Voice of the Spirit

“When I am going to hear from him?  Is it in within the hour, today, tomorrow – tell me… WHEN!!!!!???  I had a hang up call earlier – that HAD to be him, right?  I’ve talked to 50 other readers, and they ALL say he is my soul mate!  When are we going to get married?  I knoooooow he loves me!”

You might perceive the scenario just stated as exaggerated, and hard to imagine, but it is indeed absolutely real.  Welcome to the world of psychic addiction, where frantic and desperate people repeat the same questions to multiple readers over and over, day and night.  Obsessively and compulsively, readers are called constantly by clients seeking reassurance, hand holding, and most of all, comfort.  Like a tape loop that soothingly plays over and over:  “This person loves you and is absolutely your soul mate.  This is God’s destiny, and of course you will be with them forever and ever.  You need to be patient!  Patience is one of your lessons, dear.”

 Are these clients looking for legitimate and clear answers, or to simply have their psychic addiction fed?  Well, that depends. Sometimes a client is so centered in their lower self (the obsessive emotions, ego, arrogance, self destructive and denial mechanisms), that they refuse to hear or receive anything other than what they already believe to be true. 

The ego and emotions want to be spoon-fed everything already believed as gospel truth right back to them, with no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  Often these clients do whatever they can to maneuver the reading to get the preconceived results they want.  They even go so far as to pretend they really want to hear the truth, only to find fault with ethical readers who disagree with them, as a scapegoat.

On the other hand, there are those who really want to grow, break the addiction, and heal their lives.  Their higher self (their spiritual self, strength and connection to God’s infinite wisdom), is looking for the truth, which brings them out of their own fog into clarity, honesty, accurate counsel and potential peace of mind.  These clients do indeed listen, and at least look at what comes through from spirit with an open mind; therefore, they grow out of negative patterns.  Sometimes that happens quickly, and other times it is more laborious, but they do get there!

And there are those who are struggling between their lower and higher self, literally at war with themselves.  These clients display mixed results, as I’ve witnessed over thirty years of offering readings.  I’ve often been pleasantly surprised at how certain individuals pull themselves up by the bootstraps, so to speak. 

As I have had successful long-term relationships with many clients for decades, each and every reading has been a vehicle for continual growth, dealing with the issues that come up, and forging new ground.  It has been thrilling for me to see lots of my clients manifest their dreams.

On the flip side of the coin, though, I’ve seen people literally self destruct and destroy their lives through negative choices, and a defiant refusal to listen to anything other than what they are currently dead set on believing.  These people continually call countless readers, praising those who accommodate their ego and emotions, no matter how dark those energies may be, constantly craving the fix of having their erroneous belief systems validated at all costs.

When someone is psychically addicted though, and doesn’t want to be helped, they usually call me just once for a few minutes, don’t like what I have to say to them and never call me again.  As I don’t feed the addiction, which angers them, they immediately find another reader amongst the plethora of psychics out there who will do whatever it takes to “keep the meter running.”

I often say to these clients, “If you’ve heard the same answer from 50 other readers, why are you wanting to me to simply feed back to you what they’ve already said to you?  That won’t really help you.  If the other readers are so right, why are you calling me?”  Because it’s like a drug addiction – if you were recently just high, it wears off, and you need another fix.  It is the same thing with psychic addiction – a client craves to hear the same information: “He’s gonna call.  He’s not having sex with her.  She’s just a friend.  He’s a really great guy who’s just been hurt before.  Of course he loves you even though he isn’t calling you.  He’s the one.”   The addicted client needs to hear it again and again, as the reading becomes the fix and the validation of what they demand to hear.

Right there, something is obviously wrong.  While I understand that these are people in real pain, it is not healthy financially, emotionally or spiritually for a client to give that type of power away to any psychic and a reading.  An honest session should never be based on what other readers have said.  Stating that 50 other readers say it’s so is designed to manipulate, twisting the arm of a reader to feed the addiction.

Any reader that doesn’t validate the fantasy, denial and addiction of the client is labeled as DOOM AND GLOOM – AND NEGATIVE!  That label has been thrust on me many times for not buying into client’s addictive fantasies. With that stigmatization, any positive benefits that could help the client heal and take control of their lives are lost.

Some clients can’t grasp how some readers see things differently, as if 50 readers saying the same thing must make it true.  Hearing that many psychics say the same thing has the effect of adding credibility to the fantasy and denial.  I try to explain to them that readings are not a majority rules type of situation, and in any profession, different professionals disagree. One reader can get it right, while 50 other readers may get it wrong. 

What’s terrible, though, and unfortunately real, are psychics who scam vulnerable clients who are in psychic addiction.  If the readings themselves don’t bring the desired results the client craves, the next step is often buying spells, paid candle burnings, and hexes to achieve the desired results.  

“Honey, I can bring him back to you,” the reader reassures.  “Really, honestly, how much would it cost,” whimpers the client? The reader pauses and gently whispers, “Well, I don’t like to charge for this type of thing, as it is God’s work, but it will take a lot of time.  What can you afford?”  “I don’t know, I mean I’m not sure,” the client clumsily fumbles.  “Well, for this intense of work, I would need at least $20,000 dollars,” the reader asserts.  “Well, I guess I could take a second mortgage on my house,” the client says.  “Yes honey, it is worth it, as this love is meant to be and then he will be with you forever,” the reader reassures. 

Of course, after the reader did not pull off being God, and the client is on the verge of bankruptcy, the client’s life often crumbles.  Broke, disappointed and disillusioned, the client may not know where to turn.  The client has been fed this diet of false hope for so long; months, years and even decades, that so much valuable time has been lost.  That time could have been devoted to growth and a truly positive journey. 

You might wonder to yourself, “How could anyone be so easily played?”  My response may surprise you when I say, “Don’t be so quick to judge anyone’s choices.”  Any of us have been vulnerable at different times in our journey, and capable of choices and judgments that are not healthy.  Keep in mind that when any of us are intensely emotionally engaged, we can all lose our perspective and center.  It’s a question of how far one is willing to take it.  For example: There are jilted lovers who literally murder their exes based on jealousy and rage, while others simply go out and find someone else after one relationship doesn’t work out!

 So when is someone experiencing psychic addiction?  Here are some tell tale signs:

• Calling multiple readers with the same questions repetitively, frequently and sometimes daily.
• Hearing the same answer from multiple readers, and still needing to call for more readings for even more reassurance of the exact same answers.
• Inability to make a decision in life without calling a reader.
• Still calling with the same questions, even though the time frame for those predictions hasn’t passed yet.
• Spending more than they can afford, and not curbing the spending, even they’re experiencing enormous financial burdens.
• Refusing to accept a different viewpoint of their situation, even when alternate viewpoints are intelligently and supportively stated.
• Willing to do whatever it takes to get their wishes met through a reader, including spells and hexes.

Some of the things you can to do to break the addiction cycle:

• If you’re going to call, set a budget and stick to it.
• Only call when in a calm state if mind.
• Before you call, ask yourself some questions:  Has the time period passed regarding past predictions?  Is there anything new you need to focus on for your growth?
• Read over notes from past readings, and see if this takes away the urge to call.  If it only wants to make you call more, than it may be an addictive pattern, especially if nothing has changed.
• Draw upon support from family and / or friends who have your best interests at heart.
• Consider seeing or talking to an addiction specialist. 

Ultimately, who is responsible for psychic addiction?  Is it those readers who play on the vulnerabilities of innocent people, or is the client who uses the reader as their fix?  In reality, it is both.  Just like the slave needs the slave driver, both sides feed off of each other, and keep the cycle going.

Like any God given gift, psychic ability can be used for positive or negative purposes.  For example:  having money is a blessing from God, but it can be used as a tool to facilitate arrogance, selfishness and greed.  The money in and of itself is not negative, but the application mentioned here is.

Looking for spiritual guidance, accurate predictions and healthy insight is a completely different issue than psychic addiction.  Every reading you get should be able to help facilitate growth, channel messages from those in spirit, and encourage prosperity and well-being in every area of your journey.  These people make their OWN decisions – I just advise and offer counsel, which is what any reader should do!  With the perception out there of psychics being scam artists, that last thing needed is for readers to reinforce those stereotypes.

 As a client, always maintain control of your journey and your destiny.  It is important to consider whatever is coming through, but never become addicted to hearing what your emotional desires crave to hear.  If you do ever become psychically addicted, draw upon whatever support is there for you to break the addiction – whether from a therapist, an ethical psychic or spiritual teacher, friends, or family!  Always remember, you’re meant to be in the driver’s seat of your journey – not anyone else!

 If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

 What is now?  Is it simply the day we’re living in – as in today is Mondaythe 10th of August 2009?  We chronicle all the events of the physical world through times and dates that happen in successive moments that pass.  One may say, “Today I got up late at 7:00 but still made it to work on time by 8:30.”  Once it’s 8:30, we can’t go back and change what we did at 7:00.  That moment, in time, is already done and over with.  This indicates to us a sense of progression in our daily lives – as a story from point A to point B and so on.  It can be very much like watching a movie.

Regarding time in the physical world, let’s consider the following proposition: Person A sets their watch to 10 years into the future, while person B adjusts their watch to 5 years ago in the past while both of them still try to live a normal life today.  Now if we considered this as an experiment to do, what would most people say regarding our little proposition?  They would of course, laugh and say, “Adjust your watches to today’s date and time.”  So in the physical sense of time, all of us would agree that we should have all of our clocks and watches set to the this current moment.

In addition to time in the physical world, there is also the sense of time within us.  How do we relate to the past, present and future internally?  What time and date do we live in inside ourselves?  Certainly, most of us function in the current day we’re physically in: going to work, making dinner, going to bed etc.  However, are we living in the present tense within, or are we internally living in the past, or perhaps the future?  It may be hard to gage as to whether we are centered in today, the past or possibly tomorrow, and if so, to what degree, as there is not a easily tangible watch to determine this, or a clock on the wall to look at which would provide a clear and decisive answer.

For example, when we wake up in the morning on a sunny day where nothing extreme is going on in our lives, what and how do we feel?  For those of us who are living in the pain and hurt of the past, the day will appear heavy, not pleasant, troublesome or labor some to a certain degree without any apparent external reason.  Why?  Because living in the negativity of the past weighs us down, saps out vitality and makes today appear less promising.  Whatever the issues are: a childhood trauma where peace has yet to occur, a tragic death of a loved one that is still haunting us, a relationship that has failed where no one better has yet replaced them, or any number of disappointments, the hurt of the past takes away the natural joy of all that this very day has to offer us.  It’s as if the misery of what happened before smudges our glasses with dirt and mud; what we see then is not at all clear.

A common example of living in the past occurs when we have been wounded before in love and we now meet someone who is really attracted to us on a healthy and legitimate level.  They do everything right, but we mistrust them and project them as someone who is bad — just like the others we have been with before where things didn’t turn out right.  Since we have been hurt before, the pain of the past comes up to haunt us and potentially ruin what is right here in front of us.  The panic feels real!  The suffering happened – it’s not made up; so therefore, it must be occurring again… This is what our fears misconstrue and muster up.

If the pain of the past eclipses openness to this new relationship, the potential union will most certainly fail.  And it is hard to let go of this baggage while trying to give someone a chance.  We should have come to peace with the negativity of what happened in the past in prior negative relationships before getting involved with someone.  It’s similar to attempting to lose weight while you’re competing for an athletic trophy.  The baggage should have been shed before the competition.  Here we see how the past can really derail our efforts and short-circuit our blessings of today.

For those of us who are living in the future, it’s as if today doesn’t really exist.  Whatever is present in the moment: the sun, birds, or fresh air is dismissed or disregarded, all to be able to escape into an internal world of fantasy, where at some yet to be determined point in the future, things will be great!  Living in the future separates us from the wonderful now that is right in front of us and leaves us in a state of fuzzy, warm and glowing projections in our own mind that have yet to occur.  “When I finally meet HIM, I’m going to be happy,” a woman says.  “When I get that new fantastic job I’ve been waiting for, then I can finally feel good,” a man states.  However, these things have yet to occur and should not be dwelled upon.  In reality, all we have is today, so all we should focus on is the now.

