Voice of the Spirit

For any of us who are on a spiritual path, words and phrases such as destiny, fate, meant to be, karma, karmic agreements, everything happens for a reason, and kismet are commonplace.  However, these  words and phrases mean so many things to so many people, that it would be unlikely to find two people who agree on their spiritual applications and significance in our lives.  Some of us believe that everything in life is meant to be, is predestined and a matter of fate.  Others feel that our own choices account for everything or most of what happens to us and all we experience, while there are even those who feel that this is a vast topic far too complex to be understood at all. 

In reality, all of the above words and phrases are relevant to our journeys in one way or another. It is not just a simple matter that things are merely meant to be, or to the opposite extreme, that everything that happens in life is merely based on our individual choices.  Clarifying and explaining these complex, interweaving and multifaceted dynamics from a spiritual perspective is the goal of this writing.  However, before we can clarify and explain these dynamics, there are several things we need to understand first.

How we handle our Karma makes a difference
Karma always deals with our past actions and what we did before – and the nature of our past actions determines what the karma is.  Of course, positive karma is easy to deal with, as good comes back to us based on our past good deeds.  However, the karmic repercussions of our former negative acts can be overwhelming to us when it does indeed come back.

It is our reaction to karma (especially negative karma) that is so pertinent here, because the way in which we deal with karma coming back to us, determines whether we burn off all the karma or only some of it, or, conversely, create additional negative karma through the way we handle things. This is always based on our free will and what we choose to do.  No matter what our karma is and how and when it comes back to us, our free will is ever present.

Brett was a man who amassed a lot of success in business during a former lifetime but became an arrogant, uncaring and selfish man who only cared about himself.  He didn’t experience the negative repercussions of his actions during that particular lifetime, but it was spiritually set up for him to begin reaping this karma in his current lifetime as “Brett.” 

In his current incarnation, Brett would indeed amass a great deal of success in business again, just like in the former lifetime referenced above, however this time around, he would be stripped of everything he had and lose everything.  In his current incarnation, his karma would come back as a lesson of humility to begin burning off the negative karma he created before.  Since this karma was supposed to happen, of course it did physically occur, but what is important is how Brett would respond to the situation as his free will would determine his choices and ultimately, the conclusion of this situation.

Because of his enormous ego, Brett became furious when his success started to crumble and he began hurting people again by ripping them off financially, engaging in deceptive acts to try and save his business which in turn, created even more negative karma for him than he started this lifetime with.  It is similar to having 50 thousand dollars in credit card debt and, instead of working to pay it off; you add another 50 thousand dollars of debt to your balance.

Even though there was a higher spiritual plan – a lesson of humility and working to burn off some of the negative karma from before, Brett actually compounded the problem.  He still lost everything as he was supposed to, but through his choices he now has more negative karma that will have to be dealt with in this lifetime and/or in the future, through resisting the lesson and acting out of his lower self.

You might ask, “How would a man as arrogant as Brett know what he was supposed to learn and do?”  Clearly, Brett would not “consciously” know what his karma was as he was not that spiritually evolved, but the lords of karma would not set things up to give him more than he could handle.  Clearly, Brett (at his level of awareness) knew the difference between right and wrong in the most basic sense and when his success started falling apart, it’s understandable that he could have tried to preserve his success even though he wouldn’t have been able to do so.  That makes perfect sense. 

But he knew better then to deceive, lie, rip off and steal from others – meaning it wasn’t as if he was given more than he could handle – he just let his ego get in the way as many of us do and behaved in a way that was clearly “wrong,” and therefore created additional negative karma for himself which was all an act of his free will.

Karmic agreements and living up to them
We enter into karmic agreements on the other side before incarnating into a physical lifetime with other souls; much in the way two or more people sign a contract here in the physical world.  There are past occurrences done by one and/or all parties involved (karma) that must be worked out and lessons to be learned here on earth.  Once in the physical world, these agreements require time, work and effort on our part to fulfill – meaning, fulfilling karmic agreements is not an easy thing to do.

Even though we have entered into our karmic agreements on the other side before incarnating and the lords of karma would not let us make such agreements unless we were spiritually ready to fulfill the terms, we may only do so partially or renege on our agreements entirely once we’re in the midst of the situation here on earth because free will always applies. 

You might wonder, “Why would that happen?  If someone agreed to something in their spiritual body, why would they back out on it once they’re on earth?”  The answer is simple.  It is because that from the other side, everything looks easy, as if you’re just going to come into a lifetime and simply breeze through your lessons and do exactly what you’re supposed to do.  However, when you’re immersed in your ego, emotions, defense mechanisms and false sense of sensations we experience in the physical realm, it is much harder to do the “right thing” then when viewing it on the other side without the emotional/ego/illusory perception burdens experienced in our physical bodies.

Think of it like the difference between viewing someone suffering with cancer, versus actually having cancer.  When we look at what will occur in our coming incarnation from the other side, we are viewing what we’ll go through but we’re not “feeling it” right then and there as we’re not yet really going through it, therefore, it seems far easier than it will actually be living through it once on earth.

A man named John viewed his coming journey on the other side and felt there would be no problem fulfilling the terms of a karmic agreement.  John owed another soul a debt of service because of past sins John committed against another soul; therefore, he was apparently ready to work this out.  So he entered into a karmic agreement to father the other soul who agreed to come into a lifetime as John’s disabled son, with the absolute promise by John that he would take care of his son for his entire life – no questions asked.

However, when the son arrived, the father was overwhelmed with feeling responsible, trapped and resentful that his son would never be a completely functioning man and that John would always have to take care of him. Through his human shortcomings, he disconnected from the promise he so valiantly made on the other side to this other soul.  So instead of fulfilling his contractual agreement, John allowed himself to become immersed in his ego and selfish emotions and pulled away from taking care of his son and didn’t do what he had agreed to do.

By John reneging on his contractual agreement, this altered and damaged the life of his son forever, who was never taken care of properly once John backed out on the agreement.  (Remember, John was the person who agreed to do this and once he pulled away, his son experienced great difficulty with ever receiving proper care.)  Here we see something that is quite profound yet happens every day without us even realizing it – that people don’t live up to their karmic agreements, which alters the path and the conclusion of all involved in a terribly negative way.   Therefore, John irrevocably changed the journey of his son and all involved for the worse and John will have to deal with the repercussion of his choices in this lifetime and/or in subsequent lifetimes. 

Now we’re going to talk about the different terms people would use which commonly refer to varying types of “destiny.”

When it’s meant to be
This is perhaps the easiest reality for us to understand, because if something is indeed “meant to be,” it will absolutely happen. As people, we like allness statements, black and white explanations and simple yes/no answers.  That’s because there’s no grey areas for us to have to contemplate or sort out.

From a spiritual perspective, there indeed are certain things that are “meant to be” and hard wired to happen – and therefore, they will occur no matter what we do, think, say, or choose.  Some perfect examples of this are set up before we incarnate into a gi en lifetime, where we always choose our parents (as they also always choose us), along with our physical gender, and our astrological birth chart. 

Parent/child relationships are “meant to be,” as there are always lessons and karma between parents and children that require the opportunity of a physical incarnation with everyone together for the karma and lessons to have the chance to be worked out.  Physical gender provides the basis for much of our karma and lessons as well, while our astrological birth chart is something we also set up before being born on earth as a foundational blueprint of what our life will be, as well as the possibilities of its highest and lowest potentials. 

Three souls had lessons and karma to be worked out together and they spiritually chose to reincarnate as a child, a mother and a father in a family unit.  The father and mother both had musical talent and their son was to be a great musician once born on earth. The mother was conservative, judgmental and needed to learn the lesson of tolerance, which the son was to teach her as he would be a nonconformist child.  Because there are no one way lessons as we all teach each other, the son needed to learn to accept himself, which was to occur through his interactions with his mother.  The father tended to be emotionally distant and needed to learn to become more openhearted, which was to be taught through these family dynamics.  The son agreed to be born as a male and all parties set up their astrological charts to facilitate the karma
and lessons they agreed to experience.

In addition, these three souls had more lessons and karma than what was mentioned above and because of the profound nature of all of these dynamics, we see how their incarnation together as a family unit was “meant to be” and would indeed happen as these three souls entered into the earthly family unit that could be referred to as their “destiny” and “fate.”  It profoundly laid the foundation and set the stage for all parties to experience what they agreed to and learn what they would come together on earth to accomplish and do.

When it’s not meant to be no matter what
I have seen so many people feel that they had to have something – in fact that their entire well being — and even their life depended on getting it – and many believe that because of their intense feelings, it is simply “meant to be” – it must happen.  Why would they have these feelings unless there’s a reason?  And that “reason” always translates into “Getting what I want” in the end.

However, there are certain things in life: whether in love, career, finance, or in any area of our journeys that are not meant to be – no matter want.  It doesn’t matter how much we want it, pray for it, obsess over it or wait it out.  It clearly is not “in the cards” and therefore, it won’t come to be.  There are reasons for this type of experience, but they may not necessarily be the reasons we wanted…

Stacy was a woman who met a man named Darryl in 1999.  She immediately felt a connection with him and convinced herself that he felt the same toward her.  However, Darryl didn’t feel that connection with Stacy at all and was not attracted to her as a woman in any way.  Stacy tried to initiate contact with him after they met at a business meeting in their career and for a short time, Darryl responded casually, as he had no idea that Stacy wanted to have a romantic relationship with him.  After she began flirting, Darryl, a man who was engaged at the time, immediately
ceased all contact with Stacy and never responded to her emails ever again.

But Stacy refused to see the writing on the wall and started convincing herself of things that were not even remotely true – all to justify what her emotions, desires and ego wanted.  After Darryl married his fiancé, Stacy told her girlfriend, “I know he’s attracted to me, but he’s stuck with his wife.  He may not know how to get out.  If I wait, we’ll eventually be together.  My intuition confirms this and in my gut, I just know that he is my soul mate.”

Stacy built her reality on this delusional premise for ten years, all the while thinking that one day, he was going to become her lover – but of course, it never happened.  After ten years of refusing to let go, arguing with her friends who told her she was wrong, she finally hit rock bottom and had to admit that he was never going to be hers after she tried to reinitiate contact and Darryl tersely responded that if she ever contacted him again, he would hire an attorney to deal with the situation.

Regarding the “reasons” for this experience, they are there – but they’re not the reasons Stacy, or most of us for that matter would want.  Stacy was learning the lesson that just because she wanted something and vehemently refused to let go of it, doesn’t mean that she would ever get it.  She was supposed to learn “to not get what she wanted.”  This was a lesson of humility for her and to learn that life was not just a matter of “I want it,” therefore, “I get it.”  Even though she hated this lesson, it showed her to not just lead with her ego, emotions and desires, but to look at any situation more realistically and clearly than before.

Karmic agreements where the “opportunity” is only meant to be
There are times when karmic agreements between parties are designed to provide an “opportunity” – meaning that what is “meant to be” is only the actual opportunity.  Then, what the parties involved do with that opportunity will determine the outcome.  The outcome is not pre-destined, but the opportunity itself is.

John is a man who had serious fear of commitment issues, and Judy is a woman who had been unhappy in her marriage and was legally separated, but not sure whether to divorce her husband or not.  It was predestined that John and Judy would meet in June 2005 as stated in their karmic agreement where the opportunity would be provided for them to decide whether to build a relationship with each other or not. 

If John didn’t get past his fear, or if Judy wasn’t willing to divorce her husband, the relationship opportunity would fail.  However, if John got past his fear of commitment and Judy decided to finally divorce the man she had been dissatisfied with since she was first married twenty years before, John and Judy would have the chance to end up being together.

When the two met, they were both instantly attracted to each other and the situation felt familiar.  Since there was a karmic agreement, there would be a good chance that both John and Judy would feel something compelling when they met.  For Judy, meeting John gave her the extra motivation she needed to complete her divorce as she felt like John was the perfect partner for her.  John was more reluctant, as his fear of commitment was quite deep rooted even though he really felt drawn to Judy.  However, after about a year, John did indeed get past his fears and was willing to date Judy, who by that time was legally divorced.  Ultimately, because both John and Judy got past the issues at hand, they ended up together in a successful, long term relationship that led to marriage.

Lesson driven – the outcome is conditional upon us learning the lesson
This is one of the hardest aspects of our journey and “destiny” to understand, because here we have a situation where we deeply want something, but conversely, we won’t get it till we’ve learned our lesson. We can’t figure out how come our deepest desires don’t seem to ever come true or manifest at all in our lives, as we feel we know what we want but find that it is out of reach no matter how hard we try.  Years or decades of frustration only make matters worse and we find ourselves at our wits end…But the simple truth is that there are situations for all of us where we must learn our lessons to manifest our dreams – it is not optional – what we want cannot and will not happen till we’ve learned what we’ve
spiritually agreed to learn.

Jennifer was a woman who had been divorced twice, with her second marriage being physically abusive.  It was now ten years after her second divorce yet she still hadn’t met anyone suitable to have a new relationship with.  She couldn’t understand what the problem was as she was open to dating, had joined several online matchmaking websites yet nothing came to fruition for a long hard ten years. But Jennifer’s problem is that her situation is lesson driven and not just a matter of going on enough dates till she meets Mr. Right.

First, because of her two failed marriages (especially the second one where she was physically abused), she had shut down within and had erected a defensive, protective, vibrational wall that would not allow anyone in.  This was simply designed as an unconscious survival mechanism to keep herself safe and alive.  Here, she would need to learn the lesson of letting down her wall of protection so that there would spiritually/vibrationally/internally be an open door for someone to be able to walk through.

Second, because of the confusion of being in two marriages that weren’t right for her, Jennifer had no idea what she really wanted and needed in a romantic life partner.  She just kept trying to meet people hoping that it would all just “click” with someone, but of course, it didn’t.  She needed to learn what it was that she really wanted and that would only come through taking a break from dating and learning the lesson of deciding who she is as a woman and what type of man would be the right fit for her.

Third, she felt that the abuse in her second marriage was her fault, which brought her self esteem dramatically down.  By not feeling worthy of being treated well and deserving of love, the divine universe could not bring a loving partner to her because she didn’t feel that she deserved it. Furthermore, at her current consciousness, she wouldn’t actually be attracted to a man who treated her well as she didn’t feel worthy of such treatment — it would feel completely foreign to her.  Here, she needed to learn the lesson that the abuse she went through was not her fault, that she didn’t deserve it and no longer needed to feel bad about herself for all she had been through.

