Voice of the Spirit

When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice. 

Charles Varlet de La Grange, Pensées, 1872

What a profound thought! It applies to advice, to getting readings, even at times to therapy.

When we are looking for advice and for answers, we need to really understand why we are asking the question. Are we looking for permission or approval? Are we looking for comfort? Or do we really want to know what best or what is really going to happen in any given situation?

As an avid ebook reader, I have been very disappointed in the lack of spiritual and self help books available for eReaders. So, I was quite excited to see that Linda Goodman’s “Sun Signs”is finally available in an updated 2011 edition for the Kindle eReader. This classic 1968 text helped to popularize astrology and is considered the “introductory bible” to the subject. Perceptively written with a large dose of humor thrown in, the book is indeed a great introduction to the basics of sun sign astrology.

The big plus for the ebook edition is that you can buy any of the twelve sun signs individually for only .99 cents each.

There’s also an updated ebook edition as well of her classic relationship astrology book, Love Signs.

And if you don’t have an eReader? That’s not a problem! There are free apps available for your phone, PC, or even your iPad. And, yes, they are still available in print versions, too!

We tend to be quite confident in our perception of people’s behaviors, situations, the things we observe as well as what we experience in our own lives. As we get older, we believe even more strongly that we clearly perceive what is going on with others as well as ourselves, situations that are around us and what’s occurring in the world at large.

Regarding others, we tell ourselves that we have the right to make a judgment where we label their situations, behaviors, and choices as right or wrong. And we convince ourselves that our viewpoint and perspectives are truly the correct ones. Yes, we indeed believe that we know the truth!

Things need to make sense to us in a clear, black and white fashion and we reassure ourselves that life’s issues are as simple as 2+2 equals 4. Quick answers and rapid-fire solutions are what we look for and expect.

However, everyone’s lives and situations (including our own), are far more complicated than we believe, as life is hardly ever black or white. If this journey (which we all struggle with), was really that simple, hardly anyone would have the problems, confusion and difficulties that they wrestle with consistently.

Everything that we can see with our human senses is only the very tip of the iceberg in any situation, because with all that occurs on earth, there is far more to the story than meets the eye. I would like to offer a deeper understanding of life’s complexities and mysteries: First, from a human point of view, and ultimately from a metaphysical, and spiritual perspective, which will hopefully add more clarity as to why things happen in the way that they do.

Our reactions

Even if we’re only looking at this lifetime and not prior incarnations, our reactions to what we see and experience now are to some degree based on past experiences, which have shaded and colored our perceptions. Every moment we go through and each minuscule input our senses receive shapes the way we see things in one way or another.

We don’t asses a situation with the clear and open mind that we so confidently think we do. This is because we bring our past “stuff” into the way we look at something now, as every former experience contributes to how we view the world.

If a woman is offering an opinion about a man who is abusing his wife, would she see it the same, or differently had she also been abused in the past, versus if she had not? Of course it would influence her perspectives as her experiences color her viewpoint because she has been abused.

Therefore, whenever we look at our reactions to any situation, we must look deeper than just how something hits us in a knee-jerk response, and in the capriciousness of the moment. It’s time to sincerely ask ourselves how our past experiences are actually shaping us at any given time, and begin to see what our reactions really say about us, who we are, and how we assess life’s complexities.

The “P” factor

Our prejudices play a huge part in the way we perceive situations, and society at large is quite aware of the obvious discriminatory factors that are systemic throughout the world: race, gender, creed, and sexual orientation. However, it is also the case with other prejudices that are insidious and subtle, but still nonetheless, quite potent.

Our prejudgments of situations and other people limit our ability to have a truly open mind and to see something clearly and more objectively. When any situation triggers one of our prejudices, we immediately lose any semblance of clear, dispassionate insight.

Besides the obvious, people can discriminate based on countless things such as a person’s size, their economic status, even whether they come from old money or only recently became prosperous, and where they were educated. Whether it is the way one speaks or the type of clothes they wear, these things can trigger prejudiced reactions in others. If someone is thin or overweight, or if they’re perceived as attractive or not, also causes discriminatory attitudes in others.

There was a compelling and credible study I read a few years ago that scientifically concluded that children who were deemed “attractive” were treated far better by their teachers than those who weren’t considered so.

That’s why jury consultants are paid huge amounts of money to assess the prejudices of the prospective jury pool, and know how to manipulate and maneuver those factors in their side’s favor in order to achieve the verdict they desire.

Prejudice of all kinds is everywhere, even though we squeamishly like to shy away from that fact. What we need to do is no longer stick our heads in the sand, but rather, acknowledge our part of this systemic problem that is so prevalent in the world, even if we don’t carry the obvious prejudice based on race.

It’s time for us to look at any aspect of prejudgment we carry, and let go of those blinded perceptions that limit our ability to view any situation with clarity so we can move closer to the truth of any person, experience, and situation.

Don’t be fooled by appearances

We are often quite fooled by appearances, especially in today’s society, where image and illusion are everything. Whether it is models that have their magazine photos perfectly air brushed to politicians who always try and give the image of being a fine, decent, upstanding citizen, there is often quite a disparity between appearance and reality.

No matter what the appearance of a situation may be, what we perceive and see may or may not be truthful. However, we arrogantly think of ourselves as good judges of character and easily able to just look at people and situations with complete clarity. How wrong those assumptions are….

Even within the illusions, though, they cut any number of different ways: sometimes the religious politician, married with kids who everyone adores is actually cheating on his wife with a mistress. Conversely, there are times when a man who has been convicted multiple times of serious criminal offenses is not actually guilty for the current crime he’s being accused of.

In a court of law, a witness who speaks slowly, calmly, and unassumingly (even in they’re lying through their teeth), would stand a better chance of persuading the jury in their favor then a witness who would be harsh, loud, abrupt, and pushy (even if what they were saying is gospel truth). This shows how easily people are bamboozled by presentation.

We must understand that appearances often create illusions, which manipulate society at large, so it is incumbent upon us to do our best to rise above being tricked, and get beyond the appearances that fool us into assessing a person or situation unfairly and unclearly. This takes tenacity, diligence and the constant reminder that any of us have been and can still be duped. With that humility, we stand a better chance of seeing through the haze of appearance into the clarity of reality.

How we hear what others say

We are bombarded with information that hits us from all directions, and we’re greatly influenced by it even though we underestimate that fact as we falsely think that we’re making our own decisions. We are often manipulated by what we take in, sometimes quite directly, while other times, insidiously. It goes without saying that what we hear may or may not be true, especially because what is being stated reflect the prejudices, distortions, and personal issues of the person(s) dispensing that information and may also trigger our own “stuff” as well. And all of this distorts, and blurs the truth — often on purpose.