Living in the future may appear to be a better option than living in the past, but it really isn’t.  The future falsely takes us away from what we need to do and how we need to be present in the here and now.  It’s as if we’re Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz – there is a brighter future out there… somewhere… over the rainbow…I’ll keep dreaming…But there’s one huge problem with this.  The future, like the past, does not exist.

Even in the Wizard of Oz, it all turns out to be not real by the end of the film.  The rainbow and dreams Dorothy was searching for are not there; or somewhere far off in the distance.  Her dreams are right here!  It scatters our energies to dwell in the illusive future and through this dissipating of energy, we prevent our blessings from coming to us today.  Living in the future is like taking all of your money and just dreamily throwing it to the heavens.  The money would scatter to the four winds and be all gone.

It is worth noting that there is a difference between living in the future and planning for the future.  Obviously, emotionally living for tomorrow is not good for us and can be illustrated by the following point.  If someone said, “My future is going to be great because I’m going to win the lottery and be rich tomorrow,” that would be living in the future in a non beneficial way.  On the other hand, planning for the future is a completely different matter and something we should do.  Here is an example of someone who is living for today while planning for the future:  “I do my best day by day and I save $100.00 every month to plan for the future.”  Obviously, we all have to make choices that set up the best possible tomorrow, all the while being aware that what we choose to do today does indeed set up tomorrow. 

Perhaps the great spiritual teacher Florence Shinn said it best when she offered her metaphysical interpretation of living in the past and in the future.  She stated that the two robbers who were on each side of Jesus when he was being crucified: one on the right side and the other on left side weren’t merely common criminals.  They were robbers of something much more profound – one robber who she called “the past,” stole the gift of today by keeping us stuck in the past.  The other robber, referred to as “the future,” also took the gift of today away from us by keeping us lost in the future.

Above, we have been taking a look at various examples of how people live in the past or the future.  Keep in mind that can only be done within, not in the external world.  It’s not as if you could physically be in kindergarten again.  So regarding the past and the future, do they actually exist at all?  Time as we know it in the physical world has been long proven an illusion by physics.  So as we watch the clock, moment-by-moment, time is only an illusion to document and chronicle all that happens here on earth in a way that makes sense to us in our current human form.  Outside of the physical world, time is non-existent, therefore, there really is no past or future.

The now we have a hard time with is the internal now.  With that in mind, how could it possibly make any sense at all for any of us to live for yesterday or tomorrow within?  As it disconnects us from today, which is all there is, our goal then should always be to eternally live in the moment.  However, how do we achieve this, especially when we’ve been scarred by the past, or feel the need to escape our current unhappy circumstances by projecting into a potentially better future?

Let’s first take a look at how to let go of living in the past. To no longer stay stuck in the past, it is really about your attitude and intent.  Ask yourself what you really want to do with the pain, hurt and disappointment of yesterday.  Are you holding on to it all?  Do you identify with the pain of the past?  Is it a friend and comfortable in some way?  Is living in the misery of yesterday easier then letting it all go and risking what is familiar to try to live for today?

If so, that needs to change.  If you really and truly want to let the negativity of the past go, you can and will.  Your desire is what is most important.  Ninety percent of the battle is having a true, passionate desire to release it and let it all go.  When your commitment is rock solid, God will provide you with all of the tools that are necessary every step of the way:  whether a therapist, a psychic, a friend, a book, or whatever.  If there are struggles, that’s OK.  What counts is which one is the winner: either staying stuck in the past or living for today.  If you can’t get out of the past on a given day, affirm out loud:  I am at peace with my past and I now celebrate living happily and joyously in the wonderful now!”  Do not give up!

Regarding living in the future, the problem is not as apparent as living in the past.  Why?  Because one could argue that we have to set goals and project what we want for our lives down the road.  So in that sense, one could easily live for tomorrow, where living for yesterday clearly provides no new opportunities.  Even if you have future goals, though, don’t emotionally live for the victory of tomorrow.  Don’t sit back and proclaim, “When I have a lot of money, then I’ll be happy.”  Do what you can do today and live for this moment as you help to create the life you desire.  I’ve seen many people disconnect from the day they’re in by dreaming of a non-existent future.  So much energy is wasted that way.  Do what you can do now, which sets up the future in a positive way but again, don’t escape today by living in tomorrow.

Here are some easy and powerful tools to live in this moment:  Look all around you and be grateful!  Bless the past, let go of the hurts from before and release it to divine love from deep within with all of your strength.  It isn’t rocket science.  It’s easier than you think.  By letting it all go to divine love where all conditions are permanently perfect, it is over with!  You are free – and you are at peace.  It isn’t so important what actually happened physically back then – it is how it is still affecting you!  By letting go, it no longer has power over you!  You can be happy in this moment!

Dwelling on the future is living for what has yet to actually happen and disconnects you from the glorious moment of this very day!  The future doesn’t exist — it has yet to occur, therefore, it shouldn’t be used as a vehicle to escape or run away from being present in this moment!  To live right here, right now takes consistent effort, but it must be done.

Living in the moment – this very moment is one of the most profound things any of us can do.  Why?  Because by living in this moment, we erase all of the sorrow of the past, we stop scattering our energies by focusing on the future – we are right here, right now!

Being in this very moment internally, not just merely externally is what we need to do – and be.  Most of us are living in the physical moment – living out the activities of our lives. It is that mundane sense of now that most of us understand and live in.  However, it is the internal state of now that very few of us really understand or master but as we grow spiritually, it is mandatory to do so, not just a pipe dream of feel good spiritual talk.  Getting it mentally does little or nothing to keep us in this moment.  It must gotten in the gut – where real change occurs, down to the core of our inner being.   Without now, we have nothing.  It would be like trying to drive a car blindfold.  The past and the future blind us, yet we still keep driving that car – until it crashes.

Watch your thoughts, words, actions and choices daily!  When drifting into the future as an escape, bring yourself back to the present!  Don’t dwell on things that are yet to be!  Don’t escape today by trying to fantasize tomorrow.  Whatever is in front of you, make the most of it!  If you’re feeling like you need to run away from life through the future, bring yourself right back to reality through doing something loving for someone else.  This helps you to get out of yourself and keeps you prospering in the present.  In any instance when you’re helping someone, you’ve just hit the jackpot.

Through living in the “Now,” this most important three-letter word, we also connect with another most vital and eternal three-letter word – as “God” reflects eternity and all that is in this glorious moment for our highest good and the greater good of all, we connect to eternity and forever through living right here, right now – with Now and God being one and the same, divine love envelops and nurtures us through our eyes that look at everything as if we’re seeing it for the first time — by no longer stepping outside of reality into the past or the future – but by living as God created us to live – right there, right now.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

Here is the second half of “10 Undeniable Red Flags – Part 2.”  In this writing, I attempt to further establish the following two points: First, by denying the red flags shown to us in our relationships with others, the damage that occurs in our life doesn’t just last for the duration of the relationship.  It carries on indefinitely.  Secondly, and on the other hand, when we heed the warnings of the red flags and act accordingly, our lives change irrevocably for the better, often leading to the fulfillment of our dreams. 

6-An apple is not an orange
When we’re attracted to somebody, or desperate, or especially lonely, it’s so easy to compromise our principles and values with the hope of making a relationship work.  However, nothing lasts in the long run that is unnatural for either party.  Just as an apple is not an orange, we will never be able to be anything other than ourselves in a relationship — nor will the other person.  And when either person tries to be someone other than themselves, the
relationship eventually falls apart.  Worse than that, though, is when we try to make the other person be who and what we expect them to be, or vice versa… If we want to stand a chance at a successful relationship, we must accept others and ourselves as we are.  Who we are truly represents our values, and those values define our goals and dreams.

Take a look at your goals and your dreams.  Are they being met in a particular relationship?  If they’re not, don’t escape into denial and fantasy and pretend that things are ok when they’re clearly not.  The right person will help you to manifest your goals and dreams; not take you further away from them.  Whether it is owning a business, having a home, making a certain amount of money, wanting to have a family or not, a faithful and honest
relationship, or anything else that is important to you, it should never be denied for the sake of a relationship.  When goals and dreams are unfulfilled, and either party is not allowed to be who they are, it all leads to failure — sooner or later.

This is exactly what happened to Amy and Mark.  After a couple of months of dating, Mark decided to move in with Amy.  The red flags started appearing within weeks of the two living together.  Amy was cheap and saved every penny, while Mark was generous with his money. Since Amy didn’t like this about Mark, she started criticizing him for his spending habits:  “Mark, I don’t want to have to take care of you financially if you spend so much money that you go broke.  You need to stop spending right now,” she warned.  Since Mark didn’t immediately heed her financial advice, she started punishing him by ignoring him periodically and
withholding sex. 

After four months into the relationship, Mark decided to change his financial habits, and stopped spending money.  He didn’t do this because he thought it was the right thing to do, but because he believed he could become who and what Amy wanted.  Mark went into denial, and continued to hope that things would somehow work out, all because he wanted the relationship to succeed.  At the same time, Amy refused to budge, as she was bound and determined to make Mark into who she wanted him to be.  For a while, Mark started to lose his identity in the relationship.

They both ignored these huge red flags and got married about seven months into the relationship anyway.  After the honeymoon, things got worse.  Amy became more paranoid about the couples finances, as they were now jointly intertwined.  Mark, no longer able to be someone he wasn’t, went back to spending his money as he always had.  Because of this, the couple’s sex life dwindled, as the financial issues created a barrier between the two, which limited their intimacy.  Amy became more critical and withholding – and Mark foolishly thought that by hanging in there, things would
somehow have to get better in time.

After six long and miserable years of marriage, the couple finally divorced.  However, that wasn’t the end of their problems, as the experience made Amy resentful, bitter, and shut down; therefore, she’s remained alone for ten years.  Mark became afraid of commitment and intimacy because he felt trapped in the marriage, so he got involved with more edgy women who were always fun, yet non-committal and unfaithful.  Here we see how the repercussions from the red flags that were denied still affect the lives of both Amy and Mark today. 

There is a lot that can be learned from the story of Amy and Mark as you look at your own relationships.  Never forget to be honest with who you are – and honest about who the other person is.   Just think of how it would sound if someone came up to you and proclaimed, “I am so upset that this apple in my hands in not an orange.  How can I make it into an orange?  Why isn’t it an orange, since I don’t want it to be an apple?”  The same thing applies to people.  We are who we are, and that is represented by our values, goals and dreams – none of which can be denied if we want to have a ruly successful relationship. 

7-Everybody counts
By the mere fact that a relationship involves two people, it would seem clear that both people’s needs should be considered.  As everybody counts, no one should be treated disrespectfully. However, that is certainly not always the case, as most of us have experienced firsthand in our relationships: whether romantically, in friendships, with family, and/or in our careers.  And there are so many ways that someone shows us that we don’t count.  A prime example of this is when someone we’re romantically involved with doesn’t make time for us…

When your lover refuses to make time for you, it is clearly a huge red flag.  After all, who wants to only be sort of in the picture – maybe every once in a while?  Often, someone puts you on the shelf, and only deals with you when it is convenient for them.  People can always use the excuse that they’re busy – sure, the whole world is busy.  Or, they just blow you off and ignore you.  But in reality, one always does what’s important to them, and if someone doesn’t make time for you, it clearly indicates the real lack of value they feel toward you. 

This is exactly what happened to Joe in his relationship with Heather, a woman he’s been with for a year.  She kept repeatedly telling him that she was busy when he tried to make plans with her. “Joe, I’m busy on Monday, and I’ve got to see my family this Tuesday, and the girls are getting together on Wednesday.  Maybe we could get together Thursday, but I think I have to help my girlfriend move that day,” Heather said.  “I’ll get back to you and
let you know,” she added.  These may all sound like plausible excuses from a busy girl, but Heather hasn’t made time for Joe in over a month.  These are just this week’s agenda of pre-existing activities that prevent her from seeing him.  Realistically, Heather just doesn’t value Joe all too much – that is clear.

