Voice of the Spirit

In the last blog entry, I introduced five terms that are quite common, yet so often misunderstood in a reading. The intention of this piece is to offer the clarity necessary to be able to gain an accurate definition and clear understanding of those terms for any of you when having a consultation. This way, there is a common and, hopefully, spiritually accurate terminology shared between a client and the reader in a reading, which is so important for the client to benefit from any insights shared.

Often, it is the client who does not understand these terms, and they must gain a clear and accurate understanding of such terms to truly benefit from a reading. However, that is assuming that the reader is ethical and gifted; not a scam artist, or a fantasy based reader who has some degree of psychic ability, but only allows themselves to believe in happy endings.

Here in Part 2, I address five additional terms and provide three different examples of how they occur in readings.In the next blog entry , I will conclude this three-part series with ten of the most common yet misunderstood phrases and questions that appear in a reading.

Inconsistent

What does it mean to be inconsistent? According to Webster’s dictionary, “Inconsistent” is defined as: “Not consistent in principles, conduct, etc.: He’s so inconsistent we never know if he’ll be kind or cruel….Acting at variance with professed principles.” We can certainly wrap our minds around such a term and its definition as it is easy for any of us to understand.

In a relationship situation, we think of the term “inconsistent” as someone who is back and forth in our lives, up and down in their mood swings and attitudes, sending mixed signals regarding commitment, and not solid as a partner.

But what does the term inconsistent emotionally mean to the other person embroiled in the entanglements of a romantic relationship? That can be an entirely different matter when feelings are involved, which cloud the situation at hand, enable one to lose their clarity, allow them to read between the lines in any way that is emotionally convenient, and simply see what they want to see.

When someone goes for a reading that’s been in an inconsistent relationship, these questions are inevitably asked by the client: “Will it get better?” “Will they finally commit to me?” “If so, when will things become more solid and stable?” What’s confusing about a relationship with an inconsistent person is that the ever present mixed signals and back and forth attitudes can be so terribly difficult to deal with.

It’s like looking at a glass that is half filled with water. Do we choose to see that glass as half full or half empty? When we’re in an inconsistent relationship and trying to make it work, we’ll of course do our best to see the glass as half full. And sometimes, the inconsistency is only there for a time period, but is not permanent. In that instance, a person will indeed move past their inconsistency and eventually offer a committed relationship. In those situations, a reader can help clarify the meaning of this term and how it applies to the particular situation in question while offering the insights that are accurate and for the highest good of the client.

 But everyone who is inconsistent doesn’t change, grow out of their issues and commit. Simply because the client believes that their inconsistent love interest will become consistent doesn’t always indicate that things will change for the better. This is especially true when the person behaving in an inconsistent fashion wants to keep it just as it is – meaning, they have no intention of changing, as things suits them just fine as they are.

Often, their inconsistency isn’t based on confusion, a difficult phase their going through, self examination or struggle; but rather a selfish game of having their cake and eating it too. They are in the driver’s seat and have no desire to relinquish the control of how the “relationship” is defined and lived out.

Whether the inconsistency is temporary or permanent, a relationship that contains mixed signals is far more confusing to us than one where we at least we know whether the other person truly wants to be with us or not. One way or another, if the picture is clear, we at least know the truth. The combination of our emotional attachment and expectations, coupled with the inconsistent attitudes and behaviors of our love interest can play with our minds, and be a recipe for a sticky, complicated, frustrating and downright miserable situation that wears us down.

Shirley was a woman who had been dating an inconsistent man named Jesse for three and a half years. In that time, he had been back and forth, up and down, sometimes nice yet sometimes mean, faithful for several months then unfaithful, and it had taken Shirley on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. Every time she thought it was getting better, he pulled the rug out from under her by leaving her for a while. Then, just as she was beginning to let go and move on with her life, Jesse would come back again, sort of apologize and start the whole cycle over. At her wits ends, Shirley decided to call her psychic Josh about the situation, ostensibly for truthful insights.

 Josh immediately picked up the infidelity on Jesse’s part, but Shirley already knew he had been unfaithful. But there were two new factors that spirit provided to Josh: First, Shirley only thought that Jesse was sexually active with others when they were apart. However, Josh picked up that Jesse was also cheating on Shirley when they were together. Second, Josh saw that Jesse also has been having an affair with Shirley’s friend whose name began with an “A.” As Josh was fine tuning who this person was, it became clear to Josh that the name was Amy. Shirley almost fell out of her chair, as Amy was one of her best friends who Jesse also knew.

