This is part 3 in a series of posts.  Click here for Part 1. 

Here in this final installment, I conclude this three-part series by writing about five “Phrases and Questions” that we’ve all either asked a psychic, or frequently heard addressed in readings.  

“I saw then in my dreams before we met”

Regarding this phrase, most clients express their utter astonishment when they actually physically meet someone who they first saw in their dreams.  In every instance where any client of mine has had this experience, they always think of first seeing this person in their dreams as a wonderful divine foreshadowing – and that these dreams absolutely indicate that this individual they eventually met must be “the one.” 

Why?  Because from a spiritual perspective, we tend to associate our dreams with information and meanings that are transcendent, from higher power and tied into our destiny.  In this instance, dreams become visions to us.  And with that, there are huge expectations that come when meeting the person who has first been revealed to us in our dreams,  that they must be sent from God, how this person is only there to serve a wondrous purpose for us, and they have to be our life partner – in short, our soul mate.

However, we must step back a minute and ask the following question: Just because any of us see another person in our dreams who later comes into our life physically, does that mean that this individual is only capable of serving the single purpose of being “the one?”  On top of that, will they be simply wonderful?

We must acknowledge that our dreams provide us with information and that seeing someone first in our dreams who we later meet means that this person will be quite relevant and important to us in one way or another, but not always in either a positive or a negative way.  Our dreams could be telling us any number of things, such as a warning that the person we see will be dangerous and damaging when they cross our path.  They may be such an intensely negative person once we meet them, that our dreams are literally warning us for our own safety and protection.

A dream could reveal to us that someone we will meet could offer a positive romantic relationship, but one that is only temporary.  This person may not offer us a “till death do us part” commitment, but they may offer something beneficial to us in the short run.

Our dreams could show us that an individual may be sent to help with something other than what we thought (that it might not be a romantic relationship, but of a different nature).  We often think that a person we see in our dreams must be in our lives for the “ultimate” relationship – a romantic one, as opposed to perhaps a business partnership or friendship.

We may see someone in our dreams who may indeed be a possible long term relationship, but one that is complicated and not necessarily easy.  Just because they appear in our dreams, doesn’t mean that there won’t be difficulties and/or serious complications.

Sometimes it may be true that we do indeed see our divine romantic life partner first in our dreams.  Then, we will meet them in the physical world at some point in the future.

Regardless of whether a person serves a positive and/or negative purpose once we meet them, we hardly look dispassionately at anyone who initially appears in our dreams who we later meet in the flesh.  This is exactly what happened to Elaina once she met the man she had been seeing in her dreams.

Elaina was a woman who had a reoccurring dream several times over a period of a few months where she saw the same man:  He was 6’0” feet tall, slender, had short dark wavy hair, was 40 years old, had a mole on the left side of his face, and his name was Ray.  Captivated by who this mystery man could be, she called me for a reading, ostensibly to inquire about who this “Ray” person really was.

“Jim, I have been seeing the most totally amazing man in my dreams, who is simply everything I’ve wanted.  Jim, I can feel him touching me in my dreams and the experience is completely cosmic.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone who I’ve ever been with – and yet, I haven’t even met him.  What does this all mean?” she inquired.

Immediately, I could feel the energy and I picked up that her dream was “real” — meaning that this person did exist and that indeed Elaina would meet him.  I told her, “Elaina, I feel that you will meet this man in just a few weeks and that everything you’re seeing about his description is right to me.  However, I do not get a good feeling about him at all.  He’s coming in to your life to try and take advantage of you sexually, financially, and he’ll try and move in with you rather quickly.  He doesn’t have anywhere to live right now, as his girlfriend is throwing him out of her place where he lived because of his continual cheating and emotional abuse.  This dream is serving the purpose of warning you about this very damaging and dangerous situation that you need to completely avoid.”

However, Elaina didn’t want to hear this information at all, as she had already decided that “Ray” was the one.  After all, she rationalized, why would she be seeing him in her dreams if he wasn’t?  I tried to explain to her again that these reoccurring dreams were warnings – that yes, he does exist — and yes, he really will come into the picture, but NOT for the positive purpose Elaina had already convinced herself of.

Elaina refused to heed the warning spirit shared with her through our reading, simply because it wasn’t what she emotionally wanted to hear.  Then, a few weeks after our reading, Elaina did meet Ray and he appeared to be everything she thought he would be.  On top of that, he was attracted to her and began pursuing a relationship with her immediately.  The sex was electrifying and within days, he tried to move in with Elaina.  Because of how adamantly Elaina believed Ray was “the one,” she let him move in with her in spite of the warning spirit gave to her through the reading with me.

Then the trouble started…She started seeing emails from Ray to other women that were sent from her own computer and his attitude began changing.  After talking Elaina into co-signing for a new truck, Ray never made payments on the vehicle.  He started getting into serious mood swings, especially after being out and about, supposedly to look for a new job.  In reality, he had already begun cheating on her with women who lived near Elaina, and Ray would come home after cheating on Elaina with a defensive attitude as a way of avoiding being confronted about his whereabouts.  

Due to her lofty expectations, she rationalized that this was all because his ex had hurt him, so he was just acting out.  She falsely believed that her love would cure the situation and refused to cut her ties with Ray and have him move out.

Then, after six months, everything caved in.  One day while Elaina was at work, Ray moved out, took his truck and stole all the money she had at home in cash.  Worse than that though, is because of co-signing for the truck, she had the choice of either continuing to make the payments on the truck (which were about five hundred dollars per month), or not make the payments anymore, which would cause her to be legally liable and ruin her credit.  As Elaina was an ethical person, she continued to make the truck payments until the truck was finally paid off years later.  Even after the truck was paid off, Elaina still didn’t have closure, as she was still deeply missing Ray being in her life.

About three years after our first reading when I initially honed in on her reoccurring dreams where she was seeing “Ray,” Elaina called me back for another reading in tears.  Devastated, financially strapped and broken hearted, she didn’t know what to do when she said to me, “Jim, I saw him in my dreams and that must have meant that he was “the one.”  “Is he coming back?  Did I mess it up somehow?” she further questioned. 

I told her, “Elaina, just because someone appears in any of our dreams that we later meet in the physical world, does not mean that they’re sent from the heavens above.  Remember that spirit warned you about Ray, but the choice was of course up to you.”  I added, “There was nothing you could have done to make the situation work as Ray was only out to use you, and I also feel that Ray will never come back to you, as he already got what he wanted out of the situation.”

The very painful story of Elaina shows us that no matter how titillating, cosmic, transcendent and divine a dream appears to be where we see someone who we eventually meet, it must be looked at on a deeper level — one that is objective, dispassionate and without emotional bias.  Simply stated, each one of these situations must be looked at on a case by case basis.

When we’re on a spiritual path, it’s easy to think that these types of dreams are magical revelations and they only represent one thing – something wondrously positive where we meet “the one” – but that is not always the case.  Think of seeing someone first in your dreams that you meet later in the flesh as giving you an FYI before the fact – but never assume that those facts are exclusively positive or negative, as each dream and person is its own unique chapter and passage in our lives.  By knowing who and what this mystery person really is, we can make the right choice that is for our highest good once they indeed step out of our dreams and into our lives.

Do they really love me?  Do they really care for me?

Often, a client calls a reader to help clarify and define what their love interest truly feels for them, as there have been mixed signals, confusion, mind games, deception, cheating, and/or no contact with that person at all.  As these two questions, “Do they really love me?” and “Do they really care for me?” seem to be rather straightforward in daily life, they can take on a completely different tone in a psychic reading – one that is emotionally loaded, misleading, and utterly confusing.

When clients ask these questions of a reader, they often have intense emotional attachments and strong expectations of how they want their particular situation to unfold.  They may only be open to an answer they want to hear, which is that the person in question DOES love them and that they really DO care as well. 

In addition, the client absolutely expects that the reader will ever so graciously and reassuringly state in the reading that everything will work out in the long run, whether that is true or not.  Clients seem to erroneously believe that if any psychic tells them that their love interest really does love them and truly does care, that one way or another, things will absolutely have to work out in the big picture.  Of course, this falsely indicates that the happy story book ending will occur.  

However, just like with any question in a reading, in must be looked at on a situation by situation basis with no prewritten one dimensional answer or expectations from either the client or the reader.  The insights that come through from spirit could entail anything from, “No this person doesn’t love or care for you at all,” to “Yes, they really do indeed love you and deeply care for you, and will propose marriage in a short time!” 

And while there are some clients who really do want to hear the truth (whether the news is good or bad), there are many who only want their own emotional reality and ego spoon fed back to them.  Some clients will go to any length to first believe what they want to, and then solicit a reader who will confirm and validate those beliefs.  To some observers, it may all seem like merely a waste of time and money to hear inaccurate fantasy based information in a reading, but that no long term damage will occur. 

However, the combination of a client who solicits a reader to tell them what they want to hear, coupled with a reader who will offer false “positive” predictions to the client to rubber stamp their emotional reality and beliefs is a complete recipe for disaster: financially, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically.

There are some readers who pick things up through “telepathy” – meaning, they can legitimately feel what the client is sending out and pick up on what the client is feeling.  Then, they feed back to the client everything that they already believe to be true, much like holding up a mirror to the client and reflecting back their reality as gospel truth.  So in this instance, a telepathic reader mimics where the client is at in their own mind.

For this type of reader, they never help a client to grow or manifest a better life.  Their “insights” and “predictions” are based on the limits of whatever the client already perceives.  And the clients themselves have already made up their minds (whether they admit it or not) before calling a reader.  They are simply looking to have a psychic totally and irrevocably validate where they’re emotionally at, tell them what they want to hear and rubber-stamp their reality.  These types of clients erroneously believe that by hearing it said from a reader, somehow helps to make it come true, which is of course false.  If the information is inaccurate, it doesn’t matter who is saying it and how.

John had been with a woman named Ashley for six months and during that time, Ashley was in and out of the picture, and had cheated on him.  However, John was completely obsessed with the idea that Ashley really loved him and truly cared for him, so he chose to believe that this is how she felt, even though he hadn’t heard from her in over two years.  In addition, she refused and contact from John, and he also believed that he would hear from Ashley very soon.  So John began looking for a psychic who would clearly tell him that Ashley really did love him, that she really did care, and that he would hear from her soon. 

As he started browsing online for a reader to call, he came across a psychic named Sandra who claimed to know “Exactly what another person is feeling toward you.”  When John read her listing, he was elated and he immediately called Sandra.  When she answered the phone, John simply asked Sandra about “Ashley.”

Sandra replied, “She has blonde hair, is about 5’7,” and I’m also picking up that one of her parents died about the time the two of you met.” 

John was flabbergasted and proclaimed, “Yes, yes, that is exactly right.  I am picturing her in my mind right now.  You are so gifted Sandra.  Wow, I’m so glad that I found you!” 

“By the way, John, I really pick up that Ashley does love you and that she cares for you very much as well,” Sandra confirmed.  “In fact, you will be hearing from her very shortly,” Sandra added.

Even though John initially felt like he was on cloud nine, Sandra wasn’t psychically picking up anything accurately, but simply feeling telepathically what John was sending out and believed to be true.  Since John felt Sandra was so “in tune” as she said everything he felt he already knew, John kept calling Sandra for the next three years.  But throughout that time, Ashley never called him, or responded to any of his attempted contacts with her.  Eventually, John finally moved on, relinquished his attachment to Ashley, and then stopped calling Sandra, who had been ultimately of no value to him at all as a reader.

Here we see that such simple questions as, “Do they really love me?” and “Do they really care for me?” in the context of a reading can be quite misleading, as seen by John’s experience.  His emotions, ego, false beliefs, refusal to let Ashley go, coupled with a reader who was only able to pick up on what John was sending out and feeling, turned out to be a time consuming disaster.  As we look at our own situations where we may ask these two simple questions in a reading, we must first listen with an open mind and heart to receive the truth that spirit is always willing to provide to us.  Secondly, we must only seek a reader who does not just feed back to us where we’re at, but gives us accurate and truthful insights, predictions and counsel, if we ever want to manifest a better life.

What are their true feelings for me?

The danger with this question being asked by a client in a reading is that is presupposes things that should never be assumed: first, that the person in question has feelings for the client at all, and secondly, that these feelings must also be “true.” 

In this context, the word “true” suggests so many things that cannot be assumed in a reading: that the person being asked about has feelings for the client other than they’re showing, these feelings must be real and better than what has been present (which is indicated simply by the mere connotation of what the word “true” means), and there has to be feelings which are deeper for the client than are currently being shown. 

The entire implication of this question when asked in a reading is that there is much more emotional depth to the relationship that meets the eye.  Sometimes that may be accurate, while other times, it isn’t at all.  However, the actual question is leading and puts the reader in a very difficult spot.  It positions the psychic to have to either say that there are indeed “true” feelings and describe what they are; or look like an ogre if what they feel and say to the client is, “I don’t pick up that this person has any other feelings for you than what you’ve seen.  What you’ve seen are their actual true feelings.”

But none of these presuppositions should EVER be assumed in a reading, and the mere fact the question is asked in this way is manipulative on the client’s part.  In this situation, some psychics will tell the truth, which could be that there either are or aren’t “true” feelings, while other readers would deliberately lie to manipulate the client’s trust and wallet.  Yet there are those readers who only allow themselves to see and forecast happy endings.  Even though they believe what they’re saying is accurate and they do possess legitimate psychic ability, they are too caught up in their inability to see anything other than a fairy tale ending to be accurate in the big picture and in the long run.  And when what they say is fantasy based, it feeds into the client’s emotional frame of mind and strengthens the very emotions they desperately need to let go of.