A man named Ken immediately decided that he didn’t like his new next door neighbor John because Ken perceived John as being gay. So Ken went on a carefully orchestrated campaign of trying to ruin John’s reputation in the small town community they lived in. Without proof or any factual evidence of John’s sexual orientation, Ken started telling everyone in the neighborhood within earshot that John was gay. That attempted smear campaign successfully caused some damage, as the neighbors stayed away from John and wouldn’t welcome him into the community or get to know him. The community’s response was based in part on their reactions to someone perceived to be gay, as well as their own prejudices.

Then, Ken took it further by saying that John was a pervert and a child molester. Since these issues are such hot buttons which elicit an instantaneous, hysterical response at the mere mention of them, the neighborhood immediately turned on John. Here, the community was fooled by appearances; the information they received was completely false. However, because it was said by someone they had known and trusted for a long time (Ken), they were fooled by his allegations. The neighbors all pretended to be concerned citizens, just trying to protect innocent young boys from this supposedly perverted monster, John.

After Ken kept disseminating this information, John’s reputation was ruined; everywhere he went, people stared at him, wouldn’t talk to him, and even shied away from him. Eventually, Ken started claiming that John was harassing him through sexual advances; this wasn’t true either. Even though Ken had no proof as these “advances” never occurred, the police (because of their own prejudices against gay people), bought into the lies that Ken was saying and issued John a stern warning to leave Ken alone. After being threatened by the police and fearing for his safety, John saw the writing on the wall, and had to move.

When peoples’ fears are played on, they can be easily manipulated. Often, powerful world leaders understand the power of appearances and how to fool people and have done so repeatedly throughout history. Because people pride themselves on not being able to be fooled, it makes it all that much easier for them to be “played.”

We often only hear what we want to hear, and buy into things that are not true because of our own issues, just as the neighborhood did regarding John. As spiritual people, it’s time for us to do our very best to get past such distortions, take a look at how we’re hearing what others say, and all of the layers of how and why we come to the conclusions that we do.

The actual physical reality doesn’t give us the truth

We like to think that a clear cut event is easily perceived the same by all rational people who witnessed it, however, that isn’t true. Even if there’s a simple physical occurrence like a car accident in plain view of ten witnesses, they will all give notably differing versions of the story. This says clearly that we always bring our “stuff” into any situation that we perceive, even though we think of ourselves as objective, fact finding people.

It’s the same thing with the game Chinese Telephone: it is well known that if you put fifteen people in a room and the first person says something simple like “The sky is going to be blue all day” to the second person, by the time it makes it around the room, the story will have changed.

And since we live on earth in this world of complete illusion, we falsely believe that whatever happens in a physical sense defines a situation factually – yet people can’t even agree on those simple physical events and occurrences.

However, even if everyone at the site of the car accident agreed that car number one plowed into the rear end of car number two and didn’t attempt to stop, this wouldn’t bring us to the actual truth of why things happen on earth. That spiritual truth is far more complex that we’ve ever imagined, and cannot be perceived merely by our own two ears and eyes, our logical minds, cognitive processes, and five limited senses.

The most important factor: The spiritual reasons

There is always more to the story than meets the eye. It is never merely about a quest to only find the actual physical truth as to why thing happen on earth, as if that in and of itself would answer all of our questions. There is always so much more to the story as to why, when, and how situations occur in our lives, around us and in the world at large.

Since there is absolute causality behind everything that happens and physics proves that fact, the old phrase of everything happens for a reason is spiritually true. However, sometimes that “reason” is not what we subjectively want or believe it to be; it’s not clear to our human senses, as we may not be able to see beyond into the spiritual realms where these “reasons” are agreed to by us before we incarnate into a physical lifetime. Yet because of our egos, we like to think that we know so much more than we really do regarding life’s complex issues and mysteries.

Past Lives, Karma, Dharma and Lessons to Learn

Whatever we’ve done in our prior lifetimes dramatically helps to set up where we’re at in our current incarnation. It can be said that at any given point in time, we are the sum total of everything we’ve ever thought, said, felt and done. In our former lifetimes, it is spiritually presumed that we have all performed wondrous, selfless acts of unconditional love; conversely, we have all committed egregious acts of violence as well.

No matter how spiritually advanced we may think we are, we all have karma (which is the repercussions, both good and bad, for our prior thoughts, feelings, words, and actions), or we wouldn’t be in the physical plane. Karmic lessons are difficult, never easily learned, and the circumstances around them can be sometimes viewed as humanly tragic.

In addition to our karma, our dharma is also a compelling factor as to why situations unfold in a certain way. Unlike our karma, our dharma has nothing to do with what we’ve done before, but is whatever lessons we have agreed to learn for our spiritual growth now. And since it is possible that our lessons can be absolutely anything we could ever imagine and beyond, we cannot judge any situation merely by its appearance, by what it seems to be or by physical events, because we may not understand the real spiritual back-story.

Jennifer was a fantastic actor, and her dream was to always make it in the theater. However, success always eluded her and she couldn’t understand why, as her talent was truly phenomenal. She would go into deep depression because she hadn’t “made it,” and even considered suicide. She frequently asked, “What is a life worth without a dream?”

What didn’t meet the eye, though, was that Jennifer had already been a successful stage actor in a prior incarnation. Since she already did this before, it was not for her highest spiritual good to repeat the same scenario again. Even though Jennifer was unaware of this fact, she spiritually agreed (before incarnating as Jennifer) to NOT be successful as an actor in her current lifetime, yet her human emotions just ate away at her.

For her current lifetime, it was spiritually agreed to that acting would only be Jennifer’s hobby and not her main career. Even though this humanly frustrated Jennifer tremendously, the dharmic lesson was for her to learn to become compassionate toward others; so nature supported the decision for Jennifer to evolve in that direction. Learning her dharmic lesson eventually led to her choosing to become a successful therapist: helping patients, writing books, and lecturing.

One aspect of Jennifer’s karma tied into her father. Jennifer’s father in this lifetime was also her father in a former incarnation. However, in the prior life, she depended so much on her father’s approval that she never blossomed and became her own person, which caused her life to stagnate in such a way that she didn’t complete her spiritual goals at all.

So in this lifetime, it was pre-agreed that Jennifer’s father would abandon her when she was just 14 years old and never be close to her in the future. This may sound cruel, but was necessary on a soul level for the crutch to be removed that held Jennifer back before. Initially, Jennifer felt totally lost without her father in her current incarnation, and it took her many years to come to terms with this, but it was part of her karmic lesson, so she had to go through it.

Jennifer’s father abandoning her could be viewed by any of us as horrible; however, it was spiritually meant to be. The experience was there for Jennifer’s spiritual growth.