As it should be with any healthy relationship, Heather needs to make time for Joe.  She should be offering him one of the most generous gifts of all, the gift of time – not only in quantity, but also with quality.  However, she refuses to do so, and it certainly frustrates Joe.  He’s even tried to address this with Heather multiple times, but she just blows it off or simply makes excuses for her actions.  Even with this red flag, Joe refused to exit the relationship, because Joe doesn’t feel deserving of being treated well.  He just escaped into the denial that she would eventually make more time for him.  So now he’s been in the same pattern with Heather now going on five years.  Just think if Joe would have extricated himself from this relationship based on the red flags early on.  He would have been in a different position today – potentially with a much better person for him than Heather…

In addition to not making time for you, another red flag that shows you don’t count is when someone is inconsiderate of you.  Their selfishness and self-centeredness is clearly shown when they dismiss or disregard your needs.  (Remember, a need is something that is essential to one’s well being and survival; not just a want, or a wish.)  Through being inconsiderate, they set the tone and define the limits in the relationship.  Remember, it’s all about them.  It’s their show and they are the star – you’re merely an invited guest if and when it suits them.  This empowers their ego, and allows them to be in control of the situation.  These qualities especially reveal themselves when you’re in a time of crisis, and the other person still demonstrates a lack of consideration for what you’re going through, even then.

This exact thing repeatedly happened to Mike with his brother Omar. Mike’s needs have never been considered by Omar, but Mike has ignored the red flags based on the fact of the old adage that blood is thicker than water.  Omar is all about Omar, and other people’s needs don’t matter to him.  Whether it’s the needs of Mike or anyone else’s, Omar is only looking out for number one, as he is a truly selfish man.

Recently, Mike was devastated about being demoted out of the blue at work (especially because he didn’t feel he deserved it).  Mike was quite angry at his boss, and was considering turning in his resignation the next day.  Clearly, he needed some rational input on this situation, as whatever he did could change the course of his career irrevocably.  So he ignored the issues that have been there, and called his brother:  “Hey Omar, I’m furious about what happened at work.  My boss demoted me today, and I have absolutely no idea why,” Mike said.  What in the heck should I do about this?” he questioned.  “I’m so angry that I’m really thinking about quitting tomorrow, as I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’ll show him,” Mike vented!

Predictably, Omar was only partially listening to Mike without offering any input in return.  After a minute or so, Omar simply changed the subject to talk about himself.  “Man, I want to go out and get a great steak tonight,” Omar said.  “Doesn’t that sound good?”  In frustration, Mike ended the call, as he knew the issues that had been there all too well.  Yet Mike has always refused to come out of denial, and acknowledge the red flags of how his
brother has always treated him.  Therefore, he gets hurt repeatedly.  However, this time, it had serious consequences.

In confusion and anger, Mike ended up quitting his job the next day.  By quitting impulsively, he had to find work immediately, simply to pay the bills.  This forced him to take the first mediocre job offered to him, which has lead to a string of the same type of positions, which he’s still in today.  Instead, Mike could have bided his time at work, while looking for a new position in his career that could have been good for him. 

Of course, it was Mike’s choice, but two other factors come to mind about this situation: 1-If Mike would have been honest regarding the red flags he’s always known about Omar, he could have reached out to someone else who cares.  That person could have potentially helped him to calm down, and make a rational, non emotional decision.  2-If only Omar would have been considerate of his brother Mike’s needs, the outcome of his career path could have turned out much different, and possibly more positively.

As seen in the case of Joe (with Heather) and Mike (with Omar), the long range consequences for denying and ignoring the red flags that they didn’t count were life altering in a negative way.  We must never lose sight of the fact that the outcomes of our lives turn out radically differently depending on whether or not we heed such warnings. 

8-Talk to me baby
Sherry had been frustrated in her career for years, as she had always wanted to be her own boss.  Making a limited salary was becoming more and more depressing, and she clearly wanted something better.  So she decided to go into business with her friend Karen. Sherry was well aware of the red flags that had been there with Karen, as she had always refused to communicate with Sherry about whatever issues existed between them through the years.  And if she did, Karen would simply try to make Sherry wrong. 

When the two reached impasses before, Karen would not talk to Sherry for a while; refuse to communicate and heal things, giving her the silent treatment as a form of punishment.  Sherry would always eventually be the one to give in, and extend the olive branch just to keep the peace in the relationship.  Karen was egotistical, arrogant, self righteous, and a-know-it-all.  Sherry had low self esteem, and was terrified of being abandoned.
Therefore, she ignored the repeated red flags through the years, while doing her best to maintain the friendship. Even through Sherry knew this all too well, she chose to ignore the red flags, and went into business with Sherry.  Here, she delusionally believed that her dream (a new business) would somehow override the real issues that had been there with Karen.  It’s sort of like saying if you have a broken leg, having a facial will somehow make the broken leg go away. 

So, when the two opened their online business of selling self help and spiritual books, the problems were immediate.  Sherry put up the money and did almost all of the work, while Karen did virtually nothing.  Yet, their agreement called for a 50-50 monetary split.  Sherry addressed her concerns:  “Karen, I feel like I’m carrying the entire load: placing the orders for books, fulfilling orders from clients, and doing the shipping and handling.  Could you at least help out with one of these things?” she questioned.  “So are you my boss now?  You do what you do, and I’ll do what I do.  There’s nothing to talk about.  Just don’t try and control my part of the business,” Karen snapped back.  Here, she refused to communicate at all about these real issues, and tried to emotionally intimidate Sherry.

Sherry tried to suck it up for a good 12 months or so, but eventually the business failed.  She even made one last ditch attempt to communicate with Karen on how to salvage the business, but Karen wouldn’t take her call.  So the two ended up in court over who was going to be liable for the expenses of the business, as it never made a profit, but lost money.  In the end, Sherry ended up paying for virtually everything, and lost a lot of money. 

Just like with Sherry and Karen, any relationship can’t grow without sincere communication.  It can never be about silence, winning, being right, making the other person wrong, and refusing to heal things.  Any relationship can’t be one-sided and still work, as it will reach a breaking point.  It’s just a matter of time.  Real communication is about working together for a greater good, learning and growing together, and understanding each other. 

We can all avoid many pitfalls through observing the saga of Sherry and Karen.  The lack of communication from Karen showed Sherry all she needed to know, but by pretending that something “positive” overrides the red flags that had always been there, Sherry paid dearly for this choice.  In fact, she is still struggling financially today.  This could have all been avoided, if Sherry had just listened to what was clearly shown to her by the red flags
that had been apparent all along.

9-The same old song and dance
For better or worse, our attractions to people are largely defined by who we are internally at any point in time.  This is based on our self-image, self-esteem, identity and values, which help to shape and focus who and what we’re drawn to.   We usually refer to all of these complex internal dynamics as merely being our “type.” Sometimes, our type is represented by something like blond hair and big breasts for a man.  Even if it is merely physical attributes we’re attracted to, it still represents something deeper within us.

Sometimes people pretend that varying physical looks in those they’re attracted to actually make them different from each other. This gives the illusion that they’re not just repeating an unhealthy relationship pattern, when they’re actually choosing the same person in essence over and over again.  Focusing on physical differences is a way of avoiding the real red flags – which are based on the real differences between people.  This is all shown
through their essence, not just their physical selves.  Forget the window dressing – that one guy is tall and dark, while another is short and red haired.  It doesn’t mean anything in and of itself. It is what’s within that separates people. At other times, our “type” is harder to detect, as it is psychologically and emotionally driven.  What we’re attracted to is the energy and essence that a person carries with them.  If a woman likes dangerous and edgy men, that energy and essence is what will attract her to a particular relationship. 

This is the case with Barbara.  When she met Carlos, the attraction was electrifying and immediate, as his essence immediately drew her in.  Edgy, dangerous, exciting, and unfaithful, he represented the same energy of the men she had been with many times before.  The red flags were all over the place: him lying, being inconsistent, game playing, putting her through emotional drama right off the bat, and addictive chemistry.  As with most of us, she was too drawn in and hooked by the chemistry to walk away, so she ignored the countless red flags that were present.  And just like in former relationships, she became preoccupied, overwhelmed, and devastated by the situation.

You might look at Barbara’s situation and wonder, “What can I do if I’m also drawing in lovers who are not good for me?”  Here are some points to realize:  no one can simply tell themselves to stop being attracted to who and what they desire.  Sexual energy is too strong and powerful of a vibration to just turn it off immediately and want someone else simply because they’re a nice person.  As stated earlier, our attractions reflect deeply and profoundly on who and what we are at any given period of our lives. 

So is there anything that we can do if we wish to change that “same old song and dance” to meeting someone new who could be wonderful for us?  There are three things that I would strongly recommend, so let’s take a look at them:

1-Use your intuition — When meeting new people, immediately be aware of the red flags.  Does this new person remind you in any way of your negative exes?  What do your instincts say about them? Certainly, don’t look for this new person to be the right one, as that will cloud your intuition.  And don’t slip into denial, which is easy to do when you want something to work out with someone.  If you’re making any excuses for them, it’s time to cut and run. Remember, your gut won’t lie to you.  Again, ask yourself if they remind you in any way of the negative lovers from your past.

2-Look at the facts — Of course, facts don’t lie – so don’t distort and ignore them.  If someone you’ve just met is married, and you’ve been with married partners before, there’s a red flag. If you’ve been with alcoholics before and this new person drinks, there’s another red flag.  Some “facts” may take longer to come out, as it can take time for the truth to unfold.  As the facts present themselves, make your decisions accordingly, especially
when you are clearly being shown the past patterns you’ve been through before.

3-Change who you are internally and everything changes – Even if we claim to not have a “type,” we will see that there are striking similarities between those we’ve been attracted to.  The answer is not in just meeting new people to find someone supposedly different without first looking at yourself.  You can’t force the outer world to be anything more or other than who you are internally. Therefore, you must change, as you won’t be able to attract someone better, until YOU change internally.  Again, you can’t “turn off” your “turn ons” and stop who and what you’re attracted to.  But by changing within on a deep and real level, who and what you’re attracted to will also change accordingly.  Also, those you draw to yourself will change proportionately as well.  This is not airy-fairy and up in the clouds – it’s quite literal and real.

For Laura, she decided to break her old unsuccessful relationship patterns and change herself.  When she met Ron, the red flags she had experienced so many times before were right there.  He was afraid of commitment, ostensibly because he had been hurt before, so he only wanted to date Laura part time with no real strings attached.  She had already been down this road, and was tired of meeting men who were unavailable and unattainable. 

So she decided to heed the warnings of the red flags, and dumped Ron.  She then stopped dating for a while and proceeded to work on herself.  She came to discover that her problem stemmed from her divorce.  Since it was so nasty, she became soured toward men, relationships and commitment. This put up an internal wall which wouldn’t allow anyone in who would offer commitment to her. 

Laura ended up doing the internal work she needed to come to peace with her divorce.  She blessed her ex husband, wished him well, and really let it all go.  By doing this, she opened her energy to meet someone good for her.  And in time, it all worked out for her, as she met someone who was willing to love her.  This wasn’t an accident or the luck of the draw.  It happened because she healed her internal issues.  Here, she listened to the red flags she saw with Ron, and made a new choice by doing the work within.  This led her to the relationship that was no longer the same old song and dance!  We can do the same!

10-Is sex all there is?
Often, women see sex as a vehicle to solidify a relationship, while men want sex without much of a relationship.  This was the case with Jody and Rod.  When she met him, Jody liked him right away. As there didn’t seem to be any initial red flags, she ended up having sex with him on the second night after they met.  Since the attraction was mutual, their intimacy continued on a regular basis. After a few weeks of this, though, the red flags appeared, as all they ever did was have sex.  Sure, they always talked a bit, hung out at his place and had a few drinks, but the relationship wasn’t
moving forward in any other way.

Because of the “chemistry,” Jody decided to give it a chance, yet the pattern continued.  After three months of this, she was clearly frustrated.  “Rod, all we ever do is have sex.  We never go out on a date  — you never take me anywhere.   I don’t really even know your friends.  Wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere with your friends?  I’d love to meet them,” Jody stated.  However, Rod wasn’t frustrated with the way things were.  He liked it just as it was. But since he didn’t want to lose the sex he had with Jody, he lied to her:  “Babe, I hear you.  We should go out sometime, and you should meet my friends, too.  Don’t worry – things will change.” As Rod had done this type of thing to many women before, he sounded believable.

