magical, Marvelous World of Dreams.

All in all, dreams are a divine tool for transformation, growth, enlightenment and higher understanding - one which most of us, unfortunately neglect or only deal with ever so randomly.  Make exploring and understanding your dreams as important as what you put your mind to when you’re awake.  After all, approximately one third of our lives are spent sleeping and there is a great treasure of knowledge and insight in our sleep and the mysterious pathway to transcendent understanding known as our dreams.  Dream speak to us - a voice from within and far beyond, giving us awareness, insight, knowledge and a preview of all that is to come.  It is said that nothing happens in our lives - nothing at all, without us first previewing it, seeing it in our sleep and dream cycles and accepting it.  Learn to listen and take heed of your dreams and all that they mean, as you will then know so much more that is and what is to potentially come.

It’s a classic spiritual and religious image; one we’ve all witnessed in person or seen in a movie, photo, greeting card or television show — a row of burning candles in a church glowing against a more subdued background — the presence of the eternal flame of the prayers of those who light these candles, all with their personal petitions to God. The divine flame that reaches to the heavens and propels our prayers to the Godhead; in a sense – igniting our thoughts and wishes!

Candle burning is an ancient practice in both the conventional religious sense and in esoteric spiritual practices. Almost everyone who lights a candle has an intention in mind – whether to perhaps heal a loved one or manifest a blessing, candles become the externalized fire that represents the internal inner flame of our immutable spirit.

I remember as a boy seeing the candles in the Catholic Church I was raised in and feeling the hypnotic sense of getting lost in the flame – gazing and mentally morphing into the fire in a slow, trance like fashion, as if to lose myself in the glow. As I became spiritually trained later down the road, I learned that candles serve a highly valuable purpose in us manifesting – not just in an abstract way, but quite literally!

A Matter Of Principle

Candle burning can be a wonderful tool for manifesting great positive blessings for any of us. It’s unfortunate though, that candle burning sometimes has a bad reputation. I would like to caution those of you who don’t know what to watch out for regarding candle burning, as most of us who have been taken advantage of in this type of situation, were at a vulnerable point in our lives. Sometimes, certain unethical readers exploit clients regarding the potentially very positive use of candle burning.

“Oh, I have special anointed candles and I will burn them for you under very unique circumstances,” a reader says to a client. “Well, how much will it cost,” the client questions? “Well, I hate to charge for something that is spiritual and directly from God, but it does take a lot of time,” the reader says. “Well, I really want my boyfriend back and you promised that you CAN reunite us,” the client affirms. “How much will it be?” “I would have to say about five thousand dollars,” the reader says. “I really can’t afford it, but I must have my boyfriend back,” the client decides. “OK then, I’ll come up with the money.” “You’ll be very happy, honey, with the end results,” the psychic promises.

As you’re reading the exchange above, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Does this type of thing really happen?” The answer is yes, it sometimes does. Some of you may have been victimized by such scams yourself. Also, don’t just think it’s the initial five thousand dollars that covers the entire bill. Presumably, more candles need to be burned, at increasingly higher costs – “The woman he’s with is manipulating him to stay away from coming back to you – I’m having visions of this! We must do something more powerful — It will take everything I have and I don’t want to charge you, but I really need ten thousand dollars to bring him back to you,” the psychic emphasizes. Of course, eventually, this type of rip off crashes and burns, (pardon the pun) with the client left in financial disarray and shattered dreams.

Remember, if money is involved, be extremely careful. Some ethical psychics may charge a reasonable amount of money to burn a candle for you, but the cost must be fair, with no hidden charges. Some very caring readers will burn candles on your behalf and for your loved ones for free with no costs whatsoever, as part of offering their services to you. This can be a wonderful gift. However, if there are large sums of money involved, run the other way.

The Rules

First, you can always burn candles for yourself, which I’ll explain ‘how to” below. However, there are certain circumstances where someone else can burn a candle for you. If you’re afraid or emotionally charged in a negative way about something, it may be better to have someone else light the candle for you. Why? If you have fear and negative energy regarding an area of your life, say finding the right lover, you’ll very potentially send out that fear when you, yourself light the candle, which brings back to you exactly what you don’t want. If you’re not centered about something, them another individual may be more beneficial to burn the candle for you, such as a trusted loved one, or an ethical psychic or spiritual person.

Secondly, it is bad karma to use candle burning to attempt to manipulate the free will of another as mentioned above. It doesn’t matter what you may be feeling, or how intense the emotions are, or what the spiritual rationalizations may be – trying to twist someone’s arm metaphysically creates negative karma for all participating in such an act. You should use candle burning to bring in the blessings that are yours by divine right, not encroaching on someone else’s life or their choices.

The Divine Gift of Candle Burning

Candle burning, if used properly, is a wonderful tool from the divine universe, as a gift to us – to help us manifest our positive dreams – not dreams that interfere with the lives of others. We deserve blessings, but not at the expense of others or ourselves. Below, I would love to share with you the ancient practice of candle burning and the simple instructions and “how to’s” to use candles to assist you in manifesting your highest blessings, with no negative consequences! Whether career, love, health or a variety of other dreams, I would love to share with you the reality of what candles can do for you!

How To

First, it’s important to know the “how to’s” about candle burning. Even though these instructions are not tedious and labor some, (say as in assembling a bicycle) the guidelines are important, so please follow! Once you’ve lit a candle, always let the candle burn to the bottom and let it to go out on its own. Why? Burning a candle is a prayer – literally. Imagine if you were in the middle of saying a prayer and suddenly you abruptly stopped mid sentence – “I now affirm that God brings me t…” That prayer would not be finished, so it wouldn’t be a completed request to spirit! Therefore, it is of utmost importance to burn your candle all the way to the bottom to complete your petition to the divine universe. If you can’t leave a candle continuing to burn to the bottom because of safety reasons, then get a small little votive candle that only lasts for a few hours till it goes out on its own. A less positive option and one to use only if you have to, is to pinch the flame gently or snuff the candle. This is not the best thing to do, but if in a rare instance you have to, do so, but don’t make a regular practice out of it. Then you can relight the candle later.

The intent, the purpose for which you’re burning the candle and focusing such intent, is critical. As you prepare to light your candle, tune out all thoughts other that the desire you’re trying to manifest. Focus this end goal in your mind’s eye. As you ignite the candle, focus on the flame and hold that thought clearly in your mind and see that thought becoming one with the flame.

Some people like to “dress” their candles by anointing them with oil. The oil is rubbed into the candle wax and as you anoint your candle, you’re thinking of the purpose for which this candle will be burned. Most metaphysical bookstores, sell both oil and candles, and many of them will dress your candle for you for free.

You are always better to start off with one candle and progress from there. When beginning to manifest through candle burning, one candle, which represents one prayer - one thought - one desire, is something that we can all grasp. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time, focusing all of your energy in that area. You never need to burn more than one candle of the same color at any given time. If you’re burning a white candle, for example, lighting multiple white candles does not make your candle prayer stronger or more effective.

Regarding multiple candles of different colors, (for example: pink, gold and blue) you can sometimes burn more than one candle, but I would recommend starting with just one color in the beginning. Once you’ve began manifesting from the one candle, (this may take multiple candles of the same color, one at a time, over a period of time) you can then do two candles, then move on to perhaps, three. However, I would not recommend to ever go above five different candles burning at the same time.

Also, certain colors of candle wax go together and others don’t from a spiritual perspective. The reason I say wax, is because it is the color of the actual candle wax that determines the “color” of the candle. Each color has a different manifestation / manifestations in your life. Below, I will explain what colors work together – and want colors cancel each other out and are not to be burned at the same time. As far as how long to stay with burning candles, that is entirely up to you. I have been burning candles on and off for over twenty years. A good rule of thumb, though, is to minimally try burning the same candle or combination of candles for at least one month straight if you’re trying to manifest something into your life.

What if you light a candle and it burns for a short while, then goes out on its own before burning all the way down to the bottom? Should you light it again? No you should not. This simply means that the energy and prayer is complete, so the candle went out on its own, as no more energy from the flame is needed to manifest what you’re trying to bring into your journey!

Colors

First, it is important to not burn red or black candles. Some psychics may disagree, but I highly advise you to never burn a red or a black candle. Let me explain why! Some will tell you that red represents passion, hot sex and intense romance. What they fail to also tell you, though, is that a red candle can also bring violent sex, such as rape, an explosive, volatile and dangerous romantic partner and physical violence to you. Also, it is not a good idea to burn red candles for the Christmas holidays, as the divine universe doesn’t make an exception to the significance of the candle color, even for holidays.

