Voice of the Spirit

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At the end of a relationship, have you ever wished that you only knew certain things about the person in the beginning?  Would it
surprise you to know that those very things may have always been there - for you to see?  We need to always look for the “red flags”
when meeting new people, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, career or business partnerships.  “Red flags” are the
divine universe’s way of providing us with the necessary warning signs and alarms that are vital to protecting us from negative and
debilitating life changing relationships.

How many times have I heard client’s say, “If I only would have listened to my first impressions and what my gut said when I met
that person, I wouldn’t have gone through such a horrible experience?  The red flags were right there for me to see, but I
ignored them, and did what I wanted to do anyway.” 

As we look back at our failed and problematic relationships, we’ll see that the red flags and warning signs were indeed there.
Whether immediately apparent or revealed in a reasonable amount of time, who a person really is and what their true intentions are
toward us always become clear. 

We now need to incorporate the awareness from what we’ve been through before into our experience today, as to not make the same
missteps again.  Also, we need new tools that will help us to see people for who they really are and help us to identify the red
flags right off the bat or shortly after we have met them.

To achieve that end, I have written the two-part series: “10 Undeniable Red Flags.” Today’s newsletter offers Part 1, #’s 1-5,
while Part 2, #’s 6-10 will appear in my the next blog entry.

1-First Impressions Don’t Lie
When we meet people, our innate psychic radar is tuned in loud and clear.  You can refer to it as intuition, gut level instinct, or an
unexplainable feeling.  Whatever you choose to call “it,” we are always “checking out” who a person really is when we meet them;
even if we don’t believe in psychic ability, intuition or anything beyond our five mundane senses. 

Why do we do this?  It ties into our need to survive.  What we’re looking for, even if we’re consciously unaware of this process, is to know who and what a person actually is; beneath their veneers and social skills.  By intuitively “checking someone out,” we see if they will threaten, harm, lie to us, or be beneficial in our lives.  It is the intuitive equivalent of stepping into a house we may purchase, looking around, scrutinizing it, and seeing if it’s a good or bad choice.  Do you remember the phrase, “The devil is a gentleman?”  Very few people instantly come off bad or project that they’re a negative person — certainly not in polite society.  In the beginning, most people are on their best behavior.  Also, the only way to draw you into the new relationship is to appear to be a good person.

So whatever your first impression is, it will be correct, especially if you’re going into it with an open mind.  Sure, if you’re meeting a blind date, and you want them to be “the one,” that clouds your real intuition, which can easily be replaced by your emotional desires pretending to be your gut. However, if you’re just being natural and neutral without expectation when you meet someone, your initial take on them will be correct.  Often, these feelings are absolutely contradictory to who a person “seems” to be, and don’t make sense at all.  However, they’re not supposed to, as intuition is not logical.  Intuition is beyond what we can perceive with our five physical senses. 

This very thing happened to Jennifer when she met a man named John who dressed well, was attractive, successful, and quite polite.  By anyone’s standards, he was a fantastic catch.  Yet something felt wrong — really wrong.  When she stood next to him, she was unsettled.  Something just didn’t feel right, which she couldn’t explain to herself, understand why, or even begin to know what it was.  Yet, in the midst of John gently talking about taking her on a lovely dinner date and gazing wistfully at her with his bright blue eyes, Jennifer’s uneasy feelings grew stronger.

So she decided to listen to what she felt, even though it seemed odd, and rejected John’s offer of a date.  What a smart move she made, as Jennifer later found out that he has several girlfriends, and that one of these women actually accused him of being abusive toward her.  By Jennifer listening to her gut, she avoided a potentially disastrous involvement that could have potentially lead her to a horrible life altering entanglement.  Here, her first impression showed her the truth, as it always does - and Jennifer was smart enough to listen, as we all should.

2-Instant Connection
“I have never felt a feeling like this before.  I was instantly so attracted to him, I couldn’t believe it.  Our eyes locked, and I was completely hypnotized.  From the moment we met, I fell in love,” Suzie explains about her new love, Jason.  “I know it’s happening so fast, but it feels so right,” she adds.  Quickly, the couple moved in together, and became engaged within a few months. Shortly after, the two married. 

However, after the dust settled, the couple realized that they really weren’t compatible at all.  Within a year or so, Suzie and Jason were divorced.  The instantaneous chemistry they experienced clouded the reality of who they really were as individuals, how they related to each other as a couple, and what they each needed in a relationship.

Do you remember the phrase, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is?”  When meeting someone who becomes our new best friend, or falling in love instantly, there are usually serious problems. With “instant connection,” it’s largely based on fantasy. By connecting so quickly, the reality of who a person is and the real chemistry of a relationship is obfuscated and made unclear. This way, (at least in the beginning) one can write the script any way they want.  Since it’s new, there’s no water under the bridge, baggage, issues, or problems; at least not yet.  However, sooner or later, the reality of the actual dynamics between two people always reveals itself.

As in the case of Suzie and Jason, the feelings they experienced hardly had anything to do with how they truly felt about each other on a real level.  They were both open to and looking for a certain experience - in the short of it, a whirlwind romance.  Suzie and Jason both provided a fantasy experience for each other, and projected what they wanted the other person to be.  That fantasy was bought into enough for them to even get married. 

Yet time proved their relationship wasn’t based on compatibility, shared goals, values, or dreams.  Suzie and Jason became interchangeable parts in each other’s agenda, and used therelationship to have the experience they individually desired. This experience was both emotionally and financially quite costly.  They both became disillusioned in love, and had to pay high lawyers’ fees, as the couple fought over an expensive home they jointly purchased.

So it is crucial when meeting people to never deny the red flag of “instant connection.”  If something is right, it will stand the test of time, and it will make sense as the relationship unfolds.  If it isn’t right, why put yourself in such a difficult situation, where you can become hurt, used, disillusioned, world weary, and even devastated?  Just like when driving a car, you hopefully wouldn’t turn on the ignition, and immediately jam the acceleration pedal to the floor.  With any new relationship possibility that crosses your pathway, let it grow organically and reasonably.  This way, the true reality of the “connection” you and this person share becomes revealed in a timely fashion.  This helps you to navigate your journey safely and productively.

3-What you see is what you get, sort of…
We often hear that honesty is the best policy in relationships, but are there ever situations where too much honesty can be a red flag…?

Too much truth can hide a lie. “Janice, I’m married. Just wanted to let you know the facts right off the bat,” Jose said.  Here, Janice is startled and surprised by what Jose, a man she just met, has said to her.  “He’s so honest.  At least I know what I’m dealing with,” Janice confides to a girlfriend.  Days later, Jose said to her, “I may be married, but I haven’t had sex with my wife for years.  The sight of her disgusts me, so I always sleep in the basement.”  Janice is further intrigued.  Since Jose was initially honest about being a married man, she thinks that what Jose is saying now (about not being sexually active with his wife for years), must also be true.  However, it was a lie.  Jose has had a regular sex life with his wife since they were married. 

Some people, such as Jose, initially tell the truth in a way that is unflattering to themselves by declaring such things as:  “I’m married.”  “I’ve had a drug problem in the past.”  “I’ve been arrested once before a long time ago.”  “You might ask, “Why would anyone do this?”  Because these types of admissions are designed to make the person saying such things look totally honest, which allows them to gain the trust of others.  It appears as if a person such as Jose is actually noble, and willing to risk it all, solely to tell the truth.  Then, if trust can be gained, it is presumable that the other person, such as Janice, will believe what is also said to them.  It can actually create an even deeper trust, as someone like Janice feels that they’re in on the secret, and included in on private and privileged information.  It all creates a powerful smoke screen.
 