At first, Jody was optimistic about what he said to her, but her intuition felt as if something was still wrong.  This was a huge red flag, as intuition doesn’t mislead or lie.  Deep down, she knew that Rob didn’t mean a word of what he said.  Not only did nothing get better, but in fact it actually got worse.  Rob stopped calling her to come over for sex, and just left it up to her to initiate contact with him.  At least before, he’d call her up to come over. So six months after she first met him, Jody ended things with Rob permanently.  He was just using her as a convenience, as sex was really all there was…Even though Jody once felt that what she had with Rob was quite special, the sexual intensity that she experienced with Rob is actually quite common.

Because sex is perhaps the most powerful energy we experience in the physical world, we become overwhelmed, hypnotized, and confused by it.  It is cosmic and atomic by nature, and the act of sex is spiritually transcendent.  Its force can transform and heal us; while conversely, it can devastate and destroy us.  The powerful feelings we experience with sex doesn’t mean that the person we’ve shared this with cares for us, is good for us, or someone who wants a relationship.  We assume that because of the intensity we’ve felt with sex, everything else will somehow fall into place: commitment, communication, fidelity, and so forth.  However, that is not necessarily true.  Thankfully, Jody was smart enough to see the red flags for exactly what they were, and cut her ties with a man who was only offering her one single thing – sex.  And there are many couples who are quite compatible sexually and feel titillating passion, yet have nothing else to offer each other.

For Jody, even though she had mixed emotional feelings about her choice, she knew she did the right thing.  And this was confirmed just a few months later, when she actually met a man who ended up being the one to truly love her.  He was really the right match for her, and vice versa.  Because she had removed what was in the way, the divine universe was able to bring a dream to her!  And the relationship worked, as they married and are happy today!  These dreams are not just for Jody, but for all of us who heed the warnings of the red flags that are ever present for us – as they protect, guide, watch over us, and keep us out of harm’s way every single day.  It is simply our job to listen and act accordingly!

We tend to think that our success and happiness in life is an acquiring process.  What can I do to get what I want?  We visualize, affirm, and pray for our heart’s desire.  Then why don’t our dreams come true, then?  Because often, manifesting our success and happiness is the exact opposite, and a removal process.  We must remove what’s in the way, to become an open vessel for the divine universe to work through.  Red flags will always show you what’s in the way, and what you need to remove.  Become that open channel of all the divine universe affords you and clear the pathway by removing the negative self destructive relationships that are holding everything back, and let your highest blessings and greater good come to you.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

At the end of a relationship, have you ever wished that you only knew certain things about the person in the beginning?  Would it
surprise you to know that those very things may have always been there – for you to see?  We need to always look for the “red flags”
when meeting new people, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, career or business partnerships.  “Red flags” are the
divine universe’s way of providing us with the necessary warning signs and alarms that are vital to protecting us from negative and
debilitating life changing relationships.

How many times have I heard client’s say, “If I only would have listened to my first impressions and what my gut said when I met
that person, I wouldn’t have gone through such a horrible experience?  The red flags were right there for me to see, but I
ignored them, and did what I wanted to do anyway.” 

As we look back at our failed and problematic relationships, we’ll see that the red flags and warning signs were indeed there.
Whether immediately apparent or revealed in a reasonable amount of time, who a person really is and what their true intentions are
toward us always become clear. 

We now need to incorporate the awareness from what we’ve been through before into our experience today, as to not make the same
missteps again.  Also, we need new tools that will help us to see people for who they really are and help us to identify the red
flags right off the bat or shortly after we have met them.

To achieve that end, I have written the two-part series: “10 Undeniable Red Flags.” Today’s newsletter offers Part 1, #’s 1-5,
while Part 2, #’s 6-10 will appear in my the next blog entry.

1-First Impressions Don’t Lie
When we meet people, our innate psychic radar is tuned in loud and clear.  You can refer to it as intuition, gut level instinct, or an
unexplainable feeling.  Whatever you choose to call “it,” we are always “checking out” who a person really is when we meet them;
even if we don’t believe in psychic ability, intuition or anything beyond our five mundane senses. 

Why do we do this?  It ties into our need to survive.  What we’re looking for, even if we’re consciously unaware of this process, is to know who and what a person actually is; beneath their veneers and social skills.  By intuitively “checking someone out,” we see if they will threaten, harm, lie to us, or be beneficial in our lives.  It is the intuitive equivalent of stepping into a house we may purchase, looking around, scrutinizing it, and seeing if it’s a good or bad choice.  Do you remember the phrase, “The devil is a gentleman?”  Very few people instantly come off bad or project that they’re a negative person — certainly not in polite society.  In the beginning, most people are on their best behavior.  Also, the only way to draw you into the new relationship is to appear to be a good person.

So whatever your first impression is, it will be correct, especially if you’re going into it with an open mind.  Sure, if you’re meeting a blind date, and you want them to be “the one,” that clouds your real intuition, which can easily be replaced by your emotional desires pretending to be your gut. However, if you’re just being natural and neutral without expectation when you meet someone, your initial take on them will be correct.  Often, these feelings are absolutely contradictory to who a person “seems” to be, and don’t make sense at all.  However, they’re not supposed to, as intuition is not logical.  Intuition is beyond what we can perceive with our five physical senses. 

This very thing happened to Jennifer when she met a man named John who dressed well, was attractive, successful, and quite polite.  By anyone’s standards, he was a fantastic catch.  Yet something felt wrong — really wrong.  When she stood next to him, she was unsettled.  Something just didn’t feel right, which she couldn’t explain to herself, understand why, or even begin to know what it was.  Yet, in the midst of John gently talking about taking her on a lovely dinner date and gazing wistfully at her with his bright blue eyes, Jennifer’s uneasy feelings grew stronger.

So she decided to listen to what she felt, even though it seemed odd, and rejected John’s offer of a date.  What a smart move she made, as Jennifer later found out that he has several girlfriends, and that one of these women actually accused him of being abusive toward her.  By Jennifer listening to her gut, she avoided a potentially disastrous involvement that could have potentially lead her to a horrible life altering entanglement.  Here, her first impression showed her the truth, as it always does – and Jennifer was smart enough to listen, as we all should.

2-Instant Connection
“I have never felt a feeling like this before.  I was instantly so attracted to him, I couldn’t believe it.  Our eyes locked, and I was completely hypnotized.  From the moment we met, I fell in love,” Suzie explains about her new love, Jason.  “I know it’s happening so fast, but it feels so right,” she adds.  Quickly, the couple moved in together, and became engaged within a few months. Shortly after, the two married. 

However, after the dust settled, the couple realized that they really weren’t compatible at all.  Within a year or so, Suzie and Jason were divorced.  The instantaneous chemistry they experienced clouded the reality of who they really were as individuals, how they related to each other as a couple, and what they each needed in a relationship.

Do you remember the phrase, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is?”  When meeting someone who becomes our new best friend, or falling in love instantly, there are usually serious problems. With “instant connection,” it’s largely based on fantasy. By connecting so quickly, the reality of who a person is and the real chemistry of a relationship is obfuscated and made unclear. This way, (at least in the beginning) one can write the script any way they want.  Since it’s new, there’s no water under the bridge, baggage, issues, or problems; at least not yet.  However, sooner or later, the reality of the actual dynamics between two people always reveals itself.

As in the case of Suzie and Jason, the feelings they experienced hardly had anything to do with how they truly felt about each other on a real level.  They were both open to and looking for a certain experience – in the short of it, a whirlwind romance.  Suzie and Jason both provided a fantasy experience for each other, and projected what they wanted the other person to be.  That fantasy was bought into enough for them to even get married. 

Yet time proved their relationship wasn’t based on compatibility, shared goals, values, or dreams.  Suzie and Jason became interchangeable parts in each other’s agenda, and used therelationship to have the experience they individually desired. This experience was both emotionally and financially quite costly.  They both became disillusioned in love, and had to pay high lawyers’ fees, as the couple fought over an expensive home they jointly purchased.

So it is crucial when meeting people to never deny the red flag of “instant connection.”  If something is right, it will stand the test of time, and it will make sense as the relationship unfolds.  If it isn’t right, why put yourself in such a difficult situation, where you can become hurt, used, disillusioned, world weary, and even devastated?  Just like when driving a car, you hopefully wouldn’t turn on the ignition, and immediately jam the acceleration pedal to the floor.  With any new relationship possibility that crosses your pathway, let it grow organically and reasonably.  This way, the true reality of the “connection” you and this person share becomes revealed in a timely fashion.  This helps you to navigate your journey safely and productively.

3-What you see is what you get, sort of…
We often hear that honesty is the best policy in relationships, but are there ever situations where too much honesty can be a red flag…?

Too much truth can hide a lie. “Janice, I’m married. Just wanted to let you know the facts right off the bat,” Jose said.  Here, Janice is startled and surprised by what Jose, a man she just met, has said to her.  “He’s so honest.  At least I know what I’m dealing with,” Janice confides to a girlfriend.  Days later, Jose said to her, “I may be married, but I haven’t had sex with my wife for years.  The sight of her disgusts me, so I always sleep in the basement.”  Janice is further intrigued.  Since Jose was initially honest about being a married man, she thinks that what Jose is saying now (about not being sexually active with his wife for years), must also be true.  However, it was a lie.  Jose has had a regular sex life with his wife since they were married. 

Some people, such as Jose, initially tell the truth in a way that is unflattering to themselves by declaring such things as:  “I’m married.”  “I’ve had a drug problem in the past.”  “I’ve been arrested once before a long time ago.”  “You might ask, “Why would anyone do this?”  Because these types of admissions are designed to make the person saying such things look totally honest, which allows them to gain the trust of others.  It appears as if a person such as Jose is actually noble, and willing to risk it all, solely to tell the truth.  Then, if trust can be gained, it is presumable that the other person, such as Janice, will believe what is also said to them.  It can actually create an even deeper trust, as someone like Janice feels that they’re in on the secret, and included in on private and privileged information.  It all creates a powerful smoke screen.
 
What if the person admitting their past drug problem said it to hide the fact that they’re still doing drugs now?  How about if the person acknowledging they were arrested before said it to avoid the reality that they actually did hard prison time recently, and has trouble with the law again?  The red flags are clear.  When any of us meet someone like Jose, we should always ask ourselves: “Why would someone I just met tell me things about themselves that are downright incriminating?  What do they have to gain by telling me this information?  Who am I to know all of this…?”  Something is obviously wrong, and it can’t be denied. 

Unfortunately, Janice bought into the illusion of Jose being a blatantly honest man.  She had the affair with him, and eventually discovered that he and his wife were still having sex.  Janice was his mistress for five long years, as she couldn’t put her mind around the red flag of his “false honesty.”  Even though honesty may not always be designed to camouflage a lie as it was for Jose, it can be a powerful game and even a weapon.

Honesty as a game and a weapon
“Cindy, I don’t want a commitment,” David flatly states.  He just started communicating with Cindy online, and wants to establish the rules of the game straight away.  On the other hand, she also recently started talking with Frank, another man she met online. Frank says the opposite of David:  “I’m looking to get married now, Cindy, and that’s what I want.” 

Both of these honest statements are a red flag.  Why?  Because these two “honest” men come into a new relationship with a pre-existing agenda, without even knowing who Cindy is.  This means that these men are not really open to what a new relationship can be.  Cindy is put in the position of having to accommodate the rules of the game, as laid out by David or Frank.  The agenda of David is to avoid commitment, yet still have sex, while Frank is looking for a wife, plain and simple.  This allows them to establish control of whatever builds from the initial contact, as they have rigidly defined the parameters of what the relationship will be from here on out.

However, Cindy realized that what these two men were engaging her in a game – one where only they set the rules.  As she really did want a real relationship, she cut her ties with David and Frank, and began meeting new people.