With Jennifer, we see how there are lessons that she needs to learn, not once she meets Mr. Right, but to be able to meet him – meaning that her dreams won’t come true unless and until this journey of enlightenment is completed.  Like Jennifer, all of us have areas of our “destiny” that are lesson driven and in those instances, it isn’t just a matter of continuing to hit our heads against the wall; we must learn what our souls have agreed to take on or learn in order to be able to manifest our dreams.  After all, on a spiritual level we have agreed to these lessons, therefore, they not only must be learned to manifest our dreams but are necessary for our overall spiritual growth.

Choice driven – our choices determines multiple possible outcomes
Many times, the outcome of a situation has multiple possibilities, like a movie plot that can have several endings — and in these instances, it is our choices which solely determine the actual conclusion that will occur.

James was a man who had had a rock solid and honest work ethic.  In his twenties, he made decent money while always living within his means and it was clear that he would be able to continue making decent money by staying on the path he was on.  From a spiritual perspective in this instance, the outcome of his financial situation was not prewritten or predestined and was choice driven – meaning that his choices would determine the outcome.

Around the age of twenty two, James started saving a hundred dollars a month faithfully and he never touched that money.  Then, at the age of thirty, he purchased an apartment building and methodically used the rents he collected to pay off the mortgage on the building, while making a reasonable monthly profit.  Additionally, he invested his money into CD’s and safe IRA’s and just let his money grow.

By the time James was sixty five, the sum total of all of his choices landed him a nest egg worth almost a million dollars.  He was able to retire and do the things he wanted to do, knowing that his financial future was secure where he would not have to worry about what would financially happen to him in old age.

However, if we flip the coin for just a moment, we could imagine a scenario which would have the exact opposite outcome:  James makes a decent living, never saves anything because he isn’t forward thinking, didn’t invest his money and just lived paycheck to paycheck and never bought the apartment building.  When he would turn sixty five, he would have nothing to retire on and be in a difficult position in the work force because of his age, which would have James moving into old age in poverty.

When we see a conclusion, we often falsely believe that whatever happened was the only way it could have really been – after all, it’s right there for our very own two eyes to see — but that is not necessarily true at all – as often, our choices will solely determine the conclusion of the situation at hand. 

Telling the difference between meant to be versus not meant to be
There is a great metaphysical phrase that says, “When nature supports a decision, you know it is the right one.”  When everything seems to flow in a particular direction in our lives, we see exactly where the tide and current is trying to carry and take us.  This is represented by things that happen outside of our control which are separate from and/or in addition to our own personal efforts. 

It must always be kept in mind that what nature supports is often not at all what we want, or only partially what we want, while at other times, it is exactly what we’ve been dreaming of.  It is safe to assume that when, how and what nature supports is for our highest and greatest good (even when it isn’t what we subjectively want).  But more importantly, it is how we handle what nature supports in our journeys (meaning our choices and free will), that helps to shape the ultimate outcome of a situation.

Here is a situation where what nature supported was in addition to the efforts of the person involved: Cindy was an entertainer who wanted to make it big as a singer.  For several years, she tried hard to become successful but nothing much happened for her in her singing career except that she performed local shows for small audiences.  Then, nature began supporting the decision for her success as a singer through bringing opportunities to her which came about in addition to her own efforts.

Cindy hadn’t changed anything; she just continued to do what she had been doing and seemingly out of the blue, an internationally known talent manager “accidentally” saw one of her performances.  This manager liked her voice very much and offered her a management contract.  Through this contract, several other occurrences were set up that led to her success: signing a record deal, then releasing a hit album which was followed by a successful international concert tour.

In addition to her efforts, nature supported her success at several times and in several ways: meeting her manager, a record company signing her, her record becoming a success and her concert tour.  Keep in mind that many people who are equally as talented as Cindy try to manifest a successful singing career but fail.  As there are so many variables of what could have happened to Cindy and her career, from success to abysmal failure, even with a record contract and influential manager that it’s abundantly clear that nature supported the decision for her to be a successful singer.

Just as important was how Cindy handled the situation.  She was centered and grounded regarding her career: she didn’t do drugs, or take herself too seriously and had a great work ethic, therefore, she was able to ride the wonderful tide that was supported in her musical career and reap the tremendous benefits the divine universe afforded here. 

Obviously, her musical career was something that possessed legitimate elements of “something that was supposed to happen,” or else nature wouldn’t have supported it.  Of course, her choices and how she handled it would determine the outcome and she indeed did make the most out of the situation.

On the other hand, events can push us in a particular direction, even if it’s not at all what we want.  That is the case with Julie, a woman who was in a physically abusive marriage which she refused to consider getting out of.  After three years of being battered regularly, nature supported the decision for her to get out of the marriage and divorce her husband.  Seemingly out of nowhere, someone she met offered her a great job making 100 thousand dollars a years and it was a position she was capable of filling which would have required relocating to another state.  The employer would pay for her relocation and since she didn’t have kids, all she would have had to have done was to pack up and leave her husband for this fantastic life changing opportunity.  Here, nature supported the decision separate from any effort by Julie to leave this marriage, as she did nothing to attempt to manifest this possibility.  It was all done by “nature” and for her highest and greatest good.

However, she adamantly refused to leave her marriage, as she believed her husband really loved her and would change for the better, so she refused the job offer and stayed with her husband.

Julie was given the way out, but through her own free will, she refused to walk through the door that was opened for her.  Consequently, the abuse continued which eventually led to Julie having permanent physical injury and ultimately, her husband dumped her for a much younger woman anyway about ten years later.

Julie’s life could have manifested a completely different outcome than the one she chose as nature really did provide the way “out” for her – and it is compelling to note how Julie’s refusal (through her free will) to go with the tide and the flow resulted in her self destruction.  It is a lesson for all of us to always pay attention to where, how, and why nature is leading us, as it is always for our highest and greatest good regardless of how we emotionally feel at the time.

Regarding whether something is meant to be or not meant to be, it is always tricky for us to determine the truth in any situation.  We often interject or replace what we personally want with what is meant to be or not meant to be, especially when we’re emotionally involved.  Our egos get in the way and we distort what the events seem to be saying, all because our egos, emotions, and our personal wants get in the way.  We can even convince ourselves that we’re getting “signs” of what is God’s supreme will.  Of course, we pretend that we’re not being subjective as a smoke screen to camouflage  ow we’re really viewing a situation, which is way of hiding our true subjective motives.

The force of our personal will as a factor
Just because we can make something happen and bring it into physical manifestation through the force of our personal will doesn’t mean that it was meant to be or for our highest good.  We often gauge how we validate what we’ve done simply by the fact of whether we get what we want in the end or not – meaning, if it all goes our way, we find it easy to make it okay no matter how many other people get hurt in the process.

Sue was a woman who lived by the philosophy of “I get what I want.”   In early 2003, she set her sights on having a relationship with a married man she worked with named Rob.  In fact, Rob’s wife Sharon also worked in the same company, so the three of them interacted on a professional level daily.  Sue was jealous and felt competitive with Sharon and was excited by the challenge of going for something out of reach – all with the intention of winning and “flexing her muscle.”

In her mind, Sue had hoped to have the affair with Rob, cause his marriage to fall apart which she then hoped would force Sharon out of the workplace.  In the end, Sue wanted Sharon out of the picture so she could “ride off into the sunset” with Rob.

By mid 2003, Rod foolishly succumbed to the affair mostly because he was bored in his marriage, not thinking that it would be much more than a fun and diversionary fling.  However, Sue set it up for Sharon to find out about the liaison, even though Rob had no idea that Sue would do such a thing.  So when Sharon found out, she was devastated — and in humiliation, she indeed left the company. 

So because of the force of Sue’s personal will, she set into motion an affair between she and Rob – (and yes, he agreed to it which was his choice, but he never would have pursued this had it not been for Sue relentlessly pushing this issue).  After Sharon left the company, Rob and Sharon divorced but Rob and Sue’s affair fell apart by mid 2004.  The reason that Rob and Sue’s relationship didn’t work out in the long run was because neither one of them really ever cared for each other on any real level.  This was a situation that was not “meant to be,” or something that was
supposed to happen – but rather a matter of one person, Sue, forcing her personal will upon others.

Here we see how all encompassing mainstays such as “everything happens for a reason” don’t apply to all aspects of our “destiny.  “As so many people try and put everything that occurs under a simple heading such as “everything that happens is meant to be” we see that is not always true.  There are so many variables as to why, how, if, and when things manifest in our lives.  As we look at these dynamics, the question is inevitably asked:  “How then do I know what my destiny is – what is right – what am I supposed to do?” 

Realize there is no simple answer to such a question as we must always be aware of our thoughts, words, feelings, choices and everything we’re doing, because one simple and repetitive formula will not always apply to every situation that presents itself to us. 

However, there are many tips that will assist us throughout our “destiny”:  We must always realize that the conclusion of all situations won’t be clear as they are unfolding, because if they were, we wouldn’t be able to complete our path, especially when something is karmic in nature.  The process involves our learning and we must walk through the journey to complete what we’ve agreed to and as we’re making the journey, we will not be able to know absolutely everything as it is happening.

But we must believe that what we need to know will always be present.  We just have to have an open mind and not be led only by our own emotional desires.  Sure, there’s a place in life for our emotions, but it cannot be the overwhelming or deciding factor in our spiritual unfoldement.  No matter what, we must always behave in a loving way toward others and ourselves and do our best to not hurt others – never rationalizing and excusing our bad thoughts, choices, words and deeds just because it ties into what we want.  Life is never a simple matter of “I want what I want” — end of issue.

Through walking the divine path, we can fulfill our karmic agreements, burn negative karma, create good karma, build upon what is meant to be while walking away from all that is not meant to be. We can become better people, spiritually evolve, help others which in turn always benefits ourselves, learn to not inappropriately force our own personal will and make the choices that lead to the best conclusions.  Never forget that mastering this multifaceted journey will forever be a great and wondrous work in progress that we are already in the process of completing. 

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When most of us think of the concept of psychic attack, we envision a witch dressed in a black robe casting evil spells against someone under the full moon at midnight.  Of course this type of psychic attack is real, and also requires an amount of skill, ability, training, practice, and “spiritual awareness.”  What is so important to note is that with spiritual awareness comes responsibility – meaning that one is karmically held to the degree of understanding they possess, and their penalty is proportionate.  If a black belt in karate hits someone, the karmic penalty is incalculably greater than if a ten year old kid hits another child in school.  The person with the black belt knows better, therefore, the consequence they reap is far greater.  It is the same with the witch casting evil spells. Her karmic penalty is enormous, as she clearly knows better.

Intentional Psychic Attack by “regular everyday people”

However, the stereotype of the evil witch casting evil spells is probably the exception to the rule of most people who deliberately engage in psychic attack.  Psychic attack by “regular everyday people” happens all the time, and in this instance can be defined as follows: “The willful and purposeful directing of negative energy at another person through thoughts, wishes, words, actions, and deeds, designed to inflict harm on that person and in their life in any number of ways.”  What I mean when I said “in this instance,” are those who consciously and knowingly engage in psychic attack.  In short, it is absolutely being done on purpose.

Intentional psychic attack in the workplace

Joe is a man who was completely jealous and envious of his co worker Mike.  In fact, Joe was so obsessed with these emotions, that they completely consumed him.  Instead of doing the right thing and letting go of what he felt, Joe started wishing (in his thoughts) on a daily basis that Mike would be fired.  After about a month of this, he escalated his wishful thoughts to words, where he said out loud to himself that he hoped Mike would be fired.  He kept this up for two months.  Then, these negative desires reached their peak when he started visualizing Mike being terminated from his job, whereby Joe pictured Mike being swiftly escorted out the building.  Even though Joe knew this was wrong, he kept doing it anyway.  Joe’s jealousy was solely based on the fact that Mike performed better at work, so Joe wanted him out of the way. 

After indulging all of these negative energies for a total of four months, it indeed finally happened.  Out of the blue, Mike was actually fired, and escorted out of the building, just as Joe had so strongly been wishing, saying, and visualizing.  Mike was not slacking off, or doing anything wrong that would lead to his termination; however, he still lost his job.   So how could this have happened?

There are some noteworthy factors to note about how and why this was able to happen to Mike and how it actually all came about.  First, he had low self esteem and didn’t feel deserving of his job.  He was unnecessarily self critical, and always carried a sense of being unworthy.  That energy created an open door for psychic attack, as we attract what we feel about ourselves.  Also, he falsely trusted and liked Joe; therefore, Mike was open to Joe’s energies.  These things provided the open door to Joe’s thoughts, wishes, words, and desires.  These factors all combined gave Joe the open channel and pathway to psychically attack Mike. 

If Joe had felt good about himself and worthy of his job, and was not open to Mike, he could have never “helped” this situation along.  In the short of it, one has to be open and/or vulnerable to psychic attack for it to have any effect on their lives.  This was a lesson Joe may have needed to learn, so he could heal his issues and get his career back on track again.  Regarding your own career situation, don’t worry.  Later on in this writing, I will cover exactly what you can do to protect yourself from this type of psychic attack.

Intentional psychic attack from a “friend”

Most of us think that when someone says something rude to us, like a vicious comment that zings us, it constitutes psychic attack.  However, it usually does not, as psychic attack is mostly invisible, and not something that we see and experience as a physical occurrence such as someone verbally insulting us while pointing their finger at us.  However, sometimes psychic attack can be a combination of both the invisible and the visible.

Laura’s friend Sadie had always felt competitive and resentful of Laura from the moment they met as college roommates when they were both nineteen. As they became friends, Sadie hated whenever Laura would receive attention and succeed at anything.  When men flirted with Laura, Sadie couldn’t stand it.  In college, when teachers praised Laura in school, Sadie burned inside with resentment.

At first, it didn’t make sense to Laura why she always felt bad about herself and sad when around Sadie, until it all started to become clear.  When she interacted with Sadie, Laura could feel the hateful energy Sadie projected toward her.  “Sadie, I wanted to let you know that I got great grades this semester,” Laura happily proclaimed about her college classes.  Even though Sadie responded with the seemingly normal words of, “That’s great,” suddenly, Laura could feel a stabbing pain, as if she was being literally stabbed in the back. 

What she felt wasn’t imagined, though – it was literal psychic attack, as this is how her “friend” felt about her.  See, Sadie was narcissistic, and wanted all the glory, praise, and virtually everything to be about her.  The world was to revolve around her, and she couldn’t stand any of the attention being taken away from herself – not even for a minute.  It bothered Sadie tremendously to see anyone other than herself shine.  The fact that it was her friend and roommate Laura made it even worse, as the connection between the two was ever present.  The daily interaction triggered the competitive and resentful feelings that were within Sadie.  Instead of trying to grow past her selfishness and narcissism, she kept this ugly and dark energy going.