Whatever we see with our own limited physical senses and perception can never be assumed to be the actual truth. Even if we perceive a situation without reactions based on what we’ve been through, prejudice, blinders, our own skewed perspective and we get “the facts” right, there are always much greater, deeper spiritual reasons as to why things happen. And when we think we “know the score” of any situation, we are quick to pass judgment, as if our viewpoint is absolute reality.

Don’t be so quick to judge

In the world we live in, judgment is everywhere: from cable television news shows where opinion is viewed as fact, to religious leaders who claim to have “the one true way,” to ordinary folks who just criticize and disparage people ’round the clock. With our small-mindedness, we think that we can look at something or someone, quickly assess it, offer our opinion as gospel truth, and dismiss it.

If someone is overweight, we assume that it’s because they overeat and don’t exercise. That’s all. However, what if they have a medical issue that doesn’t allow them to lose weight, such as a thyroid condition? What are the possible karmic and dharmic lessons that we may not be clear on?

When we see someone who’s an alcoholic, we label them as wrong, irresponsible and on a negative path. However, do we know why they ended up this way and how that may have factored into their current situation? Again, do we understand what this person’s karma or dharma is?

We think it lofty and pious to let go of judging, as if it’s a sweet gesture, but unattainable and ultimately, unnecessary.

Yet it’s not just that we need to let go of being non-judgmental so we can see ourselves as good people; or to not attract judgment to ourselves, as we know that what we say about others comes back to us. There is something far more profound: Even if we perceive the physical facts correctly (which we often don’t anyway), our judgments may not be spiritually truthful or accurate because we may not know the profound spiritual karma, dharma, and lessons that are involved.

Our judgments come from the part of us which houses the density and ugliness of our ego where we smugly and arrogantly think that we know so much, when in reality, we don’t. Sitting in judgment has been just like us constructing a solid brick wall within us that stands in the way of so many good things. We must once and for all stop being judgmental of situations, others, and even ourselves, to remove our self-created blocks and barriers to open the space within us to allow the divine sunlight to shine in our lives.

Through raising our vibrational energy, we begin to open our minds and make the journey to enlighten ourselves and see more deeply into a universe that is far more vast, multi-faceted and complex than we’ve ever imagined before.

This actually makes us more childlike, as it should, yet wiser, where we live in humility, wonder, and in magical awe of this very moment. When we are beyond judgment, we enter into the consciousness where we create a wide open door which allows our blessings to manifest in our lives. We can not only now connect with all that is for our highest good, but also, receive all the wondrous miracles in our lives we have always deserved, because now, we are open to them.

I let go of judging others and accept them as they are!

Need affirmations or personal, one-on-one guidance to help you on your journey? I can help. Click here to begin your own private reading with me.

The Official Website of The Secret states: “Without exception, every human being has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance.”  If you stop and think of the brevity and all-encompassing nature of this statement, it is of the boldest nature, as it denies any exception to its mission — under any circumstances.   

The law of attraction

The Secretteaches that we are a magnet which attracts everything back to us. The exact and precise nature of what we draw into our lives is because of the energy and vibration we’re holding within, and therefore, sending out into the universe.

Furthermore, The Secret teaches that all that happens in our lives is solely because of us: good, bad, everything in-between, blessings, tragedies, and anything one can imagine. This is referred to as the law of attraction. This means that what we manifest on all levels is simply, completely, and irrevocably because of who and what we are, think, say, feel and do, each minute of every single day we’re on earth.

If we like ourselves, we’ll attract people who treat us the same way in return. If we feel undeserving and unworthy of money, then we’ll attract poverty. This sounds reasonable, yet a man who represents The Secret took it much further on an episode of Larry King Live that I happened to watch about a year ago.

Since The Secret states that all of us, without exception, manifest everything that happens in our lives, Larry King posed the question to this man, “How does a child get cancer?” His response was that a child would have created the cancer through their thoughts in order for it to occur, or that others around the child would have said negative things which could also have created the cancer in the infant. So whether it’s a child with cancer, or a businessman making a fortune of money, according to The Secret, we’ve attracted it to us.

 You can have anything you want

With this concept, we’re taught that we are the masters of our own universe and we can have absolutely anything and everything we desire. We just have to think it, believe it, affirm it, visualize it, feel it, and own it. Then, whatever we want is ours, as manifesting anything is that simple.

Keep in mind that this system is always and only speaking of the current physical lifetime we are living in now, without addressing our past lives. According to The Secret, it’s as if our journeys now are like being an artist standing in front of a blank easel who can paint anything desired at any time. This system does not take into consideration the absolute repercussions on our lives today from what we’ve done in prior incarnations. Since we don’t start fresh when we’re born; we carry many things over from prior incarnations into the lifetime we are living now.

So, this system boldly states that everything that happens in your life is simply because of you — nothing more, nothing less. If that’s true, then why are there countless people all over the world who do everything that this system tells them to do faithfully and religiously, yet The Secret still isn’t working for them?

The reasons as to why The Secret isn’t working for so many people are quite multi-faceted and do not entail one simple answer. We can now begin exploring these many factors and reasons as to why this system, which promises anything and everything to everybody, doesn’t always work. Sometimes it’s a matter of us and what we do, while other times there are issues outside of our control. In addition, there are much bigger spiritual reasons and laws of the universe that don’t change, no matter how intensely we believe or practice the techniques of The Secret.

Are you pure of heart?

The Bible speaks directly to the concept that to manifest, we must be pure of heart. In metaphysical terms, this means that we have to be in a state of unity, oneness, and purity of intention within every part of our being to manifest what we desire: consciously, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and subconsciously.

One of the problems people experience when trying to manifest through practicing The Secret, is that they are often in two or more different/conflicting directions when it comes to how and what they want. Because of the duplicity and mixed energies within, people are not able to bring into their lives what it is that they’re trying to attract.

Defense mechanisms

In one part of us, in our conscious minds, we’re affirming that we want a wonderful, fantastic new lover. However, that is only the tip of the iceberg regarding our energy. If we’re emotionally/internally afraid of intimacy, blocked toward commitment and resentful, all because of our romantic past and what we’ve been through before, we can’t manifest the new lover our conscious mind is asking for through The Secret. This is because in reality, we’re not really open to it.

Since we were hurt in the past, our fears of love, being closed to intimacy and commitment are designed to protect us from future heartache and suffering. Those fears become a form of survival through an internal brick wall whereby we won’t energetically allow anyone good into our lives. The truth is that we are actually shut down to the idea of love and therefore, we can’t bring it into our lives, regardless of how loudly and boldly we claim we want it and utilize the techniques of The Secret to try and get it.