In addition to it being a game as is was with David and Frank, too much honesty can also be a quite powerful weapon:  “I don’t like your dress,” Bill says to Tasha, who he’s on his first date with.  “I think it’s not very attractive on you at all,” he further chimes in.  Here, his honesty makes Tasha feel bad about herself, especially because she didn’t even ask Bill what he thought of her dress.  “What do you want me to do?  Lie?  I’m just being honest with you,” Bill further defends.  This type of honesty is a huge red flag, as it allows Bill to attack Tasha’s self image and self esteem, which sets himself up to use honesty as a way to dominate, control, and potentially abuse her.  Tasha felt so energetically molested by Bill’s comments, that she dumped him flat that evening, as the red flag was so crystal clear to her.  Bill tried to further create excuses for his behavior; that’s he a little blunt, but that
he doesn’t mean to hurt anybody…but Tasha refused to buy into it.

Honesty as an excuse
Like Bill, some use honesty as a way of defining their faults right up front, simply as a way of excusing them.  “I know I’m always late.  That’s just the way I am.  I’m sorry, but I just wanted to let you know up front,” Kevin says to Joel, a new potential business partner.  “If I show up late, don’t take it personally, as it’s just the way I’ve always been,” he further adds.  Here, Kevin is not trying to acknowledge his faults as a way of working on them and becoming a better person.  It’s just a way of him saying that this is who he is and the way it will be, and for Joel to be prepared to deal with it.  Kevin is using honesty as a way of justifying being inconsiderate of his potential new partner, and setting the tone.  If Kevin’s late and his partner has to wait, who gets victimized?  Of course, Joel does.

However, Joel decided to ignore this red flag.  He chose to see Kevin’s admission as forthright and decided to go into business with him anyway:  “Hey, no one’s perfect.  So Kevin’s late sometimes.  I can deal with that,” Joel said.  However, little did Joel know that it would cost him a valuable business contract.  In typical fashion, Kevin showed up late for a business meeting where a potential investor simply got tired of waiting around.  He then pulled the plug on investing into Kevin and Joel’s enterprise. This was all because the potential investor was soured by Kevin’s lack of professionalism.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, we all want to be involved with someone who is honest.  That goes without saying.  However, we need to watch for the instances where too much honesty becomes something we get fooled by.  It is a definite red flag whenever honesty is used to set up or achieve an additional agenda or ulterior motive.

4-Lies, Lies, Lies
Very few people just lie through their teeth when you first meet them, as no one would consider a person like that to be credible on any level.  Anyone who lies about anything and everything appears mentally ill. Therefore, a good liar mixes the lies with the truth. More importantly, though, is to watch how a liar slowly and insidiously incorporates their lies into a new relationship. Things might start off seemingly good, until the story of who they are and what they initially presented themselves to be changes and shifts — a little at a time. 

If the red flags are not apparent immediately, they will begin to be revealed within a reasonable amount of time.  The key is to not get emotionally hooked into the person within that probationary period, as you’ll need to extricate yourself from the relationship if the lies begin emerging.

That’s exactly what happened to Jonathan.  He came up with an idea for an internet business, and in looking for someone to work with, he ran into Edward, who claimed to have launched several successful internet ventures.  Edward offered names of people he had worked with, and the information he provided seemed to check out at first.  However, as several weeks unfolded, holes started appearing in Edward’s story.  He assured Jonathan that he would speak with former associates, and even mentioned times where communication would occur.  However, these “partners” never called Jonathan as Edward had promised they would.  At first, it was explained as so and so was busy, out of town, and will get back in touch.  After three weeks of this, Jonathan became suspicious. 

Edward put Jonathan in touch with some financial investors, who sounded upbeat and positive in the initial conversations about funding the project.  Edward then assured Jonathan that the money was going to come within a few weeks.  As Jonathan waited, the money never came.  The only thing that moved forward with the project was that Edward wanted Jonathan to sign papers to make him a partner. 

It was now about 6 weeks into this, and nothing had materialized as Edward promised it would.  Although not instantly, the red flags revealed themselves in a timely fashion well within 90 days.  Jonathan had seen enough warning signs, and decided to terminate his new relationship with Edward, and simply moved on.  Maybe not at first, but liars always do get caught and busted. Their deception and secretiveness will make a person they’re involved with suspicious and mistrustful of who they are and what they do.  Eventually, it all comes out.  But what if it’s too late?  Meaning, what if one is too emotionally involved to cut their ties once the lies are completely unveiled?

This is what Laura went through when she started dating Chuck in early 2006.  At first, Chuck declared that he was a faithful man, open and honest, only dates one woman at a time, and would never lie to Laura.  (Initially Laura’s intuition strongly warned her to stay away from Chuck, as her gut felt that something was wrong.) Yet she decided to continue dating him and let the situation unfold, as she had no tangible proof of him being a liar.

As time went on, he seemed more and more secretive, and closed off a lot of the time.  It got worse after the first few weeks of their relationship.  When he explained where he was and what he was doing, there were holes in his stories – timelines and dates didn’t add up or make sense.  How could he be with his mother, yet be spotted in a bar by one of Laura’s friends at the same time?  It was becoming increasingly clear after about 4 weeks, that Chuck was deceptive.  In spite of these multiple red flags which grew stronger, she was emotionally too involved to just get out. 

So she asked God almighty to show her what her new boyfriend was doing, as she supposedly wanted to know the truth.  Do you recall the phrase, “Don’t wish for something, you might just get it?”  Laura’s wish was definitely granted to her within 7 weeks.  One day, she came over to see Chuck, who was in the shower when she arrived.  He accidentally left his computer on, and as Laura walked by, it was all there for her to see:  pornographic pictures from other women, sexually explicit messages, and dates and times when Chuck would be meeting these other females.  It all came out — as it always does.  However, when she found out the truth, she claimed it was too late for her to get out of the relationship.  She was too emotionally into Chuck, and therefore, she decided to stay with him.

Very few people lie extensively right off the bat.  The red flags may be apparent in small ways (which should never be denied), but if not, they will emerge.  At first, a liar has to create a smokescreen that might seem plausible.  With Edward, he played himself off as being more successful than he was and tried to string Jonathan out with false hopes.  With Chuck, he portrayed himself as the good guy — but through time, the illusion came crashing down.

The real key is to never deny any red flags that present themselves at any point in the relationship, whether in the beginning or a bit down the road; before your emotions get too involved.  Even if it’s not apparent at first, it all comes out in the wash.  Just be open to the truth, and don’t deny the red flags, as they never lie as people like Edward and Chuck do…

5-Push me, pull me
For any of us who have been in a push me pull me relationship, its dizzying effects can be worse than being dumped.  The ups and downs and roller coaster-esque ride not only cause us to lose our center; they can also make us relinquish control of our lives.  Being preoccupied, unable to focus at work, not eating, worrying incessantly if and when we’ll hear from them, draining our friends by repeating the same concerns over and over again, and shutting down are all typical symptoms of the push me, pull me syndrome. 

Usually, the red flags are apparent pretty quickly as the new lover you’ve met comes on strong at first – in fact, very strong.  This is necessary for them to hook you in.  Without coming on strong initially, it is presumable that you won’t invest your mind, body, and soul into this new relationship.  That investment on your part is necessary for them to be able to play this game on you.  Then, once you’re hooked, they pull back.  Why?  This is their way of establishing control, setting the tone, limits, parameters, and dynamics of the relationship.  They see you when it’s convenient to them, and if and when they choose not to, you’re put on the shelf till they decide to connect with you later.  It allows them to have their cake and eat it too.

They are counting on you clinging to false hopes, as you can remember that way it initially was, and hope for a return to the magic that briefly once was.  After all, the honeymoon just occurred.  You can believe that by being patient and biding your time, things will someday go back to the way they were in the beginning.  Remember, the person in control serves two masters: on one hand, the relationship, and conversely, their ego, selfishness and mind games which creates inconsistency, distance, avoidance and unavailability.  And it’s all done on purpose…because if you believe they’re confused, and/or become confused yourself, the relationship keeps on going.

Using confusion as a way to create confusion
This is what Joyce went through when she met Steve who immediately showed a strong interest in her.  After about three weeks or so, he began playing the push me, pull me game.  Here was a gigantic red flag, and it created a lot of confusion for Joyce – exactly as it was supposed to.  Steve claimed that he was actually the one who was confused.  He said that he knew he had feelings for Joyce, but wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship (even though he’s the one who aggressively pushed it).  He then told Joyce that he wanted to still see her, but he couldn’t promise anything.  He might not always be there, be he would try, is how he spun it.

But in reality Steve wasn’t confused at all.  He simply pretended to be to confuse Joyce.  This is intended to create the illusion that he’s a man struggling to figure things out, work through his pain, past issues and baggage, and  today’s uncertainty.  However, those premises are entirely false.  He knew exactly what he wanted, which was to have Joyce in a non-committal relationship simply as a sexual partner.  So he pretended to be taking her to the moon, when in actuality, he wasn’t really taking her anywhere, to lure her in. The truth is that Steve has always been selfish, non-committal, and unfaithful – not searching his soul for answers and clarity to perplexing relationship issues.

Joyce bought into this initially, but she chose to not deny this red flag, and eventually cut Steve off for good.  For a while after she terminated the involvement, he called and tried to sweet talk her, but she caught on to who and what he was, thankfully. The push me, pull me relationship doesn’t only happen in romance, but also in any type of relationship, including friendship.  And just because it’s not romantic, doesn’t mean that the effects would be any less powerful.

Cheryl and Joan worked together, and had the same interests in art museums and movies.  Cheryl would ask Joan to go to an art museum showing, followed by a movie, but Cheryl soon came to realize that she couldn’t always depend on Joan.  Some of the time Joan would go, then other times, she’d back out at the last minute for no apparent reason. Cheryl tried to be understanding and flexible, but after a few months, this red flag was undeniable.  She couldn’t take it anymore.  So she decided to address this issue with Joan.

Joan became hostile and defensive when she responded: “I am an adult and have the freedom to live my life the way I choose.  I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices.”  However, this wasn’t about freedom and being who you are.  Joan’s actions were about selfishness, taking Cheryl for granted, and having it both ways. Joan wanted to be in control and follow through with plans when she wanted to, or simply blow them off if that suited her. 

Since Joan refused to meet Cheryl half way, she didn’t know what to do.  After all, she also worked with Joan, and didn’t want to create a huge problem.  It really hurt Cheryl’s feelings, as she thought she had made a real friend – not a fair weather acquaintance.  So as hurt as she was, she decided to gently fade away from Joan, a little at a time.  Joan still wanted to engage Cheryl in activities from time to time, but she was always busy or had things to take care of.

Those such as Steve and Joan are trying to use mixed signals as a way to control, limit, and define the relationship – in a selfish, inconsiderate way, solely on their terms.  There is no confusion or struggle within them.  They know the game and how to play it.  This is a huge power trip as they decide when and how things will be done.  With push me, pull me it’s always about them – not about you, regardless of how it is presented. 

You may feel wanted, needed, or important, but you’ll only be a vehicle for the other person’s gratification, duplicity, narcissism, and inconsistency in that most dreadful reality we’ve probably all been through of “push me, pull me.”  However, it is up to us as to whether we cut our ties, or stay in situations that have been shown to be negative to us.  When we walk away, we save ourselves literally from horrific life altering consequences that can affect our entire journey irrevocably.

Keep in mind that in Part 1 of “10 Undeniable Red Flags,” I intended to show that we can avoid negative and toxic relationships.  There’s no one or nothing up in the sky setting us up for a fall and for punishment.  It is us who makes these choices to accept an involvement with someone who will hurt us.  However, the red flags are always there for us to see: sometimes immediately, or within a reasonable amount of time so we can extricate ourselves from a bad situation.  It is up to us what we do with the red flags that come to us as a supreme gift from the divine universe that forever tries to watch over us, protect us, and guide us.  In the next entry, I will conclude this two part article. 

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

With the hustle, bustle, stress and pressures of the holidays almost behind us, we’re finally now coming into the New Year.  And yes, wouldn’t it be nice for all of us to come up with a great New Year’s Resolution – and better yet, carry it out? 

However, even with good intentions, here are some of the biggest mistakes we make with our New Year’s Resolutions:

1-We state a resolution merely as a lark.  At a party, or as a fun and festive declaration, we make a resolution that is forgotten about or dismissed rather quickly.

2-We get so caught up in the stresses and pressures of the holidays that we forget to plan out a resolution for the coming year, so it gets lost in the shuffle.