With a black candle, it represents evil. Some psychics will say to burn a black candle to negate negativity – to counter attack evil. I absolutely disagree. It’s like saying to do more cocaine to stop cocaine dealers in your neighborhood from dealing drugs. Burning a black candle will summons evil energy and dark entities and even though you may think that you can direct this darkness in the way you want to, it is not so! It would be like saying that you can invite an alley rat into your home and somehow direct this creature to carry out your wishes and commands.

The colors that you should burn are mentioned below. It’s important to know the correlation between the color of the candle wax you’re burning and what these colors mean from a spiritual perspective. What areas of your life will be benefited from the color of the candle you light? Since each color affects different areas of your journey, below is a guide as to what each color represents metaphysically, what these colors can do for you, when to use such a candle and which candles are compatible with each other:

WHITE:
Manifests: Pure divine spiritual energy – Spiritual cleansing and healing – The presence of God’s sacred purity.
When to use: To get rid of negative spiritual energy – To spiritually cleanse your home of negative spirits and neutralize evil in your life - To being about a higher vibration of pure divine love – General healing.
Goes with: Any colors but green and brown.

YELLOW:
Manifests: Represents creativity and intelligence - Connects to clairvoyance, cosmic wisdom and learning – The power of the mind.
When to use: To enhance creative energy – Promotes insight and inner wisdom - Strengthens the mind.
Goes with: All colors.

ORANGE:
Manifests: Very good for healing coughs, colds and asthma as well as arthritis and exhaustion – Promotes personal strength, authority and power.
When to use: For any respiratory healing – Creates enthusiastic energy when needed.
Goes with: All colors.

GOLD:
Manifests: Physical safety - Takes away negativity in the physical sense between people — Brings about overall success - Good for legal issues.
When to use: When there is tension, bad blood, or disputes between people - Brings overall success in one’s life and physical safety - Creates physical peace between rival parties - Promotes positive legal outcomes.
Goes with: All colors

PINK:
Manifests: Happy times - Pleasantness - Wonderful new people - A soul mate relationship - Brings everything to its highest good in your life.
When to use: To bring in your divine romantic life partner, positive people and “up” times - Creates an overall sense of everything in your life manifesting for its highest good.
Goes with: All colors

GREEN:
Manifests: Money
When to use: When needing to manifest money.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BROWN:
Manifests: Career
When to use: When looking for a new job – Promotes advancement in your work situation - To manifest a better career in general.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BLUE:
Manifests: A peaceful home - Centered emotions – Physical health and healing.
When to use: When needing to bring peace and safety to your home – Promotes centered emotions – Creates overall physical health.
Goes with: All colors

LAVENDER/PURPLE:
Manifests: A deeper connection spiritually, especially when meditating.
When to use: For meditating - Entering a deeper inner spiritual level within – Enhances the cosmic connection.
Goes with: All colors

A little note! You might wonder why a white candle doesn’t go with green or brown. The answer is clear. White represents pure divine spirit, transcendent of the material plane, while brown and green represent the material plane. White is cheapened and compromised by being burnt with brown or green and should not be done!

Here’s a little example of how to mix colors:
If you were wishing to manifest money and also wanted a new career, you would burn a brown and green candle together. In fact, brown and green go extremely well together, like a hamburger and fries. In addition, you may wish to bring about more success in your life. You can add a gold candle in as well and you would be burning three candles at the same time.

The Eternal Flame

As we work with candle burning and begin to see the positive benefits and results from such a universal tool, we should always remember that the power of the flame is eternal, perpetual and endless. We feel the burning and fire of our inner spirit – when we’ve desired something – something that is for our highest good and we made it happen! This fire cannot be extinguished – it must burn through till we achieve victory! Whether becoming healed, getting a college degree, meeting our right life partner…We drew upon the eternal flame within us and carried out our mission. Candles and candle burning augment the fire that is already within us – amplifying, projecting and strengthening our prayers, wishes and requests, like a singer who’s singing into the most powerful microphone and sound system so their voice is heard in the heavens! Never forget, the divine universe receives the fire of this ever-present flame and envelops it in infinite spirit — and grants our petitions — eternally for the greater good of all!

© 2008 Jim1537.  All Rights Reserved.

What actually is cheating… doesn’t everyone already know what it is?  Having sex with someone other than the person you’re with, right…?  Being unfaithful, you know, seeing someone else on the side behind your partner’s back, c’mon - strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands behind your lovers back, a man’s mistress, that dangerous bad boy toy on the side for a bored housewife…

But you might be surprised to learn that so many people have quite varying and diverse standards as to exactly what it is to cheat.  It’s obvious that everyone would agree that someone who is secretly having actual sexual intercourse with another person than who they’re in a committed relationship with, does constitute infidelity.  But what about those who engage in just oral sex without intercourse - kissing and touching?  Does flirting pass the test?  Cyber sex on the internet, exchanging lewd pictures…Does even the mere thought and sexual fantasy of someone without any actual physical activity rise to the level of infidelity? 

I’ve had clients share with me that they were more devastated by their spouses “emotional cheating;” meaning the sharing of emotional intimacy with someone who they did not have any physical sex with, as opposed to their partner simply having sex with another, say a one-night stand.  Many clients have claimed to me that receiving oral sex does not rise to the level of infidelity, and that cyber sex on the internet is safe, clean and of no harm to their lovers. 

Any or all of these criteria can be looked at in any number of ways, and for the purpose of this writing, all of these realities may be included and considered.  Each of you, as the reader, can decide, perhaps in a mix and match way, which, or how many of these above-mentioned issues you consider to constitute infidelity.  In every partnership, the two people need to set the parameters of the relationship and what defines infidelity. When one or both people step outside of the agreed to parameters, it constitutes infidelity.  With that in mind, let’s look at some of the reasons why people are unfaithful.

What does infidelity really do to a relationship - does it end it flat like a wrecking ball knocking down a home and destroy people’s lives permanently?  Does it sort of get swept under the rug, overlooked, sending the relationship into a strange kind of limbo?  Could it even be a vehicle for healing and growth, as in learning from our mistakes, facilitating a renewal of the bond people share?   Here, I would like to address various reasons why people are unfaithful, and their respective repercussions on relationships in the short and the long run.

“John, why are you cheating on your wife?  She’s a fantastic woman, great to look at, sexy, totally into you, and adores you,” a buddy questions?  “Because I can,” John flatly responds, as so many unfaithful men do.  John is your most stereotypic type of cheater:  arrogant, wants the thrill of the chase and the catch, feels it’s his birthright as a man to go out there and do what he wants, is full of himself, all the while wanting to have his cake and eat it too.  Certainly, John would never be the sort of guy to put up with his wife doing the same, or care about what he’s doing to her: from a health perspective, betrayal, and the emotional and psychological damage she will incur if and when she finds out. 

This type of infidelity usually has nothing sympathetic attached to it; it’s not as if his wife won’t make love to him, or that she’s disrespectful of his dignity, so therefore he needs to find someone who can be there for him - this is selfishness and uncaringness at it’s strongest and most flagrant.  It’s like a bully who picks fights just to flex his muscle and establish dominance and power over others merely to self gratify his ego.

With this type of cheating, it’s very hard to stop a man like John; it’s not that his wife is the problem at all - but once she finds out about his dishonest ways because or picking up a sexually transmitted disease from John’s continued stepping out, she becomes devastated and says:  “I failed as a wife - I must not be pretty enough-Certainly I don’t satisfy him sexually.  If I did, why would he have to look somewhere else?”

Wait a minute, though - this woman is not looking at the motive behind John’s cheating - it’s none of those things she feared about herself.  This is John’s enormous and self-centered arrogance at play.  You could give him the most attractive model in the world who’s totally into him and he would do the exact same thing to her.  It is about him, not about his wife.  In short, there’s nothing wrong with her as a woman. 

In this instance, her self-esteem gets destroyed, her self-image as a woman goes dramatically downhill and she loses her ability to trust.  With this scenario, it is most likely that sooner or later, the marriage between John and his wife will simply end - but it’s not that simple.  Due to John’s infidelity, his wife has had her self esteem flatlined, may go into a serious tail spin of depression where she becomes obsessed with not being good enough, legitimately has a health crisis from the physical act of the cheating, looses her ability to trust John, other men, and even life itself.  The repercussions here are absolutely devastating.

Let’s look at Allan, another married man, who is not the continual cheater as in the case of John.  In Allan’s case, he’s an example of a person who sometimes takes for granted what they have at home, gets bored, and carelessly slides into an affair.  “It just happened.  I wasn’t looking for it,” Allan sheepishly explains.  “Maybe it’s because my wife gained ten pounds.  I don’t know.  I just wanted something different.” 

