Insights Into Destiny
April 15th, 2010 by jim1537
For any of us who are on a spiritual path, words and phrases such as destiny, fate, meant to be, karma, karmic agreements, everything happens for a reason, and kismet are commonplace. However, these words and phrases mean so many things to so many people, that it would be unlikely to find two people who agree on their spiritual applications and significance in our lives. Some of us believe that everything in life is meant to be, is predestined and a matter of fate. Others feel that our own choices account for everything or most of what happens to us and all we experience, while there are even those who feel that this is a vast topic far too complex to be understood at all.
In reality, all of the above words and phrases are relevant to our journeys in one way or another. It is not just a simple matter that things are merely meant to be, or to the opposite extreme, that everything that happens in life is merely based on our individual choices. Clarifying and explaining these complex, interweaving and multifaceted dynamics from a spiritual perspective is the goal of this writing. However, before we can clarify and explain these dynamics, there are several things we need to understand first.
How we handle our Karma makes a difference
Karma always deals with our past actions and what we did before – and the nature of our past actions determines what the karma is. Of course, positive karma is easy to deal with, as good comes back to us based on our past good deeds. However, the karmic repercussions of our former negative acts can be overwhelming to us when it does indeed come back.
It is our reaction to karma (especially negative karma) that is so pertinent here, because the way in which we deal with karma coming back to us, determines whether we burn off all the karma or only some of it, or, conversely, create additional negative karma through the way we handle things. This is always based on our free will and what we choose to do. No matter what our karma is and how and when it comes back to us, our free will is ever present.
Brett was a man who amassed a lot of success in business during a former lifetime but became an arrogant, uncaring and selfish man who only cared about himself. He didn’t experience the negative repercussions of his actions during that particular lifetime, but it was spiritually set up for him to begin reaping this karma in his current lifetime as “Brett.”
In his current incarnation, Brett would indeed amass a great deal of success in business again, just like in the former lifetime referenced above, however this time around, he would be stripped of everything he had and lose everything. In his current incarnation, his karma would come back as a lesson of humility to begin burning off the negative karma he created before. Since this karma was supposed to happen, of course it did physically occur, but what is important is how Brett would respond to the situation as his free will would determine his choices and ultimately, the conclusion of this situation.
Because of his enormous ego, Brett became furious when his success started to crumble and he began hurting people again by ripping them off financially, engaging in deceptive acts to try and save his business which in turn, created even more negative karma for him than he started this lifetime with. It is similar to having 50 thousand dollars in credit card debt and, instead of working to pay it off; you add another 50 thousand dollars of debt to your balance.
Even though there was a higher spiritual plan – a lesson of humility and working to burn off some of the negative karma from before, Brett actually compounded the problem. He still lost everything as he was supposed to, but through his choices he now has more negative karma that will have to be dealt with in this lifetime and/or in the future, through resisting the lesson and acting out of his lower self.
You might ask, “How would a man as arrogant as Brett know what he was supposed to learn and do?” Clearly, Brett would not “consciously” know what his karma was as he was not that spiritually evolved, but the lords of karma would not set things up to give him more than he could handle. Clearly, Brett (at his level of awareness) knew the difference between right and wrong in the most basic sense and when his success started falling apart, it’s understandable that he could have tried to preserve his success even though he wouldn’t have been able to do so. That makes perfect sense.
But he knew better then to deceive, lie, rip off and steal from others – meaning it wasn’t as if he was given more than he could handle – he just let his ego get in the way as many of us do and behaved in a way that was clearly “wrong,” and therefore created additional negative karma for himself which was all an act of his free will.
Karmic agreements and living up to them
We enter into karmic agreements on the other side before incarnating into a physical lifetime with other souls; much in the way two or more people sign a contract here in the physical world. There are past occurrences done by one and/or all parties involved (karma) that must be worked out and lessons to be learned here on earth. Once in the physical world, these agreements require time, work and effort on our part to fulfill – meaning, fulfilling karmic agreements is not an easy thing to do.