3-We try to literally fix everything in our lives all at once:  love life, money, career, health, etc.  By taking on too much, we get overwhelmed, and nothing gets accomplished.

This New Year, ask yourself, “What is the one area of my life that would make the biggest and most positive change for the better?”  Remember, we’re speaking of only one area, and nothing more!  As we tend to get so bogged down in the confusion of all we’re dealing with, we don’t stop and realize just how one thing can truly make such a difference in our lives.

Put some thought into determining that one area of your life that if changed for the better, would have the most positive and profound impact on 2009 by doing the following:

1-Probe into what area of your life that actually is.  Give it serious thought and consideration.  Don’t just go with the first thing that comes to your mind.  Make a list of five to ten possible areas of concern.  Then, narrow it down to two to three, and see which area remains the one that continues to stand out as the most beneficial to change.

2-Ask yourself what the problem is.  How can you fix something if you don’t know what it is that needs to be fixed?  When we’re in the dark regarding a problem area of our lives, we can’t be effective in knowing what to do, and how to make a plan of action.  If you’re a woman who has not been successful in love, you need to ask the following:  “What kind of men am I attracted to?  Are they good or bad for me?  Why am I not interested in those who want a real relationship with me?  Why am I attracting nobody?”

3-Determine how to fix it.  In doing so, you need to look beneath the surface.  You must get to the bottom of the issue, and not just try to alleviate the symptoms.  Let’s say, if your health isn’t doing well, figure out why this has occurred. What if you kept taking Vicodin for severe headaches?  Sure, it relieved the pain, but never allowed you to get the core of what was causing the headaches, which could be quite serious.

Remember; where there is an effect (the problem) there is always a cause (what actually created the problem).  We must look at the origin and core of the issue, as that is the only way to really create meaningful and lasting change.

There are always two dynamics of a problem that need to be looked at to come up with a successful plan:

1-The external issues.  If it’s money, and you’re late on your credit card bills, you would be receiving past due notices in the mail.  This is just one instance of how the externals are pretty easy to determine, as they’re right there for the naked eye to see.  By looking at the late statements, it’s clear that you have to pay the minimum amount indicated, or call the credit card company to make some type of payment arrangements. 

Regarding the external issues of romantic relationships, here are some questions to help bring clarity:  “Where do I go to meet people who are like minded?  How do I put myself out there in a positive and productive way?”

2-The internal issues.  Determining the internal issues is much more problematic, complicated, and difficult to come to terms with.  It is presumable that we have helped to create our own problems, and that who we are and where we’re at internally is a huge part of that process.  Usually, the external problem merely mirrors what is going on within us.  We project outward where we’re at within, and that helps to manifest what we perceive as reality; thus, our external issues.

We need to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing the things I’m doing?  What is motivating me?  What’s the payoff and reward for my behavior?”  By understanding what “makes us tick,” we can begin to get a grasp of how to heal the internal issues behind our problems.

Make sure to not get sidetracked by defense mechanisms, or sub problems, and don’t let your energies get scattered in the process:

1-Our defense mechanisms will always try and protect us from what we fear as a form of survival.  If your fear is that you believe that loving someone would trap and imprison you, you’ll do everything you can to avoid intimacy and a potentially successful relationship.  If you’re trying to manifest love in 2009 and have this problem, it would be important to work on this one area regarding your love life.  By staying on point, and not getting thrown off track by your defense mechanisms, you can change your romantic forecast for the better this year.

In this instance, getting sidetracked would involve dating people who are unattainable, and/or married, and not open to a real relationship.  Allowing yourself to get involved with someone who reinforces your already existing fears only strengthens those fears and defense mechanisms.  This takes you further away from your goals.

2-Sub problems can be a distraction.  If you’re trying to lose weight, a sub problem would be to worry if you’re ever going to be able to fit into a certain outfit that you just saw in a store, and getting preoccupied over it.  Remember, that particular outfit is not relevant at this time.  Work on losing the inches and pounds, knowing that the goal is to be healthy and at your proper weight.  By manifesting that, everything else regarding fashion and appearance will fall into place.

3-Getting scattered is easy to do.  If you’re working on painting and redecorating a room in your house as your New Year’s resolution, getting distracted by things that come up, or being wrapped up into other people’s issues is a perfect way of avoiding completing your tasks.  “I know I should be painting today, but my best friend was upset with her husband, so she needed to talk.  I know I didn’t get anything done today, but there’s always tomorrow,” Jenny says.

But in reality, Jenny didn’t work on the room tomorrow.  As she was emotionally and internally looking for a way to procrastinate, her friend’s issue with her husband provided the perfect escape – and scapegoat.  Therefore, Jenny didn’t finish the room, and it sat there for several months until she finally got back into the swing of getting it painted and redecorated.  It actually took Jenny’s husband pushing and prodding her to get the room completed.

Since a part of us will resist wanting to stay with things, as it isn’t accomplished overnight, it’s easy to get scattered and lose our focus.  This is where we need to make the commitment that our priority is to stay with the plan, and not deviate from it.  Remember; don’t get bogged down by other people’s stuff, or situations that allow you to escape what you’ve planned to do.  Running away is always so easy to do. 

Engage a support system through family, friends, online forums and supportive articles on the Internet.  In addition, try to be your own support system:

1-Reward yourself for your achievements regarding your New Year’s resolution!  Treat yourself to a dinner, a new outfit, or a fun gift to signify various levels of manifesting your goals.  Do something nice for you, as that creates a win-win situation, where you know that your achievements bring about a reward for you.

2-Review your progress periodically – let’s say, every 1-3 months.  As we’re changing the one most important area of our lives, it can sometimes seem like we’re in the middle of a never ending journey.  When it feels overwhelming, it’s easy to put it aside, or merely give up.  By checking your progress periodically, you’ll receive the motivation you need to keep on going.

3-Be patient.  Never forget that this is the most important problem in your life that you’re in the process of fixing.  Therefore, it won’t be accomplished quickly and easily in one fell swoop.  Fixing that one biggest problem takes effort, patience, consistency, and due diligence.  Stay with it!  Just take it one day at a time, and don’t discount how important the small, consistent day by day steps are. 

It is now time to make this New Year and the age old concept of “What’s your New Year’s resolution” work for us.  Here’s how:

Don’t fall for the old traps.  But rather, stay focused on that one most important area of your life that needs to be changed, as doing just that literally transforms every single aspect of your journey.  Never think that since it’s only one area of your life, that it only impacts that single area – as it is literally changing everything in a most wonderful way!  It is a domino effect, as what you do with your money, health, love life, or in any area, impacts on all parts of your journey irrevocably. 

Don’t forget…:

If you fix your money situation, your improved self worth and sense of prosperity will radiate from within you throughout the universe.  This brings back unlimited blessings, including everyone treating you better because you feel better about you!  It also impacts positively in all levels of your life – as prosperity creates a tremendously good all around energy. 

Fixing your career allows you to work in a way that facilitates your divine calling and your unique genius.  By utilizing your irreplaceable one of a kind gifts and talents, you vibrate to an energy of success, fulfillment, and your true calling.  The world will then acknowledge you, and respect you.  Through fulfilling this part of your destiny, you help others, and bring back all the good that is afforded you in multiple ways — and this all happens from merely fixing just one area of your life!

Let’s set it into motion, right here, right now, and achieve just one thing — that most important thing for 2009.  Discover what it is, tackle it with joyful glee, and don’t give up.  You must stay with it till it’s fixed!  And this very year (not at some indefinite point way off in the future), you will bring about the life altering change for the better that your mind, heart and spirit have been longing for.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

 Our dreams say so much – yet sometimes we think that they say so little. “Oh, I just had a nightmare, which doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got to get to work,” a man in a hurry to get to the office says.  Yet our dreams are a pathway to messages, understanding and even transcendent spiritual wisdom.  Many great visionaries and geniuses receive their visions in a dream.  Einstein, for instance, freely admitted that The Theory Of Relativity was not “his,” but that it came to him in a dream.

Yet, how many of us work with our dreams, yet alone even remember them.  Whether personal messages, problems we’re trying to solve at a deeper level, or literally seeing something as it may exactly unfold in the physical world, dreams are a mirror of the soul and a source of higher communication.  Below, I would like to begin to offer some tools of awareness for the very profound, yet often neglected process of dreaming and what it really means to us.

The Process Of Our Minds And Dreaming

Below, I would like to explain the different levels of our functioning minds and how that relates to sleep and dreaming.  It is now established through research that when we begin our sleep cycle, that we actually drift from our awake state of consciousness, Beta, rather quickly to Alpha, which is more of a light sleep, then through the deep sleep of Theta and on to Delta, our deepest level of sleep. 

About 90 minutes later, we drift upward above Theta into the Alpha levels.  Our bodies then lay rather still, as if we’re viewing something in front of us, while our eyes being to move rapidly beneath our eyelids.  This, of course, is called Rapid Eye Movement or REM.  At this stage is where our dreams take place.  After one to four minutes, the mind drifts back again into the Delta level only to repeat this process, with variations at ninety minute intervals all through the night.  This gives us each about 4-6 dreams per night, which is far more than most of us probably think that we dream!

Beta – This is our waking state, the state that is our conscious level as in going about our daily lives.  The Beta level represents our cognitive mind functions, say as in driving a car or getting dressed.  For lack of a better term, Beta can be referred to as our rational mental process.

Alpha - There are varying levels of the Alpha state, with the first being where the body is relaxed but the mind is still quite alert.  Then there is the level of being sort of in a twilight mode, where ESP and psychic flashes occur quite strongly and accurately.  Then, slightly deeper is the light sleep associated with meditation, trance and hypnotic levels. It is at this hypnotic level that REM, rapid eye movement occurs as we’re dreaming.  Often, we experience the twilight state mentioned above when we first wake up; we’re sort of here, (the physical world) yet we’re still sort of there, as in our dream world. 

Theta – This is the next level down, a stage of deep sleep where there is a type of dreaming referred to by scientists as non-REM or NREM.

Delta – Here is the deepest stage of all sleep and this is where physical body repairs are done. This level is highly therapeutic where extensive physical repairs and restoration actually occurs.  This could even clarify and shed light on the aging process in the elderly, since are bodies are said to renew themselves every night.  With this concept in mind, there may be no reason for any of us to age.  Since the elderly tend to be light sleepers, the lack of Delta sleep may actually explain the appearance of aging, which is perhaps, an illusion.  With the concept that we were are all created in God’s supreme and perfect image, ageless, timeless and permanently perfect, aging may merely be an illusion. 

Types Of Dreams

There are so many types of dreams, with multiple purposes and sometimes, what we may think is a dream is actually not.  Below, I will chronicle the various dreams we all experience and what they mean to us as individuals, and also shed light on what we typically think is a dream, but is reality, is something entirely different.

Pre Cognitive

A pre cognitive dream is showing you something, en event, an occurrence or experience that may indeed happen in the physical world, similar or exactly to as it is seen in the dream.  It could be called a psychic dream, in a sense.  With a pre cognitive dream, it can serve many purposes; showing you something so you are aware it may or will happen, so you can change it, or at the very least, be prepared to deal with it.  Precognitive dreams are spiritual in nature, as you’re seeing something first which occurs in the spiritual realms, before it drops down to the lower level of the physical plane, where we experience it as “reality.”  Some people are scared of these types of dreams, however, one never should be.  Two things again are in play; you’re having and remembering the dream because you’re supposed to.  You may be able to legitimately change it, so if it is bad, it can be prevented, but at the very least, you’re psychologically and emotionally prepared, even if it cannot be changed.

Here is an example of a pre cognitive dream that can be changed: John has a vivid dream where he sees his friend Susan in a serious car accident, that day, at around noon on a certain street.  John informs Susan that he had this dream and advises her not to drive on that street around that time and preferably, not drive at all on that particular day.  Susan heeds John’s warning and therefore, avoids the accident that was given to John through the dream as a warning, not as an immutable event written in stone.