Suzie called her psychic Juliette to ask about the man Jason who had been driving her crazy for about five years.  This man was back and forth, never offered commitment, and had cheated on her quite a bit.  However, every tine Suzie tried to end the relationship, he would do whatever he could to keep it going, from crying to making false promises of a better future.  For these five long years, Suzie always believed that this man head deeper feelings for her than were indicated through his actions.  Suzie thought that after all, he had cried several times when Suzie was ready to dump him and she believed that his promises were sincere and from the heart.  So she called her reader Juliette.

“Hey Juliette, this is Suzie again.  Do you remember that guy we’ve talking about, Mr. Crazy Jason, you know, the one I’ve been on and off with for five years?  Well, he’s at it again.  I caught him with that other girl, remember, her name is Jessica.  Let me tell you though, in spite of all of his nonsense, I know that he really does care for me.  Please tell me, “What are his true feelings for me?” Suzie questioned.

Since Juliette is a fantasy based reader who only allows herself to believe in happy endings, her response was clouded by her own subjective bias when she said, “His “true” feelings are that he really does loves you.  Right now, I keep getting a vision of him putting a ring on your finger.  Beneath all of his stuff, the cheating, ego, selfishness and attitudes, he really does care for you deeply.  He couldn’t live without you, and you just have to wait it out and be patient.  Deep inside, he’s such a great guy.”

Suzie burst into tears, “I know his “true” feelings are so much deeper and real than what he shows me.  I’ve seen it in those crazy eyes of his.  Hey, girlfriend, I know this man better than he knows himself.  Thank you for the truthful and accurate confirmation of what I already knew deep inside.”

Even though this exchange between Suzie and Juliette is heartfelt and emotionally sincere, it isn’t accurate – and therefore, not helpful to Suzie and her future choices at all.  As Jason’s “true” feelings were exactly what he had been regularly showing her for five long years.  Yes, he liked Suzie to a certain point, but he didn’t love her.  In reality, he found her boring and didn’t feel that their sexual connection was strong enough to marry her. 

In the meantime, though, he was selfishly interested in having his cake and eating it too, so his tears and false promises were always disingenuous and manipulative, solely, to keep Suzie in his life on his terms.  Why?  Because it was convenient for him to use Suzie till he found the woman he really wanted to settle down with.  But again, he didn’t have deeper, or what can be referred to as “true” feelings in the reading other than what he had already shown Suzie.

In the end, after a total of seven years, Jason did actually find the woman he wanted to marry, and then, predictably, he dumped Suzie and got married to the new woman.  Of course it was cruel what he did to Suzie, but if she would have been willing to ask about the relationship in a straightforward way to a psychic who would have delivered the truth, she could have left Jason on her terms and moved on with her life to meet someone else.

Instead of asking the question, “What are their true feelings for me?” it would be so much better and far more productive to simply rephrase the question to, “Do they have true feelings for me?” and/or “Do they have any other feelings for me than what they’ve already shown me?”  This way, the question is asked in a non-leading, non-manipulate way that opens the door for whatever the truth is to come through.  It is the truth that both clients and readers must always be in search of, as it is the only thing that can truly help a client to correctly face the challenges and decisions that are in front of them.

What does he see in her?

Feeling jilted and devastated by being dumped, the question of, “What does he see in her?” is frequently asked by clients in a reading.  But is it a question that is asked merely to receive information, in a sense, to fill in the blanks and offer an explanation of what happened?  Or does the emotional volatility of the client set them off if the reader feels that their ex is better off with the new woman and that he has found someone more suited for him? 

Here, this seemingly innocent question in a reading can be a vehicle for many contradictory possibilities: a venting session where both the client and/or the psychic bash the new woman; worse yet, the client “shoots the messenger” if the client isn’t willing to hear the truth when the reader explains what her ex indeed sees in another woman; or in the best case scenario, the reading offers clarity of why and what occurred so the client can successfully move on with their life if the client is receptive to the information that is offered.

Sally called me for a reading and was simply beside herself because her husband of twenty years, Allan, a doctor, left her for another woman, which was followed by his and Sally’s divorce.

“Jim, I don’t know why he did this to me.  I was there for him through thick and thin.  I helped put him through medical school and supported him all the way.  The house was spotless, his clothes were washed and pressed; I never denied him sex.   I kept his schedule and things were always taken care of.  What went wrong?  What does he see in her that I don’t have?” Sally questioned.

What came through to me from spirit was, “Sally, even though you did everything for him and I know you love him, I feel that you may have been too controlling and bossy.  I feel that the two of you met when you were both eighteen years old.  Is that right?”

“Well, that is right.  We met when we both finished high school,” Sally confirmed.

“Allan hadn’t developed into being the man he would eventually become.  Back then, I feel that he was weaker and that you were always the one in control of everything and that control continued throughout the entire marriage,” I stated.

She paused, and then responded, “You know, I hate to admit it, but you’re right.  I was bossy and domineering.  Even my sister told me to back off of Allan, or he would get tired of me and leave me.  But I was too stubborn to change my ways.  I always wanted everything done right and my way and felt that he needed me to tell him what to do.”

“Sally, I feel that what he sees in his new partner Andrea is that she allows him to be who he is, for better or worse, and doesn’t try to control him.  That’s the main thing he sees in her.  Plus, he’s at a point in his life where he doesn’t want everything to be perfect.  He doesn’t want to work as much and wants to let his life unfold in a less rigid way than it had been with you.  Andrea will allow him to do that,” I said.  “It’s nothing against you, but I feel that he’ll be better off with her and that as you heal, you’ll find the right man for you as well,” I further added.

At first, she had a hard time accepting that Allan would never come back to her, as if his relationship with Andrea was only temporary, but deep down, she knew that what I was saying was right.  After about a year or so, she let go of the hope that she and Allan would reunite, especially after he married Andrea. 

Also, through releasing Allan, Sally met a new man named Joseph who proposed marriage to her.  This new man was a better fit for Sally, as he would tell her when she was getting bossy and not accept her dominance.  Allan, on the other hand, used to just avoid the confrontation and bury himself in his work.  Plus, Sally’s new partner Joseph was into structure and wanted everything to be in order all the time, which is how Sally felt as well.  They also ended up getting married like Allan and Andrea did, and now, Sally and Joseph are living happily together today.

Even though so many clients explode when a psychic tells them what their ex sees in their new partner because they don’t want to hear the truth even though they’ve asked the question, there are those who really do want to know why, and ultimately, they are able to heal their lives through accepting the truth.  Through that healing, they are able to meet someone who is right for them now at this time in their journey and potentially build a long term and successful future as Sally did.

How could this have happened to me?

I don’t think that there is anyone I’ve ever known who hasn’t screamed out loud at one time or another, “How could this have happened to me?!”  Usually these are things that fall under the heading of a severe disappointment to an out and out tragedy.  We like to think of these situations as ones where whatever happened to us simply could not be avoided.  It is not our fault, we rationalize, as taking responsibility for something horrific that we’ve had something to do with manifesting is hard for us to take.  Supposedly, we couldn’t have seen it coming, but in reality, we should have.

These are the times where the warning signs and red flags were there for us to see, but we chose to ignore them.  In these instances, we did what we wanted to do anyway and then, when something awful happens to us, we are quite upset and feel victimized.  But nonetheless, it was us who helped to manifest the tragedy we’ve experienced. 

If we seek a reading for insight, a psychic can help to point out how our choices created this situation in order for us to learn, hopefully heal and move on to a better life in the future.  But that all depends on whether we’re willing to listen or not.

Adam was a man who had been rather careless in his sexual choices, and even though the red flags were always there regarding the women he’d have sex with, he didn’t heed such warnings at all.  He regularly called his psychic Beatrice, but never listened to her advice when she repeatedly warned him of such sexual adventure and recklessness, “Adam, I keep feeling that you’re going to catch something very serious from one of these “bad girls.”  Please, honey, I beg you to stop sleeping with these women, as you don’t want a deadly sexually transmitted disease.”

Adam would just sort of blow off the information, as he was more interested to see if any of these “bad girls” would offer a commitment.  As time went on, Beatrice’s warnings become more pointed till one day, Adam called her and said, “I’ve got some bad news.  Remember the girl Gillette who I was seeing for about six months – the one who was an exotic dancer?  Well the doctor just told me that I’m HIV positive.  She was the only girl I had been having sex with, so the doctor said it came from her.  I am so pissed off, I can’t believe this.  How could this happen to me?  How could God do this?!  This isn’t fair!!” Adam shrieked.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on just a minute,” Beatrice said.  “This wasn’t God doing this to you, Adam, this was your choice.  I warned you over and over again and you refused to listen.  This did NOT have to happen to you, so don’t blame God for your misfortune.  Then, suddenly, the phone went dead….

The call went dead because he slammed down the phone, and then, never called Beatrice again.  As he refused to take responsibility for what he had created, Adam didn’t truly want his question to be answered.  Here, the answer to his question may seem obvious to any of us on the outside looking in, but Adam was caught up in his own emotions and desires as many of us have been and refused to heed the warnings the divine universe strongly provided to him.  His story is tragic but unfortunately, quite common.  But thankfully, all people who seek a reading with the question of why something happened to them are not like Adam.

Unlike Adam, there are times when there was absolutely nothing we did to manifest something that happened in our lives which was horrific.  There were no red flags or warning signs and nothing could have been done differently to see it, avoid it, or prevent it from occurring.

Who, consciously, would want to become disabled through a car accident in their prime, especially when the accident was not their fault?  Probably nobody, but this is exactly what happened to a successful lawyer named Dan.  On his way to work, he was driving safely when suddenly and unexpectedly, Dan was broadsided by a drunk driver.  The accident permanently disabled him where he wasn’t ever able to walk again, and as one would expect, he was devastated.  Confused and angry, he had lots of questions as to why this happened to him, so he called his psychic Sam to possibly find out why.

Sam is also a medium who can channel messages from the other side, and upon hearing what happened to Dan, he opened up to what would come through.  “Dan, my guides are telling me that this accident was meant to be and that the reason it happened is because you have a deeper calling in life than to just be a business lawyer.  You are here to offer legal help to victims of drunk drivers and to help change the laws to protect the innocent,” Sam said.

Dan responded, “I’ve never been through a challenge like this before, but hearing that gives me some semblance of hope, that somehow, what I’m going through is not just some random event that didn’t have to happen.  I will meditate on this and see where God leads me.”

As God never gives us more than we could handle, Dan allowed things to unfold in his life and his legal practice, and what happened was just as Sam had said it would.  Dan went on to actually change the drunk driving laws in his state, which helped to provide stiffer penalties for drunk drivers.  In addition, he represented victims who had been hit by drunk drivers in civil cases so they could sue for damages and be compensated properly for their pain and suffering.

As difficult as it has been for Dan, he has found a sense of peace that he could find meaning it what happened to him, and that was provided to him through the reading he had with Sam.  Today, he is still continuing the crusade against drunk drivers and suing on behalf of their victims. 

Here, we see two very different responses to the same seemingly basic and straightforward question posed by both Dan and Adam to their readers.  Dan allowed himself to learn and grow from the information spirit provided, while Adam, on the other hand, had been discarding all of invaluable advice offered to him by Beatrice all along and dearly paid the price.

Even though the terms, phrases and questions I’ve written about over the last three newsletters are so commonplace, the variety of reactions and the way the information is presented by readers and processed by clients is as variable as the number of people who ask these questions in a reading.  When client’s emotions are involved, and the varying levels of spiritual understanding and ethics of readers come into play, anything can happen – all from a mere seemingly basic term, phrase, and/or question.

It is a sobering thought for anyone having a reading to always remember to only seek ethical advice, and to listen with an open mind and heart as the right information is there for you if you wish to receive it, listen to it, heed it, and learn from it.  Remember, the divine universe with all of its incalculable power is not in the business of fooling and hurting any of us, but rather, a constant and eternal source of pure unconditional love, guidance, enlightenment, support, strength, well-being and protection.

This concludes my three part series, Common yet Misunderstood Terms, Phrases and Questions in a Reading.  I sincerely hope it has been enlightening, helpful and inspirational to you!

Jim1537 can help provide you with the information you are looking for. If you are interested in having your own private reading with Jim1537, click here.

In the last blog entry, I introduced five terms that are quite common, yet so often misunderstood in a reading. The intention of this piece is to offer the clarity necessary to be able to gain an accurate definition and clear understanding of those terms for any of you when having a consultation. This way, there is a common and, hopefully, spiritually accurate terminology shared between a client and the reader in a reading, which is so important for the client to benefit from any insights shared.

Often, it is the client who does not understand these terms, and they must gain a clear and accurate understanding of such terms to truly benefit from a reading. However, that is assuming that the reader is ethical and gifted; not a scam artist, or a fantasy based reader who has some degree of psychic ability, but only allows themselves to believe in happy endings.

Here in Part 2, I address five additional terms and provide three different examples of how they occur in readings.In the next blog entry , I will conclude this three-part series with ten of the most common yet misunderstood phrases and questions that appear in a reading.

Inconsistent

What does it mean to be inconsistent? According to Webster’s dictionary, “Inconsistent” is defined as: “Not consistent in principles, conduct, etc.: He’s so inconsistent we never know if he’ll be kind or cruel….Acting at variance with professed principles.” We can certainly wrap our minds around such a term and its definition as it is easy for any of us to understand.