What if the person admitting their past drug problem said it to hide the fact that they’re still doing drugs now?  How about if the person acknowledging they were arrested before said it to avoid the reality that they actually did hard prison time recently, and has trouble with the law again?  The red flags are clear.  When any of us meet someone like Jose, we should always ask ourselves: “Why would someone I just met tell me things about themselves that are downright incriminating?  What do they have to gain by telling me this information?  Who am I to know all of this…?”  Something is obviously wrong, and it can’t be denied. 

Unfortunately, Janice bought into the illusion of Jose being a blatantly honest man.  She had the affair with him, and eventually discovered that he and his wife were still having sex.  Janice was his mistress for five long years, as she couldn’t put her mind around the red flag of his “false honesty.”  Even though honesty may not always be designed to camouflage a lie as it was for Jose, it can be a powerful game and even a weapon.

Honesty as a game and a weapon
“Cindy, I don’t want a commitment,” David flatly states.  He just started communicating with Cindy online, and wants to establish the rules of the game straight away.  On the other hand, she also recently started talking with Frank, another man she met online. Frank says the opposite of David:  “I’m looking to get married now, Cindy, and that’s what I want.” 

Both of these honest statements are a red flag.  Why?  Because these two “honest” men come into a new relationship with a pre-existing agenda, without even knowing who Cindy is.  This means that these men are not really open to what a new relationship can be.  Cindy is put in the position of having to accommodate the rules of the game, as laid out by David or Frank.  The agenda of David is to avoid commitment, yet still have sex, while Frank is looking for a wife, plain and simple.  This allows them to establish control of whatever builds from the initial contact, as they have rigidly defined the parameters of what the relationship will be from here on out.

However, Cindy realized that what these two men were engaging her in a game - one where only they set the rules.  As she really did want a real relationship, she cut her ties with David and Frank, and began meeting new people.

In addition to it being a game as is was with David and Frank, too much honesty can also be a quite powerful weapon:  “I don’t like your dress,” Bill says to Tasha, who he’s on his first date with.  “I think it’s not very attractive on you at all,” he further chimes in.  Here, his honesty makes Tasha feel bad about herself, especially because she didn’t even ask Bill what he thought of her dress.  “What do you want me to do?  Lie?  I’m just being honest with you,” Bill further defends.  This type of honesty is a huge red flag, as it allows Bill to attack Tasha’s self image and self esteem, which sets himself up to use honesty as a way to dominate, control, and potentially abuse her.  Tasha felt so energetically molested by Bill’s comments, that she dumped him flat that evening, as the red flag was so crystal clear to her.  Bill tried to further create excuses for his behavior; that’s he a little blunt, but that
he doesn’t mean to hurt anybody…but Tasha refused to buy into it.

Honesty as an excuse
Like Bill, some use honesty as a way of defining their faults right up front, simply as a way of excusing them.  “I know I’m always late.  That’s just the way I am.  I’m sorry, but I just wanted to let you know up front,” Kevin says to Joel, a new potential business partner.  “If I show up late, don’t take it personally, as it’s just the way I’ve always been,” he further adds.  Here, Kevin is not trying to acknowledge his faults as a way of working on them and becoming a better person.  It’s just a way of him saying that this is who he is and the way it will be, and for Joel to be prepared to deal with it.  Kevin is using honesty as a way of justifying being inconsiderate of his potential new partner, and setting the tone.  If Kevin’s late and his partner has to wait, who gets victimized?  Of course, Joel does.

However, Joel decided to ignore this red flag.  He chose to see Kevin’s admission as forthright and decided to go into business with him anyway:  “Hey, no one’s perfect.  So Kevin’s late sometimes.  I can deal with that,” Joel said.  However, little did Joel know that it would cost him a valuable business contract.  In typical fashion, Kevin showed up late for a business meeting where a potential investor simply got tired of waiting around.  He then pulled the plug on investing into Kevin and Joel’s enterprise. This was all because the potential investor was soured by Kevin’s lack of professionalism.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, we all want to be involved with someone who is honest.  That goes without saying.  However, we need to watch for the instances where too much honesty becomes something we get fooled by.  It is a definite red flag whenever honesty is used to set up or achieve an additional agenda or ulterior motive.

4-Lies, Lies, Lies
Very few people just lie through their teeth when you first meet them, as no one would consider a person like that to be credible on any level.  Anyone who lies about anything and everything appears mentally ill. Therefore, a good liar mixes the lies with the truth. More importantly, though, is to watch how a liar slowly and insidiously incorporates their lies into a new relationship. Things might start off seemingly good, until the story of who they are and what they initially presented themselves to be changes and shifts — a little at a time. 

If the red flags are not apparent immediately, they will begin to be revealed within a reasonable amount of time.  The key is to not get emotionally hooked into the person within that probationary period, as you’ll need to extricate yourself from the relationship if the lies begin emerging.

That’s exactly what happened to Jonathan.  He came up with an idea for an internet business, and in looking for someone to work with, he ran into Edward, who claimed to have launched several successful internet ventures.  Edward offered names of people he had worked with, and the information he provided seemed to check out at first.  However, as several weeks unfolded, holes started appearing in Edward’s story.  He assured Jonathan that he would speak with former associates, and even mentioned times where communication would occur.  However, these “partners” never called Jonathan as Edward had promised they would.  At first, it was explained as so and so was busy, out of town, and will get back in touch.  After three weeks of this, Jonathan became suspicious. 

Edward put Jonathan in touch with some financial investors, who sounded upbeat and positive in the initial conversations about funding the project.  Edward then assured Jonathan that the money was going to come within a few weeks.  As Jonathan waited, the money never came.  The only thing that moved forward with the project was that Edward wanted Jonathan to sign papers to make him a partner. 

It was now about 6 weeks into this, and nothing had materialized as Edward promised it would.  Although not instantly, the red flags revealed themselves in a timely fashion well within 90 days.  Jonathan had seen enough warning signs, and decided to terminate his new relationship with Edward, and simply moved on.  Maybe not at first, but liars always do get caught and busted. Their deception and secretiveness will make a person they’re involved with suspicious and mistrustful of who they are and what they do.  Eventually, it all comes out.  But what if it’s too late?  Meaning, what if one is too emotionally involved to cut their ties once the lies are completely unveiled?

This is what Laura went through when she started dating Chuck in early 2006.  At first, Chuck declared that he was a faithful man, open and honest, only dates one woman at a time, and would never lie to Laura.  (Initially Laura’s intuition strongly warned her to stay away from Chuck, as her gut felt that something was wrong.) Yet she decided to continue dating him and let the situation unfold, as she had no tangible proof of him being a liar.

As time went on, he seemed more and more secretive, and closed off a lot of the time.  It got worse after the first few weeks of their relationship.  When he explained where he was and what he was doing, there were holes in his stories - timelines and dates didn’t add up or make sense.  How could he be with his mother, yet be spotted in a bar by one of Laura’s friends at the same time?  It was becoming increasingly clear after about 4 weeks, that Chuck was deceptive.  In spite of these multiple red flags which grew stronger, she was emotionally too involved to just get out. 