Even though we have entered into our karmic agreements on the other side before incarnating and the lords of karma would not let us make such agreements unless we were spiritually ready to fulfill the terms, we may only do so partially or renege on our agreements entirely once we’re in the midst of the situation here on earth because free will always applies.
You might wonder, “Why would that happen? If someone agreed to something in their spiritual body, why would they back out on it once they’re on earth?” The answer is simple. It is because that from the other side, everything looks easy, as if you’re just going to come into a lifetime and simply breeze through your lessons and do exactly what you’re supposed to do. However, when you’re immersed in your ego, emotions, defense mechanisms and false sense of sensations we experience in the physical realm, it is much harder to do the “right thing” then when viewing it on the other side without the emotional/ego/illusory perception burdens experienced in our physical bodies.
Think of it like the difference between viewing someone suffering with cancer, versus actually having cancer. When we look at what will occur in our coming incarnation from the other side, we are viewing what we’ll go through but we’re not “feeling it” right then and there as we’re not yet really going through it, therefore, it seems far easier than it will actually be living through it once on earth.
A man named John viewed his coming journey on the other side and felt there would be no problem fulfilling the terms of a karmic agreement. John owed another soul a debt of service because of past sins John committed against another soul; therefore, he was apparently ready to work this out. So he entered into a karmic agreement to father the other soul who agreed to come into a lifetime as John’s disabled son, with the absolute promise by John that he would take care of his son for his entire life – no questions asked.
However, when the son arrived, the father was overwhelmed with feeling responsible, trapped and resentful that his son would never be a completely functioning man and that John would always have to take care of him. Through his human shortcomings, he disconnected from the promise he so valiantly made on the other side to this other soul. So instead of fulfilling his contractual agreement, John allowed himself to become immersed in his ego and selfish emotions and pulled away from taking care of his son and didn’t do what he had agreed to do.
By John reneging on his contractual agreement, this altered and damaged the life of his son forever, who was never taken care of properly once John backed out on the agreement. (Remember, John was the person who agreed to do this and once he pulled away, his son experienced great difficulty with ever receiving proper care.) Here we see something that is quite profound yet happens every day without us even realizing it – that people don’t live up to their karmic agreements, which alters the path and the conclusion of all involved in a terribly negative way. Therefore, John irrevocably changed the journey of his son and all involved for the worse and John will have to deal with the repercussion of his choices in this lifetime and/or in subsequent lifetimes.
Now we’re going to talk about the different terms people would use which commonly refer to varying types of “destiny.”
When it’s meant to be
This is perhaps the easiest reality for us to understand, because if something is indeed “meant to be,” it will absolutely happen. As people, we like allness statements, black and white explanations and simple yes/no answers. That’s because there’s no grey areas for us to have to contemplate or sort out.
From a spiritual perspective, there indeed are certain things that are “meant to be” and hard wired to happen – and therefore, they will occur no matter what we do, think, say, or choose. Some perfect examples of this are set up before we incarnate into a gi en lifetime, where we always choose our parents (as they also always choose us), along with our physical gender, and our astrological birth chart.
Parent/child relationships are “meant to be,” as there are always lessons and karma between parents and children that require the opportunity of a physical incarnation with everyone together for the karma and lessons to have the chance to be worked out. Physical gender provides the basis for much of our karma and lessons as well, while our astrological birth chart is something we also set up before being born on earth as a foundational blueprint of what our life will be, as well as the possibilities of its highest and lowest potentials.
Three souls had lessons and karma to be worked out together and they spiritually chose to reincarnate as a child, a mother and a father in a family unit. The father and mother both had musical talent and their son was to be a great musician once born on earth. The mother was conservative, judgmental and needed to learn the lesson of tolerance, which the son was to teach her as he would be a nonconformist child. Because there are no one way lessons as we all teach each other, the son needed to learn to accept himself, which was to occur through his interactions with his mother. The father tended to be emotionally distant and needed to learn to become more openhearted, which was to be taught through these family dynamics. The son agreed to be born as a male and all parties set up their astrological charts to facilitate the karma
and lessons they agreed to experience.