Also, if we feel undeserving and unworthy of being loved because of low self esteem, we can’t attract that wonderful partner The Secret promises either. This is because by carrying a poor self image within, we can only attract that energy back to us, which would mean attracting someone who wouldn’t treat us well. We must learn to feel that we deserve the romantic partner we’re asking for, to be able to truly open the door to meeting the right partner for us. This has to be done all the way down to the core of our being within our subconscious minds, and not just on the surface.

This doesn’t just apply to love, but also to any area of our lives: health, friendship, money, career, family, and whatever dreams we may have.

A middle-aged man named Joe had worked hard for over three decades, but couldn’t manifest any real money, as what he made was just barely enough to survive on. In recent years, he came across The Secret, and started fervently practicing its techniques daily. However, to this day, his money situation hasn’t improved at all. The problem is not that Joe needed to visualize more, and feel what he wanted on a deeper level. Rather, he’s blocked toward his own prosperity, and doesn’t feel that he deserves money.

When Joe was growing up, his mother would always generously give him money, but then make him feel terribly guilty for what she offered. So Joe created a defense mechanism against receiving money, because it brought him pain before. Like any of us, he wanted to protect himself from reliving the hurt of the past. Since he never healed this energy, Joe wouldn’t let money come to him as an adult.

In addition, Joe felt undeserving of receiving money because his mother would always remind him that she was giving him her very last dime when he was growing up. Even though Joe’s mother was financially well-to-do, the guilt trip she imparted on her son was potent, which made Joe feel completely unworthy of prosperity.

When our defense mechanisms are in the way, that’s what is blocking our blessings, which is coming from within us. If your sink was clogged up with hair, it wouldn’t matter how hard you turned on the water. The water wouldn’t go down the drain simply because you turned the faucet on stronger. The hair, which is what’s in the way, would have to be removed. Once it is, the water would race down the drain perfectly. It’s the same thing with our lives.

No amount of visualizations, affirmations, belief or the “right words” are going to heal our defense mechanisms and feelings of being undeserving. We must let go of what is blocking our blessings and heal what is in the way within us in order to be able to utilize the tools of The Secret to manifest our dreams.

Give what you’re asking to receive

Spiritually and metaphysically, it’s necessary to give what we’re asking to receive from this universe. Never forget that when we’re trying to manifest, we often get exactly what we’re willing to give (nothing more and nothing less). It is not just a matter of how much we affirm, say, visualize, think, feel, and own it.

Regarding attracting wealth, a great spiritual tool is to tithe 10% of your income to worthy causes, as the amount you give will not only financially come back to you, but will manifest in your life tenfold.

However, what does the Official Website of The Secret say about the concept of giving in order to receive?  The main focus is always about you, the individual, and making yourself feel good about you. In referring to creating wealth, here is one of the site’s statements: “Love yourself! Wealth is a mindset. Money is literally attracted to you or repelled from you. It’s all about how you think.”

Yet if we learn to financially give to others, we will most certainly receive money, and in a blessed way, because what we gave is originating from a spiritual place; therefore, all we draw back to us is for the highest good.

In matters of love, we often say that we want to meet someone who will be kind to us. So the metaphysical answer to help manifest that type of person is to offer kindness to others, and of course, it will become reciprocated from the people you meet.

What does The Secret’s Official Website say? “To transform every single relationship you have in your life: Fall in love with YOU! Make lists of hundreds and hundreds of wonderful things about you. Keep adding to it every day. Know that you are perfect. Do not think any negative thoughts about you.”

As we see, the emphasis of The Secret is not on giving, but on getting. This doesn’t take into account the natural, timeless law of the universe which is that we must give in order to receive. It can’t just be about us sitting back and trying to bring our blessings to us. We must do something that raises our vibrational energy above merely our self-centered desires and draw upon our true spiritual nature and give to this world. Then we truly can receive.

Be what you want the world to be

It is of vital importance to be what you want the world to be when trying to manifest. Do your best to not only affirm, visualize, and own what you want, but raise your energy to being the blessing that you’re petitioning to come into your life, and become a better person.

We get so caught up into our own desires that we lose any and all concern for how we impact on others. However, none of us are isolated beings in this universe, and we must always be cognizant of our relationship to the outer world. This is not only to do “the right thing,” but to actually be able to manifest.

If you’re asking for peace of mind, be a peaceful person in this world. If you want to be treated with respect, offer the same to everyone and refrain from criticizing others. In any situation, be willing to first become what you want this world to be.

What does The Secret say about this? Again, the emphasis of this system is all about you feeling great about yourself. From its Official Website: “Love and respect yourself completely. Know that you are perfect right now.”

It would be more spiritually accurate to say: “Learn to first become everything you are asking the world to be, and that will help it come into your life.”

Timing

There are more complex factors in our lives and what we manifest than just the demand of “I want it right now!” Sometimes, from a spiritual perspective, timing is an issue. We may not be able to get something we’re requesting at the specific time we want, because spiritually it is not meant to happen just yet. However, in time, the blessing we ask for will come into our lives.

Therefore, even if we’re using the tools of The Secret, we won’t manifest what our heart’s desire at the time we want, but ultimately, we’ll receive what we’re asking for down the road.

An actor named Jonathan desperately wanted to be successful before he was thirty, as he feared that being beyond that age would make him “over the hill.” Jonathan used the tools of The Secret for several years while he was in his twenties, but success still continued to elude him.

However, he did become successful in his career at the age of thirty five. This was because he was not spiritually meant to be successful until he was in his mid thirties, because Jonathan wouldn’t have been able to handle it in his twenties. There were certain life experiences he needed to go through, which would help to prepare Jonathan for his success. It was delayed, but not denied.

What does The Secret say about timing? The emphasis in this system is always on manifesting everything right now. It doesn’t take into consideration that even if we affirm, think, say, and do everything “correctly” in the present tense, certain things are set up to come into our lives at a specific time, and since it is spiritually already agreed to before we incarnate, that won’t change.

Here are some quotes regarding timing from the Official Website of The Secret: “You can completely transform any relationship, no matter what it’s like right now.” Also, “Do whatever it takes to feel good. The emotions of joy and happiness are powerful money magnets. Be happy now!”

Regarding “the now,” any of you could ask the question, “Jim, you offer affirmations, which are positive declarations that are always stated in the present tense. Is there any difference between your affirmations and the teachings of The Secret? Both talk about loving ourselves and asking for what we want in the here and now.”

 I have always taught that affirmations (which must be stated in the present tense) are simply one tool in the midst of many, complex techniques, reasons, and issues as to why, how, and when we manifest. The Secret tells us that ALL one has to do is to think, say, believe, affirm, feel, and own what they want. – and then it will be theirs – now. This system claims that it is never a matter of time, but able to be manifested at this very moment.