So she asked God almighty to show her what her new boyfriend was doing, as she supposedly wanted to know the truth.  Do you recall the phrase, “Don’t wish for something, you might just get it?”  Laura’s wish was definitely granted to her within 7 weeks.  One day, she came over to see Chuck, who was in the shower when she arrived.  He accidentally left his computer on, and as Laura walked by, it was all there for her to see:  pornographic pictures from other women, sexually explicit messages, and dates and times when Chuck would be meeting these other females.  It all came out — as it always does.  However, when she found out the truth, she claimed it was too late for her to get out of the relationship.  She was too emotionally into Chuck, and therefore, she decided to stay with him.

Very few people lie extensively right off the bat.  The red flags may be apparent in small ways (which should never be denied), but if not, they will emerge.  At first, a liar has to create a smokescreen that might seem plausible.  With Edward, he played himself off as being more successful than he was and tried to string Jonathan out with false hopes.  With Chuck, he portrayed himself as the good guy — but through time, the illusion came crashing down.

The real key is to never deny any red flags that present themselves at any point in the relationship, whether in the beginning or a bit down the road; before your emotions get too involved.  Even if it’s not apparent at first, it all comes out in the wash.  Just be open to the truth, and don’t deny the red flags, as they never lie as people like Edward and Chuck do…

5-Push me, pull me
For any of us who have been in a push me pull me relationship, its dizzying effects can be worse than being dumped.  The ups and downs and roller coaster-esque ride not only cause us to lose our center; they can also make us relinquish control of our lives.  Being preoccupied, unable to focus at work, not eating, worrying incessantly if and when we’ll hear from them, draining our friends by repeating the same concerns over and over again, and shutting down are all typical symptoms of the push me, pull me syndrome. 

Usually, the red flags are apparent pretty quickly as the new lover you’ve met comes on strong at first - in fact, very strong.  This is necessary for them to hook you in.  Without coming on strong initially, it is presumable that you won’t invest your mind, body, and soul into this new relationship.  That investment on your part is necessary for them to be able to play this game on you.  Then, once you’re hooked, they pull back.  Why?  This is their way of establishing control, setting the tone, limits, parameters, and dynamics of the relationship.  They see you when it’s convenient to them, and if and when they choose not to, you’re put on the shelf till they decide to connect with you later.  It allows them to have their cake and eat it too.

They are counting on you clinging to false hopes, as you can remember that way it initially was, and hope for a return to the magic that briefly once was.  After all, the honeymoon just occurred.  You can believe that by being patient and biding your time, things will someday go back to the way they were in the beginning.  Remember, the person in control serves two masters: on one hand, the relationship, and conversely, their ego, selfishness and mind games which creates inconsistency, distance, avoidance and unavailability.  And it’s all done on purpose…because if you believe they’re confused, and/or become confused yourself, the relationship keeps on going.

Using confusion as a way to create confusion
This is what Joyce went through when she met Steve who immediately showed a strong interest in her.  After about three weeks or so, he began playing the push me, pull me game.  Here was a gigantic red flag, and it created a lot of confusion for Joyce - exactly as it was supposed to.  Steve claimed that he was actually the one who was confused.  He said that he knew he had feelings for Joyce, but wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship (even though he’s the one who aggressively pushed it).  He then told Joyce that he wanted to still see her, but he couldn’t promise anything.  He might not always be there, be he would try, is how he spun it.

But in reality Steve wasn’t confused at all.  He simply pretended to be to confuse Joyce.  This is intended to create the illusion that he’s a man struggling to figure things out, work through his pain, past issues and baggage, and  today’s uncertainty.  However, those premises are entirely false.  He knew exactly what he wanted, which was to have Joyce in a non-committal relationship simply as a sexual partner.  So he pretended to be taking her to the moon, when in actuality, he wasn’t really taking her anywhere, to lure her in. The truth is that Steve has always been selfish, non-committal, and unfaithful - not searching his soul for answers and clarity to perplexing relationship issues.

Joyce bought into this initially, but she chose to not deny this red flag, and eventually cut Steve off for good.  For a while after she terminated the involvement, he called and tried to sweet talk her, but she caught on to who and what he was, thankfully. The push me, pull me relationship doesn’t only happen in romance, but also in any type of relationship, including friendship.  And just because it’s not romantic, doesn’t mean that the effects would be any less powerful.

Cheryl and Joan worked together, and had the same interests in art museums and movies.  Cheryl would ask Joan to go to an art museum showing, followed by a movie, but Cheryl soon came to realize that she couldn’t always depend on Joan.  Some of the time Joan would go, then other times, she’d back out at the last minute for no apparent reason. Cheryl tried to be understanding and flexible, but after a few months, this red flag was undeniable.  She couldn’t take it anymore.  So she decided to address this issue with Joan.

Joan became hostile and defensive when she responded: “I am an adult and have the freedom to live my life the way I choose.  I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices.”  However, this wasn’t about freedom and being who you are.  Joan’s actions were about selfishness, taking Cheryl for granted, and having it both ways. Joan wanted to be in control and follow through with plans when she wanted to, or simply blow them off if that suited her. 

Since Joan refused to meet Cheryl half way, she didn’t know what to do.  After all, she also worked with Joan, and didn’t want to create a huge problem.  It really hurt Cheryl’s feelings, as she thought she had made a real friend - not a fair weather acquaintance.  So as hurt as she was, she decided to gently fade away from Joan, a little at a time.  Joan still wanted to engage Cheryl in activities from time to time, but she was always busy or had things to take care of.

Those such as Steve and Joan are trying to use mixed signals as a way to control, limit, and define the relationship - in a selfish, inconsiderate way, solely on their terms.  There is no confusion or struggle within them.  They know the game and how to play it.  This is a huge power trip as they decide when and how things will be done.  With push me, pull me it’s always about them - not about you, regardless of how it is presented. 

You may feel wanted, needed, or important, but you’ll only be a vehicle for the other person’s gratification, duplicity, narcissism, and inconsistency in that most dreadful reality we’ve probably all been through of “push me, pull me.”  However, it is up to us as to whether we cut our ties, or stay in situations that have been shown to be negative to us.  When we walk away, we save ourselves literally from horrific life altering consequences that can affect our entire journey irrevocably.

Keep in mind that in Part 1 of “10 Undeniable Red Flags,” I intended to show that we can avoid negative and toxic relationships.  There’s no one or nothing up in the sky setting us up for a fall and for punishment.  It is us who makes these choices to accept an involvement with someone who will hurt us.  However, the red flags are always there for us to see: sometimes immediately, or within a reasonable amount of time so we can extricate ourselves from a bad situation.  It is up to us what we do with the red flags that come to us as a supreme gift from the divine universe that forever tries to watch over us, protect us, and guide us.  In the next entry, I will conclude this two part article. 

Topic: Seeing people for who they truly are
Goal: To seeing people realistically and clearly, so you can decide whether they benefit or harm your life, and whether they should be
included in your life or not.
 
I see the new people I meet clearly for who they are, making the right choices regarding their place in my life!

With the hustle, bustle, stress and pressures of the holidays almost behind us, we’re finally now coming into the New Year.  And yes, wouldn’t it be nice for all of us to come up with a great New Year’s Resolution - and better yet, carry it out? 

However, even with good intentions, here are some of the biggest mistakes we make with our New Year’s Resolutions:

1-We state a resolution merely as a lark.  At a party, or as a fun and festive declaration, we make a resolution that is forgotten about or dismissed rather quickly.

2-We get so caught up in the stresses and pressures of the holidays that we forget to plan out a resolution for the coming year, so it gets lost in the shuffle.