In addition to the energy and psychic attack, Sadie would sometimes verbally snap when men would compliment Laura’s appearance with statements such as, “Laura, you don’t look that great.  I look better than you do, plus more men flirt with me than you.  Don’t get a big head, dear.”  Here, we see a verbal zap.  But it is in conjunction with the internal, energetic psychic attack Laura had been under. Through this constant attack, she developed a nervous stomach and increased low self esteem, as Sadie’s competitive hatred and resentment was so strong, it penetrated right through Laura, affecting her emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

Unintentional Psychic Attack

We’ve seen a few examples of when and how people deliberately psychically attack, without any remorse, and completely on purpose.  But are there those who engage in psychic attack, and don’t even know they’re doing so?  Could it actually be unconscious, versus being a conscious act of their personal will?

Unintentional psychic attack that led to divorce

Jerry was a man who felt threatened by his wife and insecure in his marriage on many levels. While married, he was afraid she would leave him, even though she never demonstrated even the slightest hint of such a thing.  He also didn’t like her doing anything on her own, as he felt shut out and rejected.  On top of that, he was threatened by her good looks, even though he was attracted to them at the same time.  Jerry never consciously set out to hurt her through psychic attack, but his fear of losing her and his insecurities festered deep inside of him. 

Because of these constant issues, Jerry’s wife eventually divorced him.  However after the divorce, even though Jerry suppressed these feelings, they didn’t just go away.  So what happened is that through the power of his subconscious mind where these negative emotions were housed, he psychically attacked her often.  

For no apparent reason, she could feel something or someone pulling her, but didn’t know what it was.  She could be driving her car and feel a draining pull toward the direction of her former home, where she once lived with Jerry – the same home he still lived in after their divorce.

She eventually came to learn exactly where this pull and psychic attack was coming from, and learned to protect herself, cut this vibrational tie and move on with her life freely and peacefully.

Psychic Vampires

We often confuse the difference between psychic attack and psychic vampires – and they are two very separate things.  Psychic attack is when someone is sending out negative energies to you, whether consciously (on purpose) or unconsciously (unknowingly).  On the other hand, a psychic vampire is a person who sucks the life out of you, drains and depletes your energy and vitality.  Psychic vampires are parasitic by nature, because they’re takers and not givers.  You can think of them as “energy leeches.”

Johnny sucks the life out of the room

Johnny is a person who was depressed, never felt optimistic about living, didn’t have anything going on in his life and lacked ambition.  Because of these factors, he had very little to give to anyone else, but was always trying to take from others.  He attempted to attach himself to people who had a lot going on in their lives and drain their energy.  Johnny would enter a roomful of friends who were all having a great time and energetically, he would suck their energy and the life out of the room.  All it took was Johnny being in the room, as he was used to pulling the vitality from the vibration and aura of others to replenish himself. 

It is like filling a glass with water that has a hole in the bottom.  Of course, we all know that the water eventually drains out.  Here, the glass with the hole in the bottom is Johnny, and the water is the life force and energy of those he pulled from.  All of his friends eventually began to notice that when Johnny was around, the fun and upness would eventually go away and dissipate, leaving the proceedings with a feeling of being rather in the doldrums.

The “pull” from hospitals, nursing homes, the sick and the elderly

This process of energy draining is very common in hospitals, nursing homes, with anyone sick and among the elderly.  People in this position continually “pull” and “draw” energy from others, as they are seriously ill, depleted and in desperate need of being rejuvenated, recharged and healed.

When Marie would go to the nursing home to visit her aunt with Alzheimer’s disease, she would walk in cheery and filled with love and enthusiasm.  However, as she would sit in the nursing home, she would begin to feel really fatigued.  After about a half hour of being there, she would begin to yawn, and after an hour or so, almost fall asleep right there.  This happened every time she went to visit her aunt and she couldn’t figure out why. 

In reality, even though this was an invisible process, she was literally like a switchboard that everyone there was plugging into and trying to draw upon her healthy energy.  This is not deliberate, but rather, instinctual, and ties into the very need of human beings to survive.  Just like if someone was in the desert and in desperate need of water to stay alive, they would grab any water they could, no matter where or who it came from.  The sick and the elderly are in the same position – as they are so depleted of life force and positive energy that they just instinctively pull on others to try and get energized and healthy.  It is similar to when someone is drowning and desperately reaching their hand out for anyone to pull them out of the water.

How to protect ourselves

With everything that’s been stated so far in this writing, the essential question needs to be answered, “How do we protect ourselves from psychic attack and psychic vampires?”   Remember, for psychic attack or psychic vampires to affect you at all, you have to be open to it, and/or feed into it from what’s going on from within.  Just because someone or something psychically attacks you, does not mean that it can affect you in any way whatsoever, unless you let it in! 

1-Circle of light — The first thing we need to do is the following:  On a daily basis, visualize a circle of pure, bright, clear white light in your mind.  Then, picture yourself in the middle of that circle.  This literally shields you from external psychic attack and psychic vampires.  I like to call it your “eternal and divine bodyguard.”  Think of this shield as the spiritual equivalent of your skin, as it protects you from the elements that are out there which would be dangerous if you suddenly didn’t have skin.  Circling yourself in pure, bright, and clear white light does spiritually shield and protect you from these negative energies, regardless of whether they are projected at you or just in the ether.  I have been circling myself daily for over thirty years.  It is an absolute must for you to do so on a daily basis if you want to be safe and protected.  You can also say a prayer or affirmation as you visualize the circle of light.

Also, it is good to protect your car, property/residence, and your children in a daily circle of light.  Use the same techniques as mentioned above, except after you visualize the circle of light, picture either your car, property/residence or a child within the circle.  Doing this to our car increases the likelihood of safe travel, and the overall protection of your car when it is parked.  Protecting your property is a great shield against, burglary, trespass, and any other danger.  Regarding our children, circling them in light helps to keep them safe in their often unpredictable journey, especially with the many dangers so present in today’s world.  As parents, we’re responsible to do our best to protect our children, and in the same way you would make sure they were not walking down a crime ridden street, it is also important to protect them spiritually and vibrationally.  (I would not recommend circling adults in light, unless you have their permission.  Even though your intentions would be positive, it still potentially treads on their free will, and permission should be first sought from them.)

2-Cocoon of light before going to sleep – We are most vulnerable to psychic attack and psychic vampires while we are sleeping.  With our defenses down, negative energies have an open door to us.  It is especially good to visualize a cocoon of white light surrounding yourself right before going to sleep.  With this cocoon, don’t only picture it, but try and literally feel it, as something that is physical that cocoons you and keeps you absolutely safe.  One way of achieving this is to also see and feel the cocoon as thick, and physically real.  This helps to provide the stronger protection so very needed in our sleep cycle.

3-Keep your aura charged and clean –First, take care of your physical health.  Your physical body and your aura are interconnected.  A healthy body has a healthy aura.  Just like your immune system protects your body from infection, your aura helps protect you from negative thoughts and energies. 

Secondly, revitalize and charge your aura.  If you have ever been caught outside in a spring rain, you know how fresh and vibrant the air feels afterwards.  That’s because negative ions are released during the downpour.  These negative ions have the effect of cleaning our auras.  That  same spring shower effect can be duplicated by taking a shower which is a natural negative ion generator.

Next, charge your aura by visualizing white light coming from the godhead into the top of your head and flowing out through your aura.  Visualize this light making your aura brighten, strengthen and expanding.  Make this part of your spiritual routine and it is even better to add grounding and balancing routine as well: ground yourself to the earth and balance the chakras on a regular basis.

4-Mirroring – Another technique of protection is “mirroring.”  You can visualize a mirror surrounding you, and your property/residence.  You might ask, “What does a mirror do that helps protect me?”  In the physical world, a mirror reflects.  It is the same thing metaphysically and spiritually.  Therefore, a metaphysical mirror will reflect and deflect psychic attack, instead of it being able to reach you. 

In addition, there is one extra thing to do.  When reflecting the negativity through mirroring, you want it to be reflected into the eternal white light and not back to the source sending it. This way, it returns the negativity back to its native nothingness where it doesn’t harm anyone, as opposed to getting sent right back to who is sending it to you, which is a tit for tat thing and not spiritually for the highest good.

5-Keep the negativity within yourself down – The reason we need to keep the negativity within ourselves down, is because those energies only contribute to our ability to be psychically attacked and/or drained.  Our internal negativity is a magnet which draws to us more negativity, and also contributes to and increases out ability to be psychically attacked.  Keep in mind that our strong emotions attract spirits to us, and when those emotions are negative, we attract negative spirits.  If we’re under psychic attack and/or holding a lot of negative emotions inside, this incites, excites, and facilitates negative entities such as elementals, earth bound spirits, and evil entities. 

A-Elementals come in several types. One type is base entities such as spirits of trees and nature.  Another is type is various thoughts of revenge, desire and other strong emotions that have been sent out (either deliberately or inadvertently) and are floating around the ether.  These elementals tend to attach themselves parasitically to human psyches, and feed off emotions and base desires.  They are fueled by our negative thought forms and are given life (and purpose) through our negative projections. 

B-Earth bound spirits are spirits who are stuck here on earth for a variety of reasons.  They may not know yet that they’re dead, as in people who were in a sudden plane crash. They could be confused and not know where to go, as in going into the white light of unconditional love.  Some earth bound spirits also may not want to cross over, as they’re emotionally attached to people, situations and/or circumstances here in the physical world.  A spirit who left their body as an alcoholic may hang around bars and energetically suck off the people who are drinking, to still experience the vicarious thrill of alcohol.  Those who commit suicide can often get stuck and be earth bound as well.

C-Evil entities also come in quite a variety, but think of them as being the spiritual equivalent of alley rats who attack and bite because that’s where they’re at in consciousness.  It is the same thing with psychic attack.  You don’t have to do anything per se to get attacked – it’s more of a matter of being open and/or vulnerable to it – or unintentionally feeding into it.  If evil entities are able to connect with you through any open door you’ve opened, the attack is on.  They operate much like viruses that try and infect your computer – once they get in, they’re hard to get rid of.

Any kind of negative spiritual entity strongly feeds off of negativity — it is just like a crowd inciting two people who are ready and willing to fight.  The negativity is already there from the two people, which the crowd feeds off, and they in turn add fuel to the already existing fire from their own “excitement” – literally just like pouring gasoline on fire. 

6-The cleansing – In the short of it, you don’t want any of these type of spiritual entities attached to you, or in your residence.  This is why it is so crucial to surround your property/residence in a circle of white light every day.  Not doing so is like leaving your doors unlocked.  Often, a drifter could just walk in.  It is the same thing spiritually.  Circling your property and/or residence literally locks puts up a tremendous shield, so negative spirits and entities don’t have an open door to walk through.  However, if that happens for any reason, here are some great and simple techniques that will banish and get rid of them:

A-Wash portions of the woodwork and windows in every room of your residence with warm salt water.  If the psychic attack/entitie(s) are strong, I would recommend washing once a week for four weeks straight. 

B-Place a bay leaf in every corner of every room in your residence and leave them there for several weeks up to a few months.

C-Light a single white candle in your home and have no other candles burning.  This brings spiritual cleansing to your home and your vibration, and helps to banish negative entities and psychic attack.  (Make sure to NOT blow out the candle.)  If you’re worried about leaving it burning, get small votive candles that last for a few hours at a time and burn one candle daily or frequently until you’ve removed the negativity.

7-Don’t be too open psychically – It is important to never be too open psychically.  There is a skill and an art as to being open in the right way and to the proper degree when giving a reading and in daily life.  Never forget that it must be learned and executed correctly.  I’ve seen many people run into serious trouble through being too open psychically and not even knowing it. 

If you want to do readings, make sure to find a teacher in your area who is skilled and ethical, who could teach you how to turn your psychic ability on and off and how to control it.  Continually being psychically open leaves one extremely vulnerable to psychic attack.  Just like with anything, too much, too soon, is a disaster.  As we open up psychically, we change our entire relationship to ourselves and the world, and this change must come about gradually – not all of a sudden or all at once or we’ll throw out entire being out of balance and open ourselves up to serious psychic attack and negative entities who can wreak havoc in our lives.

Protecting yourself is of utmost importance and all of the tools included here will help, but the process of developing one’s own psychic ability must be done correctly.  In the same way you wouldn’t go from being skinny to immediately lifting hundreds of pounds of weight as a bodybuilder as it could permanently injure you, the same thing holds true with the psychic process.

Those who are being psychically attacked by “spiritual entities” and through being too open psychically, often hear disturbing voices and feel a creepy presence brush up against them more than once.  They may have unusual nightmare with frightening entities in them, see dark shadowy figures and feel like they’re being watched where they live.  Some have awakened from a dream and see a dark figure above them, and feel that their body is being physically held down in bed. These are just some of the symptoms of being psychically attacked by spiritual entities.

Of course, these types of experiences should never be allowed to continue, or considered “normal.”  All of the techniques outlined above help to resolve these issues, but here is one more technique, perhaps the final step needed to eliminate psychic attack in our lives.

8-See the source of attack in a gold circle – Wherever the psychic attack is coming from, we of course need to protect ourselves, but also, we need to neutralize the energy at its source of origin.  We do this by picturing the source of psychic attack in a circle of pure, bright, clear, golden light.  This helps you to sever the “negative” ties and energy, leaving you free of the psychic attack that had burdened your journey.  This visualization can be done daily for as long as the negative energy is still present.  If you’re not sure where the psychic attack is coming from, try this:  Picture your circle of golden light, and within the circle, envision the words “The source of psychic attack in my life.”  That will help this exercise to reach its proper destination.

Keep in mind that we usually think of attack as something very physical: vicious words, rape, car accidents, robbery, and murder.  However, the “attack” we’re speaking of here is mostly invisible – but still, just as potent as anything we witness with our own five physical senses.  Therefore, we must take it upon ourselves as spiritually minded people to not only protect ourselves physically, as in locking our doors at night, but spiritually as well.  We do this by becoming aware of and utilizing all of the wondrous tools and techniques the divine universe affords us to protect ourselves from psychic attack and psychic vampires.  Nothing can hurt us that we don’t let it, or feed into through our own state of being, which we must always work toward perfecting – with the ultimate goal of being a complete circle of light, love, peace, harmony and well being.