Our true spiritual capabilities and limits

If we look at all of our different body types, sizes, skin colors, etc., it helps to define who we are from a human and spiritual perspective; but what if someone 5 feet tall suddenly wanted to use The Secret to become 6 feet tall? After all, this system teaches us that anything could be overcome and everything we want could be manifested by us. In this instance, any of us would laugh, of course.

However, the same principle holds true spiritually in our lives as it applies to the techniques of The Secret. We come into this lifetime with specific and certain strengths and advantages as well as weaknesses and deficiencies. Our limits are just as important as our strengths, because they both serve a purpose to set up our lessons. We can only take on certain lessons in a given incarnation, and before we’re born, we set up who we are as well as what our circumstances will be to live these learning experiences out. This is all pre-agreed to and set up on the other side before we incarnate, based on whatever lessons, spiritual goals and what our life purpose(s) are.

So if we’re here to be a basketball player, we’ll architect a body that is tall, slender, and athletic before we incarnate which could be perceived as a strength. However, what could be viewed as a weakness is that this individual’s personality is created with a competitive, aggressive, selfish nature. However, this is done in order for him to be able to win as an athlete.

If we’re here to live a life of great and dedicated focus to science, we will create a mind that is filled with logic, the ability to do research and draw conclusions, which could be seen as an advantage. Conversely, this person will come into this lifetime with a lack of athletic ability (as to not be distracted from scientific work), which could be thought of as a deficiency. Yet, both this person’s strengths and weaknesses are necessary to able to learn their lessons.

 A great artist will build a mind that is creative and open, versus one that is logical where everything needs to be linear, rational, and provable. In fact, he may choose to be deficient in the area of logic, as that allows his strength of creative genius from higher mind to flow through him without restrictions.

So in working with The Secret, we must look to manifest what is in line with what our true spiritual calling and purpose. We cannot fall for the very seductive, yet false fantasy that we can all be, manifest and have anything and everything we desire.

Karma/Dharma

These are the two areas of our lives where The Secret is its least effective. One is with our karma (which is both the good and bad repercussions for our past actions), and the other is our dharma (which has nothing to do with our past actions, but is simply the lessons we agree to take on now for our spiritual growth and evolution). These are two of most compelling elements to anyone’s journey’s here on earth. Whatever our karma and dharma is, it will completely trump any techniques offered by The Secret to manifest the life we subjectively want. Here, the law of attraction does not apply to what we manifest, because it’s already pre-agreed to before incarnating and quite binding.

With karma, it always deals with the repercussions of our past actions, and since all of us come into this lifetime with a tremendous amount of karma (both good and bad), we will be confronted with our karmic lessons. Meaning, if you’ve agreed to go through a karmic situation, the techniques of The Secret will not be able to prevent that lesson from occurring, change the nature of the karma, or what the lessons are. Karmic agreements are created on the other side before incarnating and don’t modify based on the law of attraction or what we’re affirming, thinking, etc.

Diane was a woman who started using The Secret to manifest a better life at the age of twenty seven. She started feeling somewhat better about herself, but then became diagnosed with cancer when she was twenty eight. After battling the disease for two years, she died at the age of thirty. Throughout her struggle, she did everything The Secret told her to do, faithfully, however she still died.

The Secret would claim that she must have created her disease, and then, didn’t think, affirm, feel, say and own her recovery enough; therefore, she died. And in certain instances, those assertions are true, but NOT in the case of Diane. Her karmic agreement stated that she was to leave this world at the age of thirty from cancer. There were no contingency clauses in her karmic agreement that would have allowed her to continue to be here on earth.

With dharma, we’ve agreed to take on lessons for our spiritual growth and those agreements also trump the law of attraction, what we’re thinking, feeling, etc. Since our dharma, like our karma is pre-agreed to before incarnating, it will manifest in our lives, regardless of what techniques we’re using in The Secret to manifest whatever we desire.

Sean’s dharmic lesson was to learn humility and self-sacrifice by serving the poor of his hometown of Atlanta, Georgia, beginning at the age of twenty five. However, Sean felt passionate about studying art in Europe at that time, and did everything he could to try and make his dream happen. However, because of his dharmic lesson, nature did not support Sean’s desire to study art in Europe; in fact, nothing came together regarding his plan at all.

At that time, he came across The Secret and believed that its system would give him the tools he needed to be able to study art in Europe. He visualized himself in art school abroad every day, said countless affirmations, and felt it as deeply as he could. However, his plan didn’t materialize; but rather, nature supported him serving the poor, as a job “fell into his lap” with a government run agency that aided the poor right in his hometown.

Not wanting to take the job, but having no other options, Sean took the position, which allowed him to learn the dharmic lesson he agreed to on the other side before incarnating into this lifetime.

Even though Sean fervently used everything he learned from The Secret, it couldn’t change the spiritual fact that his dharmic lesson was to play itself out; and therefore, the flow of his journey led him right to where he was supposed to be, even if it wasn’t what he subjectively wanted.

We must learn spiritual humility and to only want what is for the highest good

If The Secret worked as it claims it does, and we suddenly lived in a world where everyone could have anything and everything they wanted right now, this world would self-destruct in no time. It would be terrifying to think that every single thing people wanted would suddenly become actual physical reality, as many of our desires hurt us, others, and are not for the highest good.

When many teenagers first fall in love, they firmly believe that they have found their “soul mate,” and that they will be together, forever. As most teenagers’ first romance doesn’t last ‘till death do us part because it wasn’t spiritually meant to be, what if they could practice the techniques of The Secret, and bind that relationship to being permanent? They would end up missing out on being with the partner they were spiritually meant to be with in the future, having the family they were supposed to, and their destiny would be completely altered in the worst way imaginable.

Think of someone in the workplace who sincerely believes that they are superior to their colleagues and deserve to rise above them, as it would then help the company to perform better. As they ruthlessly try to step over anyone who is in their way of advancement, imagine the horror of them being able to utilize The Secret and achieve their goals. People would be demoted and out of jobs right and left.

When someone falls in love with a person who is married, they absolutely believe that their married lover is destined to leave their spouse and children to be with them. What if every single time that scenario occurred, the techniques of The Secret allowed it to happen? Marriages and families would be falling apart ‘round the clock, daily.  

Of course, everyone doesn’t get what they want — thankfully. Seeing these examples gives renewed meaning to the old adage: Don’t wish for something, as you might just get it! However, when we want something so much that we can’t imagine living without it, the experience of not fulfilling our heart’s desire is devastating. As painful as it seems at the time, from a higher perspective it is spiritually humbling, which is for the highest good.

Yet The Secret promotes the idea that we don’t have to go through that spiritually humbling process, as we can manifest anything we want, and quickly. If it hasn’t yet happened, you haven’t visualized it hard enough, believed it enough, felt it or owned it in the way you’re supposed to. There is the exempt clause of The Secret. If it hasn’t yet happened, it’s because of you.