Josh also defined the term “inconsistent” and indicated how Jesse would continue to be that way with Shirley and how it would all play out in the long run. Josh explained that Jesse’s inconsistency was not based on confusion or internal struggle at all. It was a game that was all about his selfishness, ego, unfaithfulness, power, narcissism, and was completely deliberate and on purpose. It was all about Jesse maintaining control, setting the limits and being in the driver’s seat. Moreover, Josh was clear that this inconsistency would never stop and that Jesse would continue to “use” Shirley in the way he had been doing for as long as Shirley would allow it.

 However, Shirley refused to see the term inconsistent for what it really means and how Josh defined it in the reading. Shirley wanted to see the term “inconsistent” as meaning that things were going through the normal ups and downs all couples go through and in time, things would work themselves out. Shirley erroneously believed that by being patient and loving Jesse unconditionally, he would eventually see the light, fall in love with her and offer a commitment. Shirley kept rationalizing that what she and Jesse had been through was what all couples go through, that no relationship was perfect, people are flawed and that we all have to take the good with the bad.

 So she refused to accept Josh’s definition and insights regarding Jesse’s inconsistency, believing instead that the ups and downs she had lived with would change for the better based on her undying love for Jesse. She was mortified by what Josh picked up regarding Jesse cheating when he and Shirley were together (not just apart) and that one of the other women was her friend Amy and because of her internal reaction, she refused to listen to anything Josh said.

 She “shot the messenger” and accused Josh of being negative and stormed out of the reading, all because it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. In reality, she wasn’t open to understanding the term inconsistent when she went into the reading in the first place, as she only wanted her own point of view to be rubber stamped and confirmed. In addition, the extra information that came through regarding the shocking details of Jesse’s infidelity further engaged Shirley’s ego and defense mechanisms.

In fact, the way she reacted to the reading made her dig her heels in even deeper, providing a stronger commitment to staying in the situation with Jesse. So indeed, Shirley did stay with Jesse, and now, it is five years since her reading with Josh which brings the total time she’s been in this inconsistent situation to eight and a half years. Even worse than that is because of Jesse’s cheating, Amy became pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy who was fathered by Jesse.

Here we see that the term “inconsistent” was clearly defined by Josh when Shirley called him for a reading and beyond that, he even offered more helpful information. However, because of her emotions and ego, Shirley refused to accept Josh’s accurate definition, and paid dearly for her refusal to see things clearly.

 Being in an inconsistent relationship where the person doesn’t intend to move things forward with us can serve to enable our emotional denial just as it did with Shirley. It’s not that things weren’t clear, but what she heard from Josh was not what she wanted to hear. So it allows us to just stay in the relationship. We can claim to need time to figure it out, which only allows us to just stay put where we’re at. “What can we do?” we falsely ask, when our goal is to merely stay in the relationship situation we’re in.

Remember, the problem with one being inconsistent in a relationship (whether temporarily or permanently), is that the situation is neither black nor white at the time. As people, we want to demand clear-cut yes or no answers and allness statements that wrap everything up in a nice, neat, tidy one-dimensional package. But often, we only want the answers that we want to hear. Regarding Shirley’s situation, when the clarity was offered to her in a reading with Josh, she refused to accept it.

 A valid reading with an ethical psychic can help define the term “inconsistent” and how it applies to each particular relationship situation in question, which offers the awareness of where things are ultimately headed. Through knowing when and how the inconsistency will ultimately conclude, the correct information is provided that is truthful, clear, and accurate in the long run which allows the client to make the right choices for their highest good.

Friends

When having a reading, the term “friends” can be seen by a client as a catch-all term that is literally used to describe any personal relationship in whatever way someone chooses to see it: whether that involves a platonic friend; a casual “friends with benefits” sexual partner; a long term part time lover; or even a mistress.

When it comes to a relationship situation that has the element of attraction, sex, or romance, should it be referred to as a “friends?” Webster’s dictionary defines the term friend as: “A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” In today’s world, we don’t usually include the term “sex” in that definition. But does the implication of the term “friends” change for someone who is having a reading? Can the definition simply be whatever we want it to be?