In a relationship situation, we think of the term “inconsistent” as someone who is back and forth in our lives, up and down in their mood swings and attitudes, sending mixed signals regarding commitment, and not solid as a partner.

But what does the term inconsistent emotionally mean to the other person embroiled in the entanglements of a romantic relationship? That can be an entirely different matter when feelings are involved, which cloud the situation at hand, enable one to lose their clarity, allow them to read between the lines in any way that is emotionally convenient, and simply see what they want to see.

When someone goes for a reading that’s been in an inconsistent relationship, these questions are inevitably asked by the client: “Will it get better?” “Will they finally commit to me?” “If so, when will things become more solid and stable?” What’s confusing about a relationship with an inconsistent person is that the ever present mixed signals and back and forth attitudes can be so terribly difficult to deal with.

It’s like looking at a glass that is half filled with water. Do we choose to see that glass as half full or half empty? When we’re in an inconsistent relationship and trying to make it work, we’ll of course do our best to see the glass as half full. And sometimes, the inconsistency is only there for a time period, but is not permanent. In that instance, a person will indeed move past their inconsistency and eventually offer a committed relationship. In those situations, a reader can help clarify the meaning of this term and how it applies to the particular situation in question while offering the insights that are accurate and for the highest good of the client.

 But everyone who is inconsistent doesn’t change, grow out of their issues and commit. Simply because the client believes that their inconsistent love interest will become consistent doesn’t always indicate that things will change for the better. This is especially true when the person behaving in an inconsistent fashion wants to keep it just as it is – meaning, they have no intention of changing, as things suits them just fine as they are.

Often, their inconsistency isn’t based on confusion, a difficult phase their going through, self examination or struggle; but rather a selfish game of having their cake and eating it too. They are in the driver’s seat and have no desire to relinquish the control of how the “relationship” is defined and lived out.

Whether the inconsistency is temporary or permanent, a relationship that contains mixed signals is far more confusing to us than one where we at least we know whether the other person truly wants to be with us or not. One way or another, if the picture is clear, we at least know the truth. The combination of our emotional attachment and expectations, coupled with the inconsistent attitudes and behaviors of our love interest can play with our minds, and be a recipe for a sticky, complicated, frustrating and downright miserable situation that wears us down.

Shirley was a woman who had been dating an inconsistent man named Jesse for three and a half years. In that time, he had been back and forth, up and down, sometimes nice yet sometimes mean, faithful for several months then unfaithful, and it had taken Shirley on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. Every time she thought it was getting better, he pulled the rug out from under her by leaving her for a while. Then, just as she was beginning to let go and move on with her life, Jesse would come back again, sort of apologize and start the whole cycle over. At her wits ends, Shirley decided to call her psychic Josh about the situation, ostensibly for truthful insights.

 Josh immediately picked up the infidelity on Jesse’s part, but Shirley already knew he had been unfaithful. But there were two new factors that spirit provided to Josh: First, Shirley only thought that Jesse was sexually active with others when they were apart. However, Josh picked up that Jesse was also cheating on Shirley when they were together. Second, Josh saw that Jesse also has been having an affair with Shirley’s friend whose name began with an “A.” As Josh was fine tuning who this person was, it became clear to Josh that the name was Amy. Shirley almost fell out of her chair, as Amy was one of her best friends who Jesse also knew.

Josh also defined the term “inconsistent” and indicated how Jesse would continue to be that way with Shirley and how it would all play out in the long run. Josh explained that Jesse’s inconsistency was not based on confusion or internal struggle at all. It was a game that was all about his selfishness, ego, unfaithfulness, power, narcissism, and was completely deliberate and on purpose. It was all about Jesse maintaining control, setting the limits and being in the driver’s seat. Moreover, Josh was clear that this inconsistency would never stop and that Jesse would continue to “use” Shirley in the way he had been doing for as long as Shirley would allow it.

 However, Shirley refused to see the term inconsistent for what it really means and how Josh defined it in the reading. Shirley wanted to see the term “inconsistent” as meaning that things were going through the normal ups and downs all couples go through and in time, things would work themselves out. Shirley erroneously believed that by being patient and loving Jesse unconditionally, he would eventually see the light, fall in love with her and offer a commitment. Shirley kept rationalizing that what she and Jesse had been through was what all couples go through, that no relationship was perfect, people are flawed and that we all have to take the good with the bad.

 So she refused to accept Josh’s definition and insights regarding Jesse’s inconsistency, believing instead that the ups and downs she had lived with would change for the better based on her undying love for Jesse. She was mortified by what Josh picked up regarding Jesse cheating when he and Shirley were together (not just apart) and that one of the other women was her friend Amy and because of her internal reaction, she refused to listen to anything Josh said.

 She “shot the messenger” and accused Josh of being negative and stormed out of the reading, all because it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. In reality, she wasn’t open to understanding the term inconsistent when she went into the reading in the first place, as she only wanted her own point of view to be rubber stamped and confirmed. In addition, the extra information that came through regarding the shocking details of Jesse’s infidelity further engaged Shirley’s ego and defense mechanisms.

In fact, the way she reacted to the reading made her dig her heels in even deeper, providing a stronger commitment to staying in the situation with Jesse. So indeed, Shirley did stay with Jesse, and now, it is five years since her reading with Josh which brings the total time she’s been in this inconsistent situation to eight and a half years. Even worse than that is because of Jesse’s cheating, Amy became pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy who was fathered by Jesse.

Here we see that the term “inconsistent” was clearly defined by Josh when Shirley called him for a reading and beyond that, he even offered more helpful information. However, because of her emotions and ego, Shirley refused to accept Josh’s accurate definition, and paid dearly for her refusal to see things clearly.

 Being in an inconsistent relationship where the person doesn’t intend to move things forward with us can serve to enable our emotional denial just as it did with Shirley. It’s not that things weren’t clear, but what she heard from Josh was not what she wanted to hear. So it allows us to just stay in the relationship. We can claim to need time to figure it out, which only allows us to just stay put where we’re at. “What can we do?” we falsely ask, when our goal is to merely stay in the relationship situation we’re in.

Remember, the problem with one being inconsistent in a relationship (whether temporarily or permanently), is that the situation is neither black nor white at the time. As people, we want to demand clear-cut yes or no answers and allness statements that wrap everything up in a nice, neat, tidy one-dimensional package. But often, we only want the answers that we want to hear. Regarding Shirley’s situation, when the clarity was offered to her in a reading with Josh, she refused to accept it.

 A valid reading with an ethical psychic can help define the term “inconsistent” and how it applies to each particular relationship situation in question, which offers the awareness of where things are ultimately headed. Through knowing when and how the inconsistency will ultimately conclude, the correct information is provided that is truthful, clear, and accurate in the long run which allows the client to make the right choices for their highest good.

Friends

When having a reading, the term “friends” can be seen by a client as a catch-all term that is literally used to describe any personal relationship in whatever way someone chooses to see it: whether that involves a platonic friend; a casual “friends with benefits” sexual partner; a long term part time lover; or even a mistress.

When it comes to a relationship situation that has the element of attraction, sex, or romance, should it be referred to as a “friends?” Webster’s dictionary defines the term friend as: “A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” In today’s world, we don’t usually include the term “sex” in that definition. But does the implication of the term “friends” change for someone who is having a reading? Can the definition simply be whatever we want it to be?

It is when we’re emotionally involved with someone that we blur that line between platonic (friends) and a relationship that is sexual and/or romantic to one degree or another. In a reading, the term “friends” must be defined by a skilled and ethical reader to bring clarity and truth to the client’s questions and concerns about what they’re going through with another individual.

Gerald had a friend named Natalie who he had been having a casual sexual relationship with for about two years. Even though Natalie also referred to them as being friends, Gerald thought of it as being much more than that, even though he kept those thoughts to himself. He actually falsely believed that Natalie was in love with him and just couldn’t admit it yet. However, Natalie truthfully didn’t care for Gerald on any real level at all – she merely liked his well defined body, his performance in bed, and she was just using him until someone “better” came along. As she found Gerald boring as a person, she didn’t even want to have much to do with him outside of the bedroom at all, except as a prelude to sex: talk a bit, have a few drinks, then go to bed.

What’s interesting is that both the viewpoints of Gerald and Natalie hardly defined the term “friends,” even though that was how they both viewed their situation. Of course, Natalie was content with their casual arrangement, but Gerald was frustrated out of his mind, as he really wanted to be in a committed loving relationship with Natalie. So he went to see his psychic Nancy about the confusion he was going through.

Gerald immediately asked about his friend Natalie, and at first, Nancy assumed that we was asking about a platonic relationship. However, she quickly picked up that there was more to this story than just “friends,” and honed in psychically right away. Nancy said, “This friend of yours is also someone you’re having sex with.” Gerald nodded yes. Then, Nancy went further into the energy and said: “Gerald, I can feel that there is a strong sexual chemistry between the two of you, but I honestly do not feel that she’s interested in you in any real way than to just have sex with you.” Nancy then asked, “Is that all the two of you basically do, which is just have sex?” Gerald was stunned, but had to agree. “Yes, that’s pretty much it, but I believe she’s really in love with me deep inside. She’s not just a friend, but my soul mate,” Gerald further asserted.

However, Nancy backed up a minute and said to Gerald, “First, we need to define the term “friends” here. Friends don’t have sex with each other by most people’s definitions. We need to see this as a casual sexual relationship that has been going on for a couple of years or so. The two of you are not friends, but also, you’re not really lovers either. What the two of you have is different than friends, but the two of you are calling it that because the definition is convenient for how both of you wish to see it. For Natalie, it makes her using you just for sex look better, and for you, Gerald, it gives you the hope that things can build from friendship to a deep, committed relationship.”

 Nancy further added that Natalie really didn’t care for Gerald, and that for her, this was merely a situation of Gerald being used for the sexual ecstasy he provided, because he was attractive, had a great body, was good in bed, and knew how to arouse Natalie as a woman.

Gerald was of course upset and stunned, but quickly came to his senses: “You know, if I’m being honest, you’re totally right,” he told Nancy. “Natalie has never shown me in any way that she cares for me at all, and deep down inside, I know I’m being used until someone better for her comes along,” Gerald further acknowledged. “I just wanted to believe that we had a solid friendship, and since sex was also involved, it would have to progress to something more meaningful, long term and beautiful,” Gerald concluded.

Right then and there, he decided to redefine the relationship he had with Natalie as no longer being friends, but merely a casual sexual hook up that had gone on for a while. And with that definition, Gerald realized that this was not at all what he wanted. Refusing to settle for second best, he decided to end things with Natalie. Of course she didn’t like his choice whatsoever, as Natalie had been getting exactly what she wanted from the situation with no price tags attached.

As with Gerald and Natalie, a term such as “friends” sounds so seemingly innocuous to most of us, and we often use it in any interchangeable way that is convenient for us when involved in relationships that have the element of sex, romance or attraction. However, it is the lack of definition that makes this term dangerously loaded and misleading, as shown through what Gerald went through.

In any reading, the term “friends” must be defined clearly and objectively, and Nancy did just that for Gerald. However, that must come from an honest and ethical reader such as Nancy, who wouldn’t play with and manipulate a client’s emotions and vulnerabilities.

Fear of Commitment

We all know that “fear of commitment” is a term which describes someone who is afraid to be in a committed relationship. However, how do we interpret this term when we are involved in a relationship with someone who has these issues? We’ll tend to think that since they’re afraid, all we have to do is keep loving and nurturing them, all the while believing that our love will cure that frightened and wounded child inside of them, so they can love us in return.

And there are people who have fear of commitment issues who do indeed work through them and open their hearts to the relationship, but that is only sometimes the case. When having a reading, a gifted and ethical reader can see that type of situation for what it is, define the term “fear of commitment” and offer helpful guidance.

However, there are many other times when fear of commitment is an utter game one’s lover or love interest is playing, where they engage in false excuses, manipulation, having one’s cake and eating it too, lying, cheating, conveniently limiting the relationship and avoidance. In those instances, there is no intention of letting go of the fear, or healing the situation.

Keep in mind that adults who are afraid of commitment don’t metaphorically suck their thumb in the corner and wrap themselves in a security blanket and cry. If they don’t try to work to get past this consciousness, they act out their fears through the way they deal with the other person they’re involved with and hurt them – often quite dramatically.

Remember, these fears are about survival and keeping us alive. It’s like posing the hypothetical question: If someone were choking you, what would you do? Of course, the answer would be that you would fight back tooth and nail to keep yourself alive!

For someone with a deep-seated fear of commitment, that exact same sense of primal survival applies and is now allocated to a personal relationship. When one’s fearful mind, ego and emotions are engaged, survival literally depends on not committing to someone; therefore, the person who is offering a commitment becomes the dreaded and deadly enemy.

It is presumable that besides the fear, that there are also loving moments and passages of hope and intimacy as well. If there was only fear of commitment displayed, the relationship would certainly fall apart, as there would be nothing to feed it or keep it going.

And since fear of commitment is something that almost all of us have experienced or witnessed in one way or another, it is a subject that frequently comes up in psychic readings. And there are those readers — a multitude of them for that matter, who scam clients who are in a situation with someone who has fear of commitment issues and has no intention whatsoever of healing those fears. These “readers” know darn good and well that there is no light at the end of the tunnel –meaning, they know that will never be a commitment that results from the relationship in question.