Reoccurring Dreams

I think most of us have had a reoccurring dream for years, perhaps, decades.  I, myself, to this day, keep having a reoccurring dream of being in my senior year in high school, but by the end of the year, I can’t seem to graduate.  When we have this type of dream, it means that there is an issue within our consciousness that must be worked through and resolved.  It will keep coming to us until we’ve moved past the issue, which presents itself repeatedly in our dreams.  Don’t consider this to be an obstacle or stumbling block, but rather, an opportunity for growth where our dreams are showing us what work still needs to be done.  By healing the underlying issue, we are able to move forward with our respective journeys.

Symbolic Dream

Here, we see symbols, pictures and scenes that on the surface don’t make literal sense to us and may even seem surreal.  Symbolic dreams speak to us in code, sort of like Morse code.  One needs to determine what the symbols mean and sort out the messages and images of the dream.  It’s sort of like solving a riddle, or putting together a puzzle. These dreams are trying to communicate information and messages to us but we have to figure out what is being given to us.

For example: A spider that is green that changes to being red is climbing on the wall, then it starts to fly and changes into a smiling baby.  Now let me offer an interpretation for this dream:  The spider may represent something that is sneaky, insidious, poisonous and toxic (represented by the nature of spiders who can possess a venomous bite) which calls attention to a circumstance or situation that may be of this nature in the person’s life who had this dream.  The fact that the spider is green, then changes to red, can indicate the sense of “go” then “stop” as in traffic lights – green, of course meaning go, as in go ahead with something or that something is moving forward in one’s life, while red would indicate stopping, or something coming to a halt.  So, the situation, (negative) represented by the spider is moving forward in the life of the person who had this dream, but then it stops.  The fact that the spider is climbing the wall can indicate that the negative conditions represented by the spider that have stopped are now climbing higher or gaining momentum. Then, the spider begins to fly, which means that this situation it “taking off,” “lifting off,” and beginning to have wings.  When the spider changes into a smiling baby, it indicated that whatever negative situation that was occurring changes into something new (represented by a baby) and pleasant, as the baby was smiling.  As the conclusion of whatever the dream represents ends with a sense of a positive new beginning from something that ultimately seemed toxic, perhaps deadly.  It was going, then stopping, than lifting off and taking off and ultimately changes itself into something of a new and positive beginning.

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid dreaming means dreaming while actually knowing that you are indeed dreaming.  The term was coined by Frederik van Eeden who used the word “lucid” in the sense of mental clarity, meaning you mentally know that you are dreaming while doing so. Lucidity usually begins in the midst of a dream when the person realizes that they are not in physical reality, but are in a dream. Often this realization is triggered by the dreamer noticing some unlikely occurrence in the dream, such as flying.  Sometimes people become lucid without noticing any particular clue in the dream; they just suddenly realize they are in a dream.

The basic definition of lucid dreaming requires nothing more than becoming aware that you are dreaming. However, the quality of lucidity can vary greatly. When lucidity is at a high level, you are aware that everything experienced in the dream is occurring in a dream.  With low-level lucidity you may be aware to a certain extent that you are dreaming, but not enough to completely realize that you’re asleep at that time.

Nightmares

Nightmares are often like a person who shouts above everyone in the room so they will be heard.  Nightmares often come through in a way that is similar to a horror movie, so we are shocked in a sense into remembering this type of dream and looking at it.  We often will take note and analyze it because it startled and scared us.  Frequently, the message of the nightmare is not morose and morbid, such as being thrown off of a tall building, but something we simply need to take heed of and listen to.  Nightmares are not usually predictive or pre cognitive, but represent what you really need to take a look at – something that is truly bothering you.  What the nightmare is about, say, being murdered or burned in a fire, for example, is not really at all what the you’re suppose to look at as a conclusion to the meaning of the dream.  It is sort of like a shocking headline to a news story – it is designed to grab your attention, so you can actually look at the underlying content to really understand the story – i.e. the dream.

Garbage Dreams

Like somebody belching, garbage dreams are often the rumblings of our subconscious mind that need to vent, release or simply be acknowledged.  Often, these types of dreams don’t have a lot of clarity or clear message to interpret and may be there as a form of our own internal overload being released. Frequently convoluted and messy, these type of dreams are sort of like taking many conflicting ingredients and tossing them all into a blender and mixing them all up.

What We Think Are Dreams But Aren’t

Because we’re asleep, we may think that everything that occurs for us is a dream.  In actuality, many things happen when we’re asleep, besides dreaming even though we perceive these experiences as dreams, and here, I would like to explore some of those fascinating realities.

Astral Projection

Astral projection simply stated, is when our spiritual selves leave our physical body and travel through the spiritual realms to see, learn, experience, gain knowledge and to preview what may come into our earthly existences.  Every night when we sleep, especially if we have a full night’s sleep, we leave out bodies this way and astral travel, accompanied by our spiritual teachers and guides.   With astral projection, we embark on a fascinating journey of learning, exploring and viewing; places, events and possibilities to occur in our earthly realm.  Our teachers and spiritual guides lead us where we need to go to learn, protect us from making a wrong turn, (as in going somewhere we should not go to) as well as keep us safe.  When astral traveling, we are connected to our physical bodies by a silver cord that keeps us connected to our physical bodies at the base of our spines.

An example of astral projection that we may have thought of as a dream, is the sensation of flying above a city, seeing it, observing it while in our sleep cycle.  Another instance would be where you see yourself moving about a place that seems foreign to you, but at the same time, appears totally real.  If you’ve ever been jolted out of sleep, say by a loud noise, you might feel unsettled in your body, as if somehow, you’ve been twisted in knots.  That could very well be that you were jerked back into you physical body abruptly from astral projecting, therefore, you feel not put together right somehow, or contorted in a way, almost like wearing a size 6 shoe when you have a size 7 foot.

Dreaming Of Passed On Loved Ones

Often, people who are not open to receive communication and messages from loved ones on the other side dream of these loved ones.  If one’s defense mechanisms are set up in such a way to not believe their loved ones who are passed on can or would contact them, they need to be in a dream state to receive such messages.  While dreaming, their defenses and internal barriers are relaxed enough, so an open channel occurs for their transitioned loved ones to indeed come through.  In most instances, these are real communications from the other side.  Even if the messages are not totally clear, loved ones who have passed are often trying to come through.  It’s important to listen to what these dreams are saying, as often, their value can be of tremendous healing and help to those of us who are still here.

Going To School

We all go to school in our sleep cycles, where we are the student of an instructor, a master teacher.  Also, we may have more than one instructor, depending on what we’re in the process of learning at any given time.  Sometimes we are taught individually while other times we sit in a classroom with those who are also going through the same lessons and learning as we are.  From tackling our earthly problems, to spiritually based instruction, anything we may need to learn is taught to us in the higher planes while we are asleep.  This gives a whole different meaning to the term, night school. (LOL)  Here, though, we see that it is not a dream we’re experiencing, but rather, being in a spiritual school.  We may not always know consciously what we’re learning here, but what we learn in school is absorbed by us on a deep internal spiritual level, which through time, filters up through us to ultimately, our conscious minds and becomes assimilated.

Problem Solving

While asleep, our minds stay busy at work, finding solutions and searching for answers to whatever our challenges may be at the current time.  Whether working to repairs to our bodies, finding the right way to deal with a work related conflict or coming up with a perspective on a family matter, our higher minds are in a state of regular problem solving while our bodies lay in rest.  Since the mind never stops working, this is just another realm and reality of the tremendous power of our minds – so much more that most of us ever think.

Programming to have a dream to answer a question

Often, we just can’t find the answers we’re looking for in our awake state.  We need to look to our higher minds, where transcendent knowledge is ever present.  In this mode, we program ourselves to have a dream that answers our question.  Just like giving an assignment or a task to someone working on our behalf, they undertake this request and begin working on it.  The reason I say, begin working on it, is because often, it takes time to have a question answered through a dream.  In the same way a person working on a task may take days, weeks, potentially even longer to come up with a solution, the same thing occurs when we program our minds to resolve a question through a dream.  Be patient once you have done this!  Also, you can repeat the command to reinforce to your mind what you want it to do via your dreams to solve whatever issue is at hand!  Sometimes, the answers come in a very startling, surprising way – out of the blue.  Be prepared, though, as your question will be answered. 

Divine Inspiration

Many a great artist or inventor receives their creations from the other side while asleep.  What may be thought of as a dream is an actual channeling of divine work (paintings, inventions, songs) from the Godhead directly.  When these creations are given to any of is, they are a supreme gift from higher awareness and genius, for us to bring through into the physical realm, to be shared with the collective of this world.  Often, these individuals will awake with a work of art completed or nearly completed, as if is just is.  That is because it does already exist in the spiritual realms, and we, as individuals channel such work through our minds, abilities and talent into manifestations here.

Understanding and Interpreting Your Dreams

There are two aspects of dream interpretation; the personal and the universal.  There are some symbols that may be considered universal – that represent our collective, joined consciousness, such as water representing emotions in a dream. If you have a dream where it’s raining on you, this can indicate the present of intense emotions you’re going through regarding something in your life.  If you see a lake, and you’re in it, this can represent that you’re feeling consumed by a lot of emotion. 

However, the personal aspect of dream interpretation is far more important and relevant.  What does a dream mean to you?  It doesn’t matter if the symbol of a lion, let’s say, which would represent strength and courage to most, means something completely different to you.  What if you had been attacked by a lion at some point in your life? Then, a lion appearing in your dream would mean something entirely different to you then for someone who had never had that experience.  What you feel personally about understanding your dream trumps and overrides what is considered to be universal.  For example, seeing Jesus and assuming it means a spiritual and loving presence may not apply to an atheist.  Therefore, it would indicate something different to that person.  Always, ask yourself, what does this dream and its parts mean to me?  Connect the dots, piece by piece, if you have to.  You will figure it all out!

Here are some tools for interpreting and understanding your dreams:

If you don’t remember your dreams, say this affirmation, which will help you to recall your dreams:  “I now remember my dreams as I am supposed to, giving me the information I need to make my life and the lives of those around me better!”

Remember, not recalling your dreams means that some part of you is blocking what your dreams are – in a sense, being shut down and closed off.  Learning to open this channel within is like plugging the phone in to receive phone calls that have been trying to get through to you.  There are many relevant messages waiting!

As you remember your dreams, write them down.  Keep a dream notebook or journal and make sure to write down what you dream.  Preferably, keep this pad and pencil or pen next to your bed, so you can take note of your dreams when you first awake.  Often, the details of a dream fade from consciousness rather quickly, so grab it while it’s hot, so to speak.

Dreams speak to us on many levels.  For example, you can look at any dream as you being all people in that dream.  Different people can represent different parts of your consciousness as well as different feelings and aspects of what you’re going through.  For example, if you dream of your Mom, your Dad, your brother and a co worker, here is a way to view this:  Your Mom can represent the nurturing maternal part of you, your Dad can represent the masculine and assertive aspect of your energies, your brother can represent your internal sense of support and being your own ally, while a co-worker can indicate the feeling of working with yourself as in internal teamwork.  Even if the dream consists of multiple people doing many things, you can be seen as all people in your dream doing all things, and interpret from that vantage point.  Think of it that the different people and actions in a dream represent different parts of you and your varying reactions and actions that you may feel and / or do.

If you’re not sure what a dream is saying to you after you write it down, run it by a friend.  Someone who understands you will be able to help piece together what the dream is saying, as they know your uniqueness and can see the dream more objectively.

Program your mind to tell you what a dream means to you.  The answers will come, often, when least expected and in a flash.  Here is a good affirmation:  “My higher mind clearly shows me what my dreams mean to me in ways that are completely understandable and clear.”

Also, if you’re having a problem that you just can’t seem to solve in your awake state, program your dreams to do the work and give you the answer!  Here is a good affirmation: “My dreams now solve the problem at hand, giving me clear answers immediately!”

Don’t worry – the answers will come. Also, reading different books on dream interpretation can be helpful.  One of the best is Wilda Tanner’s The Mystical, Magical, Marvelous World of Dreams.