In addition, these three souls had more lessons and karma than what was mentioned above and because of the profound nature of all of these dynamics, we see how their incarnation together as a family unit was “meant to be” and would indeed happen as these three souls entered into the earthly family unit that could be referred to as their “destiny” and “fate.” It profoundly laid the foundation and set the stage for all parties to experience what they agreed to and learn what they would come together on earth to accomplish and do.
When it’s not meant to be no matter what
I have seen so many people feel that they had to have something – in fact that their entire well being — and even their life depended on getting it – and many believe that because of their intense feelings, it is simply “meant to be” – it must happen. Why would they have these feelings unless there’s a reason? And that “reason” always translates into “Getting what I want” in the end.
However, there are certain things in life: whether in love, career, finance, or in any area of our journeys that are not meant to be – no matter want. It doesn’t matter how much we want it, pray for it, obsess over it or wait it out. It clearly is not “in the cards” and therefore, it won’t come to be. There are reasons for this type of experience, but they may not necessarily be the reasons we wanted…
Stacy was a woman who met a man named Darryl in 1999. She immediately felt a connection with him and convinced herself that he felt the same toward her. However, Darryl didn’t feel that connection with Stacy at all and was not attracted to her as a woman in any way. Stacy tried to initiate contact with him after they met at a business meeting in their career and for a short time, Darryl responded casually, as he had no idea that Stacy wanted to have a romantic relationship with him. After she began flirting, Darryl, a man who was engaged at the time, immediately
ceased all contact with Stacy and never responded to her emails ever again.
But Stacy refused to see the writing on the wall and started convincing herself of things that were not even remotely true – all to justify what her emotions, desires and ego wanted. After Darryl married his fiancé, Stacy told her girlfriend, “I know he’s attracted to me, but he’s stuck with his wife. He may not know how to get out. If I wait, we’ll eventually be together. My intuition confirms this and in my gut, I just know that he is my soul mate.”
Stacy built her reality on this delusional premise for ten years, all the while thinking that one day, he was going to become her lover – but of course, it never happened. After ten years of refusing to let go, arguing with her friends who told her she was wrong, she finally hit rock bottom and had to admit that he was never going to be hers after she tried to reinitiate contact and Darryl tersely responded that if she ever contacted him again, he would hire an attorney to deal with the situation.
Regarding the “reasons” for this experience, they are there – but they’re not the reasons Stacy, or most of us for that matter would want. Stacy was learning the lesson that just because she wanted something and vehemently refused to let go of it, doesn’t mean that she would ever get it. She was supposed to learn “to not get what she wanted.” This was a lesson of humility for her and to learn that life was not just a matter of “I want it,” therefore, “I get it.” Even though she hated this lesson, it showed her to not just lead with her ego, emotions and desires, but to look at any situation more realistically and clearly than before.
Karmic agreements where the “opportunity” is only meant to be
There are times when karmic agreements between parties are designed to provide an “opportunity” – meaning that what is “meant to be” is only the actual opportunity. Then, what the parties involved do with that opportunity will determine the outcome. The outcome is not pre-destined, but the opportunity itself is.
John is a man who had serious fear of commitment issues, and Judy is a woman who had been unhappy in her marriage and was legally separated, but not sure whether to divorce her husband or not. It was predestined that John and Judy would meet in June 2005 as stated in their karmic agreement where the opportunity would be provided for them to decide whether to build a relationship with each other or not.
If John didn’t get past his fear, or if Judy wasn’t willing to divorce her husband, the relationship opportunity would fail. However, if John got past his fear of commitment and Judy decided to finally divorce the man she had been dissatisfied with since she was first married twenty years before, John and Judy would have the chance to end up being together.
When the two met, they were both instantly attracted to each other and the situation felt familiar. Since there was a karmic agreement, there would be a good chance that both John and Judy would feel something compelling when they met. For Judy, meeting John gave her the extra motivation she needed to complete her divorce as she felt like John was the perfect partner for her. John was more reluctant, as his fear of commitment was quite deep rooted even though he really felt drawn to Judy. However, after about a year, John did indeed get past his fears and was willing to date Judy, who by that time was legally divorced. Ultimately, because both John and Judy got past the issues at hand, they ended up together in a successful, long term relationship that led to marriage.