Here, unnecessary pain is incurred by his wife who didn’t see it coming, has to decide whether to view this as an isolated incident or a long-term pattern, and must struggle with the proposition of rebuilding her trust in her husband who she has always believed in.  Extra work is created here, with damage that is quite palpable and hard to totally repair.  It’s like a car that was in an accident - the car was not totaled but there’s significant damage.  How easy is it to really bring the vehicle back to the condition it was in before the accident?

Sometimes a woman has tried everything they can to make their relationship work.  Fighting being ignored, dismissed and disregarded, the person does their best to hang in and hope for things to get better.  After their overall needs, especially their intimate ones have not been met for years, even decades, they being to look elsewhere, or at least become open to someone new.  “I never wanted to cheat on my husband, but this new guy talks to me, cares about what I feel and need, so I couldn’t help myself. “I‘m falling in love,” a wife at the end of her rope explains. 

Here we see how the husband has neglected his marriage to the potential point of no return.  The possible cure may be too late.  Before things went this far, the husband could have probably repaired the union, through increased intimacy, being attentive to his wife’s needs, and simply being a husband.  As a reader, I have very seldom seen a marriage damaged to this degree ever repair itself and last. 

The husband may have not seen it coming even though one could say that through his neglect of his wife, he helped to set it up.  It’s still easy for him to be quite upset, though; perhaps if the wife came to her husband first, before anything much developed with the other man, this blow could have at least been somewhat softened.

Beyond that, there are those instances where a relationship, even a once happy marriage, has run its course through two people legitimately growing apart and either one, or both people finding someone new, even through infidelity.  As complex as these situations may often be, in the end, moving on seems to be the best thing for both people who are no longer satisfied together.  It may be indeed better if the ties are severed first, then new lovers are found, but often, things don’t evolve in such a tidy and clear-cut way.  Sometimes, while still being married, a new relationship for one or both parties facilitates and motivates the actual end of the stagnant and miserable marriage.  All in all, both parties end up happier apart.

Serial cheaters, such as John, mentioned above in this writing, are unlikely to ever change. Why?  It’s a simple answer — they don’t want to.  It’s like telling someone who loves his or her alcohol and can’t wait to order another drink to stop drinking and go to AA.  They have no desire to; just like John, who won’t even entertain the idea of stopping cheating.  However, for those who slid into the affair as in the case of Allan, there may perhaps still be a chance to fix things, as his actions have not been a repetitive occurrence and happened carelessly, even clumsily.

For those who get found out only ‘cause they got caught, and falsely, often dramatically pledge their loyalty to their partner, cheating is likely to occur again.  If the motive of the cheater is to keep their primary partner in their lives, but still have action on the side, all of the tears in the world are completely disingenuous and false - even theatrical camp. 

For example:  “Jim, he’s a man.  You know, men do cheat.  Whatever he does out there in the streets in his business.  He comes home to ME every night.  Plus, when I found out, he even cried.”  My response is that criminals also cry when they get sentenced; is the reason for their tears because they feel empathy for their crimes and victims, or because they know they are going off to prison?  The answer is obvious…

This type of rationalization just keeps this mess going - till any number of things can and do happen:  outside pregnancies, health risks and things falling apart.  Here, the woman is going to blow it off, live in denial, obfuscate the issues, and continue to go along with it, as if she was driving a car blindfold down the street.  A crash will certainly occur.

It’s hard to put into words the atomic, destructive, frightening even deadly consequences of infidelity: From anger, rage, hurt, loss of trust, betrayal, financial collapse, even suicide and murder; cheating often turns people’s lives upside down - almost always not for the better.

In a perfect world where lovers tell the truth to each other, things are infinitely much easier, regardless of the long-term success or failure of a given relationship.  And in certain instances, a marriage can be saved, even after infidelity.  Where there is remorse, there can be forgiveness and things can be fixed.  When there is accountability without excuses, one can change for the better while learning from their mistakes.  There are times where people do heal, grow, and rebuild what they’ve invested long and hard into.  The keys are:  accountability for past actions, remorse, the commitment to change for the better and the sincere attempt to repair the damage already done to your partner!

If one is truly wanting to make their relationship work, the best thing to do is to always tell the truth when it comes to infidelity and potential infidelity, preferably before cheating.  Even if people separate, there is a much more likely chance for people to move on successfully in their future relationships. Honesty also allows certain relationships to be saved, everyone’s lives mad more peaceful, devastation avoided, with everyone’s dignity remaining intact and most of all, a better bond built.

What is it really to know something - to know anything?  Does it mean that we grasp in our minds what it is…is that enough?  Perhaps that we can tell others that we indeed know it - and verbally explain it in great detail? 

To mentally “get it” is only the very tip of the iceberg of the surprisingly deep and complex process of knowing.  There are so many layers to get through to really know: from our conscious mind, through our emotions and feelings, defense mechanism, ultimately all the way down to our subconscious mind.

When receiving a reading, what does one think they know?   Do certain clients believe that they already have the answers?  If they don’t “get” what the reader is saying — do they listen…become closed off…interrupt - even argue…?  When a message seems absolutely implausible, is it time to dismiss that information as being false..?  Even telling the reader that they’re dead wrong…?

The Conscious Mind - Beginning to drill for oil

Like the surface of the ground we begin drilling for oil on, knowing something in our conscious mind is only the very beginning of that knowledge and we barely scratch that surface by only mentally processing.  For example, how many people can look a friend straight in the eye and tell them that what they’re doing is wrong?  Whether refusing to work, stealing, lying, cheating on their partners, the person can admit that their deeds are absolute acts of wrongdoing.  So why don’t they stop, then?  Presumably, one can say that they “know it.”  After all, they are admitting the “bad” things they are doing.  In short, it’s because they don’t know it emotionally; on a deeper level and down to the core of their being.  The same situation holds true when receiving a reading.  If the client already thinks that they know, they are not going to be open to what comes through in a consultation, which severely ties the hands of the reader behind their back.

When having a reading, many clients will stop a psychic dead in their tracks and say, “I already know what you’re telling me.  We don’t need to focus on what you’re saying at all.”  However, the reader didn’t know what the client already knew - they are picking up this information for the very first time.  By stopping the reader cold, they are preventing themselves as a client from a deeper sense of knowing!  Why?  Because the reader is establishing a connection with the client, which strengthens the spiritual synergy between both parties to allow helpful and wonderful guidance to be revealed!  Plus, the psychic is establishing that they are legitimately tuned in and picking up the client’s situation accurately which should always be appreciated during a session.  Also, the person may miss deeper insights and an alternate viewpoint the psychic may pick up.

In addition, clients will tell a psychic to stop reinforcing something, as they have already heard it said to them before in prior readings.  “I already know what to do,” they may state.  “Why is this being brought up again?  Can we change the subject?”  But reinforcement is absolutely necessary, especially when a client is working on a difficult lesson; a life lesson.  When life lessons are involved for any of us, we never “know” quickly.  Rather, we need to process, work and continue this “drilling” process, till we finally begin to break through the surface (beginning to learn our lesson).  This process can take a long time, from several years to decades.  By the client refusing to hear the “same” information again, they are thwarting and stunting their own growth.  Think of how therapists work with their patients for extended periods of time on a single issue.  If it is karmic, one must be diligent in their pursuit of healing (actually knowing).  Especially if the psychic sees the person is still doing the exact same things that they have done in the past.

In this instance, it is so important to realize that helpful information and guidance needs to be repeated and reinforced for one’s own growth and higher good. This is never a waste of time, but rather a positive utilization of the time spent in consultations!  With each session, new pieces of the puzzle are put into place.  Then, we can begin to drill beyond the top of the ground and hopefully start to break through to the nest level — all that we feel.

The Emotions - Drilling deeper

Feelings are tricky, just like beginning to go below the surface of the ground we walk on when drilling for oil.  As you delve deeper, you may not always be able to see where you’re going.  You’re starting to make that inward journey to your feelings, with all of their intensity, duplicity, confusion and raw power.  When receiving a reading, a client’s emotions may want themselves to be shut down and close off.  Why?  Because if we stay shut down and close ourselves off, we won’t have to look at or change our current emotional frame of mind even though change is exactly what we need.  We can still feel the same, which is what we’re familiar with and used to, allowing us to stay quite comfortable and on familiar ground!   We must always listen and be open when receiving a reading.  This way, all that we need to heal our lives has an open channel to come through!

Often, clients hamper a reading by interrupting what is coming through from heavenly spirit.  As a psychic is beginning to explain what they’re receiving from spirit regarding a relationship situation, the client interrupts, “What about this work situation I have going on that I wanted to know about.  Tell me what’s going on there!”  This completely breaks the flow of the reading, as this type of interruption causes a reader to feel like they’re being jolted out of their seat while sitting calmly still.  In addition, it proves to be a great disservice for the client, as they then won’t receive the messages that were beginning to be offered to them in their session.  