Have questions?  If you are interested in having a private, confidential session with Jim1537, click here.

Here is the second half of “10 Undeniable Red Flags.”  In this writing, I attempt to further establish the following two points: First, by denying the red flags shown to us in our relationships with others, the damage that occurs in our life doesn’t just last for the duration of the relationship.  It carries on indefinitely.  Secondly, and on the other hand, when we heed the warnings of the red flags and act accordingly, our lives change irrevocably for the better, often leading to the fulfillment of our dreams. 

6-An apple is not an orange

When we’re attracted to somebody, or desperate, or especially lonely, it’s so easy to compromise our principles and values with the hope of making a relationship work.  However, nothing lasts in the long run that is unnatural for either party.  Just as an apple is not an orange, we will never be able to be anything other than ourselves in a relationship — nor will the other person.  And when either person tries to be someone other than themselves, the relationship eventually falls apart.  Worse than that, though, is when we try to make the other person be who and what we expect them to be, or vice versa… If we want to stand a chance at a successful relationship, we must accept others and ourselves as we are.  Who we are truly represents our values, and those values define our goals and dreams.

Take a look at your goals and your dreams.  Are they being met in a particular relationship?  If they’re not, don’t escape into denial and fantasy and pretend that things are ok when they’re clearly not.  The right person will help you to manifest your goals and dreams; not take you further away from them.  Whether it is owning a business, having a home, making a certain amount of money, wanting to have a family or not, a faithful and honest relationship, or anything else that is important to you, it should never be denied for the sake of a relationship.  When goals and dreams are unfulfilled, and either party is not allowed to be who they are, it all leads to failure — sooner or later.

This is exactly what happened to Amy and Mark.  After a couple of months of dating, Mark decided to move in with Amy.  The red flags started appearing within weeks of the two living together.  Amy was cheap and saved every penny, while Mark was generous with his money. Since Amy didn’t like this about Mark, she started criticizing him for his spending habits:  “Mark, I don’t want to have to take care of you financially if you spend so much money that you go broke.  You need to stop spending right now,” she warned.  Since Mark didn’t immediately heed her financial advice, she started punishing him by ignoring him periodically and withholding sex. 

After four months into the relationship, Mark decided to change his financial habits, and stopped spending money.  He didn’t do this because he thought it was the right thing to do, but because he believed he could become who and what Amy wanted.  Mark went into denial, and continued to hope that things would somehow work out, all because he wanted the relationship to succeed.  At the same time, Amy refused to budge, as she was bound and determined to make Mark into who she wanted him to be.  For a while, Mark started to lose his identity in the relationship.

They both ignored these huge red flags and got married about seven months into the relationship anyway.  After the honeymoon, things got worse.  Amy became more paranoid about the couples finances, as they were now jointly intertwined.  Mark, no longer able to be someone he wasn’t, went back to spending his money as he always had.  Because of this, the couple’s sex life dwindled, as the financial issues created a barrier between the two, which limited their intimacy.  Amy became more critical and withholding – and Mark foolishly thought that by hanging in there, things would somehow have to get better in time.

After six long and miserable years of marriage, the couple finally divorced.  However, that wasn’t the end of their problems, as the experience made Amy resentful, bitter, and shut down; therefore, she’s remained alone for ten years.  Mark became afraid of commitment and intimacy because he felt trapped in the marriage, so he got involved with more edgy women who were always fun, yet non committal and unfaithful.  Here we see how the repercussions from the red flags that were denied still affect the lives of both Amy and Mark today. 

There is a lot that can be learned from the story of Amy and Mark as you look at your own relationships.  Never forget to be honest with who you are – and honest about who the other person is.   Just think of how it would sound if someone came up to you and proclaimed, “I am so upset that this apple in my hands in not an orange.  How can I make it into an orange?  Why isn’t it an orange, since I don’t want it to be an apple?”  The same thing applies to people.  We are who we are, and that is represented by our values, goals and dreams – none of which can be denied if we want to have a truly successful relationship. 

7-Everybody counts

By the mere fact that a relationship involves two people, it would seem clear that both people’s needs should be considered.  As everybody counts, no one should be treated disrespectfully.  However, that is certainly not always the case, as most of us have experienced firsthand in our relationships: whether romantically, in friendships, with family, and/or in our careers.  And there are so many ways that someone shows us that we don’t count.  A prime example of this is when someone we’re romantically involved with doesn’t make time for us…

When your lover refuses to make time for you, it is clearly a huge red flag.  After all, who wants to only be sort of in the picture – maybe every once in a while?  Often, someone puts you on the shelf, and only deals with you when it is convenient for them.  People can always use the excuse that they’re busy – sure, the whole world is busy.  Or, they just blow you off and ignore you.  But in reality, one always does what’s important to them, and if someone doesn’t make time for you, it clearly indicates the real lack of value they feel toward you. 

This is exactly what happened to Joe in his relationship with Heather, a woman he’s been with for a year.  She kept repeatedly telling him that she was busy when he tried to make plans with her.  “Joe, I’m busy on Monday, and I’ve got to see my family this Tuesday, and the girls are getting together on Wednesday.  Maybe we could get together Thursday, but I think I have to help my girlfriend move that day,” Heather said.  “I’ll get back to you and let you know,” she added.  These may all sound like plausible excuses from a busy girl, but Heather hasn’t made time for Joe in over a month.  These are just this week’s agenda of pre-existing activities that prevent her from seeing him.  Realistically, Heather just doesn’t value Joe all too much – that is clear.

As it should be with any healthy relationship, Heather needs to make time for Joe.  She should be offering him one of the most generous gifts of all, the gift of time – not only in quantity, but also with quality.  However, she refuses to do so, and it certainly frustrates Joe.  He’s even tried to address this with Heather multiple times, but she just blows it off or simply makes excuses for her actions.  Even with this red flag, Joe refused to exit the relationship, because Joe doesn’t feel deserving of being treated well.  He just escaped into the denial that she would eventually make more time for him.  So now he’s been in the same pattern with Heather now going on five years.  Just think if Joe would have extricated himself from this relationship based on the red flags early on.  He would have been in a different position today – potentially with a much better person for him than Heather…

In addition to not making time for you, another red flag that shows you don’t count is when someone is inconsiderate of you.  Their selfishness and self-centeredness is clearly shown when they dismiss or disregard your needs.  (Remember, a need is something that is essential to one’s well being and survival; not just a want, or a wish.)  Through being inconsiderate, they set the tone and define the limits in the relationship.  Remember, it’s all about them.  It’s their show and they are the star – you’re merely an invited guest if and when it suits them.  This empowers their ego, and allows them to be in control of the situation.  These qualities especially reveal themselves when you’re in a time of crisis, and the other person still demonstrates a lack of consideration for what you’re going through, even then.

This exact thing repeatedly happened to Mike with his brother Omar.  Mike’s needs have never been considered by Omar, but Mike has ignored the red flags based on the fact of the old adage that blood is thicker than water.  Omar is all about Omar, and other people’s needs don’t matter to him.  Whether it’s the needs of Mike or anyone else’s, Omar is only looking out for number one, as he is a truly selfish man.

Recently, Mike was devastated about being demoted out of the blue at work (especially because he didn’t feel he deserved it).  Mike was quite angry at his boss, and was considering turning in his resignation the next day.  Clearly, he needed some rational input on this situation, as whatever he did could change the course of his career irrevocably.  So he ignored the issues that have been there, and called his brother:  “Hey Omar, I’m furious about what happened at work.  My boss demoted me today, and I have absolutely no idea why,” Mike said.  What in the heck should I do about this?” he questioned.  “I’m so angry that I’m really thinking about quitting tomorrow, as I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’ll show him,” Mike vented!

Predictably, Omar was only partially listening to Mike without offering any input in return.  After a minute or so, Omar simply changed the subject to talk about himself.  “Man, I want to go out and get a great steak tonight,” Omar said.  “Doesn’t that sound good?”  In frustration, Mike ended the call, as he knew the issues that had been there all too well.  Yet Mike has always refused to come out of denial, and acknowledge the red flags of how his brother has always treated him.  Therefore, he gets hurt repeatedly.  However, this time, it had serious consequences.

In confusion and anger, Mike ended up quitting his job the next day.  By quitting impulsively, he had to find work immediately, simply to pay the bills.  This forced him to take the first mediocre job offered to him, which has lead to a string of the same type of positions, which he’s still in today.  Instead, Mike could have bided his time at work, while looking for a new position in his career that could have been good for him. 

Of course, it was Mike’s choice, but two other factors come to mind about this situation: 1-If Mike would have been honest regarding the red flags he’s always known about Omar, he could have reached out to someone else who cares.  That person could have potentially helped him to calm down, and make a rational, non emotional decision.  2-If only Omar would have been considerate of his brother Mike’s needs, the outcome of his career path could have turned out much different, and possibly more positively.

As seen in the case of Joe (with Heather) and Mike (with Omar), the long range consequences for denying and ignoring the red flags that they didn’t count were life altering in a negative way.  We must never lose sight of the fact that the outcomes of our lives turn out radically differently depending on whether or not we heed such warnings. 

8-Talk to me baby

Sherry had been frustrated in her career for years, as she had always wanted to be her own boss.  Making a limited salary was becoming more and more depressing, and she clearly wanted something better.  So she decided to go into business with her friend Karen.  Sherry was well aware of the red flags that had been there with Karen, as she had always refused to communicate with Sherry about whatever issues existed between them through the years.  And if she did, Karen would simply try to make Sherry wrong. 

When the two reached impasses before, Karen would not talk to Sherry for a while; refuse to communicate and heal things, giving her the silent treatment as a form of punishment.  Sherry would always eventually be the one to give in, and extend the olive branch just to keep the peace in the relationship.  Karen was egotistical, arrogant, self righteous, and a-know-it-all.  Sherry had low self esteem, and was terrified of being abandoned.  Therefore, she ignored the repeated red flags through the years, while doing her best to maintain the friendship.

Even through Sherry knew this all too well, she chose to ignore the red flags, and went into business with Sherry.  Here, she delusionally believed that her dream (a new business) would somehow override the real issues that had been there with Karen.  It’s sort of like saying if you have a broken leg, having a facial will somehow make the broken leg go away.  So, when the two opened their online business of selling self help and spiritual books, the problems were immediate.  Sherry put up 90% of the money and did almost all of the work, while Karen did virtually nothing.  Yet, their agreement called for a 50-50 monetary split.  Sherry addressed her concerns:  “Karen, I feel like I’m carrying the entire load: placing the orders for books, fulfilling orders from clients, and doing the shipping and handling.  Could you at least help out with one of these things?” she questioned.  “So are you my boss now?  You do what you do, and I’ll do what I do.  There’s nothing to talk about.  Just don’t try and control my part of the business,” Karen snapped back.  Here, she refused to communicate at all about these real issues, and tried to emotionally intimidate Sherry.

Sherry tried to suck it up for a good 12 months or so, but eventually the business failed.  She even made one last ditch attempt to communicate with Karen on how to salvage the business, but Karen wouldn’t take her call.  So the two ended up in court over who was going to be liable for the expenses of the business, as it never recouped its initial investment and lost money.  In the end, Sherry ended up paying for virtually everything, and lost a lot of money. 

Just like with Sherry and Karen, any relationship can’t grow without sincere communication.  It can never be about silence, winning, being right, making the other person wrong, and refusing to heal things.  Any relationship can’t be one-sided and still work, as it will reach a breaking point.  It’s just a matter of time.  Real communication is about working together for a greater good, learning and growing together, and understanding each other. 

We can all avoid many pitfalls through observing the saga of Sherry and Karen.  The lack of communication from Karen showed Sherry all she needed to know, but by pretending that something “positive” overrides the red flags that had always been there, Sherry paid dearly for this choice.  In fact, she is still struggling financially today.  This could have all been avoided, if Sherry had just listened to what was clearly shown to her by the red flags that had been apparent all along.

9-The same old song and dance

For better or worse, our attractions to people are largely defined by who we are internally at any point in time.  This is based on our self-image, self-esteem, identity and values, which help to shape and focus who and what we’re drawn to.   We usually refer to all of these complex internal dynamics as merely being our “type.”  Sometimes, our type is represented by something like blond hair and big breasts for a man.  Even if it is merely physical attributes we’re attracted to, it still represents something deeper within us.

Sometimes people pretend that varying physical looks in those they’re attracted to actually make them different from each other.  This gives the illusion that they’re not just repeating an unhealthy relationship pattern, when they’re actually choosing the same person in essence over and over again.  Focusing on physical differences is a way of avoiding the real red flags – which are based on the real differences between people.  This is all shown through their essence, not just their physical selves.  Forget the window dressing – that one guy is tall and dark, while another is short and red haired.  It doesn’t mean anything in and of itself.  It is what’s within that separates people.

At other times, our “type” is harder to detect, as it is psychologically and emotionally driven.  What we’re attracted to is the energy and essence that a person carries with them.  If a woman likes dangerous and edgy men, that energy and essence is what will attract her to a particular relationship. 

This is the case with Barbara.  When she met Carlos, the attraction was electrifying and immediate, as his essence immediately drew her in.  Edgy, dangerous, exciting, and unfaithful, he represented the same energy of the men she had been with many times before.  The red flags were all over the place: him lying, being inconsistent, game playing, putting her through emotional drama right off the bat, and wild lustful sex.  As with most of us, she was too drawn in and hooked by the chemistry to walk away, so she ignored the countless red flags that were present.  And just like in former relationships, she became preoccupied, overwhelmed, and devastated by the situation.

You might look at Barbara’s situation and wonder, “What can I do if I’m also drawing in lovers who are not good for me?”  Here are some points to realize:  no one can simply tell themselves to stop being attracted to who and what they desire.  Sexual energy is too strong and powerful of a vibration to just turn it off immediately and want someone else simply because they’re a nice person.  As stated earlier, our attractions reflect deeply and profoundly on who and what we are at any given period of our lives. 

So is there anything that we can do if we wish to change that “same old song and dance” to meeting someone new who could be wonderful for us?  There are three things that I would strongly recommend, so let’s take a look at them:

1-Use your intuition — When meeting new people, immediately be aware of the red flags.  Does this new person remind you in any way of your negative exes?  What do your instincts say about them?  Certainly, don’t look for this new person to be the right one, as that will cloud your intuition.  And don’t slip into denial, which is easy to do when you want something to work out with someone.  If you’re making any excuses for them, it’s time to cut and run.  Remember, your gut won’t lie to you.  Again, ask yourself if they remind you in any way of the negative lovers from your past.