Lesson driven – the outcome is conditional upon us learning the lesson
This is one of the hardest aspects of our journey and “destiny” to understand, because here we have a situation where we deeply want something, but conversely, we won’t get it till we’ve learned our lesson. We can’t figure out how come our deepest desires don’t seem to ever come true or manifest at all in our lives, as we feel we know what we want but find that it is out of reach no matter how hard we try. Years or decades of frustration only make matters worse and we find ourselves at our wits end…But the simple truth is that there are situations for all of us where we must learn our lessons to manifest our dreams – it is not optional – what we want cannot and will not happen till we’ve learned what we’ve
spiritually agreed to learn.
Jennifer was a woman who had been divorced twice, with her second marriage being physically abusive. It was now ten years after her second divorce yet she still hadn’t met anyone suitable to have a new relationship with. She couldn’t understand what the problem was as she was open to dating, had joined several online matchmaking websites yet nothing came to fruition for a long hard ten years. But Jennifer’s problem is that her situation is lesson driven and not just a matter of going on enough dates till she meets Mr. Right.
First, because of her two failed marriages (especially the second one where she was physically abused), she had shut down within and had erected a defensive, protective, vibrational wall that would not allow anyone in. This was simply designed as an unconscious survival mechanism to keep herself safe and alive. Here, she would need to learn the lesson of letting down her wall of protection so that there would spiritually/vibrationally/internally be an open door for someone to be able to walk through.
Second, because of the confusion of being in two marriages that weren’t right for her, Jennifer had no idea what she really wanted and needed in a romantic life partner. She just kept trying to meet people hoping that it would all just “click” with someone, but of course, it didn’t. She needed to learn what it was that she really wanted and that would only come through taking a break from dating and learning the lesson of deciding who she is as a woman and what type of man would be the right fit for her.
Third, she felt that the abuse in her second marriage was her fault, which brought her self esteem dramatically down. By not feeling worthy of being treated well and deserving of love, the divine universe could not bring a loving partner to her because she didn’t feel that she deserved it. Furthermore, at her current consciousness, she wouldn’t actually be attracted to a man who treated her well as she didn’t feel worthy of such treatment — it would feel completely foreign to her. Here, she needed to learn the lesson that the abuse she went through was not her fault, that she didn’t deserve it and no longer needed to feel bad about herself for all she had been through.
With Jennifer, we see how there are lessons that she needs to learn, not once she meets Mr. Right, but to be able to meet him – meaning that her dreams won’t come true unless and until this journey of enlightenment is completed. Like Jennifer, all of us have areas of our “destiny” that are lesson driven and in those instances, it isn’t just a matter of continuing to hit our heads against the wall; we must learn what our souls have agreed to take on or learn in order to be able to manifest our dreams. After all, on a spiritual level we have agreed to these lessons, therefore, they not only must be learned to manifest our dreams but are necessary for our overall spiritual growth.
Choice driven – our choices determines multiple possible outcomes
Many times, the outcome of a situation has multiple possibilities, like a movie plot that can have several endings — and in these instances, it is our choices which solely determine the actual conclusion that will occur.
James was a man who had had a rock solid and honest work ethic. In his twenties, he made decent money while always living within his means and it was clear that he would be able to continue making decent money by staying on the path he was on. From a spiritual perspective in this instance, the outcome of his financial situation was not prewritten or predestined and was choice driven – meaning that his choices would determine the outcome.
Around the age of twenty two, James started saving a hundred dollars a month faithfully and he never touched that money. Then, at the age of thirty, he purchased an apartment building and methodically used the rents he collected to pay off the mortgage on the building, while making a reasonable monthly profit. Additionally, he invested his money into CD’s and safe IRA’s and just let his money grow.
By the time James was sixty five, the sum total of all of his choices landed him a nest egg worth almost a million dollars. He was able to retire and do the things he wanted to do, knowing that his financial future was secure where he would not have to worry about what would financially happen to him in old age.
However, if we flip the coin for just a moment, we could imagine a scenario which would have the exact opposite outcome: James makes a decent living, never saves anything because he isn’t forward thinking, didn’t invest his money and just lived paycheck to paycheck and never bought the apartment building. When he would turn sixty five, he would have nothing to retire on and be in a difficult position in the work force because of his age, which would have James moving into old age in poverty.