It is when we’re emotionally involved with someone that we blur that line between platonic (friends) and a relationship that is sexual and/or romantic to one degree or another. In a reading, the term “friends” must be defined by a skilled and ethical reader to bring clarity and truth to the client’s questions and concerns about what they’re going through with another individual.

Gerald had a friend named Natalie who he had been having a casual sexual relationship with for about two years. Even though Natalie also referred to them as being friends, Gerald thought of it as being much more than that, even though he kept those thoughts to himself. He actually falsely believed that Natalie was in love with him and just couldn’t admit it yet. However, Natalie truthfully didn’t care for Gerald on any real level at all – she merely liked his well defined body, his performance in bed, and she was just using him until someone “better” came along. As she found Gerald boring as a person, she didn’t even want to have much to do with him outside of the bedroom at all, except as a prelude to sex: talk a bit, have a few drinks, then go to bed.

What’s interesting is that both the viewpoints of Gerald and Natalie hardly defined the term “friends,” even though that was how they both viewed their situation. Of course, Natalie was content with their casual arrangement, but Gerald was frustrated out of his mind, as he really wanted to be in a committed loving relationship with Natalie. So he went to see his psychic Nancy about the confusion he was going through.

Gerald immediately asked about his friend Natalie, and at first, Nancy assumed that we was asking about a platonic relationship. However, she quickly picked up that there was more to this story than just “friends,” and honed in psychically right away. Nancy said, “This friend of yours is also someone you’re having sex with.” Gerald nodded yes. Then, Nancy went further into the energy and said: “Gerald, I can feel that there is a strong sexual chemistry between the two of you, but I honestly do not feel that she’s interested in you in any real way than to just have sex with you.” Nancy then asked, “Is that all the two of you basically do, which is just have sex?” Gerald was stunned, but had to agree. “Yes, that’s pretty much it, but I believe she’s really in love with me deep inside. She’s not just a friend, but my soul mate,” Gerald further asserted.

However, Nancy backed up a minute and said to Gerald, “First, we need to define the term “friends” here. Friends don’t have sex with each other by most people’s definitions. We need to see this as a casual sexual relationship that has been going on for a couple of years or so. The two of you are not friends, but also, you’re not really lovers either. What the two of you have is different than friends, but the two of you are calling it that because the definition is convenient for how both of you wish to see it. For Natalie, it makes her using you just for sex look better, and for you, Gerald, it gives you the hope that things can build from friendship to a deep, committed relationship.”

 Nancy further added that Natalie really didn’t care for Gerald, and that for her, this was merely a situation of Gerald being used for the sexual ecstasy he provided, because he was attractive, had a great body, was good in bed, and knew how to arouse Natalie as a woman.

Gerald was of course upset and stunned, but quickly came to his senses: “You know, if I’m being honest, you’re totally right,” he told Nancy. “Natalie has never shown me in any way that she cares for me at all, and deep down inside, I know I’m being used until someone better for her comes along,” Gerald further acknowledged. “I just wanted to believe that we had a solid friendship, and since sex was also involved, it would have to progress to something more meaningful, long term and beautiful,” Gerald concluded.

Right then and there, he decided to redefine the relationship he had with Natalie as no longer being friends, but merely a casual sexual hook up that had gone on for a while. And with that definition, Gerald realized that this was not at all what he wanted. Refusing to settle for second best, he decided to end things with Natalie. Of course she didn’t like his choice whatsoever, as Natalie had been getting exactly what she wanted from the situation with no price tags attached.

As with Gerald and Natalie, a term such as “friends” sounds so seemingly innocuous to most of us, and we often use it in any interchangeable way that is convenient for us when involved in relationships that have the element of sex, romance or attraction. However, it is the lack of definition that makes this term dangerously loaded and misleading, as shown through what Gerald went through.

In any reading, the term “friends” must be defined clearly and objectively, and Nancy did just that for Gerald. However, that must come from an honest and ethical reader such as Nancy, who wouldn’t play with and manipulate a client’s emotions and vulnerabilities.

Fear of Commitment

We all know that “fear of commitment” is a term which describes someone who is afraid to be in a committed relationship. However, how do we interpret this term when we are involved in a relationship with someone who has these issues? We’ll tend to think that since they’re afraid, all we have to do is keep loving and nurturing them, all the while believing that our love will cure that frightened and wounded child inside of them, so they can love us in return.