2-Look at the facts — Of course, facts don’t lie – so don’t distort and ignore them.  If someone you’ve just met is married, and you’ve been with married partners before, there’s a red flag.  If you’ve been with alcoholics before and this new person drinks, there’s another red flag.  Some “facts” may take longer to come out, as it can take time for the truth to unfold.  As the facts present themselves, make your decisions accordingly, especially when you are clearly being shown the past patterns you’ve been through before.

3-Change who you are internally and everything changes – Even if we claim to not have a “type,” we will see that there are striking similarities between those we’ve been attracted to.  The answer is not in just meeting new people to find someone supposedly different without first looking at yourself.  You can’t force the outer world to be anything more or other than who you are internally.  Therefore, you must change, as you won’t be able to attract someone better, until YOU change internally.  Again, you can’t “turn off” your “turn ons” and stop who and what you’re attracted to.  But by changing within on a deep and real level, who and what you’re attracted to will also change accordingly.  Also, those you draw to yourself will change proportionately as well.  This is not airy-fairy and up in the clouds – it’s quite literal and real.

For Laura, she decided to break her old unsuccessful relationship patterns and change herself.  When she met Ron, the red flags she had experienced so many times before were right there.  He was afraid of commitment, ostensibly because he had been hurt before, so he only wanted to date Laura part time with no real strings attached.  She had already been down this road, and was tired of meeting men who were unavailable and unattainable. 

So she decided to heed the warnings of the red flags, and dumped Ron.  She then stopped dating for a while and proceeded to work on herself.  She came to discover that her problem stemmed from her divorce.  Since it was so nasty, she became soured toward men, relationships and commitment. This put up an internal wall which wouldn’t allow anyone in who would offer commitment to her. 

Laura ended up doing the internal work she needed to come to peace with her divorce.  She blessed her ex husband, wished him well, and really let it all go.  By doing this, she opened her energy to meet someone good for her.  And in time, it all worked out for her, as she met someone who was willing to love her.  This wasn’t an accident or the luck of the draw.  It happened because she healed her internal issues.  Here, she listened to the red flags she saw with Ron, and made a new choice by doing the work within.  This led her to the relationship that was no longer the same old song and dance!  We can do the same!

10-Is sex all there is?

Often, women see sex as a vehicle to solidify a relationship, while men want sex without much of a relationship.  This was the case with Jody and Rod.  When she met him, Jody liked him right away.  As there didn’t seem to be any initial red flags, she ended up having sex with him on the second night after they met.  Since the attraction was mutual, their intimacy continued on a regular basis.  After a few weeks of this, though, the red flags appeared, as all they ever did was have sex.  Sure, they always talked a bit, hung out at his place and had a few drinks, but the relationship wasn’t moving forward in any other way.

Because of the “chemistry,” Jody decided to give it a chance, yet the pattern continued.  After three months of this, she was clearly frustrated.  “Rod, all we ever do is have sex.  We never go out on a date  — you never take me anywhere.   I don’t really even know your friends.  Wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere with your friends?  I’d love to meet them,” Jody stated.  However, Rod wasn’t frustrated with the way things were.  He liked it just as it was.  But since he didn’t want to lose the sex he had with Jody, he lied to her:  “Babe, I hear you.  We should go out sometime, and you should meet my friends, too.  Don’t worry – things will change.”  As Rod had done this type of thing to many women before, he sounded believable.

At first, Jody was optimistic about what he said to her, but her intuition felt as if something was still wrong.  This was a huge red flag, as intuition doesn’t mislead or lie.  Deep down, she knew that Rob didn’t mean a word of what he said.  Not only did nothing get better, but in fact it actually got worse.  Rob stopped calling her to come over for sex, and just left it up to her to initiate contact with him.  At least before, he’d call her up to come over.  So six months after she first met him, Jody ended things with Rob permanently.  He was just using her as a convenience, as sex was really all there was…Even though Jody once felt that what she had with Rob was quite special, the sexual intensity that she experienced with Rob is actually quite common.

Because sex is perhaps the most powerful energy we experience in the physical world, we become overwhelmed, hypnotized, and confused by it.  It is cosmic and atomic by nature, and the act of sex is spiritually transcendent.  Its force can transform and heal us; while conversely, it can devastate and destroy us.  The powerful feelings we experience with sex doesn’t mean that the person we’ve shared this with cares for us, is good for us, or someone who wants a relationship.  We assume that because of the intensity we’ve felt with sex, everything else will somehow fall into place: commitment, communication, fidelity, and so forth.  However, that is not necessarily true.  Thankfully, Jody was smart enough to see the red flags for exactly what they were, and cut her ties with a man who was only offering her one single thing – sex.  And there are many couples who are quite compatible sexually and feel titillating passion, yet have nothing else to offer each other.

For Jody, even though she had mixed emotional feelings about her choice, she knew she did the right thing.  And this was confirmed just a few months later, when she actually met a man who ended up being the one to truly love her.  He was really the right match for her, and vice versa.  Because she had removed what was in the way, the divine universe was able to bring a dream to her!  And the relationship worked, as they married and are happy today!  These dreams are not just for Jody, but for all of us who heed the warnings of the red flags that are ever present for us – as they protect, guide, watch over us, and keep us out of harm’s way every single day.  It is simply our job to listen and act accordingly!

We tend to think that our success and happiness in life is an acquiring process.  What can I do to get what I want?  We visualize, affirm, and pray for our heart’s desire.  Then why don’t our dreams come true, then?  Because often, manifesting our success and happiness is the exact opposite, and a removal process.  We must remove what’s in the way, to become an open vessel for the divine universe to work through.  Red flags will always show you what’s in the way, and what you need to remove.  Become that open channel of all the divine universe affords you and clear the pathway by removing the negative self destructive relationships that are holding everything back, and let your highest blessings and greater good come to you.

Loooking for a new direction?  If you are interested in having your own private reading with Jim1537, click here.

At the end of a relationship, have you ever wished that you only knew certain things about the person in the beginning? Would it surprise you to know that those very things may have always been there – for you to see? We need to always look for the “red flags” when meeting new people, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, career or business partnerships. “Red flags” are the divine universe’s way of providing us with the necessary warning signs and alarms that are vital to protecting us from negative and debilitating life changing relationships.

How many times have I heard clients say, “If I only would have listened to my first impressions and what my gut said when I met that person, I wouldn’t have gone through such a horrible experience. The red flags were right there for me to see, but I ignored them, and did what I wanted to do anyway.”

As we look back at our failed and problematic relationships, we’ll see that the red flags and warning signs were indeed there. Whether immediately apparent or revealed in a reasonable amount of time, who a person really is and what their true intentions are toward us always become clear.

We now need to incorporate the awareness from what we’ve been through before into our experience today, as to not make the same missteps again. Also, we need new tools that will help us to see people for who they really are and help us to identify the red flags right off the bat or shortly after we have met them.

To achieve that end, I have written the two-part series: “10 Undeniable Red Flags.” Today’s blog entry offers Part 1, #’s 1-5, while Part 2, #’s 6-10 will appear in my the next entry.

1-First Impressions Don’t Lie

When we meet people, our innate psychic radar is tuned in loud and clear. You can refer to it as intuition, gut level instinct, or an unexplainable feeling. Whatever you choose to call “it,” we are always “checking out” who a person really is when we meet them; even if we don’t believe in psychic ability, intuition or anything beyond our five mundane senses.

Why do we do this? It ties into our need to survive. What we’re looking for, even if we’re consciously unaware of this process, is to know who and what a person actually is; beneath their veneers and social skills. By intuitively “checking someone out,” we see if they will threaten, harm, lie to us, or be beneficial in our lives. It is the intuitive equivalent of stepping into a house we may purchase, looking around, scrutinizing it, and seeing if it’s a good or bad choice. Do you remember the phrase, “The devil is a gentleman?” Very few people instantly come off bad or project that they’re a negative person — certainly not in polite society. In the beginning, most people are on their best behavior. Also, the only way to draw you into the new relationship is to appear to be a good person.

So whatever your first impression is, it will be correct, especially if you’re going into it with an open mind. Sure, if you’re meeting a blind date, and you want them to be “the one,” that clouds your real intuition, which can easily be replaced by your emotional desires pretending to be your gut. However, if you’re just being natural and neutral without expectation when you meet someone, your initial take on them will be correct. Often, these feelings are absolutely contradictory to who a person “seems” to be, and don’t make sense at all. However, they’re not supposed to, as intuition is not logical. Intuition is beyond what we can perceive with our five physical senses.

This very thing happened to Jennifer when she met a man named John who dressed well, was attractive, successful, and quite polite. By anyone’s standards, he was a fantastic catch. Yet something felt wrong — really wrong. When she stood next to him, she was unsettled. Something just didn’t feel right, which she couldn’t explain to herself, understand why, or even begin to know what it was. Yet, in the midst of John gently talking about taking her on a lovely dinner date and gazing wistfully at her with his bright blue eyes, Jennifer’s uneasy feelings grew stronger. So she decided to listen to what she felt, even though it seemed odd, and rejected John’s offer of a date. What a smart move she made, as Jennifer later found out that he has several girlfriends, and that one of these women actually accused him of being abusive toward her. By Jennifer listening to her gut, she avoided a potentially disastrous involvement that could have potentially lead her to a horrible life altering entanglement. Here, her first impression showed her the truth, as it always does – and Jennifer was smart enough to listen, as we all should.

2-Instant Connection

“I have never felt a feeling like this before. I was instantly so attracted to him, I couldn’t believe it. Our eyes locked, and I was completely hypnotized. From the moment we met, I fell in love,” Suzie explains about her new love, Jason. “I know it’s happening so fast, but it feels so right,” she adds. Quickly, the couple moved in together, and became engaged within a few months. Shortly after, the two married.

However, after the dust settled, the couple realized that they really weren’t compatible at all. Within a year or so, Suzie and Jason were divorced. The instantaneous chemistry they experienced clouded the reality of who they really were as individuals, how they related to each other as a couple, and what they each needed in a relationship.

Do you remember the phrase? “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” When meeting someone who becomes our new best friend, or falling in love instantly, there are usually serious problems. With “instant connection,” it’s largely based on fantasy. By connecting so quickly, the reality of who a person is and the real chemistry of a relationship is obfuscated and made unclear. This way, (at least in the beginning) one can write the script any way they want. Since it’s new, there’s no water under the bridge, baggage, issues, or problems; at least not yet. However, sooner or later, the reality of the actual dynamics between two people always reveals itself.

As in the case of Suzie and Jason, the feelings they experienced hardly had anything to do with how they truly felt about each other on a real level. They were both open to and looking for a certain experience – in the short of it, a whirlwind romance. Suzie and Jason both provided a fantasy experience for each other, and projected what they wanted the other person to be. That fantasy was bought into enough for them to even get married.

Yet time proved their relationship wasn’t based on compatibility, shared goals, values, or dreams. Suzie and Jason became interchangeable parts in each other’s agenda, and used the relationship to have the experience they individually desired. This experience was both emotionally and financially quite costly. They both became disillusioned in love, and had to pay high lawyers’ fees, as the couple fought over an expensive home they jointly purchased.

So it is crucial when meeting people to never deny the red flag of “instant connection.” If something is right, it will stand the test of time, and it will make sense as the relationship unfolds. If it isn’t right, why put yourself in such a difficult situation, where you can become hurt, used, disillusioned, world weary, and even devastated? Just like when driving a car, you hopefully wouldn’t turn on the ignition, and immediately jam the acceleration pedal to the floor. With any new relationship possibility that crosses your pathway, let it grow organically and reasonably. This way, the true reality of the “connection” you and this person share becomes revealed in a timely fashion. This helps you to navigate your journey safely and productively.

3-What you see is what you get, sort of…

We often hear that honesty is the best policy in relationships, but are there ever situations where too much honesty can be a red flag…?

Too much truth can hide a lie

“Janice, I’m married. Just wanted to let you know the facts right off the bat,” Jose said. Here, Janice is startled and surprised by what Jose, a man she just met, has said to her. “He’s so honest. At least I know what I’m dealing with,” Janice confides to a girlfriend. Days later, Jose said to her, “I may be married, but I haven’t had sex with my wife for years. The sight of her disgusts me, so I always sleep in the basement.” Janice is further intrigued. Since Jose was initially honest about being a married man, she thinks that what Jose is saying now (about not being sexually active with his wife for years), must also be true. However, it was a lie. Jose has had a regular sex life with his wife since they were married.

Some people, such as Jose, initially tell the truth in a way that is unflattering to themselves by declaring such things as: “I’m married.” “I’ve had a drug problem in the past.” “I’ve been arrested once before a long time ago.” “You might ask, “Why would anyone do this?” Because these types of admissions are designed to make the person saying such things look totally honest, which allows them to gain the trust of others. It appears as if a person such as Jose is actually noble, and willing to risk it all, solely to tell the truth. Then, if trust can be gained, it is presumable that the other person, such as Janice, will believe what is also said to them. It can actually create an even deeper trust, as someone like Janice feels that they’re in on the secret, and included in on private and privileged information. It all creates a powerful smoke screen.

What if the person admitting their past drug problem said it to hide the fact that they’re still doing drugs now? How about if the person acknowledging they were arrested before said it to avoid the reality that they actually did hard prison time recently, and has trouble with the law again? The red flags are clear. When any of us meet someone like Jose, we should always ask ourselves: “Why would someone I just met tell me things about themselves that are downright incriminating? What do they have to gain by telling me this information? Who am I to know all of this…?” Something is obviously wrong, and it can’t be denied.

Unfortunately, Janice bought into the illusion of Jose being a blatantly honest man. She had the affair with him, and eventually discovered that he and his wife were still having sex. Janice was his mistress for five long years, as she couldn’t put her mind around the red flag of his “false honesty.” Even though honesty may not always be designed to camouflage a lie as it was for Jose, it can be a powerful game and even a weapon.

Honesty as a game and a weapon “Cindy, I don’t want a commitment,” David flatly states. He just started communicating with Cindy online, and wants to establish the rules of the game straight away. On the other hand, she also recently started talking with Frank, another man she met online. Frank says the opposite of David: “I’m looking to get married now, Cindy, and that’s what I want.”

Both of these honest statements are a red flag. Why? Because these two “honest” men come into a new relationship with a pre-existing agenda, without even knowing who Cindy is. This means that these men are not really open to what a new relationship can be. Cindy is put in the position of having to accommodate the rules of the game, as laid out by David or Frank. The agenda of David is to avoid commitment, yet still have sex, while Frank is looking for a wife, plain and simple. This allows them to establish control of whatever builds from the initial contact, as they have rigidly defined the parameters of what the relationship will be from here on out.