3-We try to literally fix everything in our lives all at once:  love life, money, career, health, etc.  By taking on too much, we get overwhelmed, and nothing gets accomplished.

This New Year, ask yourself, “What is the one area of my life that would make the biggest and most positive change for the better?”  Remember, we’re speaking of only one area, and nothing more!  As we tend to get so bogged down in the confusion of all we’re dealing with, we don’t stop and realize just how one thing can truly make such a difference in our lives.

Put some thought into determining that one area of your life that if changed for the better, would have the most positive and profound impact on 2009 by doing the following:

1-Probe into what area of your life that actually is.  Give it serious thought and consideration.  Don’t just go with the first thing that comes to your mind.  Make a list of five to ten possible areas of concern.  Then, narrow it down to two to three, and see which area remains the one that continues to stand out as the most beneficial to change.

2-Ask yourself what the problem is.  How can you fix something if you don’t know what it is that needs to be fixed?  When we’re in the dark regarding a problem area of our lives, we can’t be effective in knowing what to do, and how to make a plan of action.  If you’re a woman who has not been successful in love, you need to ask the following:  “What kind of men am I attracted to?  Are they good or bad for me?  Why am I not interested in those who want a real relationship with me?  Why am I attracting nobody?”

3-Determine how to fix it.  In doing so, you need to look beneath the surface.  You must get to the bottom of the issue, and not just try to alleviate the symptoms.  Let’s say, if your health isn’t doing well, figure out why this has occurred. What if you kept taking Vicodin for severe headaches?  Sure, it relieved the pain, but never allowed you to get the core of what was causing the headaches, which could be quite serious.

Remember; where there is an effect (the problem) there is always a cause (what actually created the problem).  We must look at the origin and core of the issue, as that is the only way to really create meaningful and lasting change.

There are always two dynamics of a problem that need to be looked at to come up with a successful plan:

1-The external issues.  If it’s money, and you’re late on your credit card bills, you would be receiving past due notices in the mail.  This is just one instance of how the externals are pretty easy to determine, as they’re right there for the naked eye to see.  By looking at the late statements, it’s clear that you have to pay the minimum amount indicated, or call the credit card company to make some type of payment arrangements. 

Regarding the external issues of romantic relationships, here are some questions to help bring clarity:  “Where do I go to meet people who are like minded?  How do I put myself out there in a positive and productive way?”

2-The internal issues.  Determining the internal issues is much more problematic, complicated, and difficult to come to terms with.  It is presumable that we have helped to create our own problems, and that who we are and where we’re at internally is a huge part of that process.  Usually, the external problem merely mirrors what is going on within us.  We project outward where we’re at within, and that helps to manifest what we perceive as reality; thus, our external issues.

We need to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing the things I’m doing?  What is motivating me?  What’s the payoff and reward for my behavior?”  By understanding what “makes us tick,” we can begin to get a grasp of how to heal the internal issues behind our problems.

Make sure to not get sidetracked by defense mechanisms, or sub problems, and don’t let your energies get scattered in the process:

1-Our defense mechanisms will always try and protect us from what we fear as a form of survival.  If your fear is that you believe that loving someone would trap and imprison you, you’ll do everything you can to avoid intimacy and a potentially successful relationship.  If you’re trying to manifest love in 2009 and have this problem, it would be important to work on this one area regarding your love life.  By staying on point, and not getting thrown off track by your defense mechanisms, you can change your romantic forecast for the better this year.

In this instance, getting sidetracked would involve dating people who are unattainable, and/or married, and not open to a real relationship.  Allowing yourself to get involved with someone who reinforces your already existing fears only strengthens those fears and defense mechanisms.  This takes you further away from your goals.

2-Sub problems can be a distraction.  If you’re trying to lose weight, a sub problem would be to worry if you’re ever going to be able to fit into a certain outfit that you just saw in a store, and getting preoccupied over it.  Remember, that particular outfit is not relevant at this time.  Work on losing the inches and pounds, knowing that the goal is to be healthy and at your proper weight.  By manifesting that, everything else regarding fashion and appearance will fall into place.

3-Getting scattered is easy to do.  If you’re working on painting and redecorating a room in your house as your New Year’s resolution, getting distracted by things that come up, or being wrapped up into other people’s issues is a perfect way of avoiding completing your tasks.  “I know I should be painting today, but my best friend was upset with her husband, so she needed to talk.  I know I didn’t get anything done today, but there’s always tomorrow,” Jenny says.

But in reality, Jenny didn’t work on the room tomorrow.  As she was emotionally and internally looking for a way to procrastinate, her friend’s issue with her husband provided the perfect escape - and scapegoat.  Therefore, Jenny didn’t finish the room, and it sat there for several months until she finally got back into the swing of getting it painted and redecorated.  It actually took Jenny’s husband pushing and prodding her to get the room completed.

Since a part of us will resist wanting to stay with things, as it isn’t accomplished overnight, it’s easy to get scattered and lose our focus.  This is where we need to make the commitment that our priority is to stay with the plan, and not deviate from it.  Remember; don’t get bogged down by other people’s stuff, or situations that allow you to escape what you’ve planned to do.  Running away is always so easy to do. 

Engage a support system through family, friends, online forums and supportive articles on the Internet.  In addition, try to be your own support system:

1-Reward yourself for your achievements regarding your New Year’s resolution!  Treat yourself to a dinner, a new outfit, or a fun gift to signify various levels of manifesting your goals.  Do something nice for you, as that creates a win-win situation, where you know that your achievements bring about a reward for you.

2-Review your progress periodically - let’s say, every 1-3 months.  As we’re changing the one most important area of our lives, it can sometimes seem like we’re in the middle of a never ending journey.  When it feels overwhelming, it’s easy to put it aside, or merely give up.  By checking your progress periodically, you’ll receive the motivation you need to keep on going.

3-Be patient.  Never forget that this is the most important problem in your life that you’re in the process of fixing.  Therefore, it won’t be accomplished quickly and easily in one fell swoop.  Fixing that one biggest problem takes effort, patience, consistency, and due diligence.  Stay with it!  Just take it one day at a time, and don’t discount how important the small, consistent day by day steps are. 

It is now time to make this New Year and the age old concept of “What’s your New Year’s resolution” work for us.  Here’s how:

Don’t fall for the old traps.  But rather, stay focused on that one most important area of your life that needs to be changed, as doing just that literally transforms every single aspect of your journey.  Never think that since it’s only one area of your life, that it only impacts that single area - as it is literally changing everything in a most wonderful way!  It is a domino effect, as what you do with your money, health, love life, or in any area, impacts on all parts of your journey irrevocably. 

Don’t forget…:

If you fix your money situation, your improved self worth and sense of prosperity will radiate from within you throughout the universe.  This brings back unlimited blessings, including everyone treating you better because you feel better about you!  It also impacts positively in all levels of your life - as prosperity creates a tremendously good all around energy. 

Fixing your career allows you to work in a way that facilitates your divine calling and your unique genius.  By utilizing your irreplaceable one of a kind gifts and talents, you vibrate to an energy of success, fulfillment, and your true calling.  The world will then acknowledge you, and respect you.  Through fulfilling this part of your destiny, you help others, and bring back all the good that is afforded you in multiple ways — and this all happens from merely fixing just one area of your life!

Let’s set it into motion, right here, right now, and achieve just one thing — that most important thing for 2009.  Discover what it is, tackle it with joyful glee, and don’t give up.  You must stay with it till it’s fixed!  And this very year (not at some indefinite point way off in the future), you will bring about the life altering change for the better that your mind, heart and spirit have been longing for.