However, our lives on earth are so much more complex, and we must never lose sight of that fact. Sometimes we haven’t manifested what we want because our defense mechanisms are in the way, or we don’t feel worthy of what we’re asking for. Both The Secret and I agree that those things prevent us from manifesting. However, I feel that other forms of deeper healing are needed to work though those issues than simply practicing the techniques of The Secret more and reinforcing what you want repeatedly.

In other situations, it isn’t time to get what we want just yet. The Secret would say that’s because you haven’t thought, said, owned it, etc. correctly. I disagree, as sometimes timing is truly a factor in when and how we manifest, and that is something we have no control over.

When something is not in our spiritual capacity to manifest, or the situation is karmic or dharmic, that overrules any of our attempts to get what we want, and the techniques we utilize through The Secret won’t change that spiritual fact. It doesn’t matter how hard we try; it won’t happen. Here’s where The Secret (which states you can have anything and everything) and I completely disagree.

As we see that there are multiple factors as to why we do and don’t manifest, and that life is not nearly as simple as The Secret teaches, we must now learn to embrace a higher calling to our wants, wish lists, and desires. It’s time to put our sincerest form of effort into only attempting to manifest what is for the highest good of not only us, but all others in our lives, and the world in general.

The Secret can give us a boost, but it must boost what is in the divine plan

It cannot be overemphasized how crucial it is to try and build our desires only on what’s in the divine plan of our lives. We must raise our vibration above being the adult equivalent of bratty demanding toddlers who scream, stamp their feet and yell till they get what they want. That is not the value of The Secret. When something is within our ability to manifest (meaning that it’s for our highest good and in the divine plan), this system can help give us the boost we need.

Yet, as many spiritual teachings, religions, and self-help philosophies try to simplify life’s complexities and mysteries into the spiritual equivalent of media sound bites, life and our spiritual journeys here on earth are never that simple.

Evangelical Christianity falsely teaches that no matter what you do (even multiple rapes and murders), if you’re saved by Jesus before you die, you will go to heaven and be free of all consequences for your past actions – for all of eternity. This sounds utterly absurd and preposterous to any of us who understand karma, as we know that whatever we do karmically comes back to us sooner or later. All of us will have to atone for everything we’ve done that has hurt others in this or in future lifetimes. None of us get away with anything.

Yet, the modern day Spiritual equivalent of Evangelical Christianity is The Secret with its one-dimensional answers, as it erroneously and boldly states that ALL of our problems are always and only because of us, even a toddler who gets cancer. Our blessings are also irrevocably due to us and solely based on us thinking, affirming, visualizing, feeling, acting and owning what we want – and if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s because of us. Everything in this entire universe, according to The Secret is due to one simple law: The law of attraction. If only life was that simple….

One thing The Secret can do for us is to work as a boost, as its techniques help us to send out and project energy stronger and therefore, it helps bring our blessings back to us. Think of it like a microphone: You’re voice is what it is, but a microphone amplifies, project it and makes it louder.

It can also make us aware that we have to be in the right energy to attract things; but The Secret doesn’t teach us how to heal our issues. Affirming, visualizing, thinking right, etc isn’t enough when we have other internal problems that need to be healed, in order to make our process and energy within focused and clear. In addition, if it’s karmic/dharmic, the rules of The Secret become trumped.

The important thing is to see The Secret as one of the many tools we are able to utilize that can help us to manifest the lives we want, but it must be tempered with the true spiritual awareness of the multi-faceted and complex make up of our journeys on earth, and can never become a one-size-fits-all-quick-fix solution to the vast and ever-unfolding mysteries of life.

Interested in learning more about The Secret?

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I am pure in my mind, heart and spirit, and manifest all that is for my highest good!

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We tend to think of improving ourselves as a lofty, out of reach goal that entails years and even decades of therapy, countless self-help books, meditation, affirmations, visualizations, and every tool we can grab onto. While those things do help us heal our lives, it’s always refreshing to take a different approach, which is to look at the little things we can easily do that truly revitalize us.

Sometimes these things get overlooked because they’re so simple, we may not even stop and think just how valuable they can be. Here, I’ve assembled ten of those little things that will truly make a positive difference in the quality of your daily life. You can use any or all of these whenever you’re having a hard time, feeling down, or would simply like to improve your mind, body and spirit.

1-Sit in the sunshine

The healing power of sunshine is something doctors, scientists and ancient spiritual teachings have been long well aware of. However, it is something as people that we often overlook as we just think of the sun as a permanent fixture of the universe, like the moon or the clouds. Since we’re usually stressed and in a hurry, the last thing we’re thinking about is the sun and all it can do for us.

However, here is a simple tip that will be of great help to you. Take a little time out of your day, and sit in the sunshine. Don’t worry, stress, fret, or fill your mind up with what you have to do next. Just enjoy the light, warmth and healing power of the sun.

Dr. Eric Madrid, author of the book Vitamin D Prescription: The Healing Power of the Sun & How It Can Save Your Life, claims that up to 80% of all of us, from toddlers to seniors are deficient in vitamin D. He advises people to sit in the sunlight and absorb the sunshine, as it will give us Vitamin D, which builds strong bones and helps prevent or control diseases such as diabetes and cancer.

In addition, the ancient spiritual practice of Yoga teaches us that the sunlight revitalizes the solar plexus chakra, which reinvigorates and energizes our being from within on a deep spiritual level.

We need to always remember that we do live in a universe filled with healing power, and the sun is one such representation of that divine gift. Take advantage of what the sun can do for you, and absorb the revitalization that improves your health and well-being and start feeling better. If you can’t actually go outside, take a cue from a cat and sit next to the window where the sun is shining in.

2-Take a walk

Getting away from the confinement of the workplace, office or the same four walls at home and taking a walk is a great tool to recharge your batteries, even if it’s just around the block. Not only is it good for you physically, but is also helps to clear your mind of the repetitive clutter that helps to block prosperity, clear thinking, and the highest good from manifesting in your life. Therefore, walking not only improves your physical circulation, but also enhances the flow of our mental process and spiritual state as well.

If a simple walk could somehow become a pill we take, it would change our lives forever – for the better. On a stressful day, it may just seem like a way of releasing our daily tensions, but the mere physical benefits of walking are countless: it will help to manage your weight, regulate and maintain healthy blood pressure levels, strengthen your heart which minimalizes the risk of heart attack, increases your “good” cholesterol, and clearly lower your risk of stroke, to name a few. In fact, the Nurses’ Health Study also links walking and its benefits to reducing the risk for type 2 diabetes and even breast cancer.