However, Cindy realized that what these two men were engaging her in a game – one where only they set the rules. As she really did want a real relationship, she cut her ties with David and Frank, and began meeting new people.

In addition to it being a game as is was with David and Frank, too much honesty can also be a quite powerful weapon: “I don’t like your dress,” Bill says to Tasha, who he’s on his first date with. “I think it’s not very attractive on you at all,” he further chimes in. Here, his honesty makes Tasha feel bad about herself, especially because she didn’t even ask Bill what he thought of her dress. “What do you want me to do? Lie? I’m just being honest with you,” Bill further defends. This type of honesty is a huge red flag, as it allows Bill to attack Tasha’s self image and self esteem, which sets himself up to use honesty as a way to dominate, control, and potentially abuse her. Tasha felt so energetically molested by Bill’s comments, that she dumped him flat that evening, as the red flag was so crystal clear to her. Bill tried to further create excuses for his behavior; that’s he a little blunt, but that he doesn’t mean to hurt anybody…but Tasha refused to buy into it.

Honesty as an excuse

Like Bill, some use honesty as a way of defining their faults right up front, simply as a way of excusing them. “I know I’m always late. That’s just the way I am. I’m sorry, but I just wanted to let you know up front,” Kevin says to Joel, a new potential business partner. “If I show up late, don’t take it personally, as it’s just the way I’ve always been,” he further adds.

 Here, Kevin is not trying to acknowledge his faults as a way of working on them and becoming a better person. It’s just a way of him saying that this is who he is and the way it will be, and for Joel to be prepared to deal with it. Kevin is using honesty as a way of justifying being inconsiderate of his potential new partner, and setting the tone. If Kevin’s late and his partner has to wait, who gets victimized? Of course, Joel does. However, Joel decided to ignore this red flag. He chose to see Kevin’s admission as forthright and decided to go into business with him anyway: “Hey, no one’s perfect. So Kevin’s late sometimes. I can deal with that,” Joel said.

However, little did Joel know that it would cost him a valuable business contract. In typical fashion, Kevin showed up late for a business meeting where a potential investor simply got tired of waiting around. He then pulled the plug on investing into Kevin and Joel’s enterprise. This was all because the potential investor was soured by Kevin’s lack of professionalism.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, we all want to be involved with someone who is honest. That goes without saying. However, we need to watch for the instances where too much honesty becomes something we get fooled by. It is a definite red flag whenever honesty is used to set up or achieve an additional agenda or ulterior motive.

 4-Lies, Lies, Lies Very few people just lie through their teeth when you first meet them, as no one would consider a person like that to be credible on any level. Anyone who lies about anything and everything appears mentally ill. Therefore, a good liar mixes the lies with the truth. More importantly, though, is to watch how a liar slowly and insidiously incorporates their lies into a new relationship. Things might start off seemingly good, until the story of who they are and what they initially presented themselves to be changes and shifts — a little at a time.

If the red flags are not apparent immediately, they will begin to be revealed within a reasonable amount of time. The key is to not get emotionally hooked into the person within that probationary period, as you’ll need to extricate yourself from the relationship if the lies begin emerging.

That’s exactly what happened to Jonathan. He came up with an idea for an internet business, and in looking for someone to work with, he ran into Edward, who claimed to have launched several successful internet ventures. Edward offered names of people he had worked with, and the information he provided seemed to check out at first.

However, as several weeks unfolded, holes started appearing in Edward’s story. He assured Jonathan that he would speak with former associates, and even mentioned times where communication would occur. However, these “partners” never called Jonathan as Edward had promised they would. At first, it was explained as so and so was busy, out of town, and will get back in touch. After three weeks of this, Jonathan became suspicious.

Edward put Jonathan in touch with some financial investors, who sounded upbeat and positive in the initial conversations about funding the project. Edward then assured Jonathan that the money was going to come within a few weeks. As Jonathan waited, the money never came. The only thing that moved forward with the project was that Edward wanted Jonathan to sign papers to make him a partner.

It was now about 6 weeks into this, and nothing had materialized as Edward promised it would. Although not instantly, the red flags revealed themselves in a timely fashion well within 90 days. Jonathan had seen enough warning signs, and decided to terminate his new relationship with Edward, and simply moved on.

Maybe not at first, but liars always do get caught and busted. Their deception and secretiveness will make a person they’re involved with suspicious and mistrustful of who they are and what they do. Eventually, it all comes out. But what if it’s too late? Meaning, what if one is too emotionally involved to cut their ties once the lies are completely unveiled?

This is what Laura went through when she started dating Chuck in early 2006. At first, Chuck declared that he was a faithful man, open and honest, only dates one woman at a time, and would never lie to Laura. (Initially Laura’s intuition strongly warned her to stay away from Chuck, as her gut felt that something was wrong.) Yet she decided to continue dating him and let the situation unfold, as she had no tangible proof of him being a liar.

As time went on, he seemed more and more secretive, and closed off a lot of the time. It got worse after the first few weeks of their relationship. When he explained where he was and what he was doing, there were holes in his stories – timelines and dates didn’t add up or make sense. How could he be with his mother, yet be spotted in a bar by one of Laura’s friends at the same time? It was becoming increasingly clear after about 4 weeks, that Chuck was deceptive. In spite of these multiple red flags which grew stronger, she was emotionally too involved to just get out.

So she asked God almighty to show her what her new boyfriend was doing, as she supposedly wanted to know the truth. Do you recall the phrase? “Don’t wish for something, you might just get it.” Laura’s wish was definitely granted to her within 7 weeks. One day, she came over to see Chuck, who was in the shower when she arrived. He accidentally left his computer on, and as Laura walked by, it was all there for her to see: pornographic pictures from other women, sexually explicit messages, and dates and times when Chuck would be meeting these other females. It all came out — as it always does. However, when she found out the truth, she claimed it was too late for her to get out of the relationship. She was too emotionally into Chuck, and therefore, she decided to stay with him.

Very few people lie extensively right off the bat. The red flags may be apparent in small ways (which should never be denied), but if not, they will emerge. At first, a liar has to create a smokescreen that might seem plausible. With Edward, he played himself off as being more successful than he was and tried to string Jonathan out with false hopes. With Chuck, he portrayed himself as the good guy — but through time, the illusion came crashing down. The real key is to never deny any red flags that present themselves at any point in the relationship, whether in the beginning or a bit down the road; before your emotions get too involved. Even if it’s not apparent at first, it all comes out in the wash. Just be open to the truth, and don’t deny the red flags, as they never lie as people like Edward and Chuck do…

5-Push me, pull me For any of us who have been in a push me pull me relationship, its dizzying effects can be worse than being dumped. The ups and downs and roller coaster-esque ride not only cause us to lose our center; they can also make us relinquish control of our lives. Being preoccupied, unable to focus at work, not eating, worrying incessantly if and when we’ll hear from them, draining our friends by repeating the same concerns over and over again, and shutting down are all typical symptoms of the push me, pull me syndrome.

Usually, the red flags are apparent pretty quickly as the new lover you’ve met comes on strong at first – in fact, very strong. This is necessary for them to hook you in. Without coming on strong initially, it is presumable that you won’t invest your mind, body, and soul into this new relationship. That investment on your part is necessary for them to be able to play this game on you. Then, once you’re hooked, they pull back. Why? This is their way of establishing control, setting the tone, limits, parameters, and dynamics of the relationship. They see you when it’s convenient to them, and if and when they choose not to, you’re put on the shelf till they decide to connect with you later. It allows them to have their cake and eat it too.

They are counting on you clinging to false hopes, as you can remember that way it initially was, and hope for a return to the magic that briefly once was. After all, the honeymoon just occurred. You can believe that by being patient and biding your time, things will someday go back to the way they were in the beginning. Remember, the person in control serves two masters: on one hand, the relationship, and conversely, their ego, selfishness and mind games which creates inconsistency, distance, avoidance and unavailability. And it’s all done on purpose…because if you believe they’re confused, and/or become confused yourself, the relationship keeps on going.

Using confusion as a way to create confusion

This is what Joyce went through when she met Steve who immediately showed a strong interest in her. After about three weeks or so, he began playing the push me, pull me game. Here was a gigantic red flag, and it created a lot of confusion for Joyce – exactly as it was supposed to. Steve claimed that he was actually the one who was confused. He said that he knew he had feelings for Joyce, but wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship (even though he’s the one who aggressively pushed it). He then told Joyce that he wanted to still see her, but he couldn’t promise anything. He might not always be there, be he would try, is how he spun it.

But in reality Steve wasn’t confused at all. He simply pretended to be to confuse Joyce. This is intended to create the illusion that he’s a man struggling to figure things out, work through his pain, past issues and baggage, and today’s uncertainty. However, those premises are entirely false. He knew exactly what he wanted, which was to have Joyce in a non-committal relationship simply as a sexual partner. So he pretended to be taking her to the moon, when in actuality, he wasn’t really taking her anywhere, to lure her in. The truth is that Steve has always been selfish, non-committal, and unfaithful – not searching his soul for answers and clarity to perplexing relationship issues.

Joyce bought into this initially, but she chose to not deny this red flag, and eventually cut Steve off for good. For a while after she terminated the involvement, he called and tried to sweet talk her, but she caught on to who and what he was, thankfully.

The push me, pull me relationship doesn’t only happen in romance, but also in any type of relationship, including friendship. And just because it’s not romantic, doesn’t mean that the effects would be any less powerful.

Cheryl and Joan worked together, and had the same interests in art museums and movies. Cheryl would ask Joan to go to an art museum showing, followed by a movie, but Cheryl soon came to realize that she couldn’t always depend on Joan. Some of the time Joan would go, then other times, she’d back out at the last minute for no apparent reason. Cheryl tried to be understanding and flexible, but after a few months, this red flag was undeniable. She couldn’t take it anymore. So she decided to address this issue with Joan.

Joan became hostile and defensive when she responded: “I am an adult and have the freedom to live my life the way I choose. I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices.” However, this wasn’t about freedom and being who you are. Joan’s actions were about selfishness, taking Cheryl for granted, and having it both ways. Joan wanted to be in control and follow through with plans when she wanted to, or simply blow them off if that suited her.

Since Joan refused to meet Cheryl half way, she didn’t know what to do. After all, she also worked with Joan, and didn’t want to create a huge problem. It really hurt Cheryl’s feelings, as she thought she had made a real friend – not a fair weather acquaintance. So as hurt as she was, she decided to gently fade away from Joan, a little at a time. Joan still wanted to engage Cheryl in activities from time to time, but she was always busy or had things to take care of.

Those such as Steve and Joan are trying to use mixed signals as a way to control, limit, and define the relationship – in a selfish, inconsiderate way, solely on their terms. There is no confusion or struggle within them. They know the game and how to play it. This is a huge power trip as they decide when and how things will be done. With push me, pull me it’s always about them – not about you, regardless of how it is presented.

You may feel wanted, needed, or important, but you’ll only be a vehicle for the other person’s gratification, duplicity, narcissism, and inconsistency in that most dreadful reality we’ve probably all been through of “push me, pull me.” However, it is up to us as to whether we cut our ties, or stay in situations that have been shown to be negative to us. When we walk away, we save ourselves literally from horrific life altering consequences that can affect our entire journey irrevocably.

Keep in mind that in Part 1 of “10 Undeniable Red Flags,” I intended to show that we can avoid negative and toxic relationships. There’s no one or nothing up in the sky setting us up for a fall and for punishment. It is us who makes these choices to accept an involvement with someone who will hurt us. However, the red flags are always there for us to see: sometimes immediately, or within a reasonable amount of time so we can extricate ourselves from a bad situation. It is up to us what we do with the red flags that come to us as a supreme gift from the divine universe that forever tries to watch over us, protect us, and guide us. In the next blog entry, I will conclude this two part series with the second half of this writing.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

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How would you respond to the question, “What is the world’s biggest problem?”  It’s safe to say that one or more of the following list would be included in your answer:  the current economic crisis, global poverty, children who go to bed hungry every night, people without health insurance, untreated disease in poor countries, the environment, global warming, our political leaders, violence, murder, and war.  But does this list include the real problem, or merely the symptoms?  Just like when someone is sick, they are experiencing the symptoms and manifestations of the underlying health issue and disease, but may not know the root cause of what made them sick.

What if I told you that the world’s biggest problem is not on the above mentioned list at all…? 

It has to do with one simple thing; and that it is merely a matter of perception – our distorted, illusory human perception and all that builds upon that perception.  The biggest problem facing us is the illusion of separation – the illusion that we perceive anyone and everything in this world as being separate from ourselves. 

My name is Jim, and I am a male who lives in the United States.  Janel is a woman who lives in Paris, France.  We have never met each other in the physical world.  It is presumable that we both perceive ourselves as being separate from each other.  After all, she’s tens of thousands of miles away from me.  She lives over there, and I live over here. My pain is not her pain, and her joy has nothing to do with my joy

However, that is not true.  Janel and I are interconnected – just like the trees, plants, animals, and you are all interconnected.  In fact, the entire universe is connected.   There is no separation. Separation is an illusion.  This is not airy fairy spiritual talk – it is the truth.

Physics now proves that all atoms, molecules, and everything in this universe is interconnected.  What a child does in Siberia right now affects what a businessman is doing in New York.  Before, physics didn’t validate this truth that all is interconnected, which has been taught by great spiritual masters, yogis, and enlightened teachers for centuries.  But now, physics and spirituality agree on this principle that governs the universe.

In addition to physics, we can see everything as interconnected from a spiritual level.  Whether you refer to is as God, infinite intelligence, source, eternal creative principle, or divine love, “it” is one energy.  As everything originates from this source, everything that exists is connected to source.  Therefore, nothing is separate.  How could it be?  We, along with everything else are just extensions and projections of source.

Think of the divine flame that ignites all life, motion, and activity within this vast universe.  It is from within this eternal spark that everything originates.  That fire, which burns eternally, is at the core of everything: humans, animals, plants, atoms, molecules and inanimate objects.  This perpetual flame is the core which illuminates and connects all, like an endless cord that links everything together.  We can even see this connectedness when a child joins the dots of a picture by drawing connected lines.  When the lines are completed and connect all of the dots, that picture is analogous to the connectedness within the universe. 

Since our perception of being separate from everything is inherently illusory and false, what does this all mean on a practical day by day level?  How should it affect our choices and the way we treat each other?