When we see a conclusion, we often falsely believe that whatever happened was the only way it could have really been – after all, it’s right there for our very own two eyes to see — but that is not necessarily true at all – as often, our choices will solely determine the conclusion of the situation at hand.
Telling the difference between meant to be versus not meant to be
There is a great metaphysical phrase that says, “When nature supports a decision, you know it is the right one.” When everything seems to flow in a particular direction in our lives, we see exactly where the tide and current is trying to carry and take us. This is represented by things that happen outside of our control which are separate from and/or in addition to our own personal efforts.
It must always be kept in mind that what nature supports is often not at all what we want, or only partially what we want, while at other times, it is exactly what we’ve been dreaming of. It is safe to assume that when, how and what nature supports is for our highest and greatest good (even when it isn’t what we subjectively want). But more importantly, it is how we handle what nature supports in our journeys (meaning our choices and free will), that helps to shape the ultimate outcome of a situation.
Here is a situation where what nature supported was in addition to the efforts of the person involved: Cindy was an entertainer who wanted to make it big as a singer. For several years, she tried hard to become successful but nothing much happened for her in her singing career except that she performed local shows for small audiences. Then, nature began supporting the decision for her success as a singer through bringing opportunities to her which came about in addition to her own efforts.
Cindy hadn’t changed anything; she just continued to do what she had been doing and seemingly out of the blue, an internationally known talent manager “accidentally” saw one of her performances. This manager liked her voice very much and offered her a management contract. Through this contract, several other occurrences were set up that led to her success: signing a record deal, then releasing a hit album which was followed by a successful international concert tour.
In addition to her efforts, nature supported her success at several times and in several ways: meeting her manager, a record company signing her, her record becoming a success and her concert tour. Keep in mind that many people who are equally as talented as Cindy try to manifest a successful singing career but fail. As there are so many variables of what could have happened to Cindy and her career, from success to abysmal failure, even with a record contract and influential manager that it’s abundantly clear that nature supported the decision for her to be a successful singer.
Just as important was how Cindy handled the situation. She was centered and grounded regarding her career: she didn’t do drugs, or take herself too seriously and had a great work ethic, therefore, she was able to ride the wonderful tide that was supported in her musical career and reap the tremendous benefits the divine universe afforded here.
Obviously, her musical career was something that possessed legitimate elements of “something that was supposed to happen,” or else nature wouldn’t have supported it. Of course, her choices and how she handled it would determine the outcome and she indeed did make the most out of the situation.
On the other hand, events can push us in a particular direction, even if it’s not at all what we want. That is the case with Julie, a woman who was in a physically abusive marriage which she refused to consider getting out of. After three years of being battered regularly, nature supported the decision for her to get out of the marriage and divorce her husband. Seemingly out of nowhere, someone she met offered her a great job making 100 thousand dollars a years and it was a position she was capable of filling which would have required relocating to another state. The employer would pay for her relocation and since she didn’t have kids, all she would have had to have done was to pack up and leave her husband for this fantastic life changing opportunity. Here, nature supported the decision separate from any effort by Julie to leave this marriage, as she did nothing to attempt to manifest this possibility. It was all done by “nature” and for her highest and greatest good.
However, she adamantly refused to leave her marriage, as she believed her husband really loved her and would change for the better, so she refused the job offer and stayed with her husband.
Julie was given the way out, but through her own free will, she refused to walk through the door that was opened for her. Consequently, the abuse continued which eventually led to Julie having permanent physical injury and ultimately, her husband dumped her for a much younger woman anyway about ten years later.
Julie’s life could have manifested a completely different outcome than the one she chose as nature really did provide the way “out” for her – and it is compelling to note how Julie’s refusal (through her free will) to go with the tide and the flow resulted in her self destruction. It is a lesson for all of us to always pay attention to where, how, and why nature is leading us, as it is always for our highest and greatest good regardless of how we emotionally feel at the time.