 Our dreams say so much - yet sometimes we think that they say so little. “Oh, I just had a nightmare, which doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got to get to work,” a man in a hurry to get to the office says.  Yet our dreams are a pathway to messages, understanding and even transcendent spiritual wisdom.  Many great visionaries and geniuses receive their visions in a dream.  Einstein, for instance, freely admitted that The Theory Of Relativity was not “his,” but that it came to him in a dream.

Yet, how many of us work with our dreams, yet alone even remember them.  Whether personal messages, problems we’re trying to solve at a deeper level, or literally seeing something as it may exactly unfold in the physical world, dreams are a mirror of the soul and a source of higher communication.  Below, I would like to begin to offer some tools of awareness for the very profound, yet often neglected process of dreaming and what it really means to us.

The Process Of Our Minds And Dreaming

Below, I would like to explain the different levels of our functioning minds and how that relates to sleep and dreaming.  It is now established through research that when we begin our sleep cycle, that we actually drift from our awake state of consciousness, Beta, rather quickly to Alpha, which is more of a light sleep, then through the deep sleep of Theta and on to Delta, our deepest level of sleep. 

About 90 minutes later, we drift upward above Theta into the Alpha levels.  Our bodies then lay rather still, as if we’re viewing something in front of us, while our eyes being to move rapidly beneath our eyelids.  This, of course, is called Rapid Eye Movement or REM.  At this stage is where our dreams take place.  After one to four minutes, the mind drifts back again into the Delta level only to repeat this process, with variations at ninety minute intervals all through the night.  This gives us each about 4-6 dreams per night, which is far more than most of us probably think that we dream!

Beta - This is our waking state, the state that is our conscious level as in going about our daily lives.  The Beta level represents our cognitive mind functions, say as in driving a car or getting dressed.  For lack of a better term, Beta can be referred to as our rational mental process.

Alpha - There are varying levels of the Alpha state, with the first being where the body is relaxed but the mind is still quite alert.  Then there is the level of being sort of in a twilight mode, where ESP and psychic flashes occur quite strongly and accurately.  Then, slightly deeper is the light sleep associated with meditation, trance and hypnotic levels. It is at this hypnotic level that REM, rapid eye movement occurs as we’re dreaming.  Often, we experience the twilight state mentioned above when we first wake up; we’re sort of here, (the physical world) yet we’re still sort of there, as in our dream world. 

Theta - This is the next level down, a stage of deep sleep where there is a type of dreaming referred to by scientists as non-REM or NREM.

Delta - Here is the deepest stage of all sleep and this is where physical body repairs are done. This level is highly therapeutic where extensive physical repairs and restoration actually occurs.  This could even clarify and shed light on the aging process in the elderly, since are bodies are said to renew themselves every night.  With this concept in mind, there may be no reason for any of us to age.  Since the elderly tend to be light sleepers, the lack of Delta sleep may actually explain the appearance of aging, which is perhaps, an illusion.  With the concept that we were are all created in God’s supreme and perfect image, ageless, timeless and permanently perfect, aging may merely be an illusion. 

Types Of Dreams

There are so many types of dreams, with multiple purposes and sometimes, what we may think is a dream is actually not.  Below, I will chronicle the various dreams we all experience and what they mean to us as individuals, and also shed light on what we typically think is a dream, but is reality, is something entirely different.

Pre Cognitive

A pre cognitive dream is showing you something, en event, an occurrence or experience that may indeed happen in the physical world, similar or exactly to as it is seen in the dream.  It could be called a psychic dream, in a sense.  With a pre cognitive dream, it can serve many purposes; showing you something so you are aware it may or will happen, so you can change it, or at the very least, be prepared to deal with it.  Precognitive dreams are spiritual in nature, as you’re seeing something first which occurs in the spiritual realms, before it drops down to the lower level of the physical plane, where we experience it as “reality.”  Some people are scared of these types of dreams, however, one never should be.  Two things again are in play; you’re having and remembering the dream because you’re supposed to.  You may be able to legitimately change it, so if it is bad, it can be prevented, but at the very least, you’re psychologically and emotionally prepared, even if it cannot be changed.

Here is an example of a pre cognitive dream that can be changed: John has a vivid dream where he sees his friend Susan in a serious car accident, that day, at around noon on a certain street.  John informs Susan that he had this dream and advises her not to drive on that street around that time and preferably, not drive at all on that particular day.  Susan heeds John’s warning and therefore, avoids the accident that was given to John through the dream as a warning, not as an immutable event written in stone.

Reoccurring Dreams

I think most of us have had a reoccurring dream for years, perhaps, decades.  I, myself, to this day, keep having a reoccurring dream of being in my senior year in high school, but by the end of the year, I can’t seem to graduate.  When we have this type of dream, it means that there is an issue within our consciousness that must be worked through and resolved.  It will keep coming to us until we’ve moved past the issue, which presents itself repeatedly in our dreams.  Don’t consider this to be an obstacle or stumbling block, but rather, an opportunity for growth where our dreams are showing us what work still needs to be done.  By healing the underlying issue, we are able to move forward with our respective journeys.

Symbolic Dream

Here, we see symbols, pictures and scenes that on the surface don’t make literal sense to us and may even seem surreal.  Symbolic dreams speak to us in code, sort of like Morse code.  One needs to determine what the symbols mean and sort out the messages and images of the dream.  It’s sort of like solving a riddle, or putting together a puzzle. These dreams are trying to communicate information and messages to us but we have to figure out what is being given to us.

For example: A spider that is green that changes to being red is climbing on the wall, then it starts to fly and changes into a smiling baby.  Now let me offer an interpretation for this dream:  The spider may represent something that is sneaky, insidious, poisonous and toxic (represented by the nature of spiders who can possess a venomous bite) which calls attention to a circumstance or situation that may be of this nature in the person’s life who had this dream.  The fact that the spider is green, then changes to red, can indicate the sense of “go” then “stop” as in traffic lights - green, of course meaning go, as in go ahead with something or that something is moving forward in one’s life, while red would indicate stopping, or something coming to a halt.  So, the situation, (negative) represented by the spider is moving forward in the life of the person who had this dream, but then it stops.  The fact that the spider is climbing the wall can indicate that the negative conditions represented by the spider that have stopped are now climbing higher or gaining momentum. Then, the spider begins to fly, which means that this situation it “taking off,” “lifting off,” and beginning to have wings.  When the spider changes into a smiling baby, it indicated that whatever negative situation that was occurring changes into something new (represented by a baby) and pleasant, as the baby was smiling.  As the conclusion of whatever the dream represents ends with a sense of a positive new beginning from something that ultimately seemed toxic, perhaps deadly.  It was going, then stopping, than lifting off and taking off and ultimately changes itself into something of a new and positive beginning.

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid dreaming means dreaming while actually knowing that you are indeed dreaming.  The term was coined by Frederik van Eeden who used the word “lucid” in the sense of mental clarity, meaning you mentally know that you are dreaming while doing so. Lucidity usually begins in the midst of a dream when the person realizes that they are not in physical reality, but are in a dream. Often this realization is triggered by the dreamer noticing some unlikely occurrence in the dream, such as flying.  Sometimes people become lucid without noticing any particular clue in the dream; they just suddenly realize they are in a dream.