A client’s emotions cannot be in the driver’s seat, or a reading becomes analogous to letting a wailing toddler get behind the wheel of the car and throw you, the adult in the passenger seat. “Jim, I have never felt so strongly about anything like this.  I know what I feel is true.  My feelings don’t lie,” a client proclaims!  Here, we see the emotions of the client trying to seize control of the reading and make the consultation exactly and only what their feelings allow it to be.  Here, the client insists that their emotions are to be validated as gospel truth.  However, when any of us are receiving a reading, what we feel about our situation may not be real!  Especially because our deepest and most complex feelings tie into the issues we confront when receiving a reading.  Our emotions are at often at odds with the actual spiritual truth our souls yearn to hear - the truth we need to listen to. That spiritual truth is always present in higher mind - the God mind that a reading channels information directly from!

As obvious as a question as this may sound, it needs to be asked: “If one already feels that they know the answers, then why call a reader?”  Some want to have their own emotions fed right back to them verbatim to validate what they currently feel to be true.  Others use readings to reinforce their already existing emotional point of view.  However, the real reason one should call for a reading is to receive divine guidance and insight from a higher source, designed to help us grow!  That growth will challenge many of the feelings we currently possess.  The key, though, is always to listen.

Listening is an art.  What does it mean and what does it take to truly listen?  It means to have an open mind and heart to allow the advisor to correctly do their job!  This means to listen to the information without prejudice; a preconceived belief system based on already existing emotions and attitudes.  It takes humility and an unassuming mindset to truly listen.  When receiving a reading, it is always better to not think we know, versus being obstinate and over confident.  By trying to have a childlike innocence and receptivity, we can really receive such a plethora of helpful guidance and insights in a consultation.

Defense mechanisms - Drilling through dense and difficult ground

Our defense mechanisms are our trusted bodyguards; our knights in white shining armor, there to protect us, defend us, keep us alive and never let anyone or anything ever harm or hurt us again!  If we’ve been hurt before in love, then our defenses won’t let anyone in, or if we partially let someone in, we’ll avoid intimacy and commitment.  Why?  Because the old energy of fearing that we could get hurt again is summoned to protect us.  It’s as obvious as putting your hand on the stove and it gets burned.  Why would you put it there again?  If we’ve been lied to, then our fears tell us to never trust what anyone says to us anymore, because we might be lied to again, right?  Before, we had a dream in our career, but we failed.  So now, our fears keep us from taking chances and avoid going for it again!  Armed with an arsenal of defenses, avoidances, fears, strategies to protect us, we are kept safe… by running away, throwing good people out of lives, to attacking anyone or anything that threatens this self protecting armor.

When we’re receiving a reading, our fears and defenses do absolutely factor into the session.  First, on a cosmic level, our fears and internal blocks must be gotten through, to heal ourselves and free our lives from the chains of these old derelicts.  The reader is being guided to help “drill” through tough and dense ground (as in working through stubborn and resistant old fears within the client).  In addition, the defense mechanisms of the person receiving the reading may motivate them to attack the reader, as in shooting the messenger.  These clients will try and find a way of making the psychic wrong, as a way of empowering and validating their defenses and fears.  In this way, proclaiming a reader as inaccurate allows one’s survival mechanisms to go unchallenged and remain in control!  It’s like someone telling a friend who is drinking too much at a club to not drive home intoxicated with the response being, “Leave me the hell alone! I’m just fine!”

In this instance, a client argues with the reader, which completely ruins the session on all levels.  Since the psychic process is quite delicate, it is like someone (the client) stomping and trampling through a lovely flower garden.  It is easily destroyed and the spiritual connection is broken.  Here, nothing is accomplished as the reader and the client both lose out.  The psychic loses out because they are not being allowed to do their job.  However, the client suffers even more, as their time and money is wasted and they are not in any better of a position in their lives from this type of action.

I remember picking up on a relationship situation for a woman filled with defensiveness and fear.  I saw her man’s first name initial, height, build and brown hair color; that the two of them had been back and for about a year as well as picking up his line of work, which was in banking.  The client confirmed that the information I was receiving was accurate — but then the problem happened.  I also felt that the relationship would end in about 6 months, partially due to another woman who was currently in his life.  Her defenses immediately became engaged and she said: “There is absolutely no way that what you’re saying could be right!  There is no other woman!  I know what he’s doing all of the time!  I know that he loves me!”  She then dismissed the reading, proclaimed how inaccurate and negative I was, turning all of her anger on me.  Here, she snapped into survival mode; the same survival you would feel if you were being choked to death.  In that instance, you would fight back with everything you have!

However, a reading is hardly a life-threatening situation!  There is really nothing to be guarded about.  As a session should simply be an open forum for predictions, guidance and insights to be shared, we need to work with this process.  If we aren’t open, we keep adding more bricks to the already existing brick wall of our defensive fears within us - those energies that prevents us from striking oil - from breaking through to our subconscious mind, which carries out faithfully whatever is inputted into it without questioning.  Once we’ve reprogrammed our subconscious mind, victory can be ours!

The Subconscious Mind - Striking Oil

So many clients express frustration in a reading because what they want has yet to come true: “I’ve been working on things for so long and nothing has changed!  I do my affirmations! I know what I want!  I am open to my dreams!  What’s wrong?  Just tell me when it’s going to finally happen?”  As I deeply empathize with their frustration, it’s important to note that the client is dealing with a long term, or life lesson - one that ties into their overall spiritual growth.  When receiving a reading in this instance, a psychic cannot answer a life lesson question with simple when and where answers.  It simply doesn’t work. 

Here, you might say that the above-mentioned person has been trying, so why haven’t things worked out for them yet?  It is because they haven’t yet “got it” emotionally yet; they haven’t broken through to the core - their subconscious mind.  It will take consistent and patient effort to work through the actual emotional energies, then through the difficult protective defense mechanisms, to finally reach and reprogram the subconscious mind!  Remember, whatever the subconscious mind holds, it carries out, without the ability to differentiate between right and wrong.  Once reprogrammed, it will carry our your commands - new and positive ones!

How do we know, then if what we’re asking about in a session is legitimately a life lesson?  If it is an issue that you’ve dealt with problematically for an extended period of time, something that compels you over and over again, or makes you want to run for the hills, it is probably a life lesson.  Sometimes, instead of working on the lesson, it’s easy for people to ask multiple psychics the same question in consultations:  “When is my money situation going to finally get better?  I’ve been struggling for so many years.”  Often, the same prediction of it getting better within a reasonable amount of time is offered, but then these predictions don’t pan out.  As alluded to above in this writing, we must work through our emotions, defense mechanisms and fears to finally manifest our dreams.  In short, we have yet to “get it” emotionally. One way of saying it is that “You’ll need to learn the lesson to strike oil,” which is the dream in question.

When having a reading, let whatever comes through from infinite spirit help guide you to reach your destination.  You already know it mentally; you’ve felt and acknowledged your feelings and now have been “drilling” through the old defenses to get there.  I remember a client asking me in a session, “How will I know if I really get it?”  What can I expect to happen?”  Once you really start to “get it,” there will be change in tangible terms.  To some noticeable degree, the change for the better will begin to manifest in physical terms - what we call reality!  For example, if money is the issue, once a real sense of prosperity has broken through to our core, the money situation will improve, at lease to some noticeable degree right then and there!

Often the final conclusion is about a deeper knowing - in your gut! The same way you’ve felt when you’ve made an absolute and positive decision - no one or nothing could stop you!  Whether it was to get your college degree or lose weight, you went for what was right!  And it worked!  Remember the times in your life when you couldn’t be stopped - in a positive and beneficial way to you and others!  Feel that passion, that desire and the sincere commitment to your dream… and then, let it all go! 

Don’t hold it back by holding on to it too tight!  Release it like you release a series of beautiful rainbow colored balloons into the sun filled spring sly!  Watch your dreams rise to the heavens, breathe a sigh of relief and know as much as you have ever known anything that it is going to all work out!  You no longer need to worry!  It is now completed fact in divine mind and real to us on earth.

 Many people utilize psychics to specifically tell them that things are indeed going to change for the better.  Demanding names, physical descriptions, dates and locations, it’s as if all answers are to be written in stone.  These clients limit a reading to merely yes or no responses; the words “if,” “possibility” or “maybe” don’t exist.  By a client wanting a reader to look at their journey in completely black and white terms, no grey tones are ever acknowledged.  If a psychic doesn’t provide those types of validations, then they are viewed as inferior, negative, not accurate or simply wrong.  When a reader uses the word “if,” it is simply disregarded by these clients.  I have to say that as an advisor, these are the most frustrating types of consultations to give.  Why?  Because life is hardly ever made up of only black and white tones — yes or no answers. 