Sometimes we complicate things and think that we have to go to the gym and work out on the best exercise equipment available to take care of ourselves. However, walking is one of the greatest tools known to man, plus, it doesn’t cost any money and requires only for us to do a little movement at our own individual pace. There’s no instruction manual needed, and nothing to learn. Just let your body do one of the most natural things it can do to maintain itself, relieve stress, and promote healing for you – take a walk.

3-Complete a small task

Order is heaven’s first law is a great metaphysical mainstay which represents how the divine universe responds positively and affirmatively to us having our lives organized. However, we shouldn’t take this statement and immediately feel overwhelmed, as if we’re now making a mental check list of everything that we don’t have in order.

Instead, what we need to do is to simply complete a small task. In fact, it’s better to make it something quick and easy to do, because then you won’t have to reroute your schedule, which would only mean that it’s less likely to get done anyway. Just take a few minutes and complete your task.

There is a feeling of satisfaction that comes from getting something done. You don’t have to rearrange every piece of furniture in the entire house, but just something simple that you would like to do.

It could be deleting old emails, cleaning out clutter in a closet, organizing the papers on your desk, folding clothes, wiping down the counters, or anything that needs to be done, yet is quick, not too hard to do and preferably fun.

By doing this, you’re now complying with the natural order of the universe. Therefore, you enter into that vibration, and you’ll find that things will begin to flow better and that there will be more a sense of completion in all areas of your life.

Also, wherever you complete your small task, whether at home, in the workplace or anywhere else becomes energetically less blocked, cluttered and scattered, so you’ll feel noticeably better, as the vibration is lifted and raised.

4-Take a play break

The pressures of daily life and the feeling of the same old grind wears down our health, vitality, and resilience to living each day to its fullest potential, so we all need to take a play break to release those stresses. This is not just for kids, but for all of us at any age as it’s like a free no-hassle mini-vacation.

We can all grasp the concept that there are times to work, however, we often forget that there are also times to play, as we have work deadlines, family stresses and the normal pressures that are so prevalent in today’s world. In addition, we feel as adults that a “play break” might be too juvenile for us to engage in.

Sometimes we even feel guilty for not working as hard as we can every single minute, as if we must do better. If you have those thoughts, think of this: we all want to make money, but what if it took us working eighteen hours a day, seven days a week to do so? Could you imagine trying to do that? I’ve actually known some people who have! Trying to live up to that impossible work schedule is seriously harmful to any of us: mentally, physically, and emotionally, as it’s clearly not in the divine plan. God would never expect us to kill ourselves to make money! 

Here are some great ways to revitalize you this way: have fun with a computer game, play a game of solitaire, or goof off for a while to give your mind a break. Surfing the web can be an endless voyage of surprising discovery, with the entire world at your immediate grasp. Just make sure that whatever you do is absolute fun as this is play time — and you deserve it.

As everything in the universe moves in state of flux, we need to understand the various cycles of living, and utilize the value of down time. We can’t and shouldn’t always try to stay up, focused, and disciplined like a machine; rather, there is a sense of balance that we need to strike to fulfill our life’s journey in the right way.

Just like a coach calls a time out when the team is overworked, struggling and not doing so well, you always know that you can take a play break whenever you need to and know that it’s not only okay, but a refreshing daily tool.

5-Have a laugh break

We all think of laughter as something that has to be unplanned, in the moment, and a spontaneous occurrence which to most of us, only happens when we hear something funny. So the concept of having a laugh break might seem like an awkwardly calculated and stilted idea.

However, the healing power of laughter is well documented. This is not just being said by comedians who talk about how it helped them to feel connected to life, and eventually led them to a successful career which touched the lives of their audience as well. Even certain medical/scientific studies strongly suggest that those who laugh daily live longer and healthier than those of us who don’t.

Dr. Mike Miller, a research cardiologist who works at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore, has been studying what makes people happy and how that actually affects the physical heart for years. Dr. Miller began his research by using laughter. He actually discovered that watching and laughing at funny movies literally opened up blood vessels, which allows blood to circulate more freely.

Plus, laughter has no potentially dangerous side effects on our health, as opposed to risky surgeries, pills and medical treatments. Not only does humor lighten the load, release the burdens the weigh us down, and bring us out of the doldrums, but we see how it also helps to improve our physical health.

So use the healing power of having a laugh break whenever you need to. Instead of waiting for something hilarious to happen around you, keep a joke book on hand or bookmark a humor site on your web browser for easy access. Laughter is certainly there as a cost-free gift from the divine universe that all of us can relate to and use for our own benefit when we’re down.

6-Listen to music

Practically everyone loves music, from toddlers to seniors, and often, people use it as a way to improve their mood, escape or feel better. However, there have been medical, scientific and therapeutic studies which show listening to music aids in the psychical healing process and with well-being.

After Dr. Mike Miller discovered how laughter can positively affect our hearts, he then asked, “Why not music?” So Miller began testing the effects that music would have on the cardiovascular system. Dr. Miller said, “Turns out music may be one of the best de-stressors — either by playing or even listening to music.”

Using high-tech imaging, Dr. Miller utilized the same set up as he did with laughter by measuring blood vessel size as people listened to music. He was not surprised with the results as he noted: “The inner lining of the blood vessel relaxed, opened up and produced chemicals that are protective to the heart.” Besides Dr. Miller, Dr. Gupta of CNN has also spoken of the benefits of music.

Stanford University recently performed a study on their elderly patients who had been diagnosed with depression. The study found that these patients’ self-esteem and mood improved, which was due to a music therapist working with them. In fact, the Mayo Clinic and other hospitals throughout the United Stated use music therapy in many different forms as a way of reducing tension and to promote healing.

So if the healing energy and vibration of music can help people with serious clinical issues, think of what it can do for you when you feel depressed, stuck, pressured, or overwhelmed. Turn it on, surrender to it, and let the music carry you away as its magic will certainly help to elevate your mood and state of mind.

7-Take a shower

Most of us probably just think of a shower as a way of staying physically clean – that’s all. However, there is something much greater that it provides. I’m sure you’ve wondered why you feel so refreshed walking in the woods, strolling by a river, taking deep breaths in the mountains, or just filling your lungs with the wondrous air that is so fresh after it has rained.

Experts on this topic indicate that the air in our environment is filled with electrically charged particles, which are positively or negatively charged. They are called ions. Both positive and negative ions occur naturally in the air. However, the world we live in today has far more sources of positive ions than in the past, creating an electrical imbalance in the air and in our bodies. So when we take a shower, negative ions are created, which then helps to bring us and the world around us into balance and also serves a multitude of healing purposes in our lives.