The basic definition of lucid dreaming requires nothing more than becoming aware that you are dreaming. However, the quality of lucidity can vary greatly. When lucidity is at a high level, you are aware that everything experienced in the dream is occurring in a dream.  With low-level lucidity you may be aware to a certain extent that you are dreaming, but not enough to completely realize that you’re asleep at that time.

Nightmares

Nightmares are often like a person who shouts above everyone in the room so they will be heard.  Nightmares often come through in a way that is similar to a horror movie, so we are shocked in a sense into remembering this type of dream and looking at it.  We often will take note and analyze it because it startled and scared us.  Frequently, the message of the nightmare is not morose and morbid, such as being thrown off of a tall building, but something we simply need to take heed of and listen to.  Nightmares are not usually predictive or pre cognitive, but represent what you really need to take a look at - something that is truly bothering you.  What the nightmare is about, say, being murdered or burned in a fire, for example, is not really at all what the you’re suppose to look at as a conclusion to the meaning of the dream.  It is sort of like a shocking headline to a news story - it is designed to grab your attention, so you can actually look at the underlying content to really understand the story - i.e. the dream.

Garbage Dreams

Like somebody belching, garbage dreams are often the rumblings of our subconscious mind that need to vent, release or simply be acknowledged.  Often, these types of dreams don’t have a lot of clarity or clear message to interpret and may be there as a form of our own internal overload being released. Frequently convoluted and messy, these type of dreams are sort of like taking many conflicting ingredients and tossing them all into a blender and mixing them all up.

What We Think Are Dreams But Aren’t

Because we’re asleep, we may think that everything that occurs for us is a dream.  In actuality, many things happen when we’re asleep, besides dreaming even though we perceive these experiences as dreams, and here, I would like to explore some of those fascinating realities.

Astral Projection

Astral projection simply stated, is when our spiritual selves leave our physical body and travel through the spiritual realms to see, learn, experience, gain knowledge and to preview what may come into our earthly existences.  Every night when we sleep, especially if we have a full night’s sleep, we leave out bodies this way and astral travel, accompanied by our spiritual teachers and guides.   With astral projection, we embark on a fascinating journey of learning, exploring and viewing; places, events and possibilities to occur in our earthly realm.  Our teachers and spiritual guides lead us where we need to go to learn, protect us from making a wrong turn, (as in going somewhere we should not go to) as well as keep us safe.  When astral traveling, we are connected to our physical bodies by a silver cord that keeps us connected to our physical bodies at the base of our spines.

An example of astral projection that we may have thought of as a dream, is the sensation of flying above a city, seeing it, observing it while in our sleep cycle.  Another instance would be where you see yourself moving about a place that seems foreign to you, but at the same time, appears totally real.  If you’ve ever been jolted out of sleep, say by a loud noise, you might feel unsettled in your body, as if somehow, you’ve been twisted in knots.  That could very well be that you were jerked back into you physical body abruptly from astral projecting, therefore, you feel not put together right somehow, or contorted in a way, almost like wearing a size 6 shoe when you have a size 7 foot.

Dreaming Of Passed On Loved Ones

Often, people who are not open to receive communication and messages from loved ones on the other side dream of these loved ones.  If one’s defense mechanisms are set up in such a way to not believe their loved ones who are passed on can or would contact them, they need to be in a dream state to receive such messages.  While dreaming, their defenses and internal barriers are relaxed enough, so an open channel occurs for their transitioned loved ones to indeed come through.  In most instances, these are real communications from the other side.  Even if the messages are not totally clear, loved ones who have passed are often trying to come through.  It’s important to listen to what these dreams are saying, as often, their value can be of tremendous healing and help to those of us who are still here.

Going To School

We all go to school in our sleep cycles, where we are the student of an instructor, a master teacher.  Also, we may have more than one instructor, depending on what we’re in the process of learning at any given time.  Sometimes we are taught individually while other times we sit in a classroom with those who are also going through the same lessons and learning as we are.  From tackling our earthly problems, to spiritually based instruction, anything we may need to learn is taught to us in the higher planes while we are asleep.  This gives a whole different meaning to the term, night school. (LOL)  Here, though, we see that it is not a dream we’re experiencing, but rather, being in a spiritual school.  We may not always know consciously what we’re learning here, but what we learn in school is absorbed by us on a deep internal spiritual level, which through time, filters up through us to ultimately, our conscious minds and becomes assimilated.

Problem Solving

While asleep, our minds stay busy at work, finding solutions and searching for answers to whatever our challenges may be at the current time.  Whether working to repairs to our bodies, finding the right way to deal with a work related conflict or coming up with a perspective on a family matter, our higher minds are in a state of regular problem solving while our bodies lay in rest.  Since the mind never stops working, this is just another realm and reality of the tremendous power of our minds - so much more that most of us ever think.

Programming to have a dream to answer a question

Often, we just can’t find the answers we’re looking for in our awake state.  We need to look to our higher minds, where transcendent knowledge is ever present.  In this mode, we program ourselves to have a dream that answers our question.  Just like giving an assignment or a task to someone working on our behalf, they undertake this request and begin working on it.  The reason I say, begin working on it, is because often, it takes time to have a question answered through a dream.  In the same way a person working on a task may take days, weeks, potentially even longer to come up with a solution, the same thing occurs when we program our minds to resolve a question through a dream.  Be patient once you have done this!  Also, you can repeat the command to reinforce to your mind what you want it to do via your dreams to solve whatever issue is at hand!  Sometimes, the answers come in a very startling, surprising way - out of the blue.  Be prepared, though, as your question will be answered. 

Divine Inspiration

Many a great artist or inventor receives their creations from the other side while asleep.  What may be thought of as a dream is an actual channeling of divine work (paintings, inventions, songs) from the Godhead directly.  When these creations are given to any of is, they are a supreme gift from higher awareness and genius, for us to bring through into the physical realm, to be shared with the collective of this world.  Often, these individuals will awake with a work of art completed or nearly completed, as if is just is.  That is because it does already exist in the spiritual realms, and we, as individuals channel such work through our minds, abilities and talent into manifestations here.

Understanding and Interpreting Your Dreams

There are two aspects of dream interpretation; the personal and the universal.  There are some symbols that may be considered universal - that represent our collective, joined consciousness, such as water representing emotions in a dream. If you have a dream where it’s raining on you, this can indicate the present of intense emotions you’re going through regarding something in your life.  If you see a lake, and you’re in it, this can represent that you’re feeling consumed by a lot of emotion. 

However, the personal aspect of dream interpretation is far more important and relevant.  What does a dream mean to you?  It doesn’t matter if the symbol of a lion, let’s say, which would represent strength and courage to most, means something completely different to you.  What if you had been attacked by a lion at some point in your life? Then, a lion appearing in your dream would mean something entirely different to you then for someone who had never had that experience.  What you feel personally about understanding your dream trumps and overrides what is considered to be universal.  For example, seeing Jesus and assuming it means a spiritual and loving presence may not apply to an atheist.  Therefore, it would indicate something different to that person.  Always, ask yourself, what does this dream and its parts mean to me?  Connect the dots, piece by piece, if you have to.  You will figure it all out!

Here are some tools for interpreting and understanding your dreams:

If you don’t remember your dreams, say this affirmation, which will help you to recall your dreams:  “I now remember my dreams as I am supposed to, giving me the information I need to make my life and the lives of those around me better!”