And there are people who have fear of commitment issues who do indeed work through them and open their hearts to the relationship, but that is only sometimes the case. When having a reading, a gifted and ethical reader can see that type of situation for what it is, define the term “fear of commitment” and offer helpful guidance.

However, there are many other times when fear of commitment is an utter game one’s lover or love interest is playing, where they engage in false excuses, manipulation, having one’s cake and eating it too, lying, cheating, conveniently limiting the relationship and avoidance. In those instances, there is no intention of letting go of the fear, or healing the situation.

Keep in mind that adults who are afraid of commitment don’t metaphorically suck their thumb in the corner and wrap themselves in a security blanket and cry. If they don’t try to work to get past this consciousness, they act out their fears through the way they deal with the other person they’re involved with and hurt them – often quite dramatically.

Remember, these fears are about survival and keeping us alive. It’s like posing the hypothetical question: If someone were choking you, what would you do? Of course, the answer would be that you would fight back tooth and nail to keep yourself alive!

For someone with a deep-seated fear of commitment, that exact same sense of primal survival applies and is now allocated to a personal relationship. When one’s fearful mind, ego and emotions are engaged, survival literally depends on not committing to someone; therefore, the person who is offering a commitment becomes the dreaded and deadly enemy.

It is presumable that besides the fear, that there are also loving moments and passages of hope and intimacy as well. If there was only fear of commitment displayed, the relationship would certainly fall apart, as there would be nothing to feed it or keep it going.

And since fear of commitment is something that almost all of us have experienced or witnessed in one way or another, it is a subject that frequently comes up in psychic readings. And there are those readers — a multitude of them for that matter, who scam clients who are in a situation with someone who has fear of commitment issues and has no intention whatsoever of healing those fears. These “readers” know darn good and well that there is no light at the end of the tunnel –meaning, they know that will never be a commitment that results from the relationship in question.

Playing on the weak and vulnerable qualities of the client to gain power and make money, a “reading” from a scam psychic will sound like it’s recited from a script: “Honey, he’s been hurt before. His ex wife was such a horrible woman, and he tried so hard to love her. Of course he never cheated on her, but she cheated on him. He’s really such a good guy. You just have to give him time, as he’s still so wounded by her. She abused him, and made him feel so bad about himself. Thank God that he met you, and of course he’s in love with you. But you need to be patient, and he’ll be yours forever!”

Does this sound eerily familiar? How many of you have had this said to you by an unethical reader yourself? Or perhaps you might know someone who has had this game played on them? This was exactly what happened to Loretta when she consulted a reader named Anne.

Loretta had been dating a man Lawrence since he divorced his wife two years ago and from the beginning, he admitted that he had fear of commitment issues, ostensibly because of his failed marriage. He claimed that his wife cheated on him, was abusive, and supposedly because of how bad it was, he couldn’t promise Loretta anything…except sex when it was convenient for him. Since Loretta felt drawn to him, she wanted to believe him, thinking that if she bided her time and was patient, things would get better.

However, the fear Lawrence claimed was based on the actions of his abusive ex wife was completely fabricated and a game which was designed to: establish his control of the relationship; illicit false sympathy from Loretta which “explains” his bad behavior; set the parameters and the tone; and define the limits. In fact, he knew exactly what he wanted as he didn’t even hint at the possibility that he was going to heal these issues. His motto was the old adage of, “It’s my way or the highway.”

This went on for a few years, where his inconsistency became worse, and slowly but surely, he was becoming emotionally abusive toward Loretta by telling her that she wasn’t sexy, unattractive, and didn’t satisfy him sexually. Torn inside, Loretta was at a crossroads where she was considering ending things with Lawrence, so she decided to have a reading with a psychic named Anne.

Anne had some degree of legitimate psychic ability. However, she had no ethics at all and used her ability to milk people. She was clearly a reader who only played on people’s emotional weaknesses and vulnerabilities with only two intentions in mind: First, power over the client and, secondly, her own financial gain. When Loretta walked in, Anne was soft spoken, polite, and her body language was gentle and underplayed. There was a cross of Jesus in one corner and a painting of a sunrise in the other.

Anne told Loretta that she saw that there had been a troubling relationship, and that Loretta was confused. Loretta confirmed that this was indeed true. Anne also picked up that the man in question was divorced, which was also correct. Then, Anne could see that Loretta was really vulnerable to this man, so she began setting the stage to exploit Loretta by saying: “Darling, his fear of commitment is absolutely not his fault. Oh my God, his marriage was a complete sham. That woman, if I could even call her that, didn’t love him, used him for his money, cheated on him, and turned his head upside down. My God, of course he has issues! Wouldn’t you?” she asked.