Playing on the weak and vulnerable qualities of the client to gain power and make money, a “reading” from a scam psychic will sound like it’s recited from a script: “Honey, he’s been hurt before. His ex wife was such a horrible woman, and he tried so hard to love her. Of course he never cheated on her, but she cheated on him. He’s really such a good guy. You just have to give him time, as he’s still so wounded by her. She abused him, and made him feel so bad about himself. Thank God that he met you, and of course he’s in love with you. But you need to be patient, and he’ll be yours forever!”

Does this sound eerily familiar? How many of you have had this said to you by an unethical reader yourself? Or perhaps you might know someone who has had this game played on them? This was exactly what happened to Loretta when she consulted a reader named Anne.

Loretta had been dating a man Lawrence since he divorced his wife two years ago and from the beginning, he admitted that he had fear of commitment issues, ostensibly because of his failed marriage. He claimed that his wife cheated on him, was abusive, and supposedly because of how bad it was, he couldn’t promise Loretta anything…except sex when it was convenient for him. Since Loretta felt drawn to him, she wanted to believe him, thinking that if she bided her time and was patient, things would get better.

However, the fear Lawrence claimed was based on the actions of his abusive ex wife was completely fabricated and a game which was designed to: establish his control of the relationship; illicit false sympathy from Loretta which “explains” his bad behavior; set the parameters and the tone; and define the limits. In fact, he knew exactly what he wanted as he didn’t even hint at the possibility that he was going to heal these issues. His motto was the old adage of, “It’s my way or the highway.”

This went on for a few years, where his inconsistency became worse, and slowly but surely, he was becoming emotionally abusive toward Loretta by telling her that she wasn’t sexy, unattractive, and didn’t satisfy him sexually. Torn inside, Loretta was at a crossroads where she was considering ending things with Lawrence, so she decided to have a reading with a psychic named Anne.

Anne had some degree of legitimate psychic ability. However, she had no ethics at all and used her ability to milk people. She was clearly a reader who only played on people’s emotional weaknesses and vulnerabilities with only two intentions in mind: First, power over the client and, secondly, her own financial gain. When Loretta walked in, Anne was soft spoken, polite, and her body language was gentle and underplayed. There was a cross of Jesus in one corner and a painting of a sunrise in the other.

Anne told Loretta that she saw that there had been a troubling relationship, and that Loretta was confused. Loretta confirmed that this was indeed true. Anne also picked up that the man in question was divorced, which was also correct. Then, Anne could see that Loretta was really vulnerable to this man, so she began setting the stage to exploit Loretta by saying: “Darling, his fear of commitment is absolutely not his fault. Oh my God, his marriage was a complete sham. That woman, if I could even call her that, didn’t love him, used him for his money, cheated on him, and turned his head upside down. My God, of course he has issues! Wouldn’t you?” she asked.

“You need to understand that this man is your soul mate, but you’ll have to really ride things out. But remember, if you do, he will absolutely marry you! I don’t know when yet, but it will happen. Spirit doesn’t always provide time, but my guides are assuring me as much as the sun is gonna rise in the morning that you will end up with this man,” Anne triumphantly exclaimed!

Loretta was overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry uncontrollably. She hugged Anne, thanked her profusely, and made one of the biggest decisions of her life, which was to stay with Lawrence.

Of course, what Anne said was completely and utterly untrue and she knew it was all a lie. It was Lawrence who cheated on his wife; she never cheated on him; he was a narcissistic man; and didn’t care for his wife or Loretta at all. In fact, he had been cheating on Loretta from day one.

So Loretta indeed stayed with Lawrence, and as you would assume, he never married her. It is now fifteen years later and Loretta has had a nervous breakdown; she had to declare bankruptcy from all the money she spent on having “readings” with Anne; and has lost any semblance of hope in her life. Yet still to this day, she won’t cut the ties with Lawrence, which for all intents and purposes, has ruined her life.

In Loretta’s situation, the tern “fear of commitment” was falsely defined by Anne as fears that Lawrence developed solely because of his abusive ex wife – and that definition was totally fabricated.

In this instance, the term “fear of commitment” should have been defined as a convenient form of ego, arrogance and narcissism used by Lawrence to manipulate the situation — a smokescreen to illicit false trust and sympathy, which was all designed to use and abuse Loretta.

It is possible that Loretta would have left Lawrence if the term would have been defined accurately in her reading. When the term is falsely defined by a reader, it can lead a client to absolutely make the wrong choices which is what Anne wanted — but if the term “fear of commitment” was defined correctly by a truly gifted and ethical reader, Loretta’s situation would have probably turned out completely different and for the better.

Cheating

The term “cheating” can mean so many different things to clients when having a psychic reading, and as surprising as it may sound, it is quite difficult to get clients to agree on exactly what this term means. Webster’s dictionary defines cheating (in a relationship between two people) in a very straightforward simple way as: “To be sexually unfaithful.” Yet, this term can literally be thought of something as intensely physical as sexual intercourse, all the way to the opposite extreme of someone merely acknowledging a stranger who’s attractive as they walk by.

When someone is in a committed relationship, is merely kissing someone else cheating? What about cybersex, if you’re married? How about sexually explicit pictures exchanged with a stranger via email when your spouse is out of town? Is it cheating if a married woman has an intense emotional affair with a man other than her husband, but never had physical sex with the other man? If there’s no intercourse involved, is only receiving oral sex cheating? Does flirting rise to the level of cheating? What about simply fantasizing others?

You’ll find that for as many possible scenarios that exist, there are a multitude of various answers and perspectives regarding the term “cheating.” Even actual sexual intercourse doesn’t get the universal vote of being defined as cheating by all clients who have readings. I’ve heard people say that if their spouse was out of town and had a one night stand because they were by themselves and lonely, it’s not cheating. To the other extreme, others have stuck vehemently to the Biblical concept that to even think of committing adultery, is the same thing as doing it – therefore, it’s cheating, even though nothing physical happened whatsoever.

Often, the various definitions clients have of the term cheating have more to do with their emotional bias and intentions toward their relationship, then an actual intellectual discourse over what the term really means. Here are some examples:

If a woman doesn’t consider that her husband cheated when he had a one night stand, then his actions sound less severe. Therefore, she can stay in the marriage and feel ok about her choice because that’s what her emotional intention was toward her marriage in the first place.

When a man caught his wife kissing another man at a wedding reception after having several drinks, it was dismissed as her having too much to drink. Therefore, it’s all disregarded as no big deal, simply as a way of keeping the marriage status quo because his intention was to keep his marriage together regardless.

Conversely, a woman can threaten to divorce her husband because she saw him eyeing their waitress in a sexual way while being out at dinner. She was so offended that she was ready to dump her husband right then and there as she is emotionally quite offended by even the thought of her husband thinking of another woman.

So as the different definitions and perspectives are looked at, they indicate two things: One’s set of values, and, the emotional bias that one may have regarding their relationship. However, it is for certain that when having a reading, it is paramount that the reader defines the term “cheating” clearly and in ways that the client understands, as there is no one unilateral agreed upon definition of what this term actually means.

A woman named Josie was devastated when she caught her husband Chuck having cybersex over the internet. He argued with his wife when she caught him: “Look, I didn’t touch anyone else, so what’s your problem?” he questioned. However, Josie considered it cheating, as he was engaging in sexual energy with strangers on line, and considered it highly unfaithful and downright disrespectful.

Immediately, she called her psychic Brenda to ask what in the heck was going on and have a psychic reading. Brenda saw the situation clearly and felt that there was no physical contact between Chuck and those he was having cybersex with and she also felt that Chuck was not considering leaving the marriage at all. So Brenda wisely took a minute to define the term “cheating” in this instance and as it applied to Josie’s values and her marriage. Even though Chuck wasn’t having actual physical contact with anyone, he was engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, which involved the sexual stimulation of his body with others and having orgasms. Except that instead of this being done “in the flesh,” it was all conducted in the virtual internet world of cybersex. In this instance regarding Josie’s situation, the term “cybersex” was defined by Brenda as cheating and Josie felt in agreement with that definition.

At a crossroads, Josie either wanted the cybersex to stop, or felt that she would have to leave her marriage. Although Chuck didn’t feel he was technically cheating, he was able to understand Josie’s point of view and stopped having cybersex, which saved their marriage.

Yet, on the other hand, there are those who could care less if their partner was having cybersex and consider it meaningless fantasy. In addition, there’s at least no possibility of them bringing home a sexually transmitted disease. But as we look further, we’ll see that the term “cheating” can be as loaded of a term as discussing politics and religion.

Decades ago, I read for a woman just one time who seemed to agree with me when I indicated that her husband was cheating on her. She didn’t sound startled, surprised, or shaken by such an insight at all. In fact, she indicated herself that she had suspected the same thing that I was picking up in the reading. I continued to describe how and where her husband was meeting the other woman to give her more information to go on, as she claimed she wanted to know the truth and get to the bottom of this.

I also felt that through his cheating, her health and safety were at risk, and I advised her to make sure she was ok health-wise by getting checked by a doctor, and even through this was her husband, it was not safe to have sex with him. There was dead silence…I asked her if she was there, but there was still dead silence, even though I could hear that the call had not been disconnected.

She suddenly blurted out, “You mean he’s having sex with someone else – as in actual, physical sex?” Stunned, I responded by saying, “I thought that you agreed with me when I told you that I felt he was cheating on you.” “Flirting and talking to a girl is want I meant. If you mean to say to me that he’s having physical sex with her, then you‘re dead wrong and really a negative reader who is out to destroy people’s marriages and lives. Well, I won’t let you destroy mine! He would never do that to me,” she further defended. Then, she abruptly ended the consultation.

Startled, I realized just how emotionally loaded the term “cheating” is. This taught me a long time ago the lesson of just how important it is to define and clarify the term as it applies to each particular situation when discussing this very heated topic in a reading. Even though Webster’s dictionary defines cheating in a very direct, simply and clear way, it is hardly the case when a client is in the middle of their own intense and often volatile emotions. Since there is no one-dimensional definition that everyone agrees on regarding cheating anyway, defining it in a reading as it applies to the relationship questions at hand helps to make sure that both the client and reader are completely on the same page – which allows the client to benefit from the information coming through from the spiritual realms.

Break up

People have been singing songs about the agony and heartache of having a break up with the one they love for as long as we can remember, and most people think of a break up as an ending – whether temporarily or permanently. But in the world of psychic readings where people routinely ask if and when their ex’s are coming back to them, the term “break up” is defined by what happens in the future: Will the relationship get back together, and if so, for a while or forever; Will the relationship get back together only in a non committal way; Will the ex come back and forth just for sex; Will there be a friendship without sex after the break up; or, is there going to be no contact at all?

From psychics who advertise that they can reunite lovers within 24 hours to fantasy based readers who always believe that all lovers will reunite, predicting how a break up will turn into the commitment of a lifetime is quite common. However, it is a tremendous disservice to the client when readers (and there are a multitude of them in today’s world), who only and always tell clients that the one they broke up with is coming back – and that it will lead to a “till death do us part” commitment.

So in this type of fantasy based reading, the term “Break up” actually means the exact opposite – which is that one’s ex is always coming back!

What’s so sad is that these readers are often misportrayed as positive – as if saying nice, frilly and ultimately untrue things that are fantasy based is a good thing. How is it good to NOT tell a client the truth? And yet, for as many people who have seen their bank accounts dwindle to nothing and their hopes crushed, these types of readers are still out there and making money.

Cynthia was a woman who was with a man named Johnny for about six months. They had a whirlwind romance until one day when he just upped and left her: no explanations, no apologies, and for no apparent reason why. Devastated and heartbroken, Cynthia was desperately looking for answers when one day, she decided to call a psychic.

As she started having her reading with Karen, everything told to her was exactly what Cynthia could have ever dreamed of: “He loves you – he was just afraid of his feelings, and ran away so foolishly and prematurely. He’s struggling with this right now, but I see him coming back to you,” Karen said. “How long will it be?” Cynthia questioned. “About two months,” Karen replied.

Two months came and went, and there was no word at all from Johnny. Sad and frustrated, Cynthia called Karen again: “I haven’t heard from him at all,” she said. “What can I do – is he ever going to call me again?” Karen calmed Cynthia down and began reassuring her: “You know, honey, sometimes a guy like Johnny is just so stubborn, that it may take a little bit longer, but my spirit guides are revealing to me the cosmic visions of him walking right through your door – and making passionate love to you. He’ll be crying profusely with an apology for his actions, and putting a wedding ring on your finger,” Karen reassured. “How long do you think that might be?” Cynthia asked. “Anywhere within three months,” Karen confirmed.

Three months passed, and still there was no word whatsoever from Johnny. Devastated, afraid and now psychically addicted to Karen, Cynthia called this reader about fifty more times over the next three years. With each reading, Cynthia became even more resolute in her original point of view, and refused to say anything other than Johnny was coming back – and with an offer of marriage. She had a great exemption clause in her readings which was that her spirit guides can’t guarantee time frames, but they always do reveal the ultimate truth.

After three years of this, Johnny never came back or even contacted Cynthia for that matter – not even one time. Disillusioned, broke and confused, Cynthia was on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown from all of the false, fantasy based information repeatedly spoon fed to her by Karen which was not true.

Was Karen a scam artist? Was this on purpose…? The truth is that Karen is the type of delusional reader who only allows herself to see happy endings, and actually believes that this is really the way it is in real life. And although some may see her as coming from a place of sweetness and light, she’s a reader who helps to enable people’s emotional denial and leads them down a path of utter falsehoods, illusions that never come true and self destruction. But because it’s what people want to hear – in short, the fairy tale, she gets away with it.