We have all heard the golden rule stated in the Bible:  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  This is so important, because it defines the core of how we are literally the same as our neighbor.  What we do to another creates energy.  That energy leads to a consequence which we ourselves experience.  It doesn’t matter whether it comes back right now, or much later in physical time.  It all does comes back to us sooner or later.  As it’s clear that for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction, we know that what we do to others is what we do to ourselves.

Most of us probably agree that the golden rule of the Bible is a good sentiment, and to some degree, try to live up to this ideal.  However, if we fall short, we tend to not weigh ourselves down with too much guilt. 

The real reason we let ourselves off the hook so easily is because we see ourselves as separate from the person we hurt.  Even though we might feel somewhat bad for what we’ve done, we think that it is only them who is really suffering.  The bottom line is that we believe that our actions affect them – not us.  In a selfish “survival of the jungle” sort of way, we are still alive, safe, and ok.  Therefore, it is easy to disregard our sins.

If we take it a step further, many spiritual teachings explain that what we do comes back to us.  The law of karma applies to everyone, and sooner or later, all that we do indeed comes back to us.  Therefore, we need to be forever careful of our actions toward others.  What we sow, we shall reap!  This tends to give us pause for concern, but does it really force us to respect our neighbor to the degree that we should? 

Seeing karma clearly can be complicated and hard to measure.  If I steal from you on Monday, it is doubtful that you or someone else will steal from me on Tuesday.  Karma doesn’t usually come back to us right away, as in “instant karma.”  Therefore, our perception of karmic repercussion becomes convoluted.  Besides, we’re still alive, and seem to be ok.  Therefore, it’s still pretty easy to disregard the karmic repercussions we only somewhat fear.

If we look at what we do to others realistically, both scientifically and spiritually, we then begin to perceive what our actions truly do to us.  Since there is no separation between you and I, it isn’t just a matter of what I do to you will someday come back to me, (like the karma police are waiting around the corner and will get me down the road).  Whatever we’re doing to others is actually being done to ourselves in real time. 

If I stab you, I have just stabbed myself.  That is reality – not the illusion that you’re bleeding on the ground, and I have run away from the scene of the crime unscathed.  Since the reality is that we are all connected, for me to stab you, is something I am also doing to myself.  With the actual act comes the fact that something has just occurred.  It is permanently and forever registered in the spiritual planes of reality as a connected act.  It is not a matter of the illusion that we live by in our earthly lives; that we are separate from others.

Just because we don’t see it physically doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  Since we live in the physical world of complete illusion, what we see with our own two eyes is also illusory.  We only see the world of physical matter, and don’t see beyond into the eternal reality that everything in the universe is joined.   With our physical eyesight, can we see and study the Akashic records, which record every single occurrence that has and will ever happen for eternity?  Do we see when and what our actions toward others does to us?  Can our eyes see how what we’ve done will ultimately affect us?  Of course not.  What we see is false and unreal.  It is based on the illusion of the physical plane, and since this plane is completely illusory, it would make sense that looking at it is the same.  If you look at an illusion, what you see is an illusion.

It’s simple to grasp if you keep in mind that the perception of anything being separate from anything else is false.  Interconnectedness of everything is real.   Think of a mother carrying a baby before the baby is born.  It would be hard to argue that the fetus and the mother are not interconnected.   Family members who live together certainly impact each other’s lives in obvious and dramatic ways.  That shows connectedness.  If a doctor helps someone to be healed, the connection is clear.  Look all around you!  From the trees whose roots keep growing deeper into the ground, connectedness is everywhere.  It’s just a matter of whether we wish to see it or not!

When a father abuses his son, he is abusing himself.  When a corporate executive steal millions of dollars from the shareholders of the company he works for, he is stealing from himself.  If you pick up a gun and blow someone’s head off, you’ve just taken yourself out of this world.  There is no way around that I am you, you are me, and everything is connected. 

Use your body as an analogy.  Do you see your arm as connected to your shoulder?  Of course you do.  So you could say that there are two body parts:  your arm and your shoulder, yet you see them as joined.  Think of two people:  you and your spouse.  What you do affects them, which in turn affects you.  Of course if you upset your spouse, you’ll probably hear about it right away.  In that moment, I’m sure you would realize that what you did affected them, which in turn affected you.  Therefore, the two of you are certainly connected.  Wouldn’t it be wiser for you to see the two of you as interconnected at all times, and not just in times that are dramatic?  This way, loving acts would be offered and received always.

If everyone realized the simple truth that all is connected, people would stop hurting, using, abusing, and killing.  There would be no more poverty, as no one wants to starve.  Greed would be gone, as no one wants to be ripped off and penniless.  The environment would be pure and clean, as who would want to pollute themselves and be a toxic wasteland?  Murder wouldn’t exist, as none of us want to be violently taken out of this world?   War would vanish.  Who would desire to engage in deadly combat with themselves?

Even if we just based our actions on the survival instinct we so strongly carry, we would no longer hurt others, or anything, as we would know that as we hurt others, we are damaging ourselves in real time.

Let us start healing ourselves.  That helps to heal the world.  Remind yourself that all that you do toward others is simply actions that you are doing to yourself – literally.  Ask the question, “Do I like what I’m doing to me?”  Not, do I like what I’m doing to others?  Remember, you’re really doing it to you!  If you always keep that in mind, you won’t do wrong by others, hurt the environment, or harm anything – none of us would. 

Of course, people want to make everything complicated, but the solution is simple.  If the foundation of a building is laid correctly and solidly, all that is built upon it will be solid also.  If we see ourselves as interconnected to everything, the foundation of our actions would be loving and respectful.  This way, in all situations, one and all would be safe, secure, nurtured, and treated with great dignity and respect.  With that truthful awareness, the problems of this world could begin to be healed. 

 If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.

Throughout our lives, we’ve not only absorbed the negativity of our environment and all that was around us and programmed into us, we also learned to think and speak in such ways that are negative and harmful to us, creating the very reality that we certainly don’t want. The great spiritual master Catherine Ponder said that if you don’t like your life, take a look at it and realize that you created it. This may sound punitive, but it is not. It is empowering to know that if you created your life as it is now, you can most definitely rebuild and change it for the better!

Often, we seek to transform our lives through the power of affirmations. However, most of us have experienced or known someone who has faithfully affirmed for years; even decades, yet manifested little or no results. Why is this? Because, we often possess internal blocks, barriers, negativity from our environment, as well as our own negative thoughts and words, which have been lodged in the subconscious mind. These “realities” are the exact opposite of what we are trying to affirm, creating a complete war of the wills. Therefore, it is not enough for us to just affirm what we want. That won’t in and of itself get the job done. We must look at what our issues are within, acknowledge those factors honestly and heal them, along with affirming.

The subconscious mind
First, whatever you take in from external sources, as well as what you think and say is forever being recorded, “picked up” and stored by your subconscious mind; 24 hours a day – 365 days a year. So what does our subconscious mind, something most of us view as being quite illusive and mysterious, have to do with how we create our reality and all we manifest?

Simply stated, the subconscious mind “picks up” whatever it receives, meaning anything externally, as well as all you think and say: screaming, daily conversation, your hopes, dreams and fears, negative talk and positive talk, celebration and condemnation, humor, as well as the most causal of seemingly insignificant utterances. It doesn’t matter if what you say is on purpose or not, as our subconscious records everything.

The subconscious mind cannot differentiate between right and wrong. As it is neutral, it doesn’t recognize good as being the opposite of bad, therefore it does not filter out anything at all. It cannot censor you. Even if you don’t directly tell your subconscious mind your requests, it is always listening, and will “pick up” whatever it receives. But it doesn’t just stop there — as in functioning merely as a tape recorder.

Our subconscious mind will also work toward sending out what it receives and stores, and projecting it out into the universe. It is being projected to create and manifest reality. Again, the subconscious mind cannot separate right from wrong. That is why we must dislodge the negativity stored in the subconscious, as the negativity helps to block our affirmations from working, and/or gets sent out along with our affirmations, and contaminates what we positively say.

Our internal blocks and barriers
If we wish to manifest our dreams through affirmations, we need to look at some very critical factors that cannot be avoided. These are our internal blocks and barriers that we carry. I cannot stress how vitally important it is to address and heal these issues; “our stuff,” so to speak, if we want to truly manifest our dreams!

I would like to introduce a man who will be referred to as “P.” Think of his situation like a Mexican standoff: If P is defensive toward intimacy within and fearful of commitment, that is a brick wall within him. That “brick wall” will block the effectiveness of an affirmation designed to bring a new lover into his life. He must work on letting go of his internal walls, and releasing those old negative attachments. That is what will open the pathway to the subconscious mind, which is where our affirmations must reach if we want them to actually work. It would literally be like having completely clogged arteries, which must be opened up if we want the blood flow to get through our bodies.

This is a tricky process. Often, our defenses DON’T want us to heal – that’s right, our fears, ego, and emotions DON’T want us to heal! Why? Because, we are protecting ourselves based on our fears; and fear is about survival. Try talking yourself into choking to death. That’s how your fears – any fears, see it. Trying to overcome the fear is akin to choking to death.

Meaning, P does not really want to let a new lover into his life. Therefore, he is conflicted. His emotions, fears, ego, and defenses are bound and determined to prevent anyone from coming into his life, as it would threaten his survival.

Then, another part of him may say he wants a new lover. That could have duplicity, though. On one hand, he may only be ostensibly saying he wants someone new, when in reality, he does not. Why? To avoid his fears from being detected, because once they are detected, they cannot stay hidden from view and continue to control and protect him. If he claims he wants someone new, then his fear is not able to be looked at honestly. It could be rationalized by P that he simply hasn’t found anyone yet, but is trying. Never forget that defense mechanisms fight tooth and nail to stay alive, as well as disguise themselves in any way they can.

On the other hand, he may legitimately want a new lover, but just does not know how much his fears are in the way. Even if is not a game on his part as mentioned above, these fears will still prevent his affirmations from doing anything for him. So either way, the fears must be looked at, addressed, and healed!

“J” is a woman who definitely wants a new lover, and claims she only wants a nice, positive partner. However, she is emotionally attracted to abusive, cheating, and arrogant men who won’t commit to her, as it is exciting and dangerous. This is what she really likes. Here we see a definite conflict. When she says an affirmation for a new and wonderful lover, her emotional desires will ALSO get sent out with her positive affirmation. It is like preparing a lovely casserole and stirring poison into it before cooking it. What would come out of the oven would be a disaster. It is the same thing with the type of man J will attract – as yes, she is sending out energy, but propelling dangerous mixed signals into the universe, which is what she’ll get back, unless she heals her emotional nature.

Therefore, it is paramount that J works on healing her emotional issues, as she, like all of us cannot stop sending out what we feel inside when we’re affirming. It is like saying that our penthouse is clean, but our basement is filled with toxic waste, and somehow, that will produce a clean home. Both must be cleaned – not just one or the other.

As we see J’s situation, of course it is not self-flattering to her. Therefore, it is likely that she will not admit that this who she really is and what she actually desires. Who wants to say that they are asking the universe to bring them a cocky, cheating, arrogant, non-committal jerk? No one would.

So when J indeed met her new “bad guy,” the rationalization was that he and she have chemistry. She further went on to defend him by saying that no one’s perfect, and that she can’t help who she loves. As the magnetization (that she pretends is positive, too strong and valid to deny) consumes her, she stays in the relationship

However, J, as well as any of us who are in her position must acknowledge what we really feel and want, and look at the darkness within and the choices that build upon that darkness – without judgment, but with self-honesty. Why? Because a million positive affirmations won’t make J’s dreams come true, unless she heals what is self destructive within her in addition to affirming. Here we see that in reality, J is getting what she really wants – what she emotionally wants. She may claim the contrary; how she longs for a healthy relationship, but it’s not true.

In addition to the powder keg of J’s situation, we should also avoid affirmations that push our hot buttons and attack our defenses. If “S” hates her ex husband “M’s” guts, it would be hard for her to affirm: “I love M unconditionally and appreciate all he has ever done to me!” (Of course, she needs to eventually reach that point in her spiritual development to be at peace, but she might not be ready yet.)

So here is an alternative: “I now release my former relationship with M to its highest peace and highest good!” We must try to not engage our defense mechanisms when affirming, as they will fight back, and make the affirmation ineffective. It is always better to not collide with our defenses if at all possible, to allow the affirmation to have a more open pathway to the subconscious. At the same time, we must keep working on healing our defenses and what created them in the first place.

We should also try and stay away from words and phrases that we can’t wrap our minds around, such as statements that are too big for us to believe. If “C” can’t conceive of being a multi millionaire yet, she shouldn’t affirm that she is one. Because she can’t conceive of this as a true statement, she would be better to say: “I now receive wonderful financial blessings today!” Since she can’t grasp the concept of being a multi millionaire at this time, she is leaving the dollar amount to infinite intelligence, which is fine. Once she is able to conceive of being a multi millionaire, then she could affirm that reality directly.

Letting go of the internal blocks, our barriers within, and healing our deepest and darkest issues allows us to dislodge the negativity that has been present in our subconscious minds, which is necessary and essential. Beyond that, we need to take a clear look at our words, get rid of the negative, and clean up our vocabulary, so to speak.

Our words
Whether you realize it or not, right now, at this very moment, you are helping to create your reality by all you say – literally by every single word that comes out of your mouth. What we say can cause us to be a beacon of health and well-being, win 200 million dollars in the lottery, and manifest a career of dreams; or on the other hand, our words can create catastrophic illness, debilitating backbreaking poverty, and complete frustration in our jobs.

In reading this, you might ask yourself, “How do the words I say in my normal daily life actually create reality, as in my health, wealth, and success? Don’t words just come and go?” As we have established the unbridled force of the subconscious and that it is power without direction, we now need to look at how our words are a part of how and what we manifest:

1-Words are energy; powerful energy. This includes the actual meaning of the words, and the emotional/vibrational intensity behind them that comes from within us.

2-Once voiced, that energy is sent out to the entire universe. (It doesn’t matter whether the words we say are positive, neutral, or negative, as the subconscious does not filter or censor the meaning of what we say.)

3-Our words begin to register an impression in the spiritual planes, as indicated by what we’ve said, the energy behind what we’ve stated from within us, and the force of our subconscious minds. (This process can be referred to as “carving out reality.”)

4-The degree of how powerfully our words are registered has to do with severable variables:

A-The degree of how much emotional/vibrational power is behind our words.
B-The amount of times we state something, as the more we say anything, the stronger it gets registered.
C-The degree of how much we believe in what we say, or not.