“You need to understand that this man is your soul mate, but you’ll have to really ride things out. But remember, if you do, he will absolutely marry you! I don’t know when yet, but it will happen. Spirit doesn’t always provide time, but my guides are assuring me as much as the sun is gonna rise in the morning that you will end up with this man,” Anne triumphantly exclaimed!

Loretta was overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry uncontrollably. She hugged Anne, thanked her profusely, and made one of the biggest decisions of her life, which was to stay with Lawrence.

Of course, what Anne said was completely and utterly untrue and she knew it was all a lie. It was Lawrence who cheated on his wife; she never cheated on him; he was a narcissistic man; and didn’t care for his wife or Loretta at all. In fact, he had been cheating on Loretta from day one.

So Loretta indeed stayed with Lawrence, and as you would assume, he never married her. It is now fifteen years later and Loretta has had a nervous breakdown; she had to declare bankruptcy from all the money she spent on having “readings” with Anne; and has lost any semblance of hope in her life. Yet still to this day, she won’t cut the ties with Lawrence, which for all intents and purposes, has ruined her life.

In Loretta’s situation, the tern “fear of commitment” was falsely defined by Anne as fears that Lawrence developed solely because of his abusive ex wife – and that definition was totally fabricated.

In this instance, the term “fear of commitment” should have been defined as a convenient form of ego, arrogance and narcissism used by Lawrence to manipulate the situation — a smokescreen to illicit false trust and sympathy, which was all designed to use and abuse Loretta.

It is possible that Loretta would have left Lawrence if the term would have been defined accurately in her reading. When the term is falsely defined by a reader, it can lead a client to absolutely make the wrong choices which is what Anne wanted — but if the term “fear of commitment” was defined correctly by a truly gifted and ethical reader, Loretta’s situation would have probably turned out completely different and for the better.

Cheating

The term “cheating” can mean so many different things to clients when having a psychic reading, and as surprising as it may sound, it is quite difficult to get clients to agree on exactly what this term means. Webster’s dictionary defines cheating (in a relationship between two people) in a very straightforward simple way as: “To be sexually unfaithful.” Yet, this term can literally be thought of something as intensely physical as sexual intercourse, all the way to the opposite extreme of someone merely acknowledging a stranger who’s attractive as they walk by.

When someone is in a committed relationship, is merely kissing someone else cheating? What about cybersex, if you’re married? How about sexually explicit pictures exchanged with a stranger via email when your spouse is out of town? Is it cheating if a married woman has an intense emotional affair with a man other than her husband, but never had physical sex with the other man? If there’s no intercourse involved, is only receiving oral sex cheating? Does flirting rise to the level of cheating? What about simply fantasizing others?

You’ll find that for as many possible scenarios that exist, there are a multitude of various answers and perspectives regarding the term “cheating.” Even actual sexual intercourse doesn’t get the universal vote of being defined as cheating by all clients who have readings. I’ve heard people say that if their spouse was out of town and had a one night stand because they were by themselves and lonely, it’s not cheating. To the other extreme, others have stuck vehemently to the Biblical concept that to even think of committing adultery, is the same thing as doing it – therefore, it’s cheating, even though nothing physical happened whatsoever.

Often, the various definitions clients have of the term cheating have more to do with their emotional bias and intentions toward their relationship, then an actual intellectual discourse over what the term really means. Here are some examples:

If a woman doesn’t consider that her husband cheated when he had a one night stand, then his actions sound less severe. Therefore, she can stay in the marriage and feel ok about her choice because that’s what her emotional intention was toward her marriage in the first place.

When a man caught his wife kissing another man at a wedding reception after having several drinks, it was dismissed as her having too much to drink. Therefore, it’s all disregarded as no big deal, simply as a way of keeping the marriage status quo because his intention was to keep his marriage together regardless.

Conversely, a woman can threaten to divorce her husband because she saw him eyeing their waitress in a sexual way while being out at dinner. She was so offended that she was ready to dump her husband right then and there as she is emotionally quite offended by even the thought of her husband thinking of another woman.