The truth is that Johnny never cared that much for Cynthia and was just in it for the moment until he got bored. He didn’t have deep feelings; wasn’t interested in commitment; but rather, just liked the sex for a while; and after six months, he was ready to move on to a different woman. If Cynthia would have initially heard the truth regarding Johnny, her life would have perhaps turned out differently and in a more positive way.

However, with readers who only believe in fairy tale endings such as Karen, the term “break up” always means “make up,” and it is unfortunate how many clients like Cynthia are sold down the river through such erroneous information.

There are times when we get back together, and other times, we won’t. Sometimes it’s permanent, while other times, it’s just for a while. Hearing it said this way makes it sound as obvious as 2 plus 2 equals 4. But when client’s intense and passionate emotions are involved, it allows readers like Karen to take them on a delusional ride where false fantasies are sold as real, until the client is financially bankrupt, and/or the fairy tale crashes and burns.

We would all agree that the term “break up” means an ending of a relationship whether it is ultimately temporarily or permanently. What becomes important in a reading, though, is how this term is defined by what will occur after the break up. This is where it is incumbent on any reader to see what will happen dispassionately and accurately in the future, as of course, all break ups don’t ultimately conclude in the same way. And as we see time and time again, it is the truth and only the truth that should always be at the heart and soul of defining any term in a reading along with the insights shared, and how it accurately applies to each client’s particular situation.

As this concludes the ten most Common yet Misunderstood Terms in a Reading section of this article , I look forward to sharing the last installment of this series in the next blog entry, Part 3, which addresses and explains the ten most Common yet Misunderstood Phrases and Questions in a Reading.

Jim1537 can help provide you with the information you are looking for. If you are interested in having your own private reading with Jim1537, click here.

In today’s blog entry, I address five of the most common yet misunderstood terms we see in readings; and in Part 2, I will cover five new additional terms.  In Part 3, I will conclude this three part series by shedding light on ten new reoccurring yet misunderstood phrases and questions witnessed in psychic consultations.

In readings, terms such as: “love,” and “soul mate” are so common, we each tend to assume that what these things mean to us individually is exactly how everyone else, including a psychic views them; and not only that, but we believe that our definitions and understandings are universal, factual, and spiritually accurate. However, these terms are like a loaded gun and literally like walking through a mine field as they are so very highly emotionally charged and volatile.  Remember, they can mean a million different things to a million different people.  Therefore, it is our own personal and subjective reactions, emotional bias, misunderstandings, and/or inaccurate spiritual definitions regarding these terms that indicate how we often interpret and receive insights in a reading.  Often, we distort and take out of context what can be truthful guidance offered from the higher realms.  In addition, we sometimes only hear one specific part of what a reader is saying and discard the rest that doesn’t suit us emotionally at the time, and/or we manipulate and twist the meaning of valid spiritual messages into being what we want to hear… In this writing, I would like to take a look at terms that everyone has experienced when having readings and define what they really spiritually mean, and look at how so many of us don’t take what a reading can offer to us correctly in an attempt to offer the clarity we need to get the most out of any consultation.  Love Of all of the topics that come up in a reading, love (as in romantic love) is perhaps the most common, with many (if not most) clients completely distorting and misconstruing the real meaning of the term, and therefore, losing whatever value the session can offer them.  Most people equate love with subjective, personal, emotional attachment, desire, passion, sexual intensity and how they feel toward someone.  “I’ve got to have you;” I can’t live without you;” and “You’re mine;” are all statements we’ve either said ourselves or heard others say frequently.  Possessiveness, neediness, jealousy, intensity, overreaction, and even abuse are all things most of us think of as being love, just like two teenagers who share their first kiss, or someone who is merely engaging in a part time sexual relationship.  Jennifer was a woman who misconstrued an abusive relationship she was in for being a loving one and decided to go see her psychic supposedly for some insights into the situation. She had been with a man for five long years who had lied, cheated and physically abused her, yet Jennifer believed he truly loved her.  When she was having a reading, her psychic Tanya clearly stated that this man did not love Jennifer at all, and of course, she was upset and misinterpreted the information that was being offered.  She thought that what Tanya meant was that if this man didn’t love her, he would never see her again.  However, the reader was not saying that at all – in fact, Jennifer’s psychic Tanya told Jennifer that he could be in and out of Jennifer’s life for another ten years, but still, just because he could be in the picture, didn’t mean that he loved her.  The mistake Jennifer made was that she assumed that if he’s indeed in her life and there’s a lot of intensity (even if it is all negative), that he must love her.  Remember, most of us equate volatile desire and dark, powerful emotions with love just as Jennifer did.  However, they are clearly not necessarily one and the same.  Here we see that Jennifer’s definition of love was completely different then the reader’s.  Therefore, Jennifer couldn’t get past the concept that this man didn’t love her, so she lost any value the consultation could offer her.  The higher purpose of this reading was to help her see this man for who he is, understand why she would choose someone like this and extricate herself from such a toxic and destructive relationship.  What Jennifer should have done would have been to ask the reader to define what the term love means and to have a common ground in the consultation regarding this very misunderstood word. Because Jennifer didn’t have a clear definition of “love,” she believed that the psychic was dead wrong when this man came back into her life – even though it’s exactly what her reader predicted.  Jennifer refused to believe that this man could indeed come back to her and at the same time, still not love her. As there are perhaps so many varying and contradictory perspectives of what love is, here is a simple definition that provides a foundation to work from:   “You know you love someone when their happiness is essential to your own well being.”  Also, regardless of how they feel about you or treat you, “You have to be loving to yourself as well as loving to the other person.”  (This reason that it is so important for us to also love ourselves the best we can, is that it will help us to not get into or stay with negative self destructive relationships as Jennifer did.)

Keep in mind that love in its pure form is unconditional, unattached, accepting, never judgmental, and ever-present and that has to be something you try to give yourself as well as to someone else.  Pure love is like a parent who loves their newborn infant with the utmost of reverence, respect, and unconditional elation.  Remember, it can’t just be you giving to another without respecting yourself at the same time.

However, in the “real world,” many people’s relationships fall short of such an aspiration, as two people never love each other equally.  So it would be too lofty of an ideal to say that every couple shares equal consideration and concern for each other’s well being.

Because of how emotionally explosive “love” is, people use the word to describe anything from a one night stand to someone lying, cheating, and physically abusing them.  That certainly is not an accurate definition of love, but nonetheless, the way someone having a reading may view it.  Keep in mind that when you’re having a reading, always remember that since your reader is not going through the emotions you are, they can view the word “love” in a more dispassionate, objective way, as Jennifer’s reader Tanya was trying to do for her.   This is assuming that they are real and ethical as a psychic, because if those qualities are there, their insights will be beneficial to you. 

Conversely, there are many readers out there who deliberately scam clients financially through playing on their false hopes by telling them that any relationship is a keeper and no matter how dark it looks now, it will conclude with the commitment of a lifetime.  In addition, there are delusional readers who only allow themselves to believe in happy endings.  As nice as it may sound, it is absolutely disastrous, as let’s face it; every ending in our journey is not going to be a happy one.  It would be like a doctor who is only be willing to think that every patient he or she sees is ultimately going to end up being healthy, regardless of their current medical condition.

With each relationship, a gifted and ethical psychic can assess the reality of the situation: is their real love from the other person or not, will it ever be there, and how is it best for you, the client, to proceed forward with your journey?  Try to have your definition of love be centered and clear and not filled with over reactive hot button emotions.  If need be, always clarify this very all encompassing, loaded and often misleading term when having a reading to get the most from the divine information spirit has to offer you.

Soul Mate

One of the most misunderstood and inappropriately used terms in a reading, “soul mate,” is one that most clients don’t understand.  When having a reading, hearing the term “soul mate” suggests: two people being together forever, laughing and giggling next to the fireplace with drinks in hand in their beautiful home, completing each other’s sentences and making love with wild abandon ‘round the clock.

And even though someone might possibly experience those things with their soul mate, there is no one dimensional description of a real soul mate relationship.  Whatever the two entities involved have done to each other in past lives determines and indicate the karma (both good and bad), that is present in this lifetime.  Also, the spiritual/life lessons they are here to learn will define each soul mate relationship separately and individually.  Therefore, a soul mate relationship can entail absolutely anything including not being together at all to being married till death do us part.

But the term is emotionally charged.  People ask about their soul mate as if they believe that it refers to “the one,” where time stands still at the moment they first meet, everyone else will literally fade from view and what follows will forever be eternal bliss, fulfillment and completion of all of their dreams.  However, that is hardly ever the case, as soul mate relationships are always complex.  By the mere fact that you’ve spent so many lifetimes together (possibly more than with anyone else), there is the tremendous likelihood that one or both parties have created a lot of negative karma, therefore lessons and growth now need to be learned. Often, clients think that the person they feel the most intensely toward must be their soul mate, which is not necessarily true.  Again, it depends on the individual lessons involved between the two entities in question.  Even though we like to believe that are soul mate relationship will be a romantic one, and sometimes it indeed is, that is not always the case.  Sometimes, a mother and a child are soul mates; often, twins are as well; and even sometimes lifelong business partners can be legitimate soul mates.  In addition, just because someone is our soul mate doesn’t mean that we would be the happiest with them as our romantic life partner.  It all depends on what the lessons are and the past life karma that’s involved.  Sometimes, a relationship where there is less negative karma between you and another person provides a better opportunity for happiness in the long run. For clients having readings, it is always important to look at the term soul mate through neutral eyes — meaning that there is no rule of thumb or guarantee as to what one’s soul mate relationship will entail.  It must be looked at on a case by case basis.  With having an open mind, the reader can hopefully offer accurate information regarding your real soul mate relationship, what it potentially is and isn’t, and guide you toward the best course of action for you to take in this earthly journey. Keep in mind that there is distinct difference between your soul mate relationship and the various karmic relationships we have.  Karmic relationships are those which are important to us and relevant because karma exists between the parties involved.  That karma can be good, bad, and/or a mixture of the two and in any karmic relationship, the nature of the karma (based on past thoughts, words, and actions by those involved), determines how these relationships are spiritually set up to unfold in an incarnation. Your soul mate is the one entity who was cast down from the Godhead to walk with you through this eternal journey as you began the reincarnation journey.  That is only one person: not two, three, or more, as we do not have multiple soul mates.  In pop culture you can hear absolutely anything and everything regarding this term as it is in vogue.  Believe it or not, I actually saw a book once entitled, “How to meet your celebrity soul mate!”  Believe it or not, the premise of this book was what we all have a celebrity soul mate.  In popular culture, there is a multitude of false and erroneous definitions of what a soul mate is.  However, we must keep in mind that each of us only have one soul mate, and the dynamics of that relationship cannot be defined in a general way, as it is one that singular and unique unto itself. Relationship versus Committed Relationship When readers predict any kind of a relationship, a client often adds the word “Committed” in their own mind to try and maneuver what is being said to fit their own emotional expectations of what will actually be there in the future.  Remember, there are many varying types of relationships and it’s easy to see any “relationship” as something that has the makings of being one that will end up in a commitment. People who are dating each other part time with one or both parties also seeing other people, (whether openly or secretly), may feel they’re moving toward a commitment.  Even people who are just being used on the side sexually by someone who is married can feel that commitment with this person is in their forecast, while some even take a casual “friends with benefits” situation as something that will lead to something permanent down the road.  The term “Committed Relationship” has a very positive and reassuring ring to it: suggesting security, fidelity, and a long term union with a solid future.  However, just because a committed relationship is predicted in a reading, doesn’t mean that everything that comes with it will only be positive or what one wants.  Often, when receiving a reading, hearing that there will be a commitment is all that is emotionally absorbed by the client, while everything else is discarded. However, in a given reading, the client must hear all dimensions and elements of what is coming through from spirit to see exactly what type of relationship is being predicted and commented on.  If it is going to be a commitment, what kind of union will that be?  Even with marriages, each one has its own special, unique one-of-a-kind dynamic – and that is sometimes great, other times horrible, and/or a mixture of the two.

Karen met a man named Rob on a trip and fell instantly in love with him.  He seemed to feel the same way, as he kept contacting her daily for nine weeks straight, so she decided to see her psychic Serena about the situation.

Serena had a very clear image of this man: he was tall with dark hair and worked as an accountant.  These were all attributes that Karen confirmed about Rob.  Then, much to Karen’s shock and delight, Serena predicted that Rob would try and marry Karen within only a matter of three months.  However, Serena also felt that it was too soon to tie the knot in such a short time and that the marriage would only last about a year or so.  Furthermore, Serena felt that Rob was an alcoholic and an unfaithful man.  Of course, Karen didn’t want to hear any of this – all she allowed herself to hear were the terms: “Committed Relationship” — and “Marriage.”

So she only took want she wanted out the reading and walked out of the consultation as if she was on cloud nine and indeed, married Rob within three months.  Yes, this was a committed relationship, but what kind was it?  Everything the reader predicted came true: Rob cheated on Karen, he was an alcoholic and on top of that, he actually dumped Karen for another woman after about a year of marriage.  If Karen would have listened to what Serena was saying, she could have avoided what turned out to be a terribly costly mess, as the scars she incurred from her marriage to Rob are still with her.

When we want what we want, we lose our perspective – and sure, we could all say that this is just being human, but part of what we’re here to learn in this physical dimension is to master our emotional natures, and not just act on whatever we feel.  Pretending a dime is a million dollars doesn’t make it one, and often, one pays a heavy price for trying to only hear one part of what a reader is saying about a relationship in question. 