All in all, dreams are a divine tool for transformation, growth, enlightenment and higher understanding – one which most of us, unfortunately neglect or only deal with ever so randomly.  Make exploring and understanding your dreams as important as what you put your mind to when you’re awake.  After all, approximately one third of our lives are spent sleeping and there is a great treasure of knowledge and insight in our sleep and the mysterious pathway to transcendent understanding known as our dreams.  Dream speak to us – a voice from within and far beyond, giving us awareness, insight, knowledge and a preview of all that is to come.  It is said that nothing happens in our lives – nothing at all, without us first previewing it, seeing it in our sleep and dream cycles and accepting it.  Learn to listen and take heed of your dreams and all that they mean, as you will then know so much more that is and what is to potentially come.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

It’s a classic spiritual and religious image; one we’ve all witnessed in person or seen in a movie, photo, greeting card or television show — a row of burning candles in a church glowing against a more subdued background — the presence of the eternal flame of the prayers of those who light these candles, all with their personal petitions to God. The divine flame that reaches to the heavens and propels our prayers to the Godhead; in a sense – igniting our thoughts and wishes!

Candle burning is an ancient practice in both the conventional religious sense and in esoteric spiritual practices. Almost everyone who lights a candle has an intention in mind – whether to perhaps heal a loved one or manifest a blessing, candles become the externalized fire that represents the internal inner flame of our immutable spirit.

I remember as a boy seeing the candles in the Catholic Church I was raised in and feeling the hypnotic sense of getting lost in the flame – gazing and mentally morphing into the fire in a slow, trance like fashion, as if to lose myself in the glow. As I became spiritually trained later down the road, I learned that candles serve a highly valuable purpose in us manifesting – not just in an abstract way, but quite literally!

A Matter Of Principle

Candle burning can be a wonderful tool for manifesting great positive blessings for any of us. It’s unfortunate though, that candle burning sometimes has a bad reputation. I would like to caution those of you who don’t know what to watch out for regarding candle burning, as most of us who have been taken advantage of in this type of situation, were at a vulnerable point in our lives. Sometimes, certain unethical readers exploit clients regarding the potentially very positive use of candle burning.

“Oh, I have special anointed candles and I will burn them for you under very unique circumstances,” a reader says to a client. “Well, how much will it cost,” the client questions? “Well, I hate to charge for something that is spiritual and directly from God, but it does take a lot of time,” the reader says. “Well, I really want my boyfriend back and you promised that you CAN reunite us,” the client affirms. “How much will it be?” “I would have to say about five thousand dollars,” the reader says. “I really can’t afford it, but I must have my boyfriend back,” the client decides. “OK then, I’ll come up with the money.” “You’ll be very happy, honey, with the end results,” the psychic promises.

As you’re reading the exchange above, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Does this type of thing really happen?” The answer is yes, it sometimes does. Some of you may have been victimized by such scams yourself. Also, don’t just think it’s the initial five thousand dollars that covers the entire bill. Presumably, more candles need to be burned, at increasingly higher costs – “The woman he’s with is manipulating him to stay away from coming back to you – I’m having visions of this! We must do something more powerful — It will take everything I have and I don’t want to charge you, but I really need ten thousand dollars to bring him back to you,” the psychic emphasizes. Of course, eventually, this type of rip off crashes and burns, (pardon the pun) with the client left in financial disarray and shattered dreams.

Remember, if money is involved, be extremely careful. Some ethical psychics may charge a reasonable amount of money to burn a candle for you, but the cost must be fair, with no hidden charges. Some very caring readers will burn candles on your behalf and for your loved ones for free with no costs whatsoever, as part of offering their services to you. This can be a wonderful gift. However, if there are large sums of money involved, run the other way.

The Rules

First, you can always burn candles for yourself, which I’ll explain ‘how to” below. However, there are certain circumstances where someone else can burn a candle for you. If you’re afraid or emotionally charged in a negative way about something, it may be better to have someone else light the candle for you. Why? If you have fear and negative energy regarding an area of your life, say finding the right lover, you’ll very potentially send out that fear when you, yourself light the candle, which brings back to you exactly what you don’t want. If you’re not centered about something, them another individual may be more beneficial to burn the candle for you, such as a trusted loved one, or an ethical psychic or spiritual person.

Secondly, it is bad karma to use candle burning to attempt to manipulate the free will of another as mentioned above. It doesn’t matter what you may be feeling, or how intense the emotions are, or what the spiritual rationalizations may be – trying to twist someone’s arm metaphysically creates negative karma for all participating in such an act. You should use candle burning to bring in the blessings that are yours by divine right, not encroaching on someone else’s life or their choices.

The Divine Gift of Candle Burning

Candle burning, if used properly, is a wonderful tool from the divine universe, as a gift to us – to help us manifest our positive dreams – not dreams that interfere with the lives of others. We deserve blessings, but not at the expense of others or ourselves. Below, I would love to share with you the ancient practice of candle burning and the simple instructions and “how to’s” to use candles to assist you in manifesting your highest blessings, with no negative consequences! Whether career, love, health or a variety of other dreams, I would love to share with you the reality of what candles can do for you!

How To

First, it’s important to know the “how to’s” about candle burning. Even though these instructions are not tedious and labor some, (say as in assembling a bicycle) the guidelines are important, so please follow! Once you’ve lit a candle, always let the candle burn to the bottom and let it to go out on its own. Why? Burning a candle is a prayer – literally. Imagine if you were in the middle of saying a prayer and suddenly you abruptly stopped mid sentence – “I now affirm that God brings me t…” That prayer would not be finished, so it wouldn’t be a completed request to spirit! Therefore, it is of utmost importance to burn your candle all the way to the bottom to complete your petition to the divine universe. If you can’t leave a candle continuing to burn to the bottom because of safety reasons, then get a small little votive candle that only lasts for a few hours till it goes out on its own. A less positive option and one to use only if you have to, is to pinch the flame gently or snuff the candle. This is not the best thing to do, but if in a rare instance you have to, do so, but don’t make a regular practice out of it. Then you can relight the candle later.

The intent, the purpose for which you’re burning the candle and focusing such intent, is critical. As you prepare to light your candle, tune out all thoughts other that the desire you’re trying to manifest. Focus this end goal in your mind’s eye. As you ignite the candle, focus on the flame and hold that thought clearly in your mind and see that thought becoming one with the flame.

Some people like to “dress” their candles by anointing them with oil. The oil is rubbed into the candle wax and as you anoint your candle, you’re thinking of the purpose for which this candle will be burned. Most metaphysical bookstores, sell both oil and candles, and many of them will dress your candle for you for free.

You are always better to start off with one candle and progress from there. When beginning to manifest through candle burning, one candle, which represents one prayer – one thought – one desire, is something that we can all grasp. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time, focusing all of your energy in that area. You never need to burn more than one candle of the same color at any given time. If you’re burning a white candle, for example, lighting multiple white candles does not make your candle prayer stronger or more effective.

Regarding multiple candles of different colors, (for example: pink, gold and blue) you can sometimes burn more than one candle, but I would recommend starting with just one color in the beginning. Once you’ve began manifesting from the one candle, (this may take multiple candles of the same color, one at a time, over a period of time) you can then do two candles, then move on to perhaps, three. However, I would not recommend to ever go above five different candles burning at the same time.

Also, certain colors of candle wax go together and others don’t from a spiritual perspective. The reason I say wax, is because it is the color of the actual candle wax that determines the “color” of the candle. Each color has a different manifestation / manifestations in your life. Below, I will explain what colors work together – and want colors cancel each other out and are not to be burned at the same time. As far as how long to stay with burning candles, that is entirely up to you. I have been burning candles on and off for over twenty years. A good rule of thumb, though, is to minimally try burning the same candle or combination of candles for at least one month straight if you’re trying to manifest something into your life.

What if you light a candle and it burns for a short while, then goes out on its own before burning all the way down to the bottom? Should you light it again? No you should not. This simply means that the energy and prayer is complete, so the candle went out on its own, as no more energy from the flame is needed to manifest what you’re trying to bring into your journey!

Colors

First, it is important to not burn red or black candles. Some psychics may disagree, but I highly advise you to never burn a red or a black candle. Let me explain why! Some will tell you that red represents passion, hot sex and intense romance. What they fail to also tell you, though, is that a red candle can also bring violent sex, such as rape, an explosive, volatile and dangerous romantic partner and physical violence to you. Also, it is not a good idea to burn red candles for the Christmas holidays, as the divine universe doesn’t make an exception to the significance of the candle color, even for holidays.

With a black candle, it represents evil. Some psychics will say to burn a black candle to negate negativity – to counter attack evil. I absolutely disagree. It’s like saying to do more cocaine to stop cocaine dealers in your neighborhood from dealing drugs. Burning a black candle will summons evil energy and dark entities and even though you may think that you can direct this darkness in the way you want to, it is not so! It would be like saying that you can invite an alley rat into your home and somehow direct this creature to carry out your wishes and commands.

The colors that you should burn are mentioned below. It’s important to know the correlation between the color of the candle wax you’re burning and what these colors mean from a spiritual perspective. What areas of your life will be benefited from the color of the candle you light? Since each color affects different areas of your journey, below is a guide as to what each color represents metaphysically, what these colors can do for you, when to use such a candle and which candles are compatible with each other:

WHITE:
Manifests: Pure divine spiritual energy – Spiritual cleansing and healing – The presence of God’s sacred purity.
When to use: To get rid of negative spiritual energy – To spiritually cleanse your home of negative spirits and neutralize evil in your life – To being about a higher vibration of pure divine love – General healing.
Goes with: Any colors but green and brown.

YELLOW:
Manifests: Represents creativity and intelligence – Connects to clairvoyance, cosmic wisdom and learning – The power of the mind.
When to use: To enhance creative energy – Promotes insight and inner wisdom – Strengthens the mind.
Goes with: All colors.

ORANGE:
Manifests: Very good for healing coughs, colds and asthma as well as arthritis and exhaustion – Promotes personal strength, authority and power.
When to use: For any respiratory healing – Creates enthusiastic energy when needed.
Goes with: All colors.

GOLD:
Manifests: Physical safety – Takes away negativity in the physical sense between people — Brings about overall success – Good for legal issues.
When to use: When there is tension, bad blood, or disputes between people – Brings overall success in one’s life and physical safety – Creates physical peace between rival parties – Promotes positive legal outcomes.
Goes with: All colors

PINK:
Manifests: Happy times – Pleasantness – Wonderful new people – A soul mate relationship – Brings everything to its highest good in your life.
When to use: To bring in your divine romantic life partner, positive people and “up” times – Creates an overall sense of everything in your life manifesting for its highest good.
Goes with: All colors

GREEN:
Manifests: Money
When to use: When needing to manifest money.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BROWN:
Manifests: Career
When to use: When looking for a new job – Promotes advancement in your work situation – To manifest a better career in general.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BLUE:
Manifests: A peaceful home – Centered emotions – Physical health and healing.
When to use: When needing to bring peace and safety to your home – Promotes centered emotions – Creates overall physical health.
Goes with: All colors

LAVENDER/PURPLE:
Manifests: A deeper connection spiritually, especially when meditating.
When to use: For meditating – Entering a deeper inner spiritual level within – Enhances the cosmic connection.
Goes with: All colors

A little note! You might wonder why a white candle doesn’t go with green or brown. The answer is clear. White represents pure divine spirit, transcendent of the material plane, while brown and green represent the material plane. White is cheapened and compromised by being burnt with brown or green and should not be done!

Here’s a little example of how to mix colors:
If you were wishing to manifest money and also wanted a new career, you would burn a brown and green candle together. In fact, brown and green go extremely well together, like a hamburger and fries. In addition, you may wish to bring about more success in your life. You can add a gold candle in as well and you would be burning three candles at the same time.

The Eternal Flame

As we work with candle burning and begin to see the positive benefits and results from such a universal tool, we should always remember that the power of the flame is eternal, perpetual and endless. We feel the burning and fire of our inner spirit – when we’ve desired something – something that is for our highest good and we made it happen! This fire cannot be extinguished – it must burn through till we achieve victory! Whether becoming healed, getting a college degree, meeting our right life partner…We drew upon the eternal flame within us and carried out our mission. Candles and candle burning augment the fire that is already within us – amplifying, projecting and strengthening our prayers, wishes and requests, like a singer who’s singing into the most powerful microphone and sound system so their voice is heard in the heavens! Never forget, the divine universe receives the fire of this ever-present flame and envelops it in infinite spirit — and grants our petitions — eternally for the greater good of all!

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