So as the different definitions and perspectives are looked at, they indicate two things: One’s set of values, and, the emotional bias that one may have regarding their relationship. However, it is for certain that when having a reading, it is paramount that the reader defines the term “cheating” clearly and in ways that the client understands, as there is no one unilateral agreed upon definition of what this term actually means.

A woman named Josie was devastated when she caught her husband Chuck having cybersex over the internet. He argued with his wife when she caught him: “Look, I didn’t touch anyone else, so what’s your problem?” he questioned. However, Josie considered it cheating, as he was engaging in sexual energy with strangers on line, and considered it highly unfaithful and downright disrespectful.

Immediately, she called her psychic Brenda to ask what in the heck was going on and have a psychic reading. Brenda saw the situation clearly and felt that there was no physical contact between Chuck and those he was having cybersex with and she also felt that Chuck was not considering leaving the marriage at all. So Brenda wisely took a minute to define the term “cheating” in this instance and as it applied to Josie’s values and her marriage. Even though Chuck wasn’t having actual physical contact with anyone, he was engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, which involved the sexual stimulation of his body with others and having orgasms. Except that instead of this being done “in the flesh,” it was all conducted in the virtual internet world of cybersex. In this instance regarding Josie’s situation, the term “cybersex” was defined by Brenda as cheating and Josie felt in agreement with that definition.

At a crossroads, Josie either wanted the cybersex to stop, or felt that she would have to leave her marriage. Although Chuck didn’t feel he was technically cheating, he was able to understand Josie’s point of view and stopped having cybersex, which saved their marriage.

Yet, on the other hand, there are those who could care less if their partner was having cybersex and consider it meaningless fantasy. In addition, there’s at least no possibility of them bringing home a sexually transmitted disease. But as we look further, we’ll see that the term “cheating” can be as loaded of a term as discussing politics and religion.

Decades ago, I read for a woman just one time who seemed to agree with me when I indicated that her husband was cheating on her. She didn’t sound startled, surprised, or shaken by such an insight at all. In fact, she indicated herself that she had suspected the same thing that I was picking up in the reading. I continued to describe how and where her husband was meeting the other woman to give her more information to go on, as she claimed she wanted to know the truth and get to the bottom of this.

I also felt that through his cheating, her health and safety were at risk, and I advised her to make sure she was ok health-wise by getting checked by a doctor, and even through this was her husband, it was not safe to have sex with him. There was dead silence…I asked her if she was there, but there was still dead silence, even though I could hear that the call had not been disconnected.

She suddenly blurted out, “You mean he’s having sex with someone else – as in actual, physical sex?” Stunned, I responded by saying, “I thought that you agreed with me when I told you that I felt he was cheating on you.” “Flirting and talking to a girl is want I meant. If you mean to say to me that he’s having physical sex with her, then you‘re dead wrong and really a negative reader who is out to destroy people’s marriages and lives. Well, I won’t let you destroy mine! He would never do that to me,” she further defended. Then, she abruptly ended the consultation.

Startled, I realized just how emotionally loaded the term “cheating” is. This taught me a long time ago the lesson of just how important it is to define and clarify the term as it applies to each particular situation when discussing this very heated topic in a reading. Even though Webster’s dictionary defines cheating in a very direct, simply and clear way, it is hardly the case when a client is in the middle of their own intense and often volatile emotions. Since there is no one-dimensional definition that everyone agrees on regarding cheating anyway, defining it in a reading as it applies to the relationship questions at hand helps to make sure that both the client and reader are completely on the same page – which allows the client to benefit from the information coming through from the spiritual realms.

Break up

People have been singing songs about the agony and heartache of having a break up with the one they love for as long as we can remember, and most people think of a break up as an ending – whether temporarily or permanently. But in the world of psychic readings where people routinely ask if and when their ex’s are coming back to them, the term “break up” is defined by what happens in the future: Will the relationship get back together, and if so, for a while or forever; Will the relationship get back together only in a non committal way; Will the ex come back and forth just for sex; Will there be a friendship without sex after the break up; or, is there going to be no contact at all?

From psychics who advertise that they can reunite lovers within 24 hours to fantasy based readers who always believe that all lovers will reunite, predicting how a break up will turn into the commitment of a lifetime is quite common. However, it is a tremendous disservice to the client when readers (and there are a multitude of them in today’s world), who only and always tell clients that the one they broke up with is coming back – and that it will lead to a “till death do us part” commitment.