Hopefully, we can all learn a great deal from Karen’s story, as the right information was provided to her by Serena, clearly and concisely.  Karen, like so many of us, only took the one part of the reading that suited her emotionally – and discarded the rest.  We must all do our best to respectfully take note and listen to what spirit offers, as it is there to help us make the choices that keep us out of harm’s way, and open the door to our divinely deserved blessings.

Connection

The term “connection” has profound implications – that there is a cosmically binding link between two people that it is meant to be and beyond how things appear at the time… Most clients believe that when they speak of the term “connection” regarding a romantic relationship in a reading, it indicates a union that will someday be binding, lifelong, and absolute. 

It’s easy to believe that the other person we feel connected to will somehow and someday end up feeling the same way toward us and we’ll end up together.  Even though this is typically what a client feels when receiving a reading regarding a particular “connection,” there is no rule of thumb as to the outcome of any situation, regardless of one’s emotional intensity, and it must be looked at one situation at a time.

Sometimes the connection a client feels with another is completely real and they will end up with that person; while at other times, the possibility is there but through choices by either party, the connection either leads to a long term commitment or falls short of a permanent union.  In some instances, the relationship is only partial and cannot go the distance, no matter how powerfully one feels about it; yet shockingly to some clients, the connection they feel is mostly or solely one sided, not based on reciprocal feelings, and is largely or completely based on their own false internal projections.

We let our emotions get the best of us – meaning that just because we feel a connection to someone else, no matter how profound it feels to us, doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person feels the same way. We must step outside of our emotions and allow guidance to come through in a reading to identify the reality of whatever it truly is we’re experiencing.

Jonathan had a reading where he asked his psychic Mary Lou about a younger woman named Kristy.  They went on a few dates, and afterwards, she had cut off all contact with Jonathan for the last six months – but Jonathan believed Kristy was “the one,” and ostensibly wanted to get some insight into the situation.

The psychic felt that Kristy went back to her ex boyfriend and that she was no longer interested in Jonathan and that he should let the situation go in order to meet someone new.  When Jonathan heard this, he reacted quite strongly to Mary Lou and said:  “You mean she doesn’t want me?  I felt such a connection with her from the moment I laid eyes on her and I have never felt that way before.  You’ve got to be wrong.  I know what I felt was real and that we’ll end up together.”

So time went by and Jonathan never heard from Kristy as she refused to answer any of his messages.  After seven long years of trying to contact her every so often to reconnect, Jonathan finally got the answer he needed when Kristy responded to one of his emails with the threat of harassment charges if he ever contacted her again. 

Jonathan then finally conceded that the “connection” he felt may have not been what he so adamantly believed it to be.  Kristy was married with two kids by this time and obviously wasn’t interested in coming back to Jonathan.  Needless to say, it was a humbling experience for Jonathan who took a brief moment where two uneventful dates occurred, and tried to turn it into a profound beginning of a lifelong, eternal connection.  He convinced himself that this “connection” was absolutely from above and meant to be.

Here we see that we should never assume anything about the conclusion of the connection we feel.  Just because we feel it, doesn’t mean that it is reciprocal, or that it will turn out the way we believe with our entire being.  We cannot just lead with our feelings and desires, and assume that our emotions are one and the same as God’s divine destiny.

His reader Mary Lou knew this over six years ago and shared it with Jonathan.  Because of his refusal to listen back then, Jonathan wasted all of those years waiting on a dream that was not going to come true, when instead, he could have listened with an open mind and heart, let go of Kristy, and met the person who is right for him.

Chemistry

“Chemistry” is one of the most seductive and hypnotic terms that comes up in a reading, because the implication is that it is always a fantastic thing.  However, just like the varying levels of quality that can be present in any relationship, chemistry is in and of itself neither always good, or to the opposite extreme, always bad.  It can be either one or the other or a combination of both, and that is determined by the basis from where the chemistry is coming from.

Certain chemistries are only physical – literally.  Remember, we are in a physical body which is built and designed to be sexual, and even though we’re on a spiritual path, we can’t ignore our earthly qualities either.  We see a hot movie star in a movie making love on the screen.  They are great to look at, charismatic, sexy, and we feel chemistry.  But it is not based on the essence of the person, or a real connection we share with them.  It is merely physical and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Now take to the next level: a woman is driving down the street and sees a construction worker with his shirt off who has ripped abs and bulging tight muscles and sunglasses on.  That woman feels chemistry toward that guy, but is it worth acting on?

We can even go one level higher: a man is at a business meeting and a drop dead gorgeous female coworker enters the room.  She is tall with long shapely legs, gorgeous flowing blond hair and has a perfect body and face to march.  In fact, she looks like a high fashion model.  Her demeanor is confident, breezy and aloof and he feels immediate chemistry like a lightning bolt — and again, it is physical and nothing more.

But in this instance, he could act on this chemistry as getting to know her is potentially within reach, but in reality, he probably shouldn’t as it is only physical plus they work together.  Remember, we shouldn’t take all aspects of the chemistry we feel all that seriously and it is dangerous if and when we try and base something in our lives as important as a real relationship merely on physical chemistry.

Then there are other times where chemistry is such a deep and wondrous thing, as it brings out the very best in us.  There is a physical, spiritual, mental, personality, and energetic match between two people who absolutely bring out the best in each other.  The chemistry that drew the two people together is the initial spark that laid the foundation for a lifelong union.  We see this is really successful marriages where two people are truly in love, blend together, and just cherish each other’s company.  That type of chemistry is enriching and helps us to blossom together and separately as well.

However, all chemistry is not good as we like to believe and sometimes, it reflects on our worst and most self destructive qualities.  In these instances, it is our lower self that feels that chemistry – it is dark, dangerous, and potentially life debilitating.  We of course don’t like to acknowledge such a thing, because there is the strong presumption that “chemistry” is not only necessary for a relationship, but is always a very good thing.  Plus, negative chemistry is quite addictive, all consuming and obsessive.

Think of it this way: We can feel chemistry with cocaine, heroin, alcohol, and violence, but are these things good for us?  Of course they’re not.  It is the same thing with relationships.  Just because we feel more electrified, turned on and drawn to someone then ever before, does not mean that it is to our benefit to get involved with them on any level.  The feeling of chemistry in and of itself must be analyzed further that just the concept of: “I feel drawn to someone, so I’m going for it!”

Lorraine was in a dead end marriage that lacked sexual chemistry and passion, and although she hadn’t ever cheated on her husband, she was terribly frustrated in the union.  One day, she called a new plumber to come out to her house and fix the sink as it was leaking.  When she opened the door, she was immediately frozen and could barely speak.  As she first laid eyes on him, she never felt more attracted to anyone in her entire life.  Lorraine couldn’t help it — it was instantaneous and right there.  She felt chemistry, and literally wanted to make love to him right then and there without even knowing why.

Surprisingly to Lorraine, the plumber, who was ten years younger and attractive in kind of a cocky, bad boy way, starting flirting with her while on the job.  Lorraine felt like a school girl with a crush, but didn’t try and push the issue right then and there as this was new to her.

Because of how hypnotized she was by what she felt, she decided to have a reading about this situation, as she actually thought the plumber could be “the one.”  Her regular psychic Jasmine had predicted that Lorraine would eventually divorce, but wasn’t sure when and how.  Jasmine was startled by what she felt as she kept seeing that the plumber was an ex convict and only out to use Lorraine for her money as she and her husband were quite well to do.

Her reader told her that the chemistry Lorraine felt was dark:  she wanted passion, excitement and danger as that was missing from her marriage, but only wanted someone who was unattainable as she was in no place to manifest a new committed relationship at that time, and on top of that, Lorraine wanted to be punished for her sins – meaning that since she was doing a “bad” thing, she needed to be punished for her actions.  With the plumber, she got all of those things… and of course, Jasmine begged her not to have sex with the plumber.

But Lorraine refused to see any of this and threw caution to the wind in every way imaginable.  She began having a sexual affair with the younger plumber, boldly told her husband about it two months later, filed for divorce and forced her husband out of the residence.  She then moved the plumber into the house and believed that he and she would soon be engaged to be married.  For about six months, Lorraine felt hypnotized and entranced by the wild lustful love making with a much younger man who was commanding and dominant in bed, feeling like she was a new woman. 

However, after a little over seven months, the plumber proved Jasmine right.  He stole Lorraine’s credit cards, cleaned out her bank accounts and took her social security number as well.  And guess what — it wasn’t that hard for him to do.  Because Lorraine believed that they would soon be engaged, she gave him complete access to everything she had.  When she called the police, Lorraine found out the plumber was indeed an ex convict and never gave her his real name as he was using an alias.  So through all of the magical and wonderful “chemistry” she felt so entranced by, Lorraine lost nearly a million dollars.  Devastated and broken hearted, Lorraine not only had to start over emotionally, she was ruined financially as well. 

Her story is so telling as it shows quite graphically that all chemistry is not good.  Again, where is the chemistry coming from?  As stated earlier, the right information came through from spirit for her – she didn’t have to do this as it was a choice, and one that changed her journey irrevocably for the worse. 

Keep in mind that the examples of those who have made life choices that uprooted their lives in a horrible way through misunderstanding common terms in a reading and not listening to what spirit offers is a very helpful and positive thing to take note of.  If we can learn from the choices of others, we’re able to hopefully avoid the pitfalls that happened to those of us who rebuffed the insights that were indeed for their highest good.

Remember, spirit wants to help us and readings can be the muse for divine information to come through to us and for us.  We must first clearly understand the terms that we’re inquiring about and furthermore, it is incumbent upon us to listen to the information we receive with an open mind and heart because when we do so, we are in a position to truly manifest our divine dreams!  In the next blog entry, I will address five new additional terms that are commonplace in readings, yet greatly misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Jim1537 can help provide you with the information you are looking for. If you are interested in having your own private reading with Jim1537, click here.

In the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy, a man discovers a Coca-Cola bottle in the Kalahari Desert (which had merely been dropped by a passing pilot) and promptly has his life completely turned around by this “mystical object.”  In this setting, a Coca-Cola bottle is perceived to have literally come from God – as a “sign.”  This may sound absurd to us who think of a Coca-Cola bottle as nothing more than an inanimate object that contains soda, but is the premise of this comedy really as strange as it initially sounds? 

People have been claiming to have been witnessing “signs” directly from God for all of recorded history with recent examples ranging from a statue of the Virgin Mary weeping bloody tears to Jesus’ face appearing embedded in a piece of toast.  In fact, “signs” are everywhere and for some, they apparently come out of the blue while others ask, look and wait for them.  Whether seemingly by “accident” or deliberately sought out, signs can come to us in a variety of ways from prayers; visions; dreams; affirmations; intuition; a physical manifestation; the tarot; Rune Stones: the I-Ching; a psychic reading; to even what is perceived as a bona-fide “miracle.”

Many of us who have some type of spiritual belief strongly trust in signs and ask to receive them to help provide answers to our current situations and clues as to what the future may hold.  Sometimes, we even expect signs to come to us, while some take it even further and absolutely demand to know (through signs) what’s in store!

However, how truly spiritually valid are the signs we receive and moreover, how necessary are they in our lives?  The Bible says that we should never look to signs for answers or spiritual knowledge, but even evangelical Christians seek out signs, pray for them and believe fervently in their messages.

Of all of the aspects of our spirituality, “signs” is amongst the most deceptive, tricky to figure out and complicated to decipher.  Many times, what people would swear on their children’s lives are direct signs from God are not signs at all and the fervor of one’s belief in a sign doesn’t necessarily make it valid.  We are often quite fooled and duped by what we erroneously believe to be a sign from God when it actually isn’t.

There is indeed a place for signs in our spiritual life, but it is not as simple as to say that all signs are either completely valid omens from God, or complete hocus pocus.  Again, the validation of a sign can never be judged by the emotional reaction and intensity any of us feel when receiving one.  It is the goal of this writing to help sort out the fallacy from the reality of signs and provide the tools, techniques and understanding for you to be able to know the difference.

Looking for the signs we want and believing we’re getting them

I once knew a woman named Kristen whose career involved a great deal of daily driving up and down the highways as she was in sales.  Kristen was very much into signs and had a daily ritual in her pursuit for answers by starting her day with a question.  Then, she believed that the actual answers would reveal themselves through the various license plates on the vehicles that she would see while driving her car on the road.

After Kristen began dating a man in 1995, the majority of her questions that she wanted to be answered by signs through license plates would center on this relationship.  One that she typically asked was, “Is my boyfriend going to marry me and be with me forever?”  One day she saw a license plate that read “2B1720,” which she interpreted as “2B” meaning “to be,” and that “1720” was providing the date of “1-7-2000.”  In her mind, she was convinced that the answer to her question was that it was meant to be for them to be together and that it would happen on or by 1-7-2000.  Another plate she saw said “2BGO” which she interpreted as “to be go,” meaning the relationship was meant to be and would go forward.  Believe it or not, Kristen actually based her relationship with her boyfriend on these license plate “signs.”

In fact, she kept receiving what she firmly believed were signs from God that appeared on license plates, especially because they all seemed to be saying the same thing to her.  Therefore, in her own mind, everything that she wanted would ultimately come to pass as it was just a matter of time.

The year 2000 came and went and by mid 2001 he had not offered her a commitment of any kind as the relationship had not progressed at all.  Even though the writing was clearly on the wall by then, because of her unwillingness to give up, Kristen stayed with this man through the end of 2005 when it was actually he who left her for a younger woman.  For ten long years, she believed she was receiving divine signs about their future together when she wasn’t.