Remember, not recalling your dreams means that some part of you is blocking what your dreams are - in a sense, being shut down and closed off.  Learning to open this channel within is like plugging the phone in to receive phone calls that have been trying to get through to you.  There are many relevant messages waiting!

As you remember your dreams, write them down.  Keep a dream notebook or journal and make sure to write down what you dream.  Preferably, keep this pad and pencil or pen next to your bed, so you can take note of your dreams when you first awake.  Often, the details of a dream fade from consciousness rather quickly, so grab it while it’s hot, so to speak.

Dreams speak to us on many levels.  For example, you can look at any dream as you being all people in that dream.  Different people can represent different parts of your consciousness as well as different feelings and aspects of what you’re going through.  For example, if you dream of your Mom, your Dad, your brother and a co worker, here is a way to view this:  Your Mom can represent the nurturing maternal part of you, your Dad can represent the masculine and assertive aspect of your energies, your brother can represent your internal sense of support and being your own ally, while a co-worker can indicate the feeling of working with yourself as in internal teamwork.  Even if the dream consists of multiple people doing many things, you can be seen as all people in your dream doing all things, and interpret from that vantage point.  Think of it that the different people and actions in a dream represent different parts of you and your varying reactions and actions that you may feel and / or do.

If you’re not sure what a dream is saying to you after you write it down, run it by a friend.  Someone who understands you will be able to help piece together what the dream is saying, as they know your uniqueness and can see the dream more objectively.

Program your mind to tell you what a dream means to you.  The answers will come, often, when least expected and in a flash.  Here is a good affirmation:  “My higher mind clearly shows me what my dreams mean to me in ways that are completely understandable and clear.”

Also, if you’re having a problem that you just can’t seem to solve in your awake state, program your dreams to do the work and give you the answer!  Here is a good affirmation: “My dreams now solve the problem at hand, giving me clear answers immediately!”

Don’t worry - the answers will come. Also, reading different books on dream interpretation can be helpful.  One of the best is Wilda Tanner’s The Mystical, Magical, Marvelous World of Dreams.

All in all, dreams are a divine tool for transformation, growth, enlightenment and higher understanding - one which most of us, unfortunately neglect or only deal with ever so randomly.  Make exploring and understanding your dreams as important as what you put your mind to when you’re awake.  After all, approximately one third of our lives are spent sleeping and there is a great treasure of knowledge and insight in our sleep and the mysterious pathway to transcendent understanding known as our dreams.  Dream speak to us - a voice from within and far beyond, giving us awareness, insight, knowledge and a preview of all that is to come.  It is said that nothing happens in our lives - nothing at all, without us first previewing it, seeing it in our sleep and dream cycles and accepting it.  Learn to listen and take heed of your dreams and all that they mean, as you will then know so much more that is and what is to potentially come.

Topic: Choosing The Right Words!
Goal: To make sure that what we say in no way brings negative to others or ourselves, but solely brings about the positive.

I choose my words carefully and lovingly, making sure that everything I say benefits others and myself!

It’s a classic spiritual and religious image; one we’ve all witnessed in person or seen in a movie, photo, greeting card or television show — a row of burning candles in a church glowing against a more subdued background — the presence of the eternal flame of the prayers of those who light these candles, all with their personal petitions to God. The divine flame that reaches to the heavens and propels our prayers to the Godhead; in a sense – igniting our thoughts and wishes!

Candle burning is an ancient practice in both the conventional religious sense and in esoteric spiritual practices. Almost everyone who lights a candle has an intention in mind – whether to perhaps heal a loved one or manifest a blessing, candles become the externalized fire that represents the internal inner flame of our immutable spirit.

I remember as a boy seeing the candles in the Catholic Church I was raised in and feeling the hypnotic sense of getting lost in the flame – gazing and mentally morphing into the fire in a slow, trance like fashion, as if to lose myself in the glow. As I became spiritually trained later down the road, I learned that candles serve a highly valuable purpose in us manifesting – not just in an abstract way, but quite literally!

A Matter Of Principle

Candle burning can be a wonderful tool for manifesting great positive blessings for any of us. It’s unfortunate though, that candle burning sometimes has a bad reputation. I would like to caution those of you who don’t know what to watch out for regarding candle burning, as most of us who have been taken advantage of in this type of situation, were at a vulnerable point in our lives. Sometimes, certain unethical readers exploit clients regarding the potentially very positive use of candle burning.

“Oh, I have special anointed candles and I will burn them for you under very unique circumstances,” a reader says to a client. “Well, how much will it cost,” the client questions? “Well, I hate to charge for something that is spiritual and directly from God, but it does take a lot of time,” the reader says. “Well, I really want my boyfriend back and you promised that you CAN reunite us,” the client affirms. “How much will it be?” “I would have to say about five thousand dollars,” the reader says. “I really can’t afford it, but I must have my boyfriend back,” the client decides. “OK then, I’ll come up with the money.” “You’ll be very happy, honey, with the end results,” the psychic promises.

As you’re reading the exchange above, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Does this type of thing really happen?” The answer is yes, it sometimes does. Some of you may have been victimized by such scams yourself. Also, don’t just think it’s the initial five thousand dollars that covers the entire bill. Presumably, more candles need to be burned, at increasingly higher costs – “The woman he’s with is manipulating him to stay away from coming back to you – I’m having visions of this! We must do something more powerful — It will take everything I have and I don’t want to charge you, but I really need ten thousand dollars to bring him back to you,” the psychic emphasizes. Of course, eventually, this type of rip off crashes and burns, (pardon the pun) with the client left in financial disarray and shattered dreams.

Remember, if money is involved, be extremely careful. Some ethical psychics may charge a reasonable amount of money to burn a candle for you, but the cost must be fair, with no hidden charges. Some very caring readers will burn candles on your behalf and for your loved ones for free with no costs whatsoever, as part of offering their services to you. This can be a wonderful gift. However, if there are large sums of money involved, run the other way.

The Rules

First, you can always burn candles for yourself, which I’ll explain ‘how to” below. However, there are certain circumstances where someone else can burn a candle for you. If you’re afraid or emotionally charged in a negative way about something, it may be better to have someone else light the candle for you. Why? If you have fear and negative energy regarding an area of your life, say finding the right lover, you’ll very potentially send out that fear when you, yourself light the candle, which brings back to you exactly what you don’t want. If you’re not centered about something, them another individual may be more beneficial to burn the candle for you, such as a trusted loved one, or an ethical psychic or spiritual person.

Secondly, it is bad karma to use candle burning to attempt to manipulate the free will of another as mentioned above. It doesn’t matter what you may be feeling, or how intense the emotions are, or what the spiritual rationalizations may be – trying to twist someone’s arm metaphysically creates negative karma for all participating in such an act. You should use candle burning to bring in the blessings that are yours by divine right, not encroaching on someone else’s life or their choices.

The Divine Gift of Candle Burning

Candle burning, if used properly, is a wonderful tool from the divine universe, as a gift to us – to help us manifest our positive dreams – not dreams that interfere with the lives of others. We deserve blessings, but not at the expense of others or ourselves. Below, I would love to share with you the ancient practice of candle burning and the simple instructions and “how to’s” to use candles to assist you in manifesting your highest blessings, with no negative consequences! Whether career, love, health or a variety of other dreams, I would love to share with you the reality of what candles can do for you!