A reading is a mirror of the pathway that one is currently on and any consultation is based on that road.  Often that pathway needs to change for things to open up in the way the client wishes them to.  In short, it is the client themselves who must change to get what they want.  Since this is often tied into one’s karmic and spiritual lessons, the change is mandatory and not optional for one to manifest their heart’s desire.  The client must grow to get the prize, like studying to do well on an exam.  It is often as clear as the analogy of someone asking when they are going to lose weight as they continue to overeat.  Never forget that a person’s expectations of any reader cannot trump or override the eternal laws of the universe, as life is a series of choices, possibilities, forks in the road and lessons.  Below I would like to address how our need to change manifests in 5 different areas of our lives and what we can do the affect that change for the better.

Money

Money equals vision - the size of our vision.  Whether tiny or as big as the endless skies, how big is your financial vision?  In the Bible, it is stated, “I will give you all of the land that thou seeth.”  This statement applies to money.  You will receive the amount of money you can envision and see.  How much money do you envision?  What are your financial expectations and limitations?

If you expect to be broke, you will stay that way.  We all have heard people complain about being broke.  Some people state it everyday.  What they may not realize is that the more they say it, the stronger it is affirmed and therefore, it becomes a reality.  You might ask, “Doesn’t that seem cruel?  Shouldn’t God give them a break if they’re struggling financially?”  What is important to note is that our reality is largely architected and sculpted by us.  It would be the same thing as wondering why God doesn’t take the wheel of someone driving drunk and recklessly before they crash.  We are in the driver’s seat of our lives, literally and figuratively!  To improve our financial situation, we need to first change our choice of words, by no longer ever saying that we are broke, period.  That alone will change one’s financial situation immeasurably.  By no longer putting it into the power of the spoken word, a tremendous amount of negativity is alleviated from our financial reality, which only helps us monetarily!

Don’t wish for something, you might just get it!  I have heard many clients first ask when their finances are going to improve. Then they tell me that they just want enough money to get by.  I immediately ask them, “You mean to say that you want to be able to pay your bills and then have 20 bucks to go to McDonald’s afterwards?”   In that context, it is quite sobering to hear.  Right then and there, I’ve seen many people change their relationship to money in a heartbeat.  “Jim, I had no idea how I was limiting my wealth through saying such a thing,” one responds.  Let’s replace the initial “Just enough to get by” wish with this request: “I want enough money to be free of lack and limitation forever!”  That change will immediately put into motion prosperity and abundance for all of us!

“I wish someone would give me a financial gift, cause I don’t have enough money to give anything to anyone else,” a client states.  “When will someone do that for me?”  Here, the client has this statement flipped around.  In metaphysical terms, what we wish to receive is what we need to give to someone else.  That will open the door for a monetary blessing to come back to us!  In this instance, one change that would open up finances for this client is to practice tithing.  Giving 10% of one’s income away charitably is a great way to bring in financial abundance to us!  As the great spiritual master Florence Shinn herself said, “To start activity in one’s finances, begin tithing.”

Ask yourself, “Do I deserve to be wealthy?”  If your answer is “no,” or “not really,” then immediately being reinforcing that you do deserve to be wealthy!  If your response is “yes,” but money has not yet come to you, keep reinforcing that you are deserving of prosperity, every single day!  In this instance, it just means that there is still a part of you within that feels unworthy of money, based on low self worth.  It may perhaps be unconscious, but the barriers need to be completely broken through internally to open the floodgates of prosperity for you!

Career

Are you doing what you want, what you love and dream of, or is work just that necessary evil to pay the bills and put food on the table?  Most of us will spend at least one third of our lives working, so it is always best if we love our work, as then it becomes play.  In the simplest of terms, I always recommend for people to do what they love doing and the rest will come; as in the advancement, money, fulfillment and recognition.  Gratitude and appreciation must be at the core of what you’re doing, to really be successful in a substantial and long lasting way. 

However, what is the solution when we’re doing something we don’t like - or worse yet, something we hate, even detest?  What if we don’t know what we want; yet we still don’t like what our current career is?  This could lead people to simply say, “I just want to make a lot of money!  I don’t care what I have to do!”  That type of attitude doesn’t work.  It’s like someone saying that they’re going to start singing today to be rich and famous right away.  They wouldn’t get too far!  The first thing we need to do is to create change, both internally and externally to make our dreams come true.

If you dislike what you’re doing, but don’t really know what your divine calling is, I would recommend to start with this change:  1) - Call upon God’s divine guidance daily to reveal to you your divine career pathway and show you what your perfect career is.  This is important, as you’re surrendering the burden to infinite wisdom.  It may take a while, but sincerely ask for this guidance everyday!  Then, sit back and just wait for your answers.  Don’t look for them, as that can create false leads.  The correct opportunities will come when they’re supposed to as correctly timed by divine mind. 

2) - While you’re waiting for the answers, begin practicing gratitude everyday for the job you currently have.  This is a change I would strongly recommend.  You might question, “Even if I hate it?”  That is precisely why you should build gratitude - because you do hate it!  This way, you turn lemons into lemonade, so to speak.  By developing a positive attitude about whatever it is that you’re currently doing, you open the door to receive more blessings.  Why?  Because negative brings more negative and positive brings more positive.  Make that change by swinging into a better attitude to manifest new career blessings! 

3) - Be willing to take the right steps in physical terms: job interviews, searching all that is available, asking people for leads and knocking on doors!  In short, don’t let your dreams just sit there and turn into pipe dreams.  Turn these dreams into reality by putting yourself out there.  Don’t just do this impulsively or intermittently- do it consistently!  The universe loves the steady energy of us working every day to reach our goals!  This change will be quite powerful for you!  It’s OK if you experience multiple rejections!  Most multi millionaires have failed in business before hitting it big!  They didn’t give up and neither should any of us. Also, start researching ways to make money doing what you like to do!

4) - “I can’t wait any longer.  Nothing seems to be going anywhere in my career,” a frustrated client says.  It’s important to change our attitude in this instance and truly be patient.  Some times tried and true clichés make the point: Rome wasn’t built in a day!  With patience, it allows God’s split second timing to come into play.  Frequently, our timing is based on, “I want what I want right now,” like a child demanding a toy!  However, God’s clock may be different than ours because often, many factors are in play that we could never humanly comprehend or control.  Leave the day, month and year to a higher power!  Also, while you’re waiting for things to unfold, make the change to start giving it your all regarding whatever you’re doing right now.  The divine universe loves a person of positive enthusiasm and will reward you for such enthusiasm.

Ultimately, we shall find the career path which is our divine calling, utilizing our unique one of a kind gifts.  We should always appreciate how we are able to offer our special talents to others, as what we do must benefit, serve and help others.  This way, what we bring to this world through our work is a Godsend for all concerned!

Family & Friends

Friendships, like anything in our lives, need to be maintained.  We can never sit back and expect a friendship to just take care of itself.  If we do, sooner or later, things will go sour.  When we find ourselves being frustrated with our friendships, we must make the changes that are necessary to improve things with those we know, while at the same time, being open to new people who are good for us.

I’ve had many people ask me, “Jim, when am I going to meet some new friends?  I really feel alone in this world.”   Often, as I look at a person in this particular situation, it’s because in reality, they choose to be by themselves.  Even though they may feel lonely, they are comfortable in that aloneness.  Why?  Because they don’t have to give, take a chance of getting hurt again, or sacrifice for others.  In this instance the phrase “To have a friend, you must be willing to be a friend” rings so true.  Often, it’s past hurts and disappointments with others that shut us down.  It’s easy to close ourselves off and find a negative type of solace in being by ourselves; an unhealthy sense of comfort - but eventually it wears us down.  However, we must be willing to make the right changes:  we need to be sincerely open to meeting new people and commit to giving of ourselves to others.  This way, the right people have a doorway to enter into our lives and even if we encounter a few duds at first, good people will make their way into our lives through time.

Sometimes people get frustrated with the friendships they have.  They may feel that their needs and feelings are being ignored and not met.  Little by little, each disappointment builds until a crisis point is reached.  We can’t just bury what we feel and still expect to maintain a friendship in a healthy and reasonable way.  The cornerstone of changing this pattern is through communication. As every friendship has crossroads, crisis points and areas of conflict, we must learn to communicate our needs and address our concerns.  It is exactly in the way these areas are resolved that largely determines the success we will have together.  There is no guarantee as to how each individual person will react to hearing about our frustrations with the friendship we share with them. 

However, we must at least try, because if the person responds favorably, our friendship with them can improve.  Not only does the bond strengthen, but also as people, both parties grow through acknowledging each other and working through conflict together.