Here we see that not only were the “signs” she believed with all of her heart to be directly from God completely inaccurate, but the fact that she refused to look at this relationship realistically allowed Kristen to stay in it much longer than she would have had she just assessed it for what it was.  He was a man who never promised her anything, was inconsistent, and only saw her when it was convenient for him.

Instead, she let her emotions and ego lead the way using what she falsely misconstrued as signs, which allowed her desires to take her on a ten year ride – one that didn’t end at all the way she had convinced herself it would.  Here we see how Kristen believed in signs, sought them out and falsely allowed her emotions to believe whatever she wanted and one could easily say that the old phrase of “If you’re looking for it, you’ll find it” sums up her story in a nutshell.

Kristen’s story is certainly not the only way signs manifest in our individual journeys and as we explore further, we will look at the tremendously varying relationships and experiences many of us have with signs.  For better or worse, the consequences can range from destroying our lives to saving us from disaster and pointing us in the right direction.

Looking for signs where our emotions affect the answers and the outcome

John was a man who regularly practiced “dictionary divination” by first asking a question, closing his eyes, then flipping through the pages of the dictionary until his finger stopped, at which point he would open his eyes to discover the word he arrived at.  That word was the answer to his question and therefore, his “sign.”

In 2006, his regular question was whether he should sell his house, quit his job and relocate or not.  On certain days, he was emotionally open and neutral regarding selling his house and moving, knowing that if it was supposed to happen, it would and at the right time.  When he practiced his dictionary divination on those days, he would always end up with a word such as “patience,” “wait,” or “timing.”  He took that to mean that he should wait, as it would unfold as it was supposed to.

Then, on other days, he would feel restless and anxious about wanting to sell the house and compelled to move right away without a minute to spare.  When he was in that frame of mind and asked his question and went through the same process of arriving at a word through dictionary divination, John would always come up with a word such as “now,” “immediately,” and “hurry.”

This back and forth see-saw ride went on for about six months and during that time, John became more restless because he didn’t like his job and wanted to turn in his resignation and leave town!  So with each dictionary divination, the words he arrived such as “today,” “go,” and “move” kept reinforcing what his anxious emotions wanted. 

How could this happen?  Was it just some sort of a coincidence?  Of course it wasn’t, as John’s strong feelings actually interjected themselves into the dictionary divination process and legitimately affected the outcome of the words he arrived at because his emotional desires were so strong that they became the driving energetic force of the “signs” he received.

As he kept receiving the same exact type of words each time, (the ones he emotionally desired) he decided that he had the signs he needed and put his house on the market.  After all, he had received the same signs so many times that he felt that it had to be time to go!  It was his destiny! 

But was it really…?  To sell the house, he had to lower the price significantly which didn’t give him hardly enough money to be able to relocate.  When he did finally move, he went to a location where he couldn’t find a house in his price range and had to rent – something he hated doing.  To make matters worse, he couldn’t find a job nearly as good as the one he disliked from before. 

We see that John’s practice of dictionary divination gave him two completely opposite types of words as answers: one when he was calm and relaxed and another when he was anxious and restless.  Two things happened:  first, John received the right signs when he was open and not emotionally charged about his situation; words such as “wait” and “patience.”  He needed to wait this thing out and let it unfold as the right course of action would reveal itself through time down the road, but he didn’t listen.

Secondly, John received completely different “signs” when he was emotionally anxious and restless – words that reflected on those emotions and provided the wrong answers as witnessed by the tremendously negative outcome of his situation – one that was solely based on choices John made based on his belief in the words that instructed him to act right away. 

As we see how John’s emotions were life altering regarding the “answers” he received and acted on, we must always look for signs with an open mind and an unbiased point of view.  The more open we are, emotionally unattached and objective regarding our situations, the more likely that that we’ll receive and listen to the truthful signs offered to us – just like the ones John was given but refused to accept. 

Asking for signs and when arm twisting doesn’t work, the answers are discarded

Tasha had been receiving psychic readings with her personal reader Janet for a ten year period where the consultations she received were almost 100% accurate.  In 1990, Tasha asked her reader about a business opportunity where she would work for two friends who owned a business that entailed her moving to Denver Colorado, the place she had wanted to relocate to for many years.  She was definitely looking for a sign, so she immediately sought counsel as a decision needed to be made right away as her friends were pressuring her to relocate to Denver and work for them.

“What do you think?” Tasha asked her reader Janet.  “This seems to be everything that I’ve ever wanted: to work for friends, leave the area I’m in and live in Denver.”  However, what Janet felt was troublesome and told Tasha, “I do not get a good feeling on this situation.  Don’t make this move for at least a year.  Give yourself a year before making this decision as it will be clear at that time why.”  The most important part of Janet’s insight was to wait for a year, because she felt that in one year, everything Tasha needed to see would be revealed to her factually.

But Tasha didn’t like the answers she received, so she began trying to twist the arm of her reader by saying:  “What could possibly happen in a year that would make it different?  If you don’t know what it is now, how can I not go based on something that isn’t clear yet?  Maybe you’re wrong. You’ve been wrong in the past.”  However, Janet had never been wrong regarding anything of any real substance. 

Tasha even tried to pit her own “intuition” against Janet’s, as a way of being competitive, again to find a way to get what she wanted from any signs that were received.  “My intuition says that this would be a good thing,” Tasha stated.  Of course the psychic didn’t argue with Tasha as after all, it was her decision and her karma, not the reader’s.

So Tasha refused to listen to Janet this time, simply because the reading wasn’t what Tasha wanted to hear.  She asked for guidance and when the divine universe indeed gave it to her, she discarded it.  And of course, she had to make some lofty excuses as to why she wasn’t going to listen: from needing to trust her own inner truth, following her own path to believing and relying on herself. 

But none of us can do it all on our own, which is why we ask for guidance from a hopefully objective source in the first place – in this instance, the psychic who had never steered her wrong.  The answers were there in a positive way to protect Tasha, but she immediately upped and moved to Denver and began working for her two friends anyway.

What’s so telling about this story is the initial prediction of waiting it out for one year, because the business ended up closing in exactly one year, which completely explained the insights the reader received.  Through this one choice, Tasha’s life was irrevocably ruined: She had to file bankruptcy as her career collapsed, she was alone without the support of family and friends, her credit became ruined, she had no money and things didn’t end up working out at all for her in the long run either.

Like Tasha, many of us often disregard the signs we receive.  We look to an objective source to supposedly get truthful insight but then try to manipulate the signs when they don’t conform to what we want and ultimately, toss out life saving information.  But when we know that the source of our questions is objective, reputable, accurate and reliable, we must listen to the signs the divine universe offers us through that source to not end up like Tasha, whose life was permanently damaged by this one life altering choice.  Remember, God is not a trickster – the right information is offered – but we must not try to twist it into what we emotionally want it to be once we’ve received it…

Asking for signs where the answers are adaptable: the I Ching, Rune Stones, and the Tarot

Many of us ask for signs through such ancient systems as the I Ching, Rune Stones, and the Tarot.  These tools certainly do work, however there is a catch.  Their messages are not always literal and open to interpretation; therefore, we must make every attempt to read the signs we receive with an objective, open mind and heart.  It is highly dangerous to distort, twist, and maneuver what we receive through these ancient tools into being what we want.  Here, I would like to offer a little background on what the I Ching, Rune Stones and the Tarot are, what they can do for you and how to best handle these systems when asking for signs and answers:

I Ching:

With some portions dating back to 3000 years ago, the I Ching (pronounced Yee Jing) is one of the most ancient books we know of.  It is also known as The Chinese Book of Change and for centuries, it has been consulted by people of all walks of life from ordinary folks seeking guidance to the great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung.  In fact, the I Ching has even been utilized to answer questions of state and assisted leaders in making decisions regarding warfare throughout the ages.

As people, we would often like to think of our lives as stable and “set,” but the basis of the I Ching is that our life is quite the opposite.  According to the I Ching, our existences are in a constant state of change and we are always confronted by the unexpected.  This profound book of wisdom helps us to make sense and provide order to what often seems like merely at random chaos in our journeys.  Consulting the I Ching does not present us with yes/no black and white statements of a future already written in stone, but a future that is constant flux, much like the changing seasons that we interact with.

In searching for guidance, the best type of question to ask the I Ching is one that is simple, clear and direct as opposed to a question that is complex and multi layered.  Yet don’t expect one dimensional thumbs up or thumbs down responses.  One can compare consulting the I Ching to a conversation with someone who is rather wise and insightful, who might point out our options to us, suggest different pathways we may take, but who will always leave the choices up to us. 

This helps to inspire us and direct us toward a clear mindset regarding the problem or issue at hand.  Therefore, a consultation with the I Ching is more a way of helping to define, clarify and understand our actions and thought processes than a sedative for our various worries about what the future may hold in store.  We are helped by the awareness that we create our own future and that we must coexist peacefully and harmoniously with the world we live in.

Since the guidance we receive from the I Ching is very much open to interpretation, we must make every attempt to use the information received in a spiritually objective way and not an emotionally subjective way.  This is tricky, as almost all of our questions would have at least some emotionally charged element to them, as they tie into our lives and those we interact with on a deep personal level.

Rune Stones:

Runes are an oracle from which one seeks signs, advice, counsel and guidance.  Traditionally used for divination, magick and writing, Runes are actually an ancient Germanic alphabet.  The actual rune stones are stones (or they can be pieces of wood) with runes carved on them for the purpose of divination. As we understand that the word “rune” means mystery, secret or whisper, we begin to get a glimpse of what a rune stone reading entails.  Answers are not offered as absolute facts which indicate a predestined outcome but rather hint toward answers, with you having to figure out the details. 

Since each particular rune stone has esoteric meanings associated with it which are far deeper than mundane definitions or simple phonetic values, the guidance received is multi layered and requires interpretation and insight on your part.  Think of runes as providing a type of road map which points you in a direction, but how you navigate and view the journey is up to you.

The early peoples who used runes attached particular words and phrases to them which signify concepts that are important and relevant.  As each rune has its own specific unique story attached to it which represents the forces of nature and mind, each rune stone carries a secret meaning which is then encoded by you.

Throughout places such as northern Europe, Scandinavia, the British Isles, and Iceland, runes were used from about 100 B.C.E. to 1600 C.E.  Challenging the historical premise that Columbus discovered America, ancient Runic inscriptions have even been found in North America, supporting claims that it was the Vikings who actually arrived there first.

Regarding questions, runes work best if you detail your current circumstances and then ask a specific question, but the answers may not be crystal clear as rune readings are sometimes vague.  Remember runic divination or “rune casting” is not a way of predicting the future in the sense that one actually sees what’s ahead in a fixed unalterable way.

Instead, runes give one a means of analyzing the path that one is on and a possible outcome as the future is not written in stone because it changes with our thoughts, words and choices.  This is why it is so important for the person casting the runes to be able to interpret what the reading is saying correctly. This not only entails listening to one’s intuition; it also involves not letting one’s ego, emotions and desires get in the way.

The Tarot:

The original purpose of the Tarot was to keep secret records of history, and the origin of the Tarot is ripe with allegory.  At the time of the Tarot’s creation, allegory was culturally prevalent as a form of expression and description to tell the story of the ever present and unfolding human drama and the Tarot easily personified these dynamics through its powerful, colorful and expressive images.

In modern times, the 78 card Tarot deck is quite often used as a spiritual tool for signs, divination, self-help, spiritual and psychic readings and development of intuition as well as internal growth.  Part of its power comes from the visual concepts the Tarot cards themselves provide.

Some believe that the pictures themselves work as a trigger – like a universal Jungian archetype symbol that opens up our own subconscious and super conscious powers to allow universal information to come through to guide us.  Others believe that the pictures can mean absolutely anything and that their respective meanings are personal in nature. The Rider-Waite Tarot Deck, which comes with as instructional booklet offers specific meanings for the cards.  Many believe that even if someone merely did a basic Celtic cross card spread and had no apparent psychic ability, they could follow the meanings of the cards as indicated in the included instructional book and receive an accurate reading.

No matter which of these belief systems one subscribes to, it is clear that the Tarot is open to interpretation.  Even if one follows the instructional booklet included with the Rider-Waite Tarot deck, one’s interpretation and intuition generally comes into play.  That’s where things get tricky.  If you’re doing a Tarot reading for yourself, it is presumed that you’re dealing with an emotionally charged issue, therefore, you may not interpret what the cards are saying in on objective way – but rather in a subjective way.

Of course it is easier and probably better to have an expert Tarot reader perform the reading for you.  Make sure this is a person who is ethical, spiritual and not out to manipulate you through playing on your emotions by telling you what you want to hear.  A truly ethical and evolved Tarot reader can help provide the signs and ultimately the answers you’re looking for.

Interestingly, one can read regular playing cards in the same way as the tarot as our modern decks of playing cards are derived from the tarot.  The 56 cards of the minor arcana of the tarot correspond to the 52 cards of the modern deck, with the page and knight of each suit blended into the jack in the modern deck.  As far as suits, pentacles, swords, wands and cups they correspond to diamonds, spades, clubs and hearts.  The joker in the modern deck corresponds to the fool of the major arcana.

As we see with the Tarot, one can literally see anything they want in the cards.  I have known people who completely reject any standard interpretation of the cards and just view them in the way they speak specifically and individually to them.