How To

First, it’s important to know the “how to’s” about candle burning. Even though these instructions are not tedious and labor some, (say as in assembling a bicycle) the guidelines are important, so please follow! Once you’ve lit a candle, always let the candle burn to the bottom and let it to go out on its own. Why? Burning a candle is a prayer – literally. Imagine if you were in the middle of saying a prayer and suddenly you abruptly stopped mid sentence – “I now affirm that God brings me t…” That prayer would not be finished, so it wouldn’t be a completed request to spirit! Therefore, it is of utmost importance to burn your candle all the way to the bottom to complete your petition to the divine universe. If you can’t leave a candle continuing to burn to the bottom because of safety reasons, then get a small little votive candle that only lasts for a few hours till it goes out on its own. A less positive option and one to use only if you have to, is to pinch the flame gently or snuff the candle. This is not the best thing to do, but if in a rare instance you have to, do so, but don’t make a regular practice out of it. Then you can relight the candle later.

The intent, the purpose for which you’re burning the candle and focusing such intent, is critical. As you prepare to light your candle, tune out all thoughts other that the desire you’re trying to manifest. Focus this end goal in your mind’s eye. As you ignite the candle, focus on the flame and hold that thought clearly in your mind and see that thought becoming one with the flame.

Some people like to “dress” their candles by anointing them with oil. The oil is rubbed into the candle wax and as you anoint your candle, you’re thinking of the purpose for which this candle will be burned. Most metaphysical bookstores, sell both oil and candles, and many of them will dress your candle for you for free.

You are always better to start off with one candle and progress from there. When beginning to manifest through candle burning, one candle, which represents one prayer - one thought - one desire, is something that we can all grasp. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time, focusing all of your energy in that area. You never need to burn more than one candle of the same color at any given time. If you’re burning a white candle, for example, lighting multiple white candles does not make your candle prayer stronger or more effective.

Regarding multiple candles of different colors, (for example: pink, gold and blue) you can sometimes burn more than one candle, but I would recommend starting with just one color in the beginning. Once you’ve began manifesting from the one candle, (this may take multiple candles of the same color, one at a time, over a period of time) you can then do two candles, then move on to perhaps, three. However, I would not recommend to ever go above five different candles burning at the same time.

Also, certain colors of candle wax go together and others don’t from a spiritual perspective. The reason I say wax, is because it is the color of the actual candle wax that determines the “color” of the candle. Each color has a different manifestation / manifestations in your life. Below, I will explain what colors work together – and want colors cancel each other out and are not to be burned at the same time. As far as how long to stay with burning candles, that is entirely up to you. I have been burning candles on and off for over twenty years. A good rule of thumb, though, is to minimally try burning the same candle or combination of candles for at least one month straight if you’re trying to manifest something into your life.

What if you light a candle and it burns for a short while, then goes out on its own before burning all the way down to the bottom? Should you light it again? No you should not. This simply means that the energy and prayer is complete, so the candle went out on its own, as no more energy from the flame is needed to manifest what you’re trying to bring into your journey!

Colors

First, it is important to not burn red or black candles. Some psychics may disagree, but I highly advise you to never burn a red or a black candle. Let me explain why! Some will tell you that red represents passion, hot sex and intense romance. What they fail to also tell you, though, is that a red candle can also bring violent sex, such as rape, an explosive, volatile and dangerous romantic partner and physical violence to you. Also, it is not a good idea to burn red candles for the Christmas holidays, as the divine universe doesn’t make an exception to the significance of the candle color, even for holidays.

With a black candle, it represents evil. Some psychics will say to burn a black candle to negate negativity – to counter attack evil. I absolutely disagree. It’s like saying to do more cocaine to stop cocaine dealers in your neighborhood from dealing drugs. Burning a black candle will summons evil energy and dark entities and even though you may think that you can direct this darkness in the way you want to, it is not so! It would be like saying that you can invite an alley rat into your home and somehow direct this creature to carry out your wishes and commands.

The colors that you should burn are mentioned below. It’s important to know the correlation between the color of the candle wax you’re burning and what these colors mean from a spiritual perspective. What areas of your life will be benefited from the color of the candle you light? Since each color affects different areas of your journey, below is a guide as to what each color represents metaphysically, what these colors can do for you, when to use such a candle and which candles are compatible with each other:

WHITE:
Manifests: Pure divine spiritual energy – Spiritual cleansing and healing – The presence of God’s sacred purity.
When to use: To get rid of negative spiritual energy – To spiritually cleanse your home of negative spirits and neutralize evil in your life - To being about a higher vibration of pure divine love – General healing.
Goes with: Any colors but green and brown.

YELLOW:
Manifests: Represents creativity and intelligence - Connects to clairvoyance, cosmic wisdom and learning – The power of the mind.
When to use: To enhance creative energy – Promotes insight and inner wisdom - Strengthens the mind.
Goes with: All colors.

ORANGE:
Manifests: Very good for healing coughs, colds and asthma as well as arthritis and exhaustion – Promotes personal strength, authority and power.
When to use: For any respiratory healing – Creates enthusiastic energy when needed.
Goes with: All colors.

GOLD:
Manifests: Physical safety - Takes away negativity in the physical sense between people — Brings about overall success - Good for legal issues.
When to use: When there is tension, bad blood, or disputes between people - Brings overall success in one’s life and physical safety - Creates physical peace between rival parties - Promotes positive legal outcomes.
Goes with: All colors

PINK:
Manifests: Happy times - Pleasantness - Wonderful new people - A soul mate relationship - Brings everything to its highest good in your life.
When to use: To bring in your divine romantic life partner, positive people and “up” times - Creates an overall sense of everything in your life manifesting for its highest good.
Goes with: All colors

GREEN:
Manifests: Money
When to use: When needing to manifest money.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BROWN:
Manifests: Career
When to use: When looking for a new job – Promotes advancement in your work situation - To manifest a better career in general.
Goes with: All colors except White.

BLUE:
Manifests: A peaceful home - Centered emotions – Physical health and healing.
When to use: When needing to bring peace and safety to your home – Promotes centered emotions – Creates overall physical health.
Goes with: All colors

LAVENDER/PURPLE:
Manifests: A deeper connection spiritually, especially when meditating.
When to use: For meditating - Entering a deeper inner spiritual level within – Enhances the cosmic connection.
Goes with: All colors

A little note! You might wonder why a white candle doesn’t go with green or brown. The answer is clear. White represents pure divine spirit, transcendent of the material plane, while brown and green represent the material plane. White is cheapened and compromised by being burnt with brown or green and should not be done!

Here’s a little example of how to mix colors:
If you were wishing to manifest money and also wanted a new career, you would burn a brown and green candle together. In fact, brown and green go extremely well together, like a hamburger and fries. In addition, you may wish to bring about more success in your life. You can add a gold candle in as well and you would be burning three candles at the same time.

The Eternal Flame

As we work with candle burning and begin to see the positive benefits and results from such a universal tool, we should always remember that the power of the flame is eternal, perpetual and endless. We feel the burning and fire of our inner spirit – when we’ve desired something – something that is for our highest good and we made it happen! This fire cannot be extinguished – it must burn through till we achieve victory! Whether becoming healed, getting a college degree, meeting our right life partner…We drew upon the eternal flame within us and carried out our mission. Candles and candle burning augment the fire that is already within us – amplifying, projecting and strengthening our prayers, wishes and requests, like a singer who’s singing into the most powerful microphone and sound system so their voice is heard in the heavens! Never forget, the divine universe receives the fire of this ever-present flame and envelops it in infinite spirit — and grants our petitions — eternally for the greater good of all!

© 2008 Jim1537.  All Rights Reserved.