So in this type of fantasy based reading, the term “Break up” actually means the exact opposite – which is that one’s ex is always coming back!

What’s so sad is that these readers are often misportrayed as positive – as if saying nice, frilly and ultimately untrue things that are fantasy based is a good thing. How is it good to NOT tell a client the truth? And yet, for as many people who have seen their bank accounts dwindle to nothing and their hopes crushed, these types of readers are still out there and making money.

Cynthia was a woman who was with a man named Johnny for about six months. They had a whirlwind romance until one day when he just upped and left her: no explanations, no apologies, and for no apparent reason why. Devastated and heartbroken, Cynthia was desperately looking for answers when one day, she decided to call a psychic.

As she started having her reading with Karen, everything told to her was exactly what Cynthia could have ever dreamed of: “He loves you – he was just afraid of his feelings, and ran away so foolishly and prematurely. He’s struggling with this right now, but I see him coming back to you,” Karen said. “How long will it be?” Cynthia questioned. “About two months,” Karen replied.

Two months came and went, and there was no word at all from Johnny. Sad and frustrated, Cynthia called Karen again: “I haven’t heard from him at all,” she said. “What can I do – is he ever going to call me again?” Karen calmed Cynthia down and began reassuring her: “You know, honey, sometimes a guy like Johnny is just so stubborn, that it may take a little bit longer, but my spirit guides are revealing to me the cosmic visions of him walking right through your door – and making passionate love to you. He’ll be crying profusely with an apology for his actions, and putting a wedding ring on your finger,” Karen reassured. “How long do you think that might be?” Cynthia asked. “Anywhere within three months,” Karen confirmed.

Three months passed, and still there was no word whatsoever from Johnny. Devastated, afraid and now psychically addicted to Karen, Cynthia called this reader about fifty more times over the next three years. With each reading, Cynthia became even more resolute in her original point of view, and refused to say anything other than Johnny was coming back – and with an offer of marriage. She had a great exemption clause in her readings which was that her spirit guides can’t guarantee time frames, but they always do reveal the ultimate truth.

After three years of this, Johnny never came back or even contacted Cynthia for that matter – not even one time. Disillusioned, broke and confused, Cynthia was on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown from all of the false, fantasy based information repeatedly spoon fed to her by Karen which was not true.

Was Karen a scam artist? Was this on purpose…? The truth is that Karen is the type of delusional reader who only allows herself to see happy endings, and actually believes that this is really the way it is in real life. And although some may see her as coming from a place of sweetness and light, she’s a reader who helps to enable people’s emotional denial and leads them down a path of utter falsehoods, illusions that never come true and self destruction. But because it’s what people want to hear – in short, the fairy tale, she gets away with it.

The truth is that Johnny never cared that much for Cynthia and was just in it for the moment until he got bored. He didn’t have deep feelings; wasn’t interested in commitment; but rather, just liked the sex for a while; and after six months, he was ready to move on to a different woman. If Cynthia would have initially heard the truth regarding Johnny, her life would have perhaps turned out differently and in a more positive way.

However, with readers who only believe in fairy tale endings such as Karen, the term “break up” always means “make up,” and it is unfortunate how many clients like Cynthia are sold down the river through such erroneous information.

There are times when we get back together, and other times, we won’t. Sometimes it’s permanent, while other times, it’s just for a while. Hearing it said this way makes it sound as obvious as 2 plus 2 equals 4. But when client’s intense and passionate emotions are involved, it allows readers like Karen to take them on a delusional ride where false fantasies are sold as real, until the client is financially bankrupt, and/or the fairy tale crashes and burns.

We would all agree that the term “break up” means an ending of a relationship whether it is ultimately temporarily or permanently. What becomes important in a reading, though, is how this term is defined by what will occur after the break up. This is where it is incumbent on any reader to see what will happen dispassionately and accurately in the future, as of course, all break ups don’t ultimately conclude in the same way. And as we see time and time again, it is the truth and only the truth that should always be at the heart and soul of defining any term in a reading along with the insights shared, and how it accurately applies to each client’s particular situation.

As this concludes the ten most Common yet Misunderstood Terms in a Reading section of this article , I look forward to sharing the last installment of this series in the next blog entry, Part 3, which addresses and explains the ten most Common yet Misunderstood Phrases and Questions in a Reading.

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