When we’re looking for signs using tools and systems that are quite adaptable such as The I Ching, Rune Stones and the Tarot, we should never assume that we’re being objective.  If they don’t let surgeons who have been rigidly trained for over a decade operate on family members because of emotional bias, we as people must have the humility to never be presumptive as to our emotional frame of mind when seeking signs.  We work a lifetime at trying to be objective, open, and willing to interpret what is given to us through signs, guidance and direction in a spiritually accurate way – and it is worth the effort as the benefits of our work to become clear minded can allow us to see the truth.

Looking for signs with an open mind and heart through receiving a legitimate psychic reading

We should always make every attempt to look for signs that get us in touch with our higher selves versus signs that validate what we want and we must always work toward seeing the real difference between the two.  It is never a good idea to want a reading only to confirm what we already feel or validate our own “intuition.”  Sure, a reading that confirms what you already feel seems accurate at the time because it’s a mirror of your mindset, but that type of reading is not necessarily helpful or accurate. 

It is important for us to not insist on our own opinions as the reading should offer an objective viewpoint and show us our higher possibilities and not parrot back to us where we’re already at in consciousness.  If one is truly doing his or her job, a capable reader is objective.  By seeking counsel with an open mind and heart through a legitimate psychic reading, we can find the signs, guidance and answers our higher selves are looking for. 

Constance was a woman who had been in an abusive marriage for ten years.  Even though she kept hoping and waiting for her husband to change for the better, the pain and torture she experienced firsthand in her marriage was pushing her to the edge of what she could handle.  At her wit’s end, Constance was truly looking for signs with an open mind and heart, so she sent out a prayer for the universe to connect her with the right reader; one who would help her with accurate and truthful information.

Here, Constance asked the divine universe to give her the information she truly needed — and she got it.  When she received her reading, the psychic clearly picked up the physical abuse, financially deception and cheating of her husband.  In addition, the reader asked Constance if there had been some unusual occurrences, such as her tires being slit and repeated hang up phone calls.  Constance confirmed that both of these things had been happening.  The psychic felt that it was the other woman who was doing this and that she wanted to physically hurt Constance. 

The reader clearly advised her to immediately file for divorce.  The timing felt important to the reader as things were coming to a head one way or another:  either the other woman would assault Constance along with her husband continuing to abuse her, or she would leave the marriage, but it had to be done now in order for Constance to be physically safe.

In this instance, Constance listened to the signs she asked for, promptly filed for divorce and moved on with her life.  Furthermore, the psychic also told her that if she worked on being at peace with herself and rebuilt her life, she would meet her truly right life partner in a year.  Constance also followed through with that aspect of the reading and in a little over a year, she met the man of her dreams and is happily remarried today.

One might think that it would seem obvious that anyone seeking signs, guidance and answers whether through a reading or in daily life would do so with an open mind and heart — although that is not always the case at all.  Our ego, emotions, desires, self deluded thinking and false beliefs allow many of us who are seeking signs, guidance and answers to only be willing to hear what they want to hear.

But there’s often an additional twist which is that some people actually pretend that they are not looking for a sign at all regarding a particular situation, but in reality, their internal desires are sending out a strong request for the sign they want loud and clear – and the universe will tend to grant that request, regardless of whether the request is right or wrong.  Remember, pretending we’re not looking for a sign makes the signs we receive (based on our inner hidden desires) seem that much more truthful and accurate even when they’re not.

Pretending we’re not looking for a sign when we actually are

Sherry was deeply interested in a married man named Fred who she worked with and couldn’t decide whether to enter into a sexual relationship with him or not.  She claimed she wasn’t asking for a sign at all regarding her decision when in actuality, she really was.  Her internal desires strongly sent out the request into the ether for a sign — one that would completely validate her emotional desires – and Sherry got one. 

A few days later, she just “happened” to turn on the television and Oprah was doing a show on married couples who met while one of them was still married to someone else.  As she watched the show, Sherry literally felt that God had directed her to this particular episode.  After all, what was the likelihood that she would just turn on this show, especially when she didn’t watch Oprah that much?  

Tears began flowing down her face as a woman named Jessica confessed how she initially felt so horrible dating a married man, but in the end, everything worked out as he divorced his wife and married Jessica.  Sitting side by side on the show holding hands, they claimed to be completely happy together and in love.  Other stories by various guests told the same story and Sherry believed that these people were speaking directly to her as a divine sign from God regarding her dilemma.

Right then and there, Sherry made her decision based on the “sign” she received and the next day, she entered into the sexual relationship with Fred, fully believing that this was meant to be – no questions asked.  After all, she received her sign.  Sherry believed he was going to fall in love with her, divorce his wife, propose marriage to her and that they would ride off into the sunset just as all of Oprah’s guests supposedly had. 

However, Fred just wanted to use Sherry for sex as she was quite attractive, younger and in great physical shape.  So they embarked on a sexual relationship with not much else involved for about a year until Fred’s wife found out, at which point Fred promptly dumped Sherry in order to save his marriage.  But it gets worse.  Fred’s wife attached a condition to staying married to him, which was that Sherry would have to go – as in being immediately fired from her job.  Fred indeed had the connections to do just that and he did so. 

Within a week of Sherry and Fred’s affair ending, she was fired and immediately escorted out of the building by security guards, never to return.  Devastated, broken hearted and without a job, her life was in shambles:  “How could this happen to me and why did God do this to me?  I wasn’t even looking for a sign and then I got one, a real one, and then this all happened?  There’s no way that this wasn’t meant to be.  Out of the blue, I was directed to this show on Oprah, a show I hardly ever watch and then, I feel like I was played,” Sherry screamed to her friend Sue!

But if we step back for just a moment, we see that Sherry is looking at this situation from a completely biased and self delusional point of view with several aspects of her thinking being off base: First, she claimed she wasn’t looking for a sign, but she actually was.  Second, the sign she received was based on her emotional desires so of course she got what she wanted, but it wasn’t a valid omen from God.  Third, she assumed that just because she didn’t usually watch Oprah and that the show she was “directed” to told her what she wanted to hear, that it had to ne truthful, but it wasn’t.  Fourth, she assumed God somehow duped her, but it was her choices and desires that set this whole thing up.  And that’s not to blame Sherry for what happened to her; it’s just that she made these choices and unfortunately, her life fell apart because of them.

Since desire is such a tremendously powerful force, it is the desires of Sherry and Fred that set up their relationship, not a divine sign.  But even if we’re not consciously or internally looking for a sign as Sherry was, it doesn’t mean that a “sign” we receive is necessarily truthful.

Not looking for signs but still getting the wrong answers

Katie is a young Evangelical Christian woman with a strong religious faith who believes that God sometimes speaks directly to certain people through visions and prophecy.  She had never been in the habit of looking for signs, but has always felt that if God ever wanted to give them to her, it would just happen.

One day, as Katie just got off the phone with her husband in the mid afternoon, she suddenly had a vision.  She couldn’t stop it or help it – she started seeing money falling from the sky, then she saw her husband, two daughters and herself moving to a large, luxurious home.  What followed were the words, “Have faith, move now, money is yours!”  She was taken aback by this vision, as she legitimately wasn’t looking for one.  What did this mean?  Should she actually put the house up for sale?  Was this their destiny; to live in a beautiful, luxurious home?  Where would the money come from?

After not being able to get it out of her mind for a few weeks, she decided that this vision had to be from God – after all, she wasn’t into psychic readings, wasn’t looking for a sign and hadn’t even thought of moving.

So she took a huge help of faith, as she convinced herself that she would not be living up to her faith in God if she didn’t’ adhere to the vision she received, which she now assumed had to be right.  Boldly, she put her house on the market and believed with all of her heart that somehow, the money would be there to move into their new luxury home she received in her vision.

The house did sell, and rather quickly.  This further convinced Katie that everything else would fall into place. However, the house was only a modest home and gave her a little under $70,000.  But she kept believing and took that money, cashed out her savings along with her 401K and went looking for her dream home with a total of $200,000 in her pocket.

When she entered a lovely home that looked just like the one she saw in her vision ( the one where she believed she was receiving divine signs), the price was $500,000.  Of course it was out of her price range, but could she turn back now, as “God must have been guiding her to this house?”  So she plunged in, put a $200,000 down payment on the home which all the money she and her husband had and assumed that the rest of the money would end up being there to pay off the mortgage.

But what happened was quite different then what she received in her initial vision.  The money never came, Katie and her family went into serious debt and ultimately, lost the house after two hard years of debilitating struggle.  Flat broke and with no other options, Katie was in complete despair over the “signs” and “vision” she received.  How could it be wrong? 

Katie ended up blaming herself, as if she must have just not had enough faith to complete God’s vision that was given to her  – therefore, in her mind, it was her fault.  So without much of anything, Katie and her family had to start from scratch after filing for bankruptcy and ended up with horrible credit in the process and back in a house about the size and value of the one they were originally in.

Ultimately, what Katie couldn’t wrap her mind around was the idea that something she felt she received from God was not real and since she wasn’t looking, it would have had to be right as it was “given to her” without her asking.  However, she, like any of us cannot make assumptions about signs.  Just because she wasn’t looking for one, doesn’t mean that what she believed to be direct communication from God actually was, as proven by the disaster her vision led Katie and her family to.

Assuming that this wasn’t a spiritual lesson that she had to go through but rather, a choice, it’s important to comment on some alternative ways Katie could have dealt with her vision.  Certainly, the Buddhist phrase of, “When in doubt, do nothing” applies to Katie’s situation.  There was no real reason that Katie had to put her house on the market, cash out her savings, 401K and purchase a home far beyond her and her husband’s means merely because of a “vision.”

Also, God is not in the business of fooling us.  It wasn’t as if Katie had to move, or that somehow she and her family were in danger where they lived.  We should not take anything we receive as being gospel truth, but instead, question anything we believe is a sign, a vision, or a direct communication from God.  Through that process, we filter out the real signs from the ones that are not divine, but an extension of some part of our inaccurate internal process.  False “signs” can even from many sources that are not of a higher nature, such as a physical medical or mental condition, and/or a negative spirit.  We must look at any signs from all possible angles, to make sure we don’t act on the wrong information as Katie did and pay such a heavy price.

Not looking for signs and getting the right answers

Lorraine was a woman whose intuition was often correct – however, she never believed that she was always right and questioned whatever she felt to always try and do the right thing.  Her ego was not involved into wanting to think she was talking to God, or receiving signs in ways that put her above others.  She maintained humility about whatever intuitively came to her.

One night she had quite a disturbing dream that woke her up from a sound sleep.  She saw her son John, who lived in New York, walking down the street to a business meeting that afternoon where someone was shooting a gun at someone else, but her son happened to be in the crossfire and was shot to death.  She saw this dream as clear as if it were happening right in front of her.

So she called her son to share this information with him.  John confirmed that he was to go to a business meeting that afternoon where he would be walking down the street, as the meeting was only three blocks away from his office.  When his mother told her son of the dream she had, John was startled, but willing to listen.  Even though he wasn’t particularly intuitive or into that type of thing, he was somewhat open-minded, so he decided to reschedule his meeting to the next day.  After all, there was really nothing to lose.

At five o’clock that afternoon he called his mother almost speechless, as there had been a shooting exactly where his mother saw that it would be.  Her dream was obviously a completely accurate sign and indeed saved her son’s life.  Here we see how there are times when signs are legitimately spiritually accurate and can be a life saver!  It is mind boggling to think of the potential difference in the conclusion of this story had John’s mother not received this sign, didn’t give it to him, or if John would have refused to listen.  And it should be humbling and encouraging for us to realize that the divine universe is trying to watch out for our best interests and protect us.  

Bad validation and good validation

We strongly want validation when receiving signs, guidance and answers, but in and of itself, is validation a catch all term that represents the truth?  Clearly, there is bad validation and there is good validation and it is incumbent upon us to draw the best possible clear line between the two.  Just because a sign validates and confirms things, does not mean that it is accurate, right or for our highest good at all.

Many people crave what I refer to as bad validation, because it feeds into their ego, emotions, desires, belief systems and current frame of reference.  Never think that just because you’ve said a prayer for a sign that the next one you receive has to be “the one.”  Don’t try and connect the dots to have a “sign” make sense. If you’re emotionally involved at all, be extra careful.

Good validation reflects the positive path one is on.  If a person is open, humble, unattached and as non subjective as possible regarding the entire process of signs, they will often receive good validation, as Lorraine did regarding her son John. 

But even then, all of us – yes, every one of us can still get fooled.  We must put into place the best possible tools and techniques to differentiate between bad validation and good validation – and that is not easy to do.  No matter how intuitive, enlightened or spiritually aware we are, we can never assume anything about the signs we receive, except that we will do our best to see the truth. 

Perhaps most importantly is to never forget that before acting on a sign, assess any risk factors involved:  The risk for Katie and her family selling their house was life altering, while the risk for John was merely that he would reschedule a meeting for the next day.  If there is high risk involved, it may not be a divine “sign.”  If there’s no emergency involved regarding a sign, wait it out if you’re not sure.  In time, it will become clear and make sense either way. 

As with anything the divine universe gives us, it cuts both ways and must be utilized correctly:  food can keep us healthy or make us overweight; physical beauty can give us self esteem or make us arrogant manipulators through our sexuality; money can provide us with the prosperity that frees us from lack and limitation or turn us into being greedy.  It is the same with signs – they can literally destroy our lives, or offer us the transformationally positive life altering information that protects us from danger, attack and harm, helps guide us and lead us to a life of miraculous dreams.

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