In America, the number one mental health problem is depression, with approximately 15 million people suffering from it, sending a whopping $3 billion dollars a year on drugs to battle it. However, the increasing of negative ions can help to treat depression. And just think that there are no side effects or addictive tendencies one has to fight as with medications.

Besides the suffering we experience from depression, often, our physical health, when compromised can bring us down as well. Here we see that besides helping with depression, negative ions can also: enhance the immune system, increase alertness, build work productivity and concentration, diminish susceptibility to colds and flu, provide relief from sinus, migraine headaches, allergies and hay fever, reduce the severity of asthma attacks, and actually increase lung capacity.

From a spiritual perspective, one can also say cleansing prayers as they’re taking a shower, because the combination of these two powerful tools can produce positive results. A prayer in the shower should be of a cleansing and healing nature, as it combines with what negative ions can do.  Here is an affirmation: As I now cleanse my physical body, I also cleanse my internal being and spirit of all thoughts and feelings that are negative, impure and harmful to me or others!

With that sense of healing, cleansing and purity, you can rejuvenate yourself and see your day flow in ways that are noticeably better. With every day that you’re feeling more up, the journey continues to move forward in the right way.

Even in unpleasant situations we encounter, a shower can really help to “wash away” those negative energies. All of us get into arguments, usually with those who are close to us, which leave us with hostile, draining and sad feelings. However, you can use showering as a cleansing tool after an argument, or as a perk me up whenever you’re feeling down for any reason.

8-Pamper yourself

It shouldn’t sound silly to pamper yourself, as all of us need a little TLC, especially when we’re burdened with multiple stresses. After all, if you can’t pamper you, who will?

Think of the heavenly relationship between a parent and their newborn. It is one where the parent exudes and offers complete nurturing, tenderness, and unconditional love to their precious child. That is exactly what you need to do with yourself now: Be the parent who is taking care of another part of you, the innocent child.

Pampering can involve many things such as: a massage, manicure, pedicure, getting your hair done, a facial, going to a spa, or anything that makes you feel nurtured and revitalized. It’s time to take care of you – and that’s okay.

Think of it energetically: When we’re absorbing and experiencing negative energy, this leads us to harmful results. Our bodies, mental state, and inner well-being become dramatically thrown out of balance and affected in the wrong way. We can become depressed, anxious, and even physically ill.

However, when positive energy is brought into our world and experience, all parts of us are benefited in an enriching and harmonious way. Our mood lightens, hope returns and our bodies respond by becoming healthier.

This is why pampering yourself is more than just a capricious, indulgent act. It is a way of revitalizing you by removing the stress, tensions, burdens and negativity that is not just burdensome, but toxic to all aspects of our lives.

9-Interract with those who will lift you up

We all know how isolated and disconnected we can feel, especially when we’re having a tough time, and don’t know how to help ourselves out of it. When we’re not feeling our best, the last thing we need is to still keep that negative mind set going, as it just keeps spreading like a cancer. Because of our emotions, we can lose our perspective as we get caught up in our own, subjective, unhappy experience. What make it worse is if we’re around those who just flippantly dismiss what we’re going through, or become judgmental.

Since the entire universe is interconnected and physics proves that fact, none of us can completely take care of ourselves all on our own, nor are we supposed to. So when you’re feeling down, make sure to reach out and interact with those who are positive and will lift you up. Perhaps you can call upon a friend who always listens, or a family member who truly cares about what you’re going through. It can be a supportive coworker, or a neighbor who is an inspiration.

If no one immediately comes to mind who you can connect with, put your request into the power of the spoken word, and the right person or people will connect with you. Here is an affirmation that will help to make this happen: Infinite intelligence, bring me the person who can help to lift me up and make me feel better! Then, be prepared for the right individual(s) who will be there to help you out.

All of us need to be treated with kindness, but it’s especially apparent when we’re under pressure, stressed and feeling out of sorts. Positive people try to help those who are not in a good place, as opposed to dismissing, hurting or attacking them.

Always know that for every divine demand, there is a perfect answer and by making that request, the right person or people will be there to help lift you up. Then, make sure to remember to return the favor to them when they need you, too.

10-Give and get a hug

When most of us have had a bad day or are going through a rough time, we’ve turned to a friend and asked, “Can I please have a hug?” In those moments, we think of that embrace as something that brings us a momentary sense of comfort. However, it can so do so much more for us than that….

The benefit of giving and receiving hugs is something that doctors and scientists have been researching for quite some time. In fact, studies have shown that newborns who aren’t hugged on a regular basis can actually die from lack of physical contact. Psychiatrist Dr. Achal Bhagat indicates that physical contact helps children to feel better about themselves when he states: “Cuddling and caressing make the growing child feel secure and is known to aid in self-esteem.” Virginia Satir, a family therapist says that every day we need: four hugs to survive, eight hugs for maintenance and twelve actual hugs for growth. It cannot be overemphasized just how important it is for all of us to hug and be hugged.

A scientific study has proven that hugs not only bring us “feel good” moments to revitalize us, but actually make us healthier. The American Psychosomatic Society released a report in 2003 which showed just how dramatically the effect of physical contact versus none between couples dramatically affected health, well-being and our bodies in general. Psychological researchers at the University of North Carolina decided to conduct a study to determine just how the relationship between hugs and health impacts on human beings.

Here’s how the test went: One hundred couples were put together and divided into two groups of fifty. One group watched videos and held hands. Then, they hugged for twenty seconds after the videos were done. Through the entire experience, they were engaging in physical bonding.

The other fifty couples were instructed to watch movies with no physical contact whatsoever, and just sit there without human touch.

After the test was completed, it was discovered that the couples without psychical contact had blood pressure and heartbeats that were literally twice as high as the other fifty couples who touched each other. It was shown that coritsol, a hormone which is secreted in response to stress, clearly increased in the couples who did not have physical contact. 

So we see that whether it’s in the confines of a scientific study, a child needing to have nurturing physical contact, or any of us who just ask for a hug to help us feel better, the healing power of getting and giving hugs is a wondrous, healing tool to help us feel better.

As with all of these 10 little things, it’s most important to realize that they are absolutely cost-free (except maybe for needing a radio or a CD player and a CD to listen to music). It gives renewed meaning to the phrase: the best things in life are free! Also, they don’t require hardly any effort at all! There isn’t homework, struggles and a slow, arduous process.

Yet, as simple as these tools are, they have been the subject of serious clinical studies by doctors, scientists and researchers, and are validated as great aids in our healing and well-being process. As all of us are on a quest to live better, healthier, and happier lives, we now can utilize these 10 little things that make a difference easily at any time, no matter what we’re going through to help to revitalize us, relieve stress, alleviate depression, lift us up and improve the quality of our daily lives.

You can have a private consultation with me, personally tailored to fit your questions, needs and concerns. Just click the link to begin.