Acknowledging those in our lives and being acknowledged is quite powerful.  When any of us are acknowledged, we feel important, special, validated and worthy!  Part of that acknowledgement can be in the form of an apology!  Whatever hurt has occurred, a sincere “I’m sorry” from us or to us is a very healing gift!

In the instances when someone doesn’t receive our concerns openly, we see the limits of the friendship.  We can try and bring about change by voicing our needs and concerns, but it is impossible to force someone to be considerate and listen to us.  It can feel like we’re running into a brick wall, but then at least we know where we stand.  That let’s us determine if it’s worth it for us to: stay in the friendship, set partial limits and boundaries, or completely separate and move on in a different direction in our lives.

As the physical world and all of its affairs are ever evolving, sometimes people just grow apart.  “What happened?  How did we get here?”  Just like you might have had a great little playmate when you were 6 years old, now as a grown adult you no longer have anything in common with this person.  That is OK!  If they were meant to still be there, they would be.  Holding on to what once was, only holds us back!  In these instances, there is nothing that can be done, expect to bless whatever was once there, let it go and hopefully, both parties will move on to more fulfilling friendships.  This change of attitude frees us to enter the next chapters of our journey with new people.  We should always try to be cognizant of all we’ve learned; take the lesson and throw the rest away (meaning the emotions) and by all means, be grateful for all that has been shared!

Even though we pick our family members before we enter an incarnation, we may choose them for lessons other than living happily ever after in a “Leave It To Beaver” household.   Family relationships are often quite complex and it is seldom that anyone gets along famously with everyone in their family.  With these ties being karmic and tying into our past lives, we must realize that there are lessons to learn!  If we’re dissatisfied with members of our family, it is important to look at what changes we can make for the better. 

We can and should try to voice our concerns and needs to our various family members.  Especially since we will be family for this lifetime, countless episodes, experiences, consequences and results will occur between them and us.  Certainly how they respond to us will shape our relationship with them, sometimes in a subtle way, while other times dramatically.  We can only do the best we can and there is no rulebook as to how close or distant we should be with our family members.  These relationships are karmic and must be looked at on a case-by-case basis.  A good guideline, though, is to always try and live by the rule of treating yourself lovingly while treating them lovingly.  Respect is a two-way street!  However, sometimes our deep and intimate emotional needs are simply not able to be met by our family members.  In this instance, God will bring us those who do fulfill us and in that sense, anyone who loves, nurtures and cares for us fills the void left by unfulfilling family relationships!

What all members of a family need to learn will evolve in the same way the plot line of a film evolves - one scene at a time.  As the plot unfolds, it becomes clear what it is we’re here to learn together, our tasks, goals and multiple purposes!  With love as our guide, whatever is the higher purpose becomes the foundation of our varying and often complicated family ties.

Love

Most, if not all of us have been hurt or disappointed in love before.  Even though our pain seems unique to us, we have all been through it in one-way or another.  So many clients ask the million-dollar question, “When am I going to meet the one?”  Although phrased so simplistically, this question often has a very complex answer.  However, one word sums up the basis of the answer:  change!  It is often us who need to change to bring in the right partner.  These changes are not optional; they must be completed to manifest the relationship God has waiting for us. 

1) - Change your emotional expectations.  Based on what you’ve been through before, you do have internal expectations within.  They may be good or bad, even complex, but if you listen without prejudice, you’ll see what your true beliefs are.  If past hurts are not healed, there will be an expectation of disappointment again.  Since it’s what you know through your experience, it becomes what you believe your future holds in store for you.  This must change.  How do we make that happen?  First, we must acknowledge openly what we really feel!  Not just keep asking multiple psychics when “the one” is coming in, all to no avail!  As we acknowledge what we feel, we can replace the negative expectations with positive ones - that indeed our love lives do work out!

2) - Let go of negative lovers.  Negative lovers are poisonous - yes, we learn from them…yes, of course, everything in our lives is a learning experience.  God doesn’t condemn our choices and we have free will to do anything we want…but wait!!  Is the goal to simply experience, or to find happiness?  If the goal is indeed to find long lasting joy with another, we must release and let go of negative lovers.  With each negative lover, it’s like gaining weight.  It you gain 5-10 pounds, losing it is quite doable.  However, if you gained 50-100 pounds over many years, it becomes a serious crisis.  The same destructive effects happen to us through multiple toxic relationships. We become angry, bitter, closed, cynical, self destructive, guilty and caught in a cycle of much heartache.  The sooner harmful unions are let go of for good, the less work, time and healing that has to occur by us to effectively make that change and meet our divine partner!

3) - Open your heart.  Most people I read for who are yet to be in a successful relationship truly believe that they are open - open to love - open to commitment.  They will even argue and defend their position.  “I am absolutely open to love!  I just haven’s met the right person yet, so when are they coming in?”  However, in reality, many are not open to love at all.  It is a smokescreen.  The fears within (based on unresolved past pain) create a protective wall, a wall designed to keep love away!  The former disappointments cause us to go into survival mode, which means that from a knee jerk perspective: love=hurt.  Therefore, love must be blocked from coming in because it will wound us.  A person in this instance either attracts no one, or people who are not really open and never offer a commitment in return. 

This change I’m about to mention is perhaps the most important of all!  Everyday, work on releasing, forgiving, blessing and letting go of all past lovers where negativity and pain have been incurred!  Then, work toward pronouncing out loud everyday that you are open to love and commitment with your perfect divine life partner!  This may take time, as one would be working through a great deal of baggage and a wall with a lot of bricks that built it!  However, don’t give up, as reaching an openness to love from within is the greatest key to bringing in someone wonderful! 

Don’t magnify obstacles!  That’s exactly what your defense mechanisms want because then you can’t get hurt again:  “There’s no one good out there” - “Good lovers are hard to find once you’re older than 21″ - “Where can I meet anyone good anyway?”  “It’s been such a long time!”  But you’re not looking for a lot of lovers!  You’re only looking for the one person who is right for you!  Do not lose sight of the fact that the right person is indeed out there.  But we must unlock the door that we have padlocked (even if we don’t consciously acknowledge or know it) for so long.  That is the change needed to literally change everything! Of course, consider opportunities to meet people as they present themselves.  If you’re looking to pro actively connect with new people, always remember to not get pulled into something negative for you.  The red flags will be there!  As you pass on lovers who are not right, you allow God to have an open door to walk through with the partner who is truly for your highest good!

Health & well-being

If you’ve read my former writings, I’m sure you would have noticed that I put a great deal of emphasis on what comes out of our mouths.  Here, though, I would like to shift that focus to all that we put into our mouths!  Of course, we’ve established that what comes out of our mouths in terms of our words, does change reality - literally.  But what about all that we ingest?  It also changes reality; in ways we may take for granted.  “You are what you eat” is an old mainstay, but how true it is!  I’ve had many clients voice concerns about their health, while at the same time not taking into account all that they take in. 

What is food really for?  Is if comfort when we’re depressed; eating a box of chocolates to ease our frustrations?  Is it there for indulgence; super size, bigger, more..?  Or is it simply there for keep our bodies alive and well?  Like a car needs gasoline, we as physical beings need food for fuel!  Of course we can enjoy at the same time, but our first and foremost concern should be eating healthy and reasonably!  Just like you wouldn’t put dirty or contaminate gas in a car, why would you poison wondrous body!  Many of us diet, than gain the weight back - only to diet again.  Besides the emotional frustration we incur, this roller coaster ride does not promote overall health and well being.  So what do we do then?

We often say that we need to go on a diet.  It sounds like doing some prison time.  But diets come and go.  We must change our relationship to food and change our eating habits and become friends with foods that are nutritious and good for us!  By changing our relationship to what and how much we eat, we being to promote a healthy body!  After we’ve redesigned our eating habits, in addition, we need to emotionally come to terms with what motivated us to eat the way we had in the first place!  Once we alleviate the actual behavior, we should then get to the root cause of why we did so in the first place, as sometimes we just don’t know why.  

Along with our dietary change, exercise is a Godsend.  Whenever God gives us something, there is a reason for it - a profound purpose.  Just like a bee has a stinger and the roots of trees grow deeper in the ground, our bodies serve a functional purpose.  Whether it’s our eyes to see, ears to hear or our legs to walk, we should never take our God given body for granted.  Exercise gives a body respect, pride, health and well-being!  Try not to get so lost in your head - and think that dwelling on the physical is somehow unevolved!  We are in the physical plane! 