Regarding whether something is meant to be or not meant to be, it is always tricky for us to determine the truth in any situation. We often interject or replace what we personally want with what is meant to be or not meant to be, especially when we’re emotionally involved. Our egos get in the way and we distort what the events seem to be saying, all because our egos, emotions, and our personal wants get in the way. We can even convince ourselves that we’re getting “signs” of what is God’s supreme will. Of course, we pretend that we’re not being subjective as a smoke screen to camouflage ow we’re really viewing a situation, which is way of hiding our true subjective motives.
The force of our personal will as a factor
Just because we can make something happen and bring it into physical manifestation through the force of our personal will doesn’t mean that it was meant to be or for our highest good. We often gauge how we validate what we’ve done simply by the fact of whether we get what we want in the end or not – meaning, if it all goes our way, we find it easy to make it okay no matter how many other people get hurt in the process.
Sue was a woman who lived by the philosophy of “I get what I want.” In early 2003, she set her sights on having a relationship with a married man she worked with named Rob. In fact, Rob’s wife Sharon also worked in the same company, so the three of them interacted on a professional level daily. Sue was jealous and felt competitive with Sharon and was excited by the challenge of going for something out of reach – all with the intention of winning and “flexing her muscle.”
In her mind, Sue had hoped to have the affair with Rob, cause his marriage to fall apart which she then hoped would force Sharon out of the workplace. In the end, Sue wanted Sharon out of the picture so she could “ride off into the sunset” with Rob.
By mid 2003, Rod foolishly succumbed to the affair mostly because he was bored in his marriage, not thinking that it would be much more than a fun and diversionary fling. However, Sue set it up for Sharon to find out about the liaison, even though Rob had no idea that Sue would do such a thing. So when Sharon found out, she was devastated — and in humiliation, she indeed left the company.
So because of the force of Sue’s personal will, she set into motion an affair between she and Rob – (and yes, he agreed to it which was his choice, but he never would have pursued this had it not been for Sue relentlessly pushing this issue). After Sharon left the company, Rob and Sharon divorced but Rob and Sue’s affair fell apart by mid 2004. The reason that Rob and Sue’s relationship didn’t work out in the long run was because neither one of them really ever cared for each other on any real level. This was a situation that was not “meant to be,” or something that was
supposed to happen – but rather a matter of one person, Sue, forcing her personal will upon others.
Here we see how all encompassing mainstays such as “everything happens for a reason” don’t apply to all aspects of our “destiny. “As so many people try and put everything that occurs under a simple heading such as “everything that happens is meant to be” we see that is not always true. There are so many variables as to why, how, if, and when things manifest in our lives. As we look at these dynamics, the question is inevitably asked: “How then do I know what my destiny is – what is right – what am I supposed to do?”
Realize there is no simple answer to such a question as we must always be aware of our thoughts, words, feelings, choices and everything we’re doing, because one simple and repetitive formula will not always apply to every situation that presents itself to us.
However, there are many tips that will assist us throughout our “destiny”: We must always realize that the conclusion of all situations won’t be clear as they are unfolding, because if they were, we wouldn’t be able to complete our path, especially when something is karmic in nature. The process involves our learning and we must walk through the journey to complete what we’ve agreed to and as we’re making the journey, we will not be able to know absolutely everything as it is happening.
But we must believe that what we need to know will always be present. We just have to have an open mind and not be led only by our own emotional desires. Sure, there’s a place in life for our emotions, but it cannot be the overwhelming or deciding factor in our spiritual unfoldement. No matter what, we must always behave in a loving way toward others and ourselves and do our best to not hurt others – never rationalizing and excusing our bad thoughts, choices, words and deeds just because it ties into what we want. Life is never a simple matter of “I want what I want” — end of issue.
Through walking the divine path, we can fulfill our karmic agreements, burn negative karma, create good karma, build upon what is meant to be while walking away from all that is not meant to be. We can become better people, spiritually evolve, help others which in turn always benefits ourselves, learn to not inappropriately force our own personal will and make the choices that lead to the best conclusions. Never forget that mastering this multifaceted journey will forever be a great and wondrous work in progress that we are already in the process of completing.
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