5-As impressions are registered in the spiritual planes based on points 1-4 above, those impressions create actual “reality.” Finally, “reality” as we know it reaches us in the physical world, and is manifested in our daily lives.

Think of it like being a painter: The painter starts out with a blank canvas. This can be thought of as the infinite and open-ended possibilities of our words.

The choice of colors, brush strokes, and designs by the artist create a picture. Our words do the same thing: They absolutely shape and create what we manifest in our lives.

When the painter has completed his or her picture, it is the result of many artistic choices. This is the same thing that happens with our lives, as what we create is the end result of our many words, combination of words, and the emotional/vibrational power behind all we’ve said.

In realizing just how much our words create reality, it should cause us to stop and think of just how important it is for us to watch every single word that comes out of our mouths! This is why it is so important to be aware of what you say all of the time. It is our job to make sure that everything that we say is for the highest good of us as well as others.

Negative words must go
Most of us think of our negative words as casual utterances or a way of venting what we feel, and only relevant to the passing moment in which they are said. If we speak of being broke, we’re just expressing what we’re going through. After all, shouldn’t we able to talk about what’s happening in our lives?

Saying we hate someone is merely thought of as “letting it all out,” because that person did something bad to us. Their actions made us angry, and therefore, we have the absolute right to verbalize how we feel. “What’s the big deal,” one might ask? “I only said that I don’t like them.”

Complaining about our health problems day in and day out is believed to be just a way of sharing with others the trials and tribulations of our life. After all, the pain and suffering is all consuming to us when we don’t feel good.

So we just keep on talking, and don’t really stop and think that our words do far more than merely come out of our mouths, and then simply scatter to the four winds. Whether positive, neutral, or negative, what we say forever changes destiny. Our words create, carve out, and design the very reality we live in: day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute, and even lifetime after lifetime!

We cannot always control our feelings or our thoughts, but we CAN control our words. So our first step is to stop voicing the negative. Keep in mind that whether viciously shouted, or said in passing, all that we negatively say will dramatically affect our lives, the lives of the others, and the entire world for the worse.

Of course we won’t completely stop voicing negative words overnight, but through time, we can weed out the words that don’t serve a higher purpose any longer. We start this process by making the commitment to no longer saying the things that harm ourselves and others.

Top 10 things to never say
Here is a short “Top 10” list of some things that we should never say:

1-We should never voice hatred, resentment, or viciousness about anyone or anything.

2-We should never affirm that we are broke, or don’t have money.

3-We should never refer to ourselves as being sick or unhealthy.

4-We should never verbally wish anything bad upon anyone.

5-We should never judge, criticize, or condemn others, (regardless of what they may have done).

6-We should never speak badly of, judge, criticize, or condemn ourselves.

7-We should never refer to others or ourselves as being unimportant or worthless.

8-We should never refer to our own or another’s physical appearance or any aspect of the body as being ugly.

9-We should never yell, scream, or verbally attack anyone.

10-We should never say that our lives won’t work out for the best.

In addition to this “Top 10” list, the biggest problem most of us usually have is speaking when we’re angry. There is such a tremendous energetic force behind explosive words, that its effect can be immediately life altering. There have been people that were so furious as they were screaming, that they immediately went into cardiac arrest, or had a stroke right on the spot. So it is of utmost importance to not say negative things when we’re mad.

If you’re angry at a person, shout this out (and fill in the blank with the person’s name): “I now release_____________to his/her highest good!”  Say it over and over again if you have to. It will only help, as you’re transforming your anger into sending the person you’re mad at to their highest good. It would be like nose diving a plane into the ground, and suddenly pointing it right back into the sky and a safe flight.

If you’re angry over a situation, scream the following (and fill in the blank with the situation you’re upset over. Let’s say if it’s your job that’s troubling you, insert “my job” in the blank space): “I now cast the burden of________________to divine love!”  By releasing the burden to divine love, there are no more problems. Divine love can take care of it for you!

The reason I kept these first affirmations in this writing so short, is that most of us can hardly think or see straight when we are furious. This way, even when we’re volatile, we can use these easy to remember statements, and they will absolutely help us as well as others.

Words and phrases to watch out for
Here are some key words and phrases that we must watch out for, as they will work against your ability to affirm your way to health, wealth, and success:

1-“But” – The reason the word “but” is problematic, is because it negates whatever was stated that came before it. So whatever you declare in the first part of an affirmation, becomes null and void through the word “but.” For example: “I meet a new and wonderful lover, but it comes to me when the time is right.” Even though this statement might be one that we’ve heard people say, it is not effective as an affirmation, as the words “I meet a new and wonderful lover,” (which is the purpose of this statement), get negated by the word “but.”

2-“Will” – The word “will” immediately puts the affirmation in the future, which does little or nothing to make our requests happen. If one said, “I will be rich and successful,” they have done virtually nothing to achieve that goal with this affirmation. Affirming in the future does not help us reach our goals, as we must always affirm everything in the present tense, where we can manifest our dreams. Other similar words and phrases to watch out for are: “Someday,” “Down the Road,” “Later down the road,” “In the future,” and “At some point in time.”

3-“Maybe,” “Perhaps,” “Possibly,” and “We’ll see” – These words do not indicate anything definite, and because of their wishy-washy nature, don’t work well in the context of an affirmative. Here is an example: “I am perhaps going to purchase a wonderful new home today.” Here we see how the word “perhaps” proves to be ineffective. Of course these words and phrases have their place in the English language, but are not effective when trying to manifest through our spoken word.

4-“If” – Usually the word “if” is not helpful in affirmations, as it is a word that is contingent on something else other than what is stated in the affirmative happening. However, there are times when “if” is useful. When we don’t know what to do, and are not sure what to ask for in our lives or a given situation, the word “if” can be of help spiritually. For example: If a woman didn’t know if she was supposed to reunite with her husband or not, the following affirmation could apply: “If it is for the highest good for me to reunite with my husband, he comes back into my life today, under grace.”

“Under grace” is a phrase that means “a gift from God,” which is based on God’s unconditional and perfect love for us. These gifts are not earned, or worked for by us. This is most important, then, as many of us feel unworthy of receiving blessings, often based on negative reinforcement, which has been picked up and stored by our subconscious mind. Saying “under grace” helps us to transcend our feelings of low self worth, and allow our miracles to come to us.

5-“Should of,” “Could of,” “Would of,” – These phrases represent regret and a sense of non acceptance for our actions and choices. Therefore, it would be unlikely for these phrases to be of any help when affirming.

6- Negating or Denying – The use of “negative” words such as “don’t,” “can’t,” “won’t,” “never,” “not,” and “doesn’t,” are not often used in affirmations. Sometimes though, they can be of use, but it is tricky as to when and how the concept of using words, which negate and deny something are helpful.

If we negate or deny something, we must immediately follow it with a positive affirmative. For example: “I am not poor, as financial abundance now reaches me under grace!” Here we see that we are following a denial with an affirmative.

To only say “I am not poor,” would be a disaster. Why? Because the subconscious mind is unable to conceive of not doing something; it is only capable of doing something. It is like having a car that can only go forward, but not backward. So the subconscious might pick up this statement and not process the “no” in it at all, but instead, register it as: “I am poor,” which would produce the exact opposite results of what we want!

Therefore, as we’re looking at the many variables and complexities in our choice of words, we must remove all negativity from our vocabulary and incorrect ways of speaking, if our sincere attempt is to use our affirmations to manifest the positive life we divinely deserve.

We can now let go of the internal blocks, our barriers within, healing our deepest and darkest issues, stopping all of the negative talk, as well as learning what to do and what not to do. Therefore, we clear a most profound pathway – a highway to eternity, the road which allows us direct access to our subconscious minds – where we possess enough power to transform the world. This allows the true magic of our positive affirmations to work for us.

The power of affirmations and how they work
It would be easy to start thinking back on all of the negative things you may have said, and begin to ask yourself: “Haven’t I really said a lot of bad things before? Oh my God, how can I really begin to make my words work for me now?” First off, all of us have said the wrong thing, so don’t feel guilty! Remember, as words can destroy, they can also heal. Now we will see exactly how our words can not only heal, but bring us miracles.

An affirmation is a verbal declaration, and a confirmation of reality. It is the manifestation we wish to bring to us, and our spoken word propels our verbal requests into motion! Like a rocket ship racing to the moon, our affirmations travel beyond space and time, and come back to us, right in front of our very eyes. As we now know what to do and what not to do, our affirmations can indeed work for us.

In reality, there is no future or past, except within the illusion of time in the physical plane. Since time doesn’t really exist at all, there is only now – the wondrous, glorious, eternal now. So when affirming, we must always state our requests in the present tense; in the here and now. Doesn’t it make perfect sense? If we’re declaring our words into the spiritual realms where there is only now, we would have to state our demands in the present tense to manifest our divine desires.

So saying an affirmation in the future does little or nothing to make it happen. For example, saying: “I will be healthy” is a waste of breath. By stating our request in the future, we step outside of “now” and reality, and into a nonexistent future. Therefore, we come up empty handed. What we need to affirm is: “I am healthy.” By affirming our demand in the present tense, we help to make it come into being.

An affirmation needs to “cover the ground,” and must absolutely be a complete statement. A woman once said to me, “Jim, I just want a man who is really going to be in love with me.” I asked her, “Is that all you’re asking for? Do you realize that you really won’t get what you want?”

Let’s analyze why this statement was self defeating. First, what did she ask for? She simply and only asked for a man who would be in love with her. That was her sole petition to infinite intelligence. What if a man came into the picture who was indeed in love with her as she asked for, yet she wasn’t attracted to him at all? What if that man was an abusive alcoholic? Since her affirmation didn’t “cover the ground,” it leaves a million doors open to allow the WRONG man to enter her life – yet someone who would be in love with her.

Here would be a good affirmation for this woman:
“I now meet my perfect, divine romantic life partner who is in love with me!”

Here, let’s analyze this affirmation: It covers time but stating the phrase: “I now meet.” That means that this meeting occurs in the present tense. We only want to affirm in the here and now to be able to bring our blessings to us.

It covers everything that he should be to her by referring to him as: “my perfect, divine romantic life partner.”

“Perfect” means that he is absolutely the right man for her in every way. One could never make a list long enough to represent all of the qualities any of us would need in a partner. (I’ve actually known people who have tried to map out the list of everything they want in a mate, and some of these lists were anywhere from 10 to 100 pages long!) So the word “perfect” covers everything.

“Divine” means that he is sent from a higher spiritual energy. This means that he’ll bring out her higher self, and vice versa. In short, he is sent from the vibration of the highest possibility and greatest good!

“Romantic” means that this won’t just be a friend, but a lover. Romance is of course better than just sex in a relationship, so the word “romantic” represents a lover who comes with the right energy; one that is beautiful.

“Life partner,” indicates that this would be a permanent union, and not merely temporary.

Finally, it also declares that he will be in love with her by stating: “who is in love with me.”

So as we see, every single word of an affirmation must be chosen specifically and correctly, as to be a complete request in every way; leaving no stone unturned. Remember the universe will tend to grant our requests quite literally, so we need to make sure that what we’re asking for is really and completely what we truly want!

NOTE: In addition to being said out loud, an affirmation can be written, or spoken silently within your own mind. Whether, said aloud, written, or spoken silently within, there must be no external noise distractions around you when affirming, such as television, radio, or people talking. Why? Because those things could get sent out along with your affirmation, which would be like multiple people all talking at the same time. Will the message and request sent out be singular and clear? Of course not!

If you’re affirming in your car without the radio on and your windows are rolled up, that is OK. The same would apply to affirming in the shower, as that noise is not content based.

A cautionary note
First, I would not recommend that you try and design affirmations yourself, unless you’re going to study this process extensively, as to not create affirmations that are wrong, incomplete, or harmful. Florence Shinn was pivotal in her design of affirmations, and her book of her complete writings is still available, and you can click here to purchase this classic book. This book of her complete writings is reasonably priced, and has many truly great affirmations that you can use safely and effectively.

Also, I’ve been designing affirmations for over thirty years. I have found that what is most effective for me and my clients is to come up with an affirmation while offering a reading, as I am in your energies directly. Since I’ve done it for so long, I can create an affirmation for you instantly, and then say it right back to you. Even though I would always offer valid affirmations, they also need to feel right to you. Often, the changing of words or phrases makes all of the difference in the world. Since I use my clairvoyance to feel what words will click with you, while still adhering to the correct principals of affirmations, I can choose the words that will be most effective all the way around. I can send it to you right on the spot, and it’s yours, at no extra charge. That is my gift to you!

The gift of affirmations
Think of your words and affirmations as your magic wand, a tool for transformation, and your ability to literally change the world. In addition to all of the tools in this writing which are essential, you must believe in what you say! It is imperative that we have perfect belief and faith in everything we affirm. Florence Shinn said that if we had perfect faith, we would only need to say an affirmation one time! Therefore, our work is not only learning to affirm correctly, but having the unshakable faith that moves mountains – and yes, every one of us can do it! Furthermore, we must do it if we want our affirmations to work for us.

Speaking your way to health, wealth, and success, is one of the most effective ways to heal your life. We must mean every single word from the core of our being when affirming – and not question the results…We already know the outcome.

If your name is Joe, and someone asked you what your name was, you would simply say, “Joe.” Imagine if that person challenged you and said, “Your name isn’t Joe.” What would you do? You would chuckle, walk away, and forget this was even said to you! That is perfect faith! Faith is not crying on your knees and begging! Faith and perfect belief are matter of fact! Does the sun rise in the morning? Are my affirmations going to manifest? Both questions must have the same answer! YES!!!!!

It is with this faith that the gift of affirmations becomes not just window shopping, but you receiving the gift of the entire store – as everything that is yours by divine right can now reach you today — this very day, under grace. That is what makes this a world of magic, wonder, and eternal blessings — all released through the atomic and endless power of your spoken word!

Here is an affirmation I designed for you to achieve this very dream:
“I now receive every blessing that is mine by divine right. My health, wealth and success are already established facts in divine mind and reach me today in perfect ways. As all of the blessings I deserve come to me right here, right now, under grace, I am eternally thankful for the wondrous and eternal gifts I always receive. Today is the day where miracle after miracle occurs in every area of my life!”

May the eternal love, light, blessings, and miracles you so rightfully deserve now be yours — Jim

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Here’s a nice, short (350 words) helpful blog entry on How to Be Mindful During the Holidays.

If you are interested in having a reading with Jim1537, click here.