Regarding alcohol, cigarettes and recreational drugs, I would recommend for anyone to try understanding why they’re involved in these various habits.  Coming to terms with the reasons why we get into certain habits, helps us to gain clarity, insight and allows ourselves to make new lifestyle choices!  Just like food, though, even if you decide to physically lessen or stop a practice, you must get to the psychological and emotional core of what motivated this behavior.  It is never just a random choice, like driving down highway 1 or 2.   It reflects on who we are, our issues and what we need to heal to achieve the overall health we divinely deserve!  Keep in mind to look at yourself lovingly and without judgment, as you’ll be working through delicate internal issues.

Besides our physical habits, health and well being are completely interwoven into our emotions.  As the great spiritual teacher Florence Shinn said, “For every disease, there is an emotional correspondence.”  We never get sick at random.  For every effect, there is a cause.  Here, we are the cause, helping to create our own illnesses and our internal states of being, even if we don’t realize it.  I’ve seen countless numbers of clients manifest serious illness through not healing their emotional natures and indulging in negative thinking.  The body is the canvas and our emotions and thoughts are the colors and pictures we paint.  Even “rational” doctors today acknowledge that emotions do indeed play a part in our overall health and well being.  In the most obvious sense, serious stress in our daily lives raises blood pressure, for example. 

I remember a female client who made negative choices for a 13 year period where I was reading for her. Back then, she started dating a very uncaring much younger man who took advantage of her financially and cheated on her.  At the time I warned her to get rid of him, as I felt this relationship would have long lasting negative consequences for her.  Unfortunately, she didn’t listen to this warning…It hit me that it would damage her self esteem and for the 2-3 years they “dated,” the damage was done.  His negative and disregarding treatment of her caused to her to really start feeling bad about herself and “not good enough” as a woman.  That led to consistent lower self worth, which began affecting her work and income.  As she was self employed, she started attracting clients who treated her disrespectfully (a mirror of how the above mentioned man treated her) and her income started going downhill.  As this cycle continued over the years (because the original problem was never healed), her income started dramatically plummeting.  This caused her to get seriously stressed. With that stress and the accumulative effect of all of this pain, she couldn’t manifest new and positive clients very well, or any real money as she was in a negative internal state.  All of the combinations of these stresses ultimately lead her to getting seriously ill about a year ago, to the point where she feared dying.  Here, we see how the body is the recipient of emotional choices and from my point of view, all of this suffering could have been prevented, by making positive emotional choices.

It is good to affirm heath and well being everyday, as without our health, what do we really have?  I remember a movie scene were a very rich aging mobster says that he’d give a couple of million dollars just to be able to feel OK for a while.  Here is a great affirmation:  “I am in a constant and perpetual state of complete heath and well being in all parts of me!  I thank God for every blessing I have!”

In addition, we must heal whatever is the root cause of illnesses or any other lack of well being!  Often, the cause doesn’t seem to be related to what our body is experiencing.  For example:  I remember someone experiencing serious indigestion!  I felt that this was due to not appreciating what they had and repeatedly complaining about their life!  That complaining created the indigestion being experienced.  When this person started affirming gratitude for their life and stopped the complaining, the indigestion went away!  What I’m mentioning here are wonderful tools to aid in healing, without any side effects!

As love is the perfect healer of everything and all, we must become a complete circle!  When we love ourselves, love everyone, cherish everything and pronounce gratitude every single day, we have given ourselves the greatest gift of healing imaginable!  For every choice based on love, we contribute to our overall heath and well being!  When we choose fear, resentment, self pity, rage, resentment or any negative emotion; it is like putting repeated doses of poison in our bodies - literally!  We can’t afford to hate anyone or anything, even if it just for the sake of our bodies!  Make unconditional love your foundation, your calling card and best friend and the world with all of its wondrous dreams will be yours! 

Believe me, I know, that changing yourself is the hardest thing that you will ever do!

You already have the tools you need and the lessons are right there in front of you!

If you can take the first steps to change yourself, you can create what you dream of in your life!  Remember, you do have the power! 

People are exactly who they are

When we look at the various people in our lives, do we ask ourselves, “Who are they,” or do we pose the question, “Are they who we want them to be?”  Whether it’s our lovers, children, siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers or anyone for that matter, what are we expecting from others?  Beyond that, what do we have the right to expect - from anyone in our lives?  Below, I attempt to address the opposing conflicts of people being who they are, versus who we want them to be.

First impressions don’t lie

Whether we are aware of our intuition consciously or not, when we first meet someone, we get a gut feeling about them.  It is not conscious or thought out!  It is instantaneous.  What we feel about someone may not make sense at the time, but it is always right.  Our intuition speaks to us with a truth far beyond what outer appearance say about a person. “When I met him, I couldn’t stand him,” a woman recalls.  “But then later, I fell in love with him.  I thought he would change for the better, but he never did.  He turned out to be every bit as bad as I first felt he would be the day when I met him.”  But what happens when we don’t listen to our first impressions?

In the 1960’s there was song by Al Wilson called “The Snake.”  The basic plot line of the song was that a woman found this half frozen snake and took it home to warm it up, nurture it and try to love it.  After stroking its skin and giving it a kiss, the snake returns the favor with a vicious poisonous bite.  The woman is terribly upset, yet the response of the snake is cynical; however truthful:  “You knew I was a snake when you took me in.  What did you expect?”

This story clearly illustrates “the snake” is following and living up to its true nature; it is being who it is.  What was the problem, then?  It was the woman’s expectations: wanting “the snake” to behave in a certain way and expecting it to be grateful to her because she saved it.

There are three pertinent issues here: 1) - Our inability to see people for who and what they really are.  2) - Our expectations that people will treat us in the way we feel we deserve to be treated.  3) - Our expectations that people should treat us in a certain way based on what we’ve done for them or our feelings for them.

See people for who and what they are

If someone looked at a trailer, closed their eyes and asked themselves if it was someday going to become a big beautiful mansion, what would the rational response be?  “Well of course not.  It is just a trailer and will never be a mansion,” would be the obvious answer.  The same thing can be said regarding people.  When you look at a person, you can ask, wish, hope and pray that they are going to be someone or something that fits your needs and wants - but is this really true?

When looking at anybody, you must look beyond your own emotional expectations.  This may seem difficult to do, but it is not if you keep one thing in mind; simply look at the facts.  What does this person say to you?  What do they do?  How are they behaving toward you?  Don’t base your perception of the person in question on your personal needs being fulfilled.  Just look at reality.  A person who never contacts you is not trying to build a connection with you.  Someone who won’t return your phone calls is not developing communication with you.  Someone who ignores you when you pass them by is not really open to a relationship with you.  

Also, don’t romanticize what this person may have been through in the past.  Often, we fantasize that someone has been severely wounded or hurt, as a way of giving them multiple excuses for their behavior regarding us.  It’s as if their negative behavior toward us becomes explainable and excusable if they’ve been “hurt before.”  In my experience as a reader, almost all of the times when I’ve seen someone make excuses for another; it is false and has little or no basis in reality.  As sobering and emotionally frustrating as it may be, the facts speak volumes and shouldn’t be ignored!

Don’t be surprised by someone being themselves

Often we seem to be surprised by someone behaving in the way that they do.  Appearing startled, it’s as if we pretend that we didn’t see it coming.  “Why did my sister treat me this way again, always ignoring me and not returning my phone calls,” a brother questions?  However, is there really anything to be dumbfounded about here?  For most of his life, his sister has ignored him over and over again.  It would be as if every time you ate a certain food, it made you nauseous, but each time it was eaten, you would seem shocked by this occurrence.

Like the old phrase, “a leopard doesn’t change its spots,” his sister has demonstrated the same patterns continually!  So why is her brother surprised, then?  Because he is holding onto the hope that his sister is indeed going to change.  With that hope as the basis of his perception of her, reality becomes like a splash of ice-cold water in the face upon waking.  Since he wants his sister to treat him well so badly, he is willing to exchange hope for reality.  This sets him up to feel like he was blindsided by a truck while calmly driving down the highway.  It’s not that he didn’t see it coming; he chose to not see it coming; therefore, each time that he is disregarded, he goes through the same painful reaction, like scratching an old wound open once again.

If every time you drove down a street full of potholes, your car hit them and damaged the alignment, would you keep driving down the same street?  Illustrated in this way, it almost seems silly to repeat the same choice; but it is indeed the same scenario to set up this predictable emotional hurt again and again.  Instead, if he decided to acknowledge who she is and adjust his expectations accordingly, it sets him up to be much less vulnerable to her negative treatment.  This frees him to first feel better about himself by not allowing her to keep repeatedly victimizing him. 

We can pick our friends, but we obviously can’t pick our family.  Family relationships can be complex, frustrating and are often karmic.  While there are no easy guidelines, I think it’s important to keep certain things in mind: First, you can try to let your family know your needs and see if they are responsive to them.  If they are not open to or considerate of your needs then one has to decide how much to keep the door open.  One can minimalize various family members, but because it is family, it should be decided carefully and on a case by case basis.  In rare instances, ties may need to be dramatically reduced based on issues that simply don’t get resolved.  Always keep in mind, though, that they are simply being who they are, not who we want them to be.

Don’t expect them to change based on your love of them

Love is unconditional.  Real love is without expectation.  Pure love is the highest form of acceptance imaginable!  However, the kind of “love” we’re referring to in this writing, for lack of a better term, can be called “self interest love.”  With “self interest love,” it is that sense of getting what we want.  Unless our desires are fulfilled, we experience the downward spiral of disappointment that first started with fantasy and hope.  Once we realize that he or she isn’t really ever going to change based on our feelings for them, it can be devastating.

“If I continue to love him, I believe that someday he will love me in return,” a woman firmly states.  Here we see how our own emotional expectations define what we believe to actually be truthful about the outcome of a relationship situation.  For any of us who are not involved in those emotions at the time, we could comment on how inaccurate her statement appears to be.  It’s as if she has decided that this is the way it is - end of story.  It’s all based on believing that her love is going to work the miracle: change him, draw him to her and cause him to ultimately love her. 

One could counter with the question, “Why should she love him if he won’t ever love her back?”   Let’s take the question further: Why does anyone love anyone if it won’t ever work out?  First, when we do emotionally commit to someone, we never know the outcome.  However, there is a big difference between hoping someone will love us in return, versus expecting them to do so!  The woman mentioned above has created an expectation sort of like the sureness that most of us have that the sun shall rise in the morning.  Well of course it probably will, but we should refrain from having that same sureness regarding another person giving us what we want, all based on what we feel for them! 

Who loves someone and holds onto those feelings all the while believing that nothing is really ever going to work out anyway?  That would be ridiculous!  That’s like saying I’ll invest in the stock market, knowing I’m going to lose everything I have!  However, hope (within reason) is certainly much more applicable here.  With hope, though, we must also be grounded in reality.  Hope cannot take the place of the facts and the truth of what the other person is doing or not doing regarding us.

However, when our love of another has expectation attached to the belief of changing someone else, it becomes dangerous.  We somehow become justified in our feelings, as if somehow we deserve their love in return.  “I have put a lot into this relationship; therefore I deserve something in return,” a person demands!  This leads to resentment, rage and a possible explosion in our lives.  It’s as if we’re waiting for the birthday present we expected that never comes!

From a higher perspective, try to not base loving someone on changing them, as it doesn’t work that way.  God made us with free will, autonomy and sovereignty.  We are not designed to change based on another’s affection for us.  That is an individual decision, whether it’s emotionally pleasing to us or not!  Rise above that terrible entanglement of the emotions and disappointments that come with the following self-defeating formula:  Love + patience = change of the other person = them loving me in return!

The rescuer expectation

The story of “the snake” given above illustrates an example that gets played out constantly, where a person believes “the snake,” or negative individual involved won’t really end up hurting them.  You might ask, “How could anyone be so blind?”  Because our ego gets involved and the ego wants what it wants!  I believe I’m going to win!  Somehow I will get them to love me, and I will win the battle.  When I do, I’ll feel like a superwoman or a superman!  If a person in this position can get “the snake” to love them, it’s as if they have played the role of God!  In reality, we never love a person like this is spite of their bad qualities; we love them because of their bad qualities!  The badness provides that ultimate challenge and with that challenge, it makes the supposed victory seem so much sweeter.  If you were a boxer, would you feel pumped up knocking out a tiny little 90-pound weakling, or would you need to defeat the heavyweight champion of the world to feel victorious?  Besides feeling merely victorious, the ego projects the essence of being in control through trying to conquer as well.

In these instances, the ego masquerades as being nurturing, caring, kind and even compassionate.  “I have been put in this person’s life to help him heal,” becomes a lofty rationalization.  The illusion of a higher destiny comes into play.  This is merely a smokescreen to hide the true motives behind such actions.  The real motive is that the person wants “the snake” to love them - plain and simple.  And that’s not a bad thing - it just isn’t a higher, compassionate and selfless form of action.  However, with the guise of compassion, one looks admirable in their self-destructive pursuit of people who are like “the snake.” 

Perhaps the root cause of this entire scenario is that the rescuer is trying to actually rescue themselves.  They are attempting to heal their own low self worth through being loved by the other person who is emotionally unattainable (the snake).  It’s as if the validation through being loved is the magic wand that cures everything.  Therefore, “the snake” is given a power over them (in their own mind) equivalent to God Almighty!

But do we ever win this contest?  Depending on the stubbornness and size of our egos, we keep hitting our head against the wall.  Sooner or later, we either get humbled and truly walk away from dangerous relationships, or we keep repeating the same pattern.  At some point, though, we will all get tired of the snakebite, so to speak, and move forward to meet people who truly nurture and care for us!  In this way, we do finally win!

Don’t take it personally

“Judy did it to me again!  Every day I come into work she says something rude and offensive to me.  I’m sick of it,” John exclaims!  Most of us would sympathize with John as no one wants to be addressed in that way.  He took is personally, as most of us would, too.  After all, it was done to him, so why shouldn’t he take it personally?

In reality, though, a person’s behavior toward us has very little to do with who we are, even though what they are doing is being done to us.  It says far more about them than it ever could indicate about ourselves!  Actions are a mirror; a mirror of all that is inside of someone who performs the actions.  We, as individuals merely reflect back to others their own personal inner mirror!  When people attack us, they are in conflict within!  When someone judges us, they are showcasing their internal criticism of themselves.  When someone refuses to acknowledge us, it is a reflection of how they dismiss their own value! 

If that is true, you might say, what can be done then to not take it all so personally?  First, try to gain a perspective that is observational, not reactive.  This way, your emotions, anger and ego are not engaged.  And when you are not drawn in, the treatment of you, however good or bad it is, deflects right off of you and returns to its native nothingness!

Just like when John encounters Judy at work as mentioned above, her actions are about her.  John comes into work, pleasant and friendly, but Judy is mean, slams the door behind her and says something rude.  If you think of it, what did John have to do with this anyway?  Nothing at all…  John’s emotional reaction causes him to initially think that Judy doesn’t do this to anyone else…but that is not true.

Judy has a reputation of being cold, mean, abrupt and terse to virtually everyone.  It just depends on her mood.  It isn’t based on what other people have done or didn’t do to her.  It is built on her ego, arrogance and selfishness.  As her moods overtake the proceedings, she dominates the ambience and the room!  This is all about control!

Remember, when a person conducts themselves in a certain way, it reflects on their level of understanding; their level of consciousness.  Anyone always behaves at their current level of understanding that they possess on a spiritual level.  This way, if you really stop and think about it, it is not about you - it never really is.  With that sense of knowing, it is freeing and liberating to not take it all so personally any longer!

Release the battle and change yourself instead

When it’s all said and done, with all of the energy we put into trying to change people, just think of how much more productive it would be to change ourselves instead?  Don’t worry about carrying the burden of a particular person treating you in a certain way!  Just work on yourself and your reactions to others!  There is an old saying that states that you can’t control other people’s actions, but can control how you react to those actions!  This way, we avoid the obvious frustration of trying to make someone into what we want them to be, therefore, always coming up short.  By releasing the burden and changing ourselves for the better, we become a magnet for new and wonderful people to love us in return — naturally and organically.  Simply by letting go and accepting people for who they are, we set ourselves free!  By doing so, we begin to appreciate ourselves even more and we will magnetize to those who can give something wonderful back to us!  That is the law of the universe - the law of attraction - like attracts like!

In addition, getting off of the roller coaster ride of needing to change people gives us more energy as we’re not drained by that constant push and pull of those types of relationships.  When someone doesn’t change as we have architected them to do, we feel frustrated, anxious, and ultimately as if we have failed!  But this is an unwinnable war!  Sooner or later, we have to throw in the towel…Throwing in the towel is not a defeat, but a victory which allows us the great gift of positive change!  We’re no longer defining our self worth by setting up impossible odds! 

With improved self-esteem, all areas of our lives benefit: health, finance, general well-being and far better relationships will absolutely be ours!  With an improved attitude through releasing the burden and internal change, it is far more likely that all that comes to us will be for our highest good!  It isn’t just the case of letting go of something we want to get nothing in return - period.  By letting go of the battles that can’t be won, we benefit in countless ways endlessly and eternally, bringing to us those who are truly right for us as we are for them!

Here in “Working Through Negative Emotions, (Part 2), I hope to go delve deeper through each emotion I’ve chosen to write about here, from the smug safety of cynicism to the often life ending feelings of hopelessness.

As established in Part 1, negative emotions do debilitate and